Not content to stand for Bing’s tyranny, a guerrilla group of young activists have taken to social media and have begun a movement to fund the statue themselves. Revolutionaries have started a Facebook Group, a website, and are using the fundraising site Kickstarter to get money for the production of the statue. A piece of property in Roosevelt Park facing Michigan Central Station has been promised if enough money is raised.

For more information on the project, go to detroitneedsrobocop.com, or to give money to help the cause head over to Kickstarter. In order to get the project off the ground $50,000 must be raised, and so far the total is just under $19,000. We only have until March 26^th to make this happen. It’s time to come together people; don’t let the terrorists, the evil corporations, and those Washington fat cats up on Capitol Hill win.

We receive a lot of strange emails here at Reject HQ. Many of them are independent “filmmakers” sending in their clip reels, trailers and offers of screeners and zj’s (we still don’t know what those are) in exchange for some coverage. We try to tell them that you don’t listen to us, but they still send them anyway. Occasionally we do get something interesting — or in this case, something downright special. Here today in our inbox we found a contest that involves the concepts of “Cash for Gold” and Mr. T. Finally, someone has thought to combine the racket that is saving our economy with the man who brought mohawks and bling to the mainstream. Check out the completely ridiculous details after the jump.

Here now is the solid gold pitch that we received:

Gold Promise, a new mail-in gold and jewelry buying business, is hosting a video contest where the winner will have the chance to appear in the company’s next TV commercial alongside Mr. T.  The grand prize winner will receive a first-class trip to L.A. where the spot will be filmed.  The prize also includes a three-night hotel stay, pocket money and a Gold Promise customized Flip Video camera.  Nine runners up will receive a personalized Mr. T autograph keepsake and a Gold Promise customized Flip Video camera.

To enter, just make a short video telling Mr. T what he should do next with the money he made selling his gold to Gold Promise.  For full contest details and to upload your video, visit www.goldpromise.com/contest.  Why not break out the video camera after Thanksgiving dinner and create something unique?  You might just find yourself starring in a commercial with Mr. T in 2011!

I pity the fool who doesn’t enter this contest right now…

Big Stein (as I like to call him) was always a wonderful bit player in the world of Seinfeld, mostly because he played around (inadvertently) with the insecurities of one George Costanza (Jason Alexander). He was a favorite, and like Seinfeld, he will be missed. For more than just his work in the world of baseball, but for the big personality that, by proxy, gave us so many laughs.

Click through the jump to watch some highlights of Larry David’s work as George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld.

Larry David as George Steinbrenner Part One:

Larry David as George Steinbrenner Part Two:

George Steinbrenner makes an actual cameo on Seinfeld:

There are two segments of fans that get the cinematic shaft more often than not: Star Wars fans and video game fans. Neither of these two groups have had a good run in the last few decades, between George Lucas’ prequels and Uwe Boll’s reign of terror. So the thought of taking a Star Wars video game and turning it into a CG-animated movie wouldn’t exactly be top of mind for any reasonable fan. Until now.

Over at the Electronics Entertainment Expo (E3) in L.A. this week, Bioware and LucasArts have released “Hope,” a cinematic trailer for their upcoming game Star Wars: The Old Republic. It is one of the most breathtaking game trailers I’ve ever seen. And one of the most interesting and exciting Star Wars-related projects since the prequels were first announced (before anyone knew what they would look like). So why not just put Bioware animators to work on a movie? That seems to be the consensus around the web. Twitter has been aflutter with fans connecting those same dots all morning. It’s a logical jump, as LucasFilm only seems interested in advancing the Star Wars film world in the animated realm. So why not put together a story from the Old Republic line and turn it into a feature film? It could be Avatar for Star Wars nerds.

I’m just saying.

Alas, there is always the “Hope” trailer, which can be seen below. More information about the Old Republic game can be found at the game’s official site.

You can’t talk about The Karate Kid – new or old — without mentioning Ralph Macchio. Or Pat Morita, for that matter. Without him, there would have been no 80s classic underdog story for Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan to rehash. And all the while, I’m sure many of you have wondered what Macchio has been up to. The folks at Funny or Die have the answer: Ralph is trying to become Hollywood’s next bad boy.

