Boiling Point: HULK Smash Special

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on June 9, 2008

FSR's Official Guide to The Hulk

If you don’t like Robert Fure when he’s angry, you don’t like Robert Fure! RAAAAGE. Yes. This Boiling Point is a little bit different than others. I’m not angry about anything, I’m just angry. Fuck yes I am. Cover your kids’ ears or put ‘em to bed, I don’t care, because we’re Hulking out! And I want you to Hulk out too! Leave comments about anything and everything that makes you mad. This week we just let it all hang out. Turn green and REJECTS SMASH!

So what to rage on first – Fucking CGI. You know I hate it. How about that first Hulk movie? Screw that, man. That was like a giant lime green shiny pile jumping around the screen acting all emotionally deep. RAGE. Real Hulk would smash that pansy for loving flowers. What is it with computer animation companies? How do you release a product that reflects poorly on you? Now Hulk wasn’t that bad compared to some of that cheap-o horror stuff or made for TV Sci-Fi. Understandably budgets are low, but seriously, why do it if it looks like vomit?

Next up, “It Actors.” God forbid we cast anyone else. Comedy coming up? Apatow produces! Seth Rogen stars! Jonah Hill as the fat friend! Comedic Genius. Or Will Ferrell! Playing Ron Burgundy, in every comedy he’s done since Anchorman! Need a hero with sass? Will Smith! Awww hells no he didn’t! Awww hells yes I did! Need a goofy actor to lighten up your drama? Shia LeBeouf to the rescue! Shit, I don’t even hate these guys (Well, Jonah Hill maybe), but I’m tired of seeing their names on billboards. Damn!

What else? The world is my rage oyster! Unnecessary sequels! Remakes! Unoriginal drivel! Spike Lee! RAAAGE. When you rage, rage on anything and I mean anything. Hate me? Rage. Hate The Phantom Menace? Dig deep into that old wound and boil over. No matter how conflicted Bruce Banner may be, when there’s a problem, he knows how to solve it. Get angry and get violent. That’s my kind of role model right there.

Let’s hit some more! Hype! Buzz! Stephen King had a great article in “Entertainment Weekly” about the difference. Hype – manufactured. This is the bullshit stuff. It surrounded Cloverfield (which actually turned out to be good) and is studio manufactured. These are the movies that when they suck, they make you angry. DAMN. Buzz is the positive word of mouth – like what Iron Man has. People love that shit. The world is buzzing. Indiana Jones tried for hype, some good reviews, advertising everywhere, hype it up! Movie was a disappointment, buzz factor 0.

How about great projects getting shitty treatment? Trick R Treat, which looks awesome as hell, keeps getting kicked around. Any time a good movie gets a shitty script, anger. What happened to The Punisher 2 that made Tom Jane leave? RAGE. How about Battlestar Galactica, pretty much the coolest show on the air currently, and the best Sci-Fi on TV since, I don’t know, the Ewok’s & Droids double shot on weekday mornings. (Kidding. Sort of.) They’re going to end that stuff. Maybe it gets a respite. Maybe. Come on that show is awesome! LOVE IT.

So how about it, friends? Got something to vent below? Rage. Come to the dark side. Let the anger flow through you! That just reminded me of Revenge of the Sith and now I’m even angrier! So don’t leave me alone here, don’t keep it locked inside, let it out. Don’t hug it out, HULK IT OUT. I’m past my boiling point, how about you? Oh, and screw Spider-Man 3, that movie sucked.

Sound Off: What pisses you off?


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  • Bill Brasky
    WOW! You hit 2 of my 3 major rage factors ... Jonah Hill's popularity and the Trick R' Treat cocktease ... just missing the HALO movie's failure to launch.
  • Jesus Christ in a handbag, you're angry. You know what pisses me off? Stream of conscious writing with a ton of CAPITALIZED LETTERS and exclamation points!!

    Seriously, take that shit to Aint it Cool News.

    Oh, and civil rights abuses. I get pretty fired up about those.

