There weren’t a lot of films being previewed at this year’s WonderCon, but buried among the big names like Star Trek and Watchmen was a little sci-fi movie you may not have heard of before… which is a shame as it may just end up being the most interesting one of the bunch.  Pandorum is a new film from German director Christian Alvert starring Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster.  The trailer premiered last weekend at WonderCon and succeeds at looking pretty good while simultaneously creeping you out.  Check it out below.

Quaid is a consistently strong actor in anything he does, but the one to watch here is Foster.  His gleeful and dangerous intensity is always a joy onscreen… whether he’s killing folks in 3:10 To Yuma, caressing an underage teenager in Hostage, or acting absolutely bonkers in Alpha Dog.  Truth be told though, one of my favorite performances of his is as Dave in The Punisher… he’s funny, he laughs, and I’d love his crazy ass in a romantic comedy.  The trailer does an excellent job of teasing the bare minimum of a plot, but for the curious among you I’ve included the official synopsis here.

Two astronauts awaken in a hyper-sleep chamber aboard a seemingly abandoned spacecraft. It’s pitch black, they are disoriented, and the only sound is a low rumble and creak from the belly of the spacecraft. They can’t remember anything – who are they, what is their mission? The only way out of the chamber is a dark and narrow airshaft. Corporal Bower (Foster), the younger of the two, crawls inside, while the other, Lt. Payton (Quaid), stays behind for guidance on a radio transmitter. As Bower ventures deeper and deeper into the ship, he begins to uncover a terrifying reality.  Slowly the spacecraft’s shocking and deadly secrets come unraveled, and the astronauts realize that the survival of mankind hinges on their actions.”

Quaid and Foster are joined by world champion kickboxer Cung Le, German hottie Antje Traue, and evil vampire Cam Gigandet.  Foster, Le, and Traue were all on hand for the WonderCon panel and managed to entertain the audience for twenty minutes without revealing a single thing about the plot.  Instead they made veiled references to an on-set sex tape, spoke about their characters in unintelligible, broken English, and promised the film contained lots of ass-kicking action.  They had me at sex tape.  The trailer definitely showcases the spaceship’s claustrophobic environment and the mystery at the heart of Pandorum, although I have to ask… if you awoke with no memory, how would know the world you knew was gone?

Pandorum is scheduled for release this September, and is one of two English-language films director Alvart has in the can.  The other, Case 39, is a horror film starring Renee Zellweger and Ian McShane.

What do you think of the trailer?  Don’t you think Foster should do more comedies?

“This year’s WonderCon sucks monkey nuts.”

I attended WonderCon this past weekend here in San Francisco, and I’m obligated to write up some kind of recap.  This normally isn’t a problem… I’ve attended conventions before, including last year’s WonderCon and Comic-Con, and I was happy to post reports for FSR on them both.  But this year’s convention has left me underwhelmed, uninspired, and angry.  So angry in fact that I was tempted to crib from Robert Fure’s “Boiling Point” column, but the bastard claims it’s copyrighted.  The same goes for his “Ten Things I Liked, Five I Didn’t”… but that wouldn’t work anyway because there aren’t ten things I liked.  Hell, I don’t even have five.  It’s not like it’s that difficult to excite me or pique my interest either… picture me somewhere between a wide-eyed and easily excitable fawn happy to suckle at any studio teat and a bitter, vitriolic, psuedo rage-filled curmudgeon who wishes Bambi would die from AIDS (so about midway on the Billington/Faraci scale).  I sent FSR Editor Neil the above text (re: monkey nuts) as a summation of my WonderCon ’09 experience, and he’s asked me to expand on that with a bit more detail (a decision he’ll probably regret).  I’ll start on a positive note by acknowledging the few surprises regarding preview panels.

Knowing

Alex Proyas’ Knowing has an uphill battle to fight thanks to the presence of Nicolas Cage, but I was actually impressed with two full scenes they showed.  Both the airplane crash across the highway and the subway train collision into (and through) an underground terminal were spectacularly devastating.  The plane crash scene follows Cage in one long take as he rushes into the carnage, bodies strewn like crimson trash, survivors wandering blindly, a man screaming in anguish as he burns… it’s more powerful and immediate than any of his films have been in years.  And while the subway scene shows a slight ignorance of physics, it makes up for it with pure bloody mayhem as the train cars hit (and splatter) scores of panicked pedestrians.  Both scenes were awash with solid and pleasantly gruesome CGI, and it’s almost enough to get my ass in the theater on March 20th.