In the following short we see Macchio take on the task of going from super nice guy to troublemaker, or something like that. It’s a very funny little short that features appearances by Kevin Connolly (Entrourage) and Molly Ringwald (Everything from the 80s). It’s one of those classic Hollywood self discovery stories you hear about every day. The ones that end with the hero snorting baking soda.

If you’re reading us, there’s a chance that you are a tech-savvy internet generation user who loves doing things with your toys that other people can’t. Either that, or you’re lost. It leads me to one conclusion: many of you have heard about today’s Apple World Wide Developer’s Conference (WWDC) Keynote speech, in which Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the brand new iPhone 4. As an iPhone user myself, this is exciting. It might be exciting to you. But if you’re sitting there wondering what the big deal is, I’ve got a few answers for you.

One of the recurring themes of the iPhone announcement is that there are some very cool enhancements that will interest movie lovers, movie makers and entertainment enthusiasts (read: you). A few months back, the iPad took the world of on-the-go entertainment to a new level, allowing you to stream Netflix movies, take TV shows purchased with iTunes on the road, and read comics anywhere you go without having to carry around your precious books. It was all very nice.

The new iPhone is doing a lot of the same things. And it’s much smaller. Here are some examples.

Netflix Streaming Coming to iPhone this Summer

Just as it did with the release of the iPad, Netflix is in the business of allowing users to take their Instant streaming service wherever they go. According to the Engadget report from the WWDC, “the UI actually looks fairly optimized for the platform, including an app-optimized search of your instant queue. It also features “seamless” switching between networks, with 3G streaming apparently a go.” The app launches this summer. I’m not sure this is something I would use (why not get an iPad with a bigger screen?), but I can see this being a big hit with many movie fans who travel a lot or take public transportation.

HD Video and iMovie

Tired of having to carry around both your iPhone and your FlipCam? Now you won’t have to choose. iPhone 4 will record 720p HD video. Better yet, Apple has created a version of iMovie for mobile. Per Gizmodo, “it’s pretty basic video editing, as its on a phone. But you’re able to combine various clips, add music, photos, titles and transitions as well as basic effects. You’ll recognize the effects from the desktop version of iMovie, where you’re able to do stuff like add the “Ken Burns Effect” with slow-mo zooming and panning.” You will be able to export in various resolutions and send video directly to YouTube. Put simply, iMovie will be worth the $4.99 that it will cost in the App Store. And as Peter Sciretta of Slashfilm asks, “when are we going to see a movie shot and completely edited on an iPhone with no computer?” Probably sooner than we think.

PDFs in the iBooks Application

One of the things that was praised about the iPad was the fact that applications could be created that would allow the downloading and reading of PDF files. This functionality will now be integrated with the iBooks application. What does this have to do with the world of entertainment? If you work in the industry and/or just have a love for reading scripts, this may come in handy.

So there you have it. A few really cool things that the iPhone 4 has for movie fans. Can you tell that I’m excited? It hits stores on June 24th and is available for pre-order starting June 15th. For more information, I’d recommend heading over to Engadget. They seem to have the best coverage of the day.

Would you use Netflix streaming or iMovie on your iPhone?

Were you interested in seeing a big screen adaptation of Aquaman someday? Well, now you can’t. Because your favorite aquatic hero is dead thanks to the BP oil spill in the Gulf Coast. Perhaps if the government had called in director James Cameron earlier, we wouldn’t have this problem. But no, he’s dead.

Wait a minute — a James Cameron directed Aquaman movie? Now there’s a cool idea.

Too bad, the hero is dead. As you can see from this piece of art found at AquamanShrine, the home of artist rob!, the oil spill has finally claimed its greatest causality. Who will help all of the oil-covered ducks and suffocating fishes now? Not the capitalist pigs responsible for plugging the leak, that’s for sure.

What do you do when you have a major natural disaster? You call in James Cameron. If he can’t fix it, he will remove the problem digitally with groundbreaking special effects.

THR is reporting today that the director of Titanic and Avatar took part in a brainstorming session with scientists, academics and government officials Tuesday on how to contain the 6-week-old oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Anyone who has been following this story will note that this is probably a new low for the situation, one that continues to get worse thanks to moronic management at BP Oil.

