With Christmas barreling down upon us, no doubt you, like me, have spent some serious time thinking about what DVDs and Blu-rays you’re interested in snagging with all those gift cards that will inevitably arrive in festive cards.  Stereotypically, a gift card burns a hole in my pocket.  Once I have it, I need to use it.  It doesn’t matter if nothing I want is out, I’ve got to use that gift card!  It might expire in 12-48 months and I don’t want to cut it close.  So I’ve got to head out to Best Buy or surf Amazon non-stop until I find something I can buy.  I’m ready to buy something I normally wouldn’t, because hey, “free money.”

Then it hits you.  That long lost movie.  That fun TV show you used to watch.  What ever happened to that?  I should get it on DVD!  Yes!  So maybe, just like me, you remembered Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place and wanted to snag the complete series on DVD.  Only then you find out it’s not on DVD.  Despite starring Nathan Fillion (Castle) and Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Proposal), it’s nowhere to be found.  What the dog balls?  I use those particular examples of their bodies of work for a reason – both are popular and present right now.  It’s ripe time for a release.  Plus, Monk just ended so Traylor Howard might be on your mind.

I’ve seen tons of terrible, terrible shitty movies in my days.  Yet, I watch them all on DVDs.  If these terrible movies can find shelf space where are classics like The African Queen or oddities like Penn & Teller Get Killed? Anyone with a few thousand bucks can press DVDs and these major studios can put DVDs out for dimes.  Finally the horror genre is getting it’s due in some areas.  Would you believe The Stepfather wasn’t released on DVD until this year?  The House on Sorority Row is finally coming.  There are also countless DVDs that come out, get printed, then disappear forever.  The Thomas Jane flick Thursday can sell for $150 for a bootleg DVD.  Honestly.  I mean come on.  If some idiot will pay $150 for a rip on eBay, how are we not selling this thing for $10 in stores?  It’s ridiculous.  This bootleg underground market is strange too.  Do I trust that this guy is really going to sell me a legitimate copy of the 1993 pressing of Ticks or am I going to get shafted on this delightful, icky buggy gem?

So come on, capitalism, get the fuck on the ball.  It’s Christmas time and we want to buy stupid shit we’re not willing to buy at any other time of the year.  We’re ready to pour out our pockets and gift cards on utter garbage or sentimental trips down memory lane and you’re letting us down.  I get that there may be some copyright issues somewhere, but we can work through this.  It’s called pay them money.  Then use the property to make money.  It’s simple.  I don’t see why I have a copy of Satan’s Little Helper or the complete series of Jack of All Trades but I can’t get some of these mainstream TV shows or classic movies on DVD.  Shape up.  I want to give you my money in exchange for these products.  Get on the ball and earn your salary.  By next Christmas, if I don’t have an awesome selection of “forgotten” hits and Two Guys and a Girl I’ll be righteously past my boiling point.

What TV shows or movies are you hunting for that don’t seem to exist on DVD?

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