Boiling Point: HULK Smash Special

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on June 9, 2008

If you don’t like Robert Fure when he’s angry, you don’t like Robert Fure! RAAAAGE. Yes. This Boiling Point is a little bit different than others. I’m not angry about anything, I’m just angry. Fuck yes I am. Cover your kids’ ears or put ‘em to bed, I don’t care, because we’re Hulking out! And I want you to Hulk out too! Leave comments about anything and everything that makes you mad. This week we just let it all hang out. Turn green and REJECTS SMASH!

So what to rage on first - Fucking CGI. You know I hate it. How about that first Hulk movie? Screw that, man. That was like a giant lime green shiny pile jumping around the screen acting all emotionally deep. RAGE. Real Hulk would smash that pansy for loving flowers. What is it with computer animation companies? How do you release a product that reflects poorly on you? Now Hulk wasn’t that bad compared to some of that cheap-o horror stuff or made for TV Sci-Fi. Understandably budgets are low, but seriously, why do it if it looks like vomit?

Next up, “It Actors.” God forbid we cast anyone else. Comedy coming up? Apatow produces! Seth Rogen stars! Jonah Hill as the fat friend! Comedic Genius. Or Will Ferrell! Playing Ron Burgundy, in every comedy he’s done since Anchorman! Need a hero with sass? Will Smith! Awww hells no he didn’t! Awww hells yes I did! Need a goofy actor to lighten up your drama? Shia LeBeouf to the rescue! Shit, I don’t even hate these guys (Well, Jonah Hill maybe), but I’m tired of seeing their names on billboards. Damn!

What else? The world is my rage oyster! Unnecessary sequels! Remakes! Unoriginal drivel! Spike Lee! RAAAGE. When you rage, rage on anything and I mean anything. Hate me? Rage. Hate The Phantom Menace? Dig deep into that old wound and boil over. No matter how conflicted Bruce Banner may be, when there’s a problem, he knows how to solve it. Get angry and get violent. That’s my kind of role model right there.

Let’s hit some more! Hype! Buzz! Stephen King had a great article in “Entertainment Weekly” about the difference. Hype - manufactured. This is the bullshit stuff. It surrounded Cloverfield (which actually turned out to be good) and is studio manufactured. These are the movies that when they suck, they make you angry. DAMN. Buzz is the positive word of mouth - like what Iron Man has. People love that shit. The world is buzzing. Indiana Jones tried for hype, some good reviews, advertising everywhere, hype it up! Movie was a disappointment, buzz factor 0.

How about great projects getting shitty treatment? Trick R Treat, which looks awesome as hell, keeps getting kicked around. Any time a good movie gets a shitty script, anger. What happened to The Punisher 2 that made Tom Jane leave? RAGE. How about Battlestar Galactica, pretty much the coolest show on the air currently, and the best Sci-Fi on TV since, I don’t know, the Ewok’s & Droids double shot on weekday mornings. (Kidding. Sort of.) They’re going to end that stuff. Maybe it gets a respite. Maybe. Come on that show is awesome! LOVE IT.

So how about it, friends? Got something to vent below? Rage. Come to the dark side. Let the anger flow through you! That just reminded me of Revenge of the Sith and now I’m even angrier! So don’t leave me alone here, don’t keep it locked inside, let it out. Don’t hug it out, HULK IT OUT. I’m past my boiling point, how about you? Oh, and screw Spider-Man 3, that movie sucked.

Sound Off: What pisses you off?

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