That said, considering the lack of success BP is having in containing the leak, a little science fiction may be in order. At every turn, they have failed to contain a leak that is now killing countless amounts of wildlife in the region.

But why James Cameron? Perhaps because he “studied physics at college and helped develop deep sea submersible equipment and other underwater ocean technology for the making of series of documentaries exploring the wrecks of the Titanic and the German battleship Bismarck some two miles below the surface.” That sounds about right. The man is a relative expert in what it takes to work deep under water. He’s also a nice publicity diversion for government agents who don’t have any viable solutions as to how they are going to stop this oil spill and save the regional environment from increasingly catastrophic results.

But hey, at least they’re trying, right?

Here’s some humorous fan activism for your Sunday afternoon. Activism that fans of both NBC’s Community and the recently released (to DVD) comedy Mystery Team will enjoy. A campaign has begun on Twitter to get Donald Glover cast as the next Spider-Man. As we reported last week, the list of candidates to play Peter Parker in the upcoming franchise reboot has been narrowed to five names. None of them are Don Glover. This has forced fans to take it to the streets — the streets of Twitter.

The goal (I suppose) is to get the Twitter hash-tag #donald4spiderman trending. This began when io9′s Marc Bernardin wrote an interesting and pointed piece about why The last thing Spider-Man should be is another white guy, followed by several commenters suggesting the Community star as the best choice for Peter Parker. It’s hard to argue with the logic of either Bernardin or the io9 commenters — a unique and fresh take on Spider-Man would be interesting, and Glover is a very good young actor. Remember when I suggested making Spider-Man a period piece — setting in the 1960s? Yes, something new and different, please. Sadly, it probably won’t happen. Sony Pictures seems intent on repeating the same Spider-Man formula, in 3D.

You can track the movement of Donald for Spider-Man at the Donald for Spider-Man Facebook Page. Or head over to Twitter and follow the search term #donald4spiderman. We’ll be following, encouraging and promoting the side campaign of Alison Brie as Mary Jane Watson, as well.

From where I’m sitting, this internet meme of throwing together the same quote one hundred times in a single clip began with Sawyer (Josh Holloway) from Lost and his catch-phrase, “son of a bitch.” It has since been applied to Jorge Garcia’s Hurley and his favorite word, “dude.”

Now it’s branching out into cross-platform, cross-property clip mashing for phrases that permeate entire genres. One example is this clip, which features quite a few uses of the phrase “get out of there.” It’s worth four minutes of your time. Because lets face it, some college kid skipped several classes to put this video together. And it’s far better than doing four minutes of actual work at your day job.

Here is the list of films referenced in the video, courtesy of Pajiba:

0’00 – The Firm, The Matrix, Revolver, Hollow Man, Dreamcatcher, The Fifth Element, Pushing Tin, National Treasure, The Matrix Reloaded

0’30 – Rear Window, Band of Brothers, Back to the Future Part II, Enemy of the State, Die Hard: With a Vengeance, Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, Black Rain, Armageddon

1m – Lord of the Rings: Two Towers, Sphere, The Perfect Storm, Arachnophobia, Free Willy, Honey I Shrunk The Kids, The X-Files, Ultimate Avengers, Sphere, Antz, Rambo III, Lost In Space, Deep Impact, Alien, War of the Worlds

1’30 – Blue Velvet, A Simple Plan, Apocalypse Now, The Incredible Hulk, Flags of Our Fathers, South Park, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Bourne Ultimatum, Bad Boys II, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, Airplane!