    Free Tibet.
  • COLE! MAN. You make me angry!!!! ENOUGH punctuation for you???? DAMN. I'm going to PUNCH your FACE! YEAAAH.

    heh.
  • Edward B
    These are some of the things that really grind my gears:
    1) Spider-Man 3 & Superman Returns-A couple of tear jerks away from officially being Jane Austen movies and a complete dump on two of my favourite superheros! I mean, the Boy Scout would NEVER have a bastard child nor would he of done the deed w/Lois and him not tell her the truth about CK!! PLUS-HOW THE HELL DOES EVERYBODY & THEY MAMA SUDDENLY LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT Spidey's true identity?????? WTF!?!?! That was such a stupid plot development and since it never happened in the comic arcs-(until he "came out" due to Tony Starks tricking him into doing it w/the recent Civl War)-until just recently, why would they do it in the movie??? These piles of turd deserve to be thrown into the Phantom Zone and pooped on by Zod every hour on the hour.
    2) Kristen Dunst. To quote Stan Lee, "'nuff said", 'cause if I really "HULK IT OUT" ya'll gon' have to take down my posting.
    3) the press meshing together two actors names when they're dating. Uggh! I'm sick of hearing terms like "TomKat" or "Brangelina". Like Hollywood these days, the media that utilizes this method and encourages it is so unoriginal and overblown. As a human with an actual brain in my head that I actually use, this is the utmost in garbage and needs to be stopped!
    4) The abuse of nostalga to milk/bilk the fanbase of an existing franchise or to regurgitate crap and call it a new vision of an old classic. STOP THE MADNESS & actually try to come up w/something original. & when you actually achieve this, (e.g.-Knocked Up), please don't make it an instant triology. I'm tired of being hyped up for something I love and grew up with, (e.g.-Transformers, ThunderCats, or G.I. Joe), getting made into a movie and then subsequently ruined by those holding the keys to the kingdom. Furthermore to that, they push all that crap on our kids and they think that's alright, 'cause they don't know any better. STOP IT!!!
    If you're gonna make a movie about an existing franchise, do it right or don't bother and don't take liberties in introducing new characters or changing names 'cause you can. Plus, encourage original thought and art to truly bring the umph back to the silver screen.
    5) My wife called it years ago, she told me that we're living in the age of the trilogy. Whilst this is true, if the series ain't good enough the first time, can the idea of making (at least) two more. Furthermore, if the first movie's da bomb-& you're going to clearly take a trilogy run at it, please be sure that the subsequent movies that follow are just as good if not better. Think Star Wars (Episodes IV-VI) not the Spider-Man 3's of the world, (those we could do without).

    & that's, what really grinds my gears right now.
  • Edward B
    6) M. Night Shyamalan. He needs a good punch in the mouth for every movie he's put out since 6th Sense. That movie was incredible and awesome w/the twist at the very end. But Signs/The Village (10 punches in the mouth for that!)/Unbreakable/Lady in the Water/The Credit Card commercial & whatever other crap he's put out is another boiling point! How could you come w/a wicked movie like 6th Sense and then flop everytime after and have people cuss your wisp of a soul for supporting your garbage and still sleep at night? Anyway, he deserves a HULK SMASH!! in his a$$!!!! & now he's going to ruin one of the few decent cartoons out right now in a couple of years when he finishes puking out Avitar : The Last Airbender!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!! He's the one who needs to get The Message and stop making garbage movies!!!
  • D Train
    Uwe Boll!!!!! RAGGE!!!! It's time to die, motherf*****!!!!!! If you see me on the street you better hope I don't have a gun taped to my back, cuz it's yippie ki aye time. B*tch.
    Jessica Alba!!!! RAGEE!!!!! You are the worst actress ever AND you are the only girl in Sin City who wouldn't get naked. You think you're too good to get naked in a good movie? No way b*tch. Get the f*ck over yourself. You're headed for Shannon Elizabeth-town.
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