Editor’s Note: As with many of our Ten and Five articles, this article does contain spoilers. Consider your heathen ass warned.

Angels and Demons is the somewhat anticipated follow-up to The DaVinci Code, and by almost every measure the new film is superior. Better action, more entertaining, shorter hair… and yet it still manages to be one of the most ridiculous movies of the year. Director Ron Howard and star Tom Hanks return for a film sequel based on Dan Brown’s book prequel. The pope has died and the cardinals are gathered in Rome (along with tens of thousands of the faithful) to choose his successor. The Catholic Church is forced to call upon Prof. Langdon for help when the “Illuminati” threatens to publicly kill a kidnapped cardinal every hour for four hours and then blow up the Vatican. It’s almost enough to make a bishop pray for a good old fashioned molestation.

10 Things I Didn’t Like

10) Pentagrams!

I actually don’t hate pentagrams, but their use in the movie resulted in a line that had me laughing aloud in the theater. Langdon and the scientist chick are chasing down clues and enter an old castle-like building. The answer is here somewhere! He brushes some leaves aside with his foot and… “A pentagram!” he exclaims with Academy Award-winning shock and surprise. As if the symbol is the answer to the entire mystery, and as if it had been intricately hidden by more than just some wind-blown leaves.

9) Inept Rome police department

Seriously, these guys make the Keystone Cops look like the FBI. Two memorable scenes involve multiple members of the police force being gunned down one by one… with a pistol… by a single assailant. I don’t think they even get a shot off.

8) Questionable time element

I’ve never been to Rome, but I have to imagine you can’t race across the city in under ten minutes… especially when the city is bursting with giddy Catholics waiting to see puffs of white smoke. Yet Langdon and friends zig-zag from one end of the city to the next several times before each Cardinal is killed. And the single killer (see #2) responsible for all of the mayhem outside of the Vatican could not have accomplished all he does in that time frame.

7) Antimatter and whooshing protons

So a side effect of the Hadron collider is the creation of antimatter. Ooookay. And the real scientists are okay with the priest buried in a basement lab collecting this offshoot material against their better scientific judgment for his own priestly purposes. Riiiiight. But am I really supposed to believe that protons make noise? That they collide explosively then go “whoosh” as they fly through the air around the chamber?

6) Obtuse scientists could have saved everyone a lot of trouble

The bad guy at #2 begins the film as a fake scientist working at the Hadron collider.  After the proton experiment is complete he leaves his post at the control room (a room occupied by less than ten people who must have talked to the guy or shared a lunch break at some point), kills the priest and steals the antimatter, then passes the lady scientist (who looks directly at him) and leaves the facility. She finds the dead body and sees the antimatter is missing seconds after passing the mysterious maintenance man in the hall… but she never gives anyone a description?  No one in the control room realizes one of their guys is missing?  There’s no security cameras in this place?  No photo ID badge or something that could have been passed along to the police?

5) Mad dash to save the cardinal, oh no too late, rinse, repeat

Four cardinals kidnapped and threatened to be killed publicly each hour.  Langdon follows some clues and reaches the first location… cardinal dead.  Follows more clues… cardinal is murdered.  Follows more clues… cardinal is murdered.  Follows more clues… cardinal is almost murdered.  The action here was nice, but the scenes were very repetitive.  Plus, Langdon never adapted as they kept dying.  Once he realized he was too late he should have jumped to the next clue immediately instead of dicking around.  But no… he seems to relax until someone reminds him “dead cardinal in twenty minutes” which causes another round of mad dashing throughout Rome.

4) Obvious mastermind and red herrings

I think it’s Roger Ebert who has a rule about big name actors playing unnecessary characters in thrillers… as in they don’t. So when you see a name actor playing second banana to another lead you should always assume there’s more to the character than you may think. The main bad guy here is even more obvious because in addition to being a big name actor he’s also the only one not made to look guilty. Two others, both recognizable character actors, are made to appear so suspicious as to immediately negate your suspicion.

3) Horrible CGI that makes Wolverine’s claws look real

There’s no reason for a film of this type and with this budget to have such shitty CGI effects. The helicopter carrying the antimatter at the end? Flies straight up above the crowd only to explode (silently for some reason) in the clouds and create the Aurora Borealis… all of it, including the chopper, done with poor CGI. Shots from high above, both of large exterior crowds as well as of Langdon and friends inside tall buildings, are done with poor CGI. One of the interior shots actually resembled those pc games that featured live actors in digitized backdrops.

2) One goddamn guy somehow managed all of that

The obvious mastermind at #4 above is responsible for the overall plan as well as some of the misdeeds within the Vatican, but outside of those walls every single evil act is committed by one hired gun.  One guy who manages steal the container of antimatter, set the bomb, kidnap four cardinals from inside Vatican City, lock them up in cages somewhere in Rome, transport one an hour to a different location throughout the city, set up an elaborate scenario (like suspending the cardinal by his limbs above a giant fire inside a church), escape just as Langdon and the clueless cops arrive, and then do it all over again the next hour.

1) Why leave real clues if you don’t want to be caught

The mastermind wants the Church to think the Illuminati is behind it all, I get that, but why leave enough precise clues to allow for the possibility of failure?  No one would question the veracity of it all if they were stumped and were prevented from saving a cardinal or stopping the explosion… so why even give them the chance?

5 Things I Did

5) Less serious tone than DaVinci

Even with the murders and such the movie had a lighter, more entertaining feel to it then DaVinci.  There were a few intentional laughs as well.

