The Coroner’s Report: Unearthed

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on May 22, 2008

Next in line for our coverage of the After Dark Horrorfest is the monster flick Unearthed. I’ll be honest, this is one of my favorite After Dark films because it was a lot of fun for me. There’s some camp, some blood, and a good amount of cheese to be had with this one. Now, clearly, not an Oscar contender or anything and some of the story is forced down your throat, but I still enjoyed myself more than I expected.

Unearthed follows the alcoholic Sheriff of a small town (surprise surprise) haunted by the death of a child in her recent past. The town has pretty much had enough of her drunken ways and with her current term about to end, she’s on her way out the door. Soon enough strange things start to happen, forcing Sheriff Annie Flynn (Emmanuelle Vaugier) to put the bottle away and pick up the shotgun. Aided by her Native American friends and mentor, Flynn soon discovers that the mysterious creature terrorizing the town is alien in nature and has been unearthed by a nearby archaeological dig. The ancient paintings on the wall provide the only insight into a way of possibly stopping the beast before the entire town is torn to shreds.

Kills

This film sports a few good ones. There are definitely some great splatter moments. Charlie Murphy shows up in a pretty funny co-starring role and gets probably the best dispatch of the entire film. It’s almost worth watching just for this alone. All in all somewhere north of 8 people are killed in various ways, many of which were pleasing to me.

Ills

The gore isn’t over the top or anything but the kills do satisfy. As mentioned above, Murphy’s sticky and wet demise is especially enjoyable. There are some grievous head wounds, explosions, claw attacks, tail stabbings, all sorts of good stuff like that. Nothing to lose your lunch over, but enough to put a smile on your face.

Lust

Unfortunately we’re not treated to much in this department. Emmanuelle is looking fine and does spend a little bit of time in some tight underwear that was enough to keep me satisfied. I mean, of course I would have appreciated some real T&A, but I’ll forgive it momentarily.

Learning

I mean damn, when are people finally going to get it in their heads that archaeological digs on Indian territory is a bad idea? And hieroglyphics of monster looking things? That’s about when you cut and run. Also, alcohol doesn’t solve any problems.

Review

There is a lot of hate out there for this movie, probably from people with higher expectations. I came into this knowing exactly what it was, and enjoyed a fun B-monster movie. The ending was a bit “blargh” to me and felt a touch forced, and I saw it from a mile away, but up until then we get some cool monster mayhem. I’ll readily admit to digging on the beast. It is obviously and almost absurdly inspired by Geiger’s Xenomorph (Alien), but hey, that’s a tried and true design. The monster is CGI almost entirely but it’s not really bad CGI, but again, not ground breaking, but passable.

The acting is fair for the most part, on par with your average made for Sci-Fi feature. There are some recognizable actors, which is always good. There are a couple of stunts that looked a bit awkward with the clumsy CGI and fake fireballs, but hey, roll with it and laugh.

This is the kind of movie that I like to give a pass to. It tries hard and it is ok with itself. It’s like an average looking girl with a good personality. No, she’s not winning any beauty contests, but she’s fun to date a few times or hang out with. Unearthed is not for everyone. There are several types of horror fans and if you’re one who can appreciate schlock and low budget flicks, I don’t see why you shouldn’t give this film a chance. It’d be great with a handful of friends and a couple of drinks. I just have a big soft spot in my blood and guts loving heart because all the pieces were there. The only thing that didn’t work for me was the Sheriff’s troubled past, which was forced and uninteresting. But when they’re battling the monster, I let myself go with it.

Part of me wants to bump this movies rating up a notch or two because of its campy Sci-Fi channel type fun, but then again, its really not like its a good movie or even one you need to track down. But there are worse ways to pass the time so if you want a B-monster movie with an alien-type creature bounding around the desert, you’ll be mildly entertained, I think. So while I’m giving it a C, I would definitely watch this again and recommend it to a few of my friends who dig on cheesier horror flicks.

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