12 Sexy Cinematic Sirens Who Could Make Us Cheat
Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on April 23, 2009
Obsession hits theaters this week featuring the wonderful acting talents looks of Beyonce Knowles and the ever beautiful Ali Larter. We Rejects, as you may have gleaned, are pretty big fans of the ladies and will take any opportunity to talk about them, show pictures of them, and encroach within our 100 yard restraining order distance of them. This flick seems tailor-made for us. Not to watch, of course, but rather to allow us to talk about and post pictures of hot women. In the making of this list we decided to try to limit ourselves to hot women who we’d cheat on even if our significant other was as hot as Beyonce. Also, the actresses in question had to have been featured in a movie that involved cheating in some way, shape, or sexy form. Enough talky, more lady!
12. Wei Tang – Lust, Caution
We’re equal opportunity chauvinists and will drool over any woman of any race, creed, or color. Wei Tang brings a bit of exotic flair to our list and excelled in the steamy Lust, Caution. How hot can she be? Don’t image search her at work, that’s for sure.
11. Nicole Kidman – Eyes Wide Shut
This beauty from down under has managed to get hotter and hotter as she aged – plus, she’s not a bad actress. If you want to see her play against type or just want to see her completely nude (that hooked you), pop in Eyes Wide Shut for a sensual time.
10. Brittany Snow, Ashanti, Arielle Kebbel, & Sophia Bush – John Tucker Must Die
This comedy had to make the list considering I could fit four girls into one entry! Ooh, that sounds disgusting. Disgustingly hot. Hotly disgusting. I’m distracted. Anyway, these four babes all work together and/or against each other at various times, being cheated on or with by John Tucker. For the record, Sophia Bush is my favorite of the lot and, to further destroy my credibility as a critic, this movie was pretty good.
9. Jessica Biel – The Rules of Attraction
If she’s not dating anyone, is banging the whole football team still cheating? Well, I think so. Because it’s kind of like she’s dating them all and cheating on them all too. Really, it’s in my contract rider that I will put Jessica Biel into 25% of my lists, regardless of what the list is about.
8. Mary Elizabeth Winstead – Final Destination 3
So the only thing mega-cutie Mary Elizabeth Winstead cheats is death, but are you really going to argue with me on this when she looks like that? Didn’t think so.
7. Diane Lane – Unfaithful
What fanboy didn’t have a crush on her after watching her kick ass in Judge Dredd? If you haven’t seen the alarmingly sexy Unfaithful make sure to go watch it with a pillow over your crotch. Don’t make the mistake I did – watching it with my then-girlfriend and her parents.
6. Gwyneth Paltrow – Shakespeare in Love
Sure, in the real world she can make you want to punch your own face with the naming of her children and the things she says, but Gwyneth Paltrow is very, very good looking. Here, both Shakespeare and Viola are cheating on their respective partners. But it’s cute and fun!
5. Jennifer Aniston – Derailed
Cheaters never win, in fact, they usually got shot. Normally, a cheater getting blasted doesn’t bother me, but come on. The world is a sadder place when someone this beautiful gets blown away.
4. Bryce Dallas Howard – Spider-Man 3
Ok, so technically she didn’t know Spider-Man and Peter Parker were one and the same, and technically she didn’t do anything wrong, and technically Parker and Mary Jane were separated. But since we all knew they were going to get back together and Bryce Dallas Howard looked amazing as a blonde, she makes the list. I could be crude and modify Spider-Man comic titles to comment on her breasts like “The Amazing Mammaries” or “The Spectacular Speedbumps” or “The Web of Wopbopaloobops” or “The Sensational Sandbags” but that would just be immature.
3. Kate Mara – Shooter
While it may not exactly be cheating when your husband is dead, but it is most definitely considered “Officially Not Cool” for military dudes to hook up with their dead partner’s wives. But I would totally do it for Kate Mara. In fact, I’d probably kill my partner.
2. Natalie Portman or Keira Knightley – Closer or Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
I took 30 seconds to list like 20 names and then had to cut it down, so where I can, I compress names. These two hotties look close enough alike that I feel comfortable listing them together. Hey, Knightley was a hand-maiden look-a-like in The Phantom Menace after-all. The cheating in Closer is pretty clear cut, but I justify Knightley because she kissed Jack Sparrow. And she’s hot. This is my list, I do what I want.
1. Demi Moore – Disclosure or Indecent Proposal
It’s a matter of record that I can’t be sexually harassed by Demi Moore because the definition of the term is unwanted sexual advances. How anyone could unwant that is beyond my limited means of understanding. Moore is sexy and powerful in Disclosure and just plain sexy in Indecent. Add to that the fact that she’s just as hot today (see: Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) and sorry, Beyonce, but I’m going to “play poker” tonight. I didn’t mean that to be sexual innuendo at first, but it totally is and I’m totally keeping it.
0. Ali Larter – Obsession
So I realized I’m not great at counting and instead of renumbering everything, I added a 0. Hell, I’ll go into negative numbers if I have to! Ali Larter in a whip-cream bikini is still etched in the mind of every man who saw Varsity Blues and judging from her hot, lingerie wearing appearances in the trailer of Obsession, she most definitely would have no problem seducing any staff member of the Rejects – new sex columnist and female Bethany Perryman included.
The following is a quick list of women who are deserving of our lust and that would be on “our list” but either didn’t star in a cheating movie or we just ran out of space for. In no particular order: Kate Beckinsale, Lacey Chabert, Amanda Righetti, Salma Hayek, Daniella Alonso, Megan Fox, Lizzy Caplan, Rashida Jones, Alicia Keys, Drew Barrymore, Moon Bloodgood, Jessica Alba and about 2,391,047,198 others.
Who are the sexy screen sirens who could tempt you? Do you and your significant other have “a list?”
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