2m – King Kong, Spirited Away, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Mad Max, The Mexican, The Manchurian Candidate, Lethal Weapon, The Birds, Lethal Weapon 3, Cliffhanger, Reign of Fire, Cube 2: Hypercube, The Man with the Golden Gun, Pandorum, Crimson Tide

2’30 – Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Grosse Pointe Blank, The Taking of Pelham 123, X-Men: The Last Stand, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Saw II, Sunshine, Eraser, 24, The Fast and the Furious, Bourne Supremacy, Enemy of the State, Ocean’s Twelve, Mou gaan dou (Infernal affairs), Tomorrow Never Dies, Armageddon

3m – Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, Finding Nemo, South Park, Independence Day, Aliens, Do The Right Thing, Black Hawk Down, Die Hard: With a Vengeance, Tomorrow Never Dies, Avatar, The Dirty Dozen

3’30 – Band of Brothers x2, Dreamcatcher, Rescue Dawn, Pearl Harbor, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Top Gun x2, Air Force One, Independence Day, Leon

4m – Die Hard: With a Vengeance, Dune, Cliffhanger

Sometimes I wonder if the world of adult entertainment — porn to those of us who use the Google — has gone far enough. They parody just about everything. Sacha Grey, who is famous for putting unnatural things into unnatural orifices in unnatural directions, recently starred as a Vulcan hottie in a porn parody of Star Trek. This hit smut store shelves right around the time when the J.J. Abrams reboot dropped last year. It was genius. But now there is something far more interest, far more imaginative and oddly, far more closely tied to the original Hollywood source: The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody.

Witness the story of The Dude as he thrusts his way through the offbeat world of Los Angeles. He’s still bowling, drinking White Russians and sitting next to mustachioed strangers in cowboy hats, but this time he’s also getting a lot more sex — on screen. What I’ve gathered from the film’s trailer — a nudity-free, mostly safe for work trailer — is that the makers of this “film” might actually be fans of the original Coen Bros. joint. They seem to carry over a lot of aesthetic and story elements, something that is not always seen in these porn parodies. Not that I watch them. It’s just what I’m told.

See for yourself with the trailer below.

Ah, fans. You always do find the most creative ways to pay homage to your favorite cult classics. And in the case of this little claymation short film from filmmaker Lee Hardcastle, it’s all about the most interesting way to tell one of the great B-level horror stories in one minute flat. Now you can watch a British, clay version of Bruce Campbell as he discovers the book of the dead in The Evil Dead. The film was made for the 2010 Empire Jameson “Done in 60 Seconds” competition.

Check out the one minute short below. What else are you going to do with your afternoon?

Over the past few weeks, there has been a flurry of tribute for film critic Roger Ebert, much of which can be linked to a recent piece in Esquire that was very moving. For those who haven’t been following along, the long road to recovery from cancer has seen the king of ‘thumbs up’ lose both his lower jaw and his ability to speak. It’s a deeply sad, but hopeful story of a man who has taken his newfound disadvantage and instead of running away from it, he hit it head on. He has since found solace in his writing via his online journal, and has made efforts to have his voice digitally recreated.

Now, thanks to a Scottish company called CereProc, the world’s most famous film critic is able to use his own voice again — or at least something that sounds like his old voice. The company used old DVD commentary tracks and audio from Ebert’s work on television to piece together an electronic version of his voice, allowing him to simply type what he’d like to say into his computer and have it read aloud as if he were able to say it himself.

“CereProc is now blending in my audio snippets for Casablanca where I sound enthusiastic, and Floating Weeds, where I sound calm and respectful,” Ebert writes on his own website. “It’s nice to think of all these great movies sloshing around and coming out as my voice.”

This past Friday, Ebert went on Oprah to talk about his cancer battle and show off his new voice. He will also be there giving his predictions for the upcoming Oscars. The show will air this afternoon. Needless to say, I will be DVRing The Oprah Winfrey Show for the first time in my life, thanks to the legendary and ever-inspirational Mr. Ebert.

On this day in history, in the year 1904, Theodor Geisel, best known to the world as Dr. Seuss, was born in Springfield, Massachusetts. It is hard to know at the time if he knew how he felt about green eggs and ham, but we can safely assume that he wouldn’t have liked them, Sam I am.

Under his pen name, Geisel published over 60 children’s books that were made popular by their imaginative, rhyming, trisyllabic meter-ness. His most famous include The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. As you know, his work as been adapted into several feature-length films. Chuck Jones directed animated versions of How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Horton Hears a Who! in the late 60s and early 70s. Two live action adaptations — the Jim Carry led Grinch and Mike Myers led Cat in the Hat — were released in 2000 and 2003 respectively, with a CGI Horton Hears a Who! hitting theaters in 2008. Needless to say, the man has had quite an impact on several generations of young readers.