9

Shane Acker’s apocalyptic animated tale 9 first appeared on my radar with the incredibly dark yet vibrant trailer back in December.  I’ve watched it several times since then, but seeing the trailer on the big screen during the panel filled me with awe all over again.  An extended battle scene was also shown featuring a handful of the ragdolls under attack by a flying mechanized creature, and it was equally stunning.  Pixar and Dreamworks would never take on such a dark fable, but even if they did I can’t imagine they could do any better than Acker and company.

Pixar’s Up

From dark and ominous animation to bright and cheerful… Pixar’s latest film, Up, looks to be another winner.  No real surprise, I know, but what I didn’t expect were the multiple bouts of laughter emanating from my gullet.  I’m no Pixar junkie who believes each of their films are masterpieces (Cars, for example, sucked), but based on the five clips that were shown here I’ll go on record right now and say this is the funniest Pixar film yet. The story and characters look to be just as strong and heartfelt as some of their best, with more than a little absurdity thrown in for good measure.

Terminator Salvation

Lastly, the Terminator Salvation panel managed to (once again) raise my expectations sky high for the film’s May 21st release.  McG still has a lot to prove (and atone for) but after seeing the new trailer and two full scenes, I’m thinking this is the blockbuster to beat in 2009.  They showed the scene where the giant harvester robot attacks the gas station, and even missing several key effects, it shook the hall with it’s explosive action, stunts, and scale.  The second scene is hinted at in the trailer and features John Connor (Bale) facing off against Aquabots after his helicopter crashes into a river at night.  Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) arrives to help and drops Kyle Reese’s name in an effort to earn Connor’s trust.  The mechanical, tendril-like robots are fast and menacing, and the confrontation between the two men is incredibly tense and dramatic.  Fuck Star Trek, fuck Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen… Terminator Salvation is going to be the biggest, grittiest, most kick-ass movie of the summer.  And if we’re lucky, WB will keep the topless Moon Bloodgood scene.

And that’s it for good things found at this year’s WonderCon.  (No, Star Trek was not a good thing.  JJ Abrams was more entertaining than the new trailer, which continues to look pretty average.)  Four cool to awesome previews featuring new footage, only two of which had fun or interesting panels and guests.  You know what sucked?  Everything else.  And this is where I lose my press “credentials” for next year’s con…

Bloggers, Bloggers, Everywhere

Speaking of which, what the hell is up with the obscene number of press badges handed out this year?  I know that online journalists and bloggers (yes, they can be distinct) are fighting to be taken as seriously as their brothers and sisters in print, while simultaneously driving those same paper and ink types out of business, but this shit is getting out of hand.  What proof of entitlement does WonderCon insist upon before they grant a press badge?  What requirements must you meet before they let you in for free to cover the events within?  A business card.  Period.  A card you can print at Kinkos for under two bucks.  I don’t pretend to know where the line should be drawn, but there has to be some limit of respectability or accountability here.  They should require websites provide proof of page views via Google analytics or maybe even pay stubs, and yes, stronger conditions may end up actually preventing me from acquiring a press badge but at least the term “member of the press” would mean something again.  And on a related note, how about limiting the number of badges given to the same outlet?  I’m looking at you 1UP.com and your seemingly endless parade of extraneous writers…  I counted at least ten of those fuckers!

Good ‘Ole Eddie Ibrahim

Eddie Ibrahim, Director of Programming, studio apologist, and all around schmooze gets on stage before every big panel to tell the audience the rules of the show.  No taping, be respectful, etc.  Makes sense and I couldn’t agree more (although he’s curiously absent from panels for smaller films), but Ibrahim feels obligated to explain how this is the “weekend” for celebrities too and how they’re taking their personal time to come to SF and share their films.  Surely they’re not paid by the studios for their time.  Surely they’re not earning a paycheck by doing their goddamn job and pushing their movies.  Bullshit.  It’s show business Eddie.  They’re walking advertisements here to shill their product, now get off the stage already.

The Sideshow of McG

Dear McG, Terminator will probably redeem your professional career, but your onstage behavior shows you to be an annoying prick.  Yes, yes, you know how to rile up the crowd, but it’s because most of them don’t know you’re using the same goddamn shtick you pulled at Comic-Con last year.  Calling Bale’s voicemail and having the entire hall scream into the phone?  Check.  Having different parts of the room compete via applause and cheers?  Check.  Being a foul-mouthed motherfucker?  Check.  Bringing the same Asian kid onstage to do his garbled and saliva-filled impressions of Schwarzenegger?  Check.  Okay, so you made me laugh when you said Anton Yelchin was gay, but aside from that you come across as a real ass.  And speaking of Yelchin, could that kid be any more of a poser twat?  His response to seeing the trailer was an overblown and insincere-sounding “I think it’s fucking awesome. Shit, it blew my mind.”  How you make that sound fake when the trailer was in fact fucking awesome I don’t know… but I guess that’s why he’s the actor and I’m just the guy bitching about him.

