Tortured: 10 Things I Didn’t Like, 5 I Did

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on September 19, 2008

New on DVD this week is Tortured starring Cole Hauser, Laurence Fishburne, and James Cromwell. This Direct to DVD release follows an FBI Agent (Hauser) who has gone deep undercover to infiltrate a dangerous and mysterious crime syndicate. Along the way he grows apart from his wife (Emmanuelle Chriqui) and discovers some secrets about his father and current FBI Director (Cromwell).

I wasn’t overly impressed with this film, I’d probably say somewhere between ambivalent and apathetic. It was a close call, but in the end, there were 10 things I didn’t like and only 5 I did.

*Spoilers Follow*

10 Things I Didn’t Like

10. Mouth Grenade. Near the beginning of the film, Kevin (Hauser) has to convince someone he’s a tough guy without using a gun and threatens to shove a silly looking grenade in his mouth. First, that won’t even fit and second, that is stupid.

9. Reconstructive Surgery. Modern medicine is awesome, but I’ve seen the results – you can’t 100% change a persons appearance. And when you say someone is a “master of reconstructive surgery” you’re basically saying “Obvious twist ahead.”

8. Obvious Twists and Double Twists. Also known as “Gimmick moves.” There were some movies that had good twists. They were good because you didn’t see them coming and they came out of nowhere. This movie is painfully obvious from about 5 minutes in and just wants to be Kaiser Soze.

7. The Acting. Laurence Fishburne really phoned this one in for most of it. He sold being tortured ok, but mostly I wasn’t buying him.

6. Post 9/11. In a move to be relevant or hip, albeit years late, the film makes no apologies for just throwing out random digs at the war on Terror. Basically the film is all like “The FBI Created the ultimate bad guy and now he’s fighting us!” But not in a cool horror movie way. Clearly trying to draw parallels between the US arming of (fill in the blank) who we later fight a war with.

5. “IEDs for Heroin.” Like number six, but it deserved its own bullet. When illustrating just how bad this bad dude (named Ziggy) is, they say he trades IEDs for Heroin. Could this film be any more contemporary? Who knows, sure could have been better.

4. Wives of Under Cover Cops. Has a UC ever had a successful marriage? Why are women always yelling at UCs that they “never share” their day. Let me give them all the same answer “Sorry baby, but if I tell you what I did today, the bad guys will murder us both and we will be dead.” Stand by your man!

3. 80 Year Old Flash. I like James Cromwell, but late in the movie he is apparently faster than a speeding bullet and that is ridiculous from any actor, but when you’re a millennium old, it’s even more ridiculous.

2. Poor Under Cover Work. Kevin is infiltrating the most dangerous and intelligent crime network ever, but he drives a flashy Ducati Motorcycle to and from his home and the office and the bad guys while also attending an FBI Ball and making several trips to Washington DC. Right.

1. Elaborate 20 Year Plans. I hate these plans that are elaborate and depend on every single detail working out right and somehow they go exactly right. And even if they go wrong, the bad guy thought of how it would go wrong and planned for that too. Only one movie ever really pulled that off well (Oldboy) and Tortured tries, but fails.

5 Things I Liked

5. The Cast. I know I ragged on Larry F. early, but the movie has a good cast with Fishburne, Hauser, Cromwell, and James Denton.

4. The Idea. There was a pretty good idea here, if not one that’s been done before. An FBI agent deep undercover who has to do really bad things to get the job done. Failed execution and got a little too convoluted though.

3. Emanuelle Chriqui. Obviously. She is hot, cute, and shows off a little side boob.

2. The Special Effects. All the bloody torture stuff (not too extreme) was well done and done practically, which I appreciated.

1. Robert LaSardo. This is the go to guy for “tattooed up Latino gangster,” despite being Italian American. This dude is badass and gets to play a cool character that, while being a hardened criminal, expresses some unexpected and deep emotions, mostly unsaid. LaSardo should be in way more movies.

So there we have. 10 Dislikes, 5 Likes for the ultimately disappointing Tortured, available now on DVD. Now, I am certain that some people will like this much more than I did, but I found it predictable and somewhat annoying. To each their own!

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