As part of the Read Across America project, today is recognized as National Read Across America Day, an observance of Dr. Seuss’ birthday. First Lady Michelle Obama is at the Library of Congress today doing a little Seuss reading, and children across the nation will be celebrating by reading old Dr. Seuss favorites. Or skipping school and heading to the Dr. Seuss Landing at Islands of Adventure in Orlando. That’s what I’d be doing. But since I can’t make it to Orlando, I might as well dust off my copy of Green Eggs and Ham and have a little reading time, followed by nap time on the carpet. Then snack. Oh, the memories.

Anyway, I tell you that story to tell you this. In honor of Dr. Seuss’ 106th birthday, the folks at Half Day Today have created this loving rap video based on the rhyme scheme of his books. It also features classic rap themes like hot ladies, gratuitous cursing, flashy environmentally-friendly cars and literacy. I know that Theodor Geisel was a fan of all these things, and would be proud of their effort. It’s called “Wubble Down,” and it can be seen below.

There’s something that I’ve never liked about members of the press corps who ask dumb questions. I can’t put my finger on it at the moment, but I have a feeling that it has something to do with the way it makes most journalists — more specifically, bloggers — look. Oh, I know. It makes us all look like idiots. We’re not talking about simple questions — “What was it like working with so-and-so?” — we’re talking about truly idiotic questions that give filmmakers and talent reason to be uncomfortable about sitting down with any press that isn’t from Entertainment Weekly.

For example, Matt Patches at UGO captured a few zingers from the recent Alice in Wonderland press conference in London. Director Tim Burton as well as stars Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway sat down to talk about the new movie with a group of international reporters. And you won’t believe what sort of interesting things were asked. We’ll start here:

“Ms. Hathaway: you started out a princess, and now you’re a queen, but there were so many Disney Princess’ who couldn’t make it.  They are really desperate, they really wanted the role of Alice, I’m thinking of Lindsay Lohan…so I’d like to know what you’d suggest to all these girls who started as you, like the Olsen twins…why did you make it and they didn’t?”

Anne Hathaway: “I don’t know that I can answer that…I attribute most of my success to luck.  My mother always told me that luck was preparation meets opportunity and I’ve been given extraordinary opportunities.”

“Is that it?”

Anne Hathaway: “Well…what do you think?”

“Well I never see you out partying, and I never see you without panties.”

Anne Hathaway: “I’m happy that you haven’t seen that.”

Anne Hathaway, gracious as always. Good on her for not beating that reporter to death with a bottle of VOSS water. There was also this question, directed at the enigmatic Mr. Depp:

“Johnny, what kind of dreams did you have while you were filming?”

Depp: “Oh, hideous.  I can’t remember exact ones that plagued me during the filming…but I did have a dream once that Alan Hale, the Skipper from Gilligan’s Island, chased me through the streets of Hollywood.  I did.”

Those are simply two of several examples of compiled by UGO. It once again illustrates the point that most people should be beaten over the head with expensive bottles of water. It makes me sad, after all, as it is this sort of behavior from members of the press that ruin good opportunities for the rest of us — those of us who would like to sit down with a filmmaker like Tim Burton and ask him about his craft, talk to him about his unique vision, and get answers that real fans of film would find interesting. Not talk about Anne Hathaway’s panties (no matter how interesting that topic may be).

I love movies. I truly do. But for me there’s nothing that can match seeing actors cut loose from the confines of the screen. Film actors can be at the mercy of the greater good. Their performances can be cut to suit a director’s vision, but on stage they are the masters of their own fate. Seeing actors do their thing in real time is an experience everyone should seek out. And right now the production they should run to is “The Pride” at the Lucille Lortel theater in New York City.

A very fine cast of British actors has been assembled in the American debut of Alexi Kaye Campbell’s “The Pride”. And no, it’s not about lions, as some people have asked me, but two young lions of the theater rule the stage in this play about the right to own who you are.

Ben Whishaw (Bright Star) and Hugh Dancy (Adam) play opposite each other portraying gay men in two different eras, 1958 and 2008.  They’re given excellent support by Andrea Riseborough playing the important women in their lives and Adam James who gleefully plays everyone else.