Where The Ladies At?

Where in the hell were all the sexy fangirls?  Sure there was the ubiquitous and hot Slave Leia, but there was also the fifty year-old that looked like the alternate universe Leia who was never rescued and lived the rest of her life servicing Jabba and friends on a daily basis.  There were a few other moderately attractive gals wandering around, but for the most part the costumes on display barely held back flaps and folds of flesh that probably hadn’t seen daylight in years.  I’m happy that you all feel comfortable enough to share your enthusiasm with the world, but some things are best explored in private.

Guys, Shower…

Similarly, to the fanboys, just because the geek stereotype says you have to be unattractive and unappealing doesn’t mean you have to also be unwashed.  Take a fucking shower.  With soap.  I had to get up and move three times during panels due to various odors emanating from superheroes and robots sitting beside me.  You have to commit to the costume guys… machines don’t sweat.  (It should go without saying that the fanboys failed just as hard as the fangirls when it came to bringing the sexy.)

Start the Presses

Where’s the news?  Seriously, nothing newsworthy came out of this entire three day affair.  Sure Yelchin shot down the Green Lantern rumor and McG says he’s considering Robert Patrick in Terminator 5 as a human scientist working on the T-1000, but neither of those are really count as news.  So the real question becomes, why was there no news?  I’d suggest that the answer is a combination of too many conventions and too few movies.  The same films have shown up at the last three cons with the same people pushing them to varying degrees of success.  Scheduling isn’t helping things either with WonderCon hitting mere weeks after the New York Comic-Con.

And Then Some…

Watchmen opens this week, just days after its convention appearance… it had no business being at WonderCon, taking up prime space and time that could have gone to another film.  It was a selfish move on the part of organizers and a desperate move on the part of WB.

Who’s screening the people in the Q&A lines?  To the advocate for the hearing impaired who felt compelled to hog valuable time during both the Star Trek and Up! panels, your whiny and annoying attempts at guilting Pixar into giving a public tour of their studio (something they never do) or at putting J.J. Abrams on the spot for the lack of deaf characters on the Enterprise, were more than a bit sleazy.  Not to mention all of the little children with ears that work who’ve lost their opportunity to ask questions about where “ideas” come from or what it’s like playing an alien.

Finally, where were Monster v Aliens?  X-Men Origins: Wolverine?  Where the Wild Things Are?  Sherlock Holmes?  Ninja Assassin?  Avatar?  Year One?  Funny People?  GI Joe?  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?  The Wolfman?  Franklyn?  Land of the Lost?  2012?  Game?  Surrogates?  Kick-Ass?

Goodbye WonderCon 2009!  Suck it.

Were you at WonderCon this year?  What were you wearing?

As was the case last year, we will be sending our intrepid (and cynical) Rob Hunter to the San Francisco WonderCon to stake things out, make decisive analysis about upcoming movies and, if he’s lucky, offend someone very famous and end up on the evening news. Today the folks at WonderCon announced the official line-up of panels and presentations via the event’s official website. And as expected, there are plenty of movie-related presentations.

Our man Rob will be on the scene Saturday to take in the sights and be amongst the people, so if you are planning on attending the Con, be on the lookout for him. Note: He looks like our own version of Steve Buscemi.

Check out all of the movie-related presentations below:

Friday, February 27th:

2:30-3:30 Walt Disney Animation Studios: The Art of 2D Visual Effects — Craig Sost and Marlon West talk about the challenges that blending characters and EFX in a hand-drawn, 2D animation medium presents in creating drama. Featuring a key scene from Walt Disney Animation Studios’ next release Princess and the Frog, which the moderators will take apart to illustrate the magic of the production process. Room 220

3:30-4:30 The Once & Future Trek! — Our regular panel of expert Treksperts reconvenes to hold court on the new Star Trek film from J. J. Abrams as well as share their candid and uncensored thoughts on the state of the franchise and the upcoming releases of the original classic feature films on Blu-Ray. Boldly go to Room 104 with such luminaries as Robert Meyer Burnett (Free Enterprise), Daren Dochterman (ST: TMP Special Edition, visual effects producer), Steve Melching (The Clone Wars), comedian Mary Forest, and Anthony Pascale (Trek Movie, webmaster). Room 104

Saturday, February 28th:

11:30-12:30 Warner Bros.: Watchmen — Warner Bros. and WonderCon present a panel devoted to the most eagerly awaited movie of 2009: Watchmen!