The fifty year span shows how much and how little the world has changed. The reality of London in 1958 for a gay man is that he could be arrested, subjected to brutal “therapy” or imprisoned. In 2008 times have changed but the characters face new sets of challenges in a rapidly changing landscape.

Campbell’s play is an actor’s dream. He creates dual roles for the actors in which they take us with them on their journey of love, self discovery and the pursuit of human dignity.

Ben Whishaw plays Oliver. Oliver in 1958 is a children’s book author who has come to the realization, the epiphany, that he has a right to be who he is even if that brutal beast called Society disagrees. He wants to live a true, honest life.

Oliver in 2008 is a journalist living in a more open society. But this Oliver is self destructive, drawn to meaningless sexual encounters that bring him nothing but the end of his relationship with his lover, Philip.

In 1958, Hugh Dancy’s Philip is the repressed husband of Sylvia, an actress turned artist who illustrated Oliver’s latest book. When Oliver and Philip meet the attraction is immediate. Oliver is thrilled to meet a man he can love with his heart and soul. The problem is the man he loves is consumed by self loathing.
Philip cannot believe he has the right to love.

Hugh Dancy is very fine as both of the Philips, but he has a great deal more to work with  as Philip in 1958. A scene where Philip seeks out a “cure” through aversion therapy is harrowing. Dancy, remarkably and beautifully contained portrays a man going off to war, except the enemy he’s chosen is a love that he’s convinced he has to purge.

Where Oliver in 1958 is self aware, Oliver in 2008 is needy and immature. He relies on his friend Sylvia to get him through the pain of losing Philip even as he stubbornly clings to the behavior that destroyed his relationship with the man he loves.

The scenes from 1958 and 2008 move back and forth more swiftly as the play progresses. There comes a point where Whishaw moves from Oliver in 2008 to Oliver in 1958 without skipping a beat. He emotionally shape shifts and sheds the modern Oliver right in front of our eyes.

Whishaw has done beautiful work on film in Perfume, Brideshead Revisited and Bright Star. On stage he’s truly extraordinary. He steps into both Oliver’s’ emotional skin and makes it impossible to take our eyes off him.

Dancy, who did wonderful work in the film Adam, beautifully conveys the confusion and pain of both Philips. He’s wonderful to watch.

The remarkable thing about the performances from both actors is there’s no confusion with the use of the dual characters. Whishaw and Dancy are so good at delineating their roles that they could do the play in jeans and tee shirts and we’d know which Oliver and which Philip we’re watching.

Joe Mantello who directed one of my favorite productions “Take Me Out” has directed “The Pride” with an almost cinematic eye. I like the blending of the two time frames where characters from 1958 and 2008 are on stage at the same time. Mantello clearly has let his actors’ breathe. The beauty of the performances is a testament to their talent and Mantello’s respect for that talent.

And then there’s the play. Alexi Kaye Campbell has written a play that is moving and filled with wit and humanity. It’s about love. Not just romantic love, but the love and respect we all must have for who we are. It’s a cautionary tale of the misery that can overwhelm us if we’re not allowed to simply be. The play’s protagonists are gay men, but their stories, their struggles to be true to themselves speak to us all.

“The Pride” is a limited engagement running to March 28.

Now if we were to talk about any sports here on FSR, you would think we would be talking about the Winter Olympics right now. Well sometimes we break the mold for a story so powerful, and we have to feature it. However, this is probably not one of them.

Trinity is a small college in Connecticut, but their accomplishments aren’t small. They have won 11 straight national championships in Squash. You are probably wondering why we even care at this point, but when I saw this story on Chicago Breaking Sports… a movie came to mind immediately. Baset Chaudhry, the best squash player in the nation literally dominated his Yale foe Kenneth Chan. I mean he screamed in his face right after match point, closed the door to the squash court behind him…and when Chan tried to exit the court, Chaudhry shoved him back into the court. Here is the video if you want to take a look:

Earlier, I mentioned a movie that immediately came to mind after seeing this video. Ping Pong Playa came out in 2007, and featured another sport seldom spoke of. The film is a hilarious, over-stylized look at ping pong. Now after seeing that video, try to tell me that Chaudhry’s explosion doesn’t look hilariously similar to a certain movie poster.

If you see any other real life stories that remind you of some silver screen antics, let us know at editors@filmschoolrejects.com. Subject, Reel to Real.

We are not a publication that covers sports. I’m aware. But every once in a while the world of movies intersects with the world of sports, creating an awesome experience for everyone involved. Such is the case with South Korean figure skater Kim Yu-Na, who earlier this evening brought the house down at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver with a short program set to a medley of James Bond theme songs. With her exciting, James Bond-cool program, she has propelled herself into 1st place in the women’s competition after the first of two programs. Her 78.5 point score shattered he own world record, leaving the rest of the field in the dust.

Not since the gangster-themed run of Tonya Harding leading up to the 1994 Winter Games in Lillehammer has figure skating been this exciting, or movie related. I would suggest you head over to the NBC Olympics site and watch Kim Yu-Na’s routine. As an added treat, I’ve located a second example of her James Bond medley and embedded it below. Pretty cool, if you ask this hardcore Winter Olympics spectator.

Thou know’st. The Knave abideth.

Here is something fun for your Saturday afternoon. Our beloved contributor Paul Sileo emailed this over to me this morning, from a site that I haven’t visited in a while (but rest assured that I will again), RunLeiaRun.com. Satirist Adam Bertocci has rewritten the plight of The Dude in the Coen Brothers’ film The Big Lebowski, taking inspiration from William Shakespeare. A hilariously astute effort that captures not only the spirit of the film, but spruces it up with ya ole English. Behold below, a passage of said brilliance:

WALTER
In sooth, then, faithful friend, this was a rug of value? Thou wouldst call it not a rug among ordinary rugs, but a rug of purpose? A star in a firmament, in step with the fashion alike to the Whitsun morris-dance? A worthy rug, a rug of consequence, sir?

THE KNAVE
It was of consequence, I should think; verily, it tied the room together, gather’d its qualities as the sweet lovers’ spring grass doth the morning dew or the rough scythe the first of autumn harvests. It sat between the four sides of the room, making substance of a square, respecting each wall in equal harmony, in geometer’s cap; a great reckoning in a little room. Verily, it transform’d the room from the space between four walls presented, to the harbour of a man’s monarchy.

More can be read over at RunLeiaRun.com/Lebowski. You’d be hard pressed to find a better way to spend an hour of your Saturday.

Editor’s Note: When long-time contributor Paul Sileo said that he wanted to stretch his legs and create something “different” and “fresh” for Halloween, we weren’t sure what to think. But when he delivered this little gem of fan fiction, we were more than ready to oblige.

It’s no secret that my favorite holiday of the year is Halloween. I am a man obsessed with creativity, and there is no holiday that even comes close to eliciting the kind of jaw-dropping, jealousy-inducing creativity that Halloween does. From impressive decorations to inspired costumes, awesome parties to even better drinks and finger foods, and the seemingly subconscious desire for women to let their sexy kitten or pirate wench out, Halloween delivers the kind of downright mayhem that makes it the setting for so many stories that begin with, “Dude, remember when…”

But one thing no successful Halloween celebration would be without is a large stock of scary movies. There are many, many movies that exist for the sole purpose of being released around Halloween (Hello, Saw franchise), and they do good business. Why? Because people love to get into the mood of the season by doing their absolute best to terrify themselves into a urine-soaked fetal position, the bigger the puddle, the better. So that got me thinking. Why not get Film School Rejects in on the easy dinero and make a monster movie? Hell, Paranormal Activity was made for peanuts, and they killed at the box office. It’s true they needed an internet petition to go around, but I figure Neil could organize enough of his Twitter followers to get things rolling. Besides, it’s not like it would be any good. As we all know, writers can’t act.

Anyway, without further delay, I would like to present the first Film School Rejects feature film:

REJECTED BY DEATH

Synopsis:

For centuries, they have lived in the darkness, invading the barrier between the rational and the fear of things that go bump in the night. Humanity has always felt an uneasy acceptance for things that were better left unexplained, but what was once respect for the evil that prowls just outside the peripheral vision of a quickly-turned head has become nothing more than easily dismissed fireside tales. In the age of CGI and scientific reason, humans have little use for irrational fear, and the villains and monsters that haunted so many nightmares have been reduced down to horror movie caricatures, toys, and cartoons on the front of cereal boxes. It seems however that our transgressions have finally caught up with us, and as the rallying cry goes out, our nightmares have awoken and decided that it’s time we were reminded just what fear once was.