Visionary director Zack Snyder brings the classic graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons to vivid life on the big screen, opening March 6. Join Zack Snyder and members of the film’s cast LIVE on the WonderCon big stage for this exclusive panel presentation! Esplanade

12:30-1:00 Summit Entertainment — Summit Entertainment brings exclusive footage from its exciting 2009 lineup:

• Astro Boy — A thrilling tale of a true hero, Astro Boy is an all-new feature film full of action, adventure, humor and heart. Based on the beloved manga, Astro Boy will be brought to life on the big screen in breathtaking CGI animation.
• Knowing — From visionary director Alex Proyas (I, Robot; Dark City) comes a gripping action-thriller of global proportions, about a professor (Nicolas Cage) who stumbles onto terrifying predictions about the future—and sets out to prevent them from coming true.
• The Hurt Locker — Kathryn Bigelow directs this acclaimed explosive thriller about an elite bomb squad engaged in a deadly game of cat and mouse amidst the chaos of war. Esplanade

1:00-1:30 Pandorum — From the producers of the Resident Evil film franchise comes Pandorum, a terrifying thriller in which two crew members wake up on an abandoned spacecraft with no idea who they are, how long they’ve been asleep, or what their mission is. The two soon discover they’re actually not alone—and the reality of their situation is more horrifying than they could have imagined. Appearing in person: stars Ben Foster (X-Men: The Last Stand), Antje Traue, and Cung Le. Esplanade

1:30-2:00 Alien Trespass — Directed by legendary X-Files veteran R. W. Goodwin, this recently discovered sci-fi film, circa 1957, is finally being released. If you love such vintage sci-fi epics as It Came From Outer Space and This Island Earth, you’ll want to learn more about this unseen tale of an interstellar lawman whose deadly prisoner, the grotesque Goata, escapes when their flying saucer crashes near a small desert town in 1950s California. Appearing in person: R. W. Goodwin, Robert Patrick (T-2, The Unit), Eric McCormack (Free Enterprise, Will & Grace, Trust Me), Dan Lauria (The Wonder Years, The Spirit), and Jenni Baird (The 4400). Esplanade

2:00-2:45 Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment: Star Trek — A vision by J. J. Abrams, featuring a young, new crew venturing boldly where no one has gone before. The film stars John Cho, Ben Cross, Bruce Greenwood, Simon Pegg, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Winona Ryder, Zoë Saldana, Karl Urban, and Anton Yelchin, with Eric Bana and Leonard Nimoy. Be among the first to see exclusive sneak peak footage from this exciting adventure before its May 8 release. Plus a special guest you won’t want to miss, appearing live on the WonderCon stage. Esplanade

3:30-4:30 Disney/Pixar: UP — From Disney/Pixar comes UP, a comedy adventure about 78-year-old balloon salesman Carl Fredricksen, who finally fulfills his lifelong dream of a great adventure when he ties thousands of balloons to his house and flies away to the wilds of South America. But he discovers all too late that his biggest nightmare has stowed away on the trip: an overly optimistic 9-year-old Wilderness Explorer named Russell. From the Academy Award-nominated director Pete Docter (Monsters, Inc.), Disney/Pixar’s UP invites you on a hilarious journey into a lost world, with the least likely duo on Earth. Join director Pete Docter as he presents a look at UP, which opens on May 29 and will be available in select theaters in Disney Digital 3D. Esplanade

3:30-4:30 It Came from 1979 — Get ready to geek out as we party like it’s 1979. Re-appreciate the camp classics of 1979, including The Black Hole, Buck Rogers and, of course, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, among others. See some rare footage, reminisce and get insider insight on the films that didn’t change a nation. (We promise the panel will only be slightly longer than the Enterprise flyby in drydock.) Starring Robert Meyer Burnett (Enterprise, The Hills Run Red), Steve Melching (The Clone Wars), Daren Dochterman (Iron Man 2, Riddick, conceptual artist), comedian Mary Forest, and Ashely E. Miller (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles). Room 236/238

4:30-5:30 Warner Bros: Terminator Salvation — It’s a brand-new start for one of the most explosive movie franchises ever! Terminator Salvation introduces the adult John Connor (played by Christian Bale) in the future, fighting to save humanity from Skynet and the machines. In theaters on May 22, here’s a special WonderCon panel with director McG and cast members LIVE on the big stage! Esplanade

Sunday, March 1st:

2:00-3:00 IDW Summer Movie Preview: G.I. Joe, Star Trek, and Transformers — IDW editor Denton J. Tipton hosts writers Chris Mowry (Transformers Movie Prequel) and Mike Johnson (Star Trek: Countdown), and artist Andrew Griffith (Transformers Movie Prequel) for a discussion about their books that lead in to this summer’s biggest blockbusters. Room 104

To keep track of our updates, just stay tuned to our WonderCon 2009 homepage. For more of the WonderCon schedule, check out their official site.