Cast:

Neil Miller as the WOLFMAN

This was a fairly easy decision. Have you seen a picture of this man? I’ve heard his beard has to shave its beard. Not to mention that I’ve got it on pretty good authority that his roommates have to sweep up conspicuous piles of hair that seem to collect in the corners of the bathroom. Beyond that, though, our famed Editor-in-Chief has the gravitas to uphold the aristocratic nature of his untransformed self as well as the savage ferocity needed to be a convincing monster. It sort of resembles the leading up to and subsequent passing of a deadline around here.

Cole Abaius as the SERIAL KILLER

This was another no-brainer. I mean, the man majored in Philosophy. If that doesn’t point to a disturbed mind on the edge of tumbling into calculated chaos, I don’t know what does. Cole also has that unassuming and unremarkable look about him that just seems to invite you to smile, shake his hand, and perhaps leave your children under his care while you grab a smoke. Unfortunately, you tend to come back to him stroking your child’s hair and telling them to let mommy know everything will be alright.

Robert Fure as the MONSTROSITY

Look at those arms. Robert Fure could crush your head like a grape. Need I say more?

Rob Hunter as the DOPPELGANGER

If you just read Rob Hunter’s comments on various articles around FSR, you would think he hates everyone here. Or at least thinks they are all habitually wrong. But talking to the man through email and twitter gives quite a different picture. I imagine he surrounds his lovable, friendly literary center with a hard candy shell of blunt criticism. Sort of like a journalistic tootsie pop. I can also never remember his last name, so that helps him blend in well with the crowd.

Bethany Perryman as the SUCCUBUS

As FSR’s resident sex columnist, this was an obvious choice. I’m also pretty sure Ms. Perryman is obsessed with sex, even beyond what would be necessary for a gig as a sex columnist. How do I know? Well, I follow her on twitter, and there seems to be plenty of evidence supporting such a claim. Plus, she managed to put her feminine wiles to Neil Miller from halfway across the country and suck him into her sensual vortex. Now that’s power.

Kevin Carr as FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER

If Frankenstein’s Monster were real, I imagine he would look something like Kevin Carr. So instead of making Kevin wear a wig, I figure we will just make our version of the Monster bald with a sweet goatee. This man is also a machine, midnight-tweeting his way through horror movies every night this October. It’s that kind of devotion to a singular purpose that made Frankenstein’s Monster so endearing. You know, in a pursuit of education, hell-bent on revenge, and then running away to die sort of way.

Landon Palmer as the MAD SCIENTIST

This dude has mad intelligence. I mean, intimidating to the point of sadness intelligence. Have you read his column Culture Warrior? I have a pocket dictionary sitting on my desk just for that purpose. I call it my Palmer Dictionary, with its notes on film criticism written in the margins and the phrase “fuck that guy” scrawled across the cover. If there is one writer here at FSR whom I imagine looks like Dr. Horrible and goes to sleep at night thinking about diabolical plans to take over the world, it’s him.

Robert Levin as the VAMPIRE

Only a vampire has both the confidence in himself and his craft to mingle among the lesser souls in search of his prey. In my mind, this metaphor has something to do with Robert Levin writing for Film School Rejects after himself being a graduate of film school. Hey, it works for me.

Paul Sileo as the AXE MURDERER

What? You didn’t think I would give myself a part? That’s what all good movie makers do. And since I am the creator, I am going to give myself the badass part of the axe murderer. However, since I am also a huge nerd, I am going to be a duel-wielding axe murderer. With chainmail. And a dragon. I’d like to see you run from me now.

So, now we just need some financial backing. Any takers?

Additional Editor’s Note: We had intended to make some sweet Photoshop images for each of the characters listed above, using the faces of FSR staffers to create characters that would shake you to your collective core, but we failed miserably. Hopefully your imaginations can take over…