4) Trying to save Catholic Church instead of destroy it

The Church is an easy target for obvious reasons, so it was nice to see someone trying to help it for a change.

3) Less convoluted talk

DaVinci had a lot of chit chat to explain what the hell was going on, and it always slowed the film to a crawl.  The new film is still heavy on the explanation, but it’s presented in shorter clips or while things are actually happening on-screen so it all feels faster.

2) More cool action

The action and suspense scenes were well done in general.  True, they were often incredibly stupid too, but Howard’s direction and the editing combined for some fairly exciting set pieces.

1) Final sacrifice

Before he’s revealed to be the bad guy, a certain character takes it upon himself to save the Vatican and the people by flying the antimatter bomb into the sky before it explodes.  The entire scene (minus terribly fake helicopter effects) is done quite well… suspenseful, dramatic, and powerful.

So yes, there’s much more to dislike about Angels & Demons than there is to like… and yet the movie is still pretty entertaining.  Credit goes to director Howard for realizing his earlier mistakes and making a faster, tighter, more exciting sequel.  You won’t be checking your watch at any point which is a major accomplishment over The DaVinci Code too.  Would I recommend the film to friends and family?  No.  But for all of you strangers, if you’re looking for two hours of mindless fun at the movies there are probably worse options this summer than Angels & Demons.

If I were to be kind to myself, I’d say that I was passionate about my likes.  If I were to be honest, I’d say I’m a rabid pit bull about the things I’m excited by and will, without hesitation, flip through the air and utterly destroy those who ruin said things.  Verbally, of course.  It should be no surprise then, that when news on the appearance of Deadpool started going south, towards shit town, I got a little over excited and blew my top.  I then turned all that rage into furious Googling, looking for answers, which I will break down below.

Known Facts

• Ryan Reynolds has been cast as “Wade Wilson / Deadpool.”
• Scott Adkins is in the film, possibly as a character called “Weapon XI.”
• Wolverine’s code designation is “Weapon X.”

And that’s where things start to get a little hazy.  We’ve clearly seen Ryan Reynolds in action with his pretty-boy face on, swirling swords around. Cool.  Then, in a preview, we see a mysterious mutant with a shaved head, red pants, markings on his chest and face, and blades coming out of his hands.  We initially believe this may be “Weapon XI,” portrayed by Scott Adkins.  Then, images of toys appear online, identifying the strange, bald character as “Deadpool.”  Anger begins.  This toy is confirmed on 3 different images – a standard action figure, and on two different packages of mini-toys, one labeled “The Hunt for Mr. Sinister” which shows Deadpool in the bottom frame and the other “Wolverine on the Run” which shows Deadpool in the main frame.  It is highly unlikely that all three packages would have been mislabeled.

When the final Wolverine trailer was recently released online, we got more looks at what is undeniably Deadpool, assuming the packaging is correct – which it probably is.  Strangely, in this “final” trailer, the face of the character is seen clearly and it is definitely not Ryan Reynolds, but rather it bears more resemblance to Scott Adkins.  What strikes me as strange – the actor has make up on the face.  This is a trailer that is presumably complete.  We had heard there would be CGI involved in creating Deadpool’s face.  This actor has his mouth melded shut.  So that would point to this being a final look at the face of Deadpool – which is most definitely not Ryan Reynolds.

Should we further prove that this is Deadpool?  The website ToplessRobot received an image that had this text on the packing:  With the ultimate mutant, Deadpool, on the loose, Logan and Victor Creed are forced to team up- or be destroyed. A reader contacted that site and informed them that the text was printed on a sticker – and underneath that sticker was this text:  The Weapon 11 program has created the ultimate mutant-DEADPOOL! As the mutant menace rampages across Three Mile Island, Logan and Victor Creed are forced to team up–or be destroyed. Knowing your Roman Numerals, Weapon 11 would be Weapon XI. Does this make sense?  Yes – considering the footage in the trailer.  The half-naked Baraka like  character is on top of a water cooling station and we see a water cooling tower collapse earlier in the trailer.   As a native of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania (Represent!) I can state that those towers and the surrounding landscape look very much like Three Mile Island.  Add in this statement from Hugh Jackman today from USA Today:  The action scenes Ryan has with swords are unbelievable. By the end of the movie, they are definitely foes. So clearly, Ryan Reynolds, cast as Deadpool, is an enemy at the end of the film.  Perhaps the kind of enemy you fight on a tower at Three Mile Island?

This ends what we know for sure – and some of it may still be up for debate, mostly if your tinfoil hat is on tightly.  From this point forward, I’m going to jump into some speculative territory, talk about what may be happening, and relate some rumors I’ve culled from around the net.

SPOILERS, SPECULATION, AND SALVATION

• It would be foolish to dismiss all of this evidence and believe this strange, pantsless mutant is anyone other than Deadpool.  That many mistakes and coincidences is virtually impossible.
• The character history of Deadpool was that his experience at the Weapon X program was considered a failure.  His healing factor never developed quickly, he was killed and thrown away.  Some fan speculation has turned to the idea that this is a new origin of Deadpool – he has been created into a super mutant, perhaps after failing to become more of a Wolverine clone?
• An IMDb user has said he has witnessed footage of the film from this final fight.  He confirms that this is Deadpool, but HUGE SPOILER TIME – that Wolverine messes Deadpool up bad.  Cutting off his arms and the like.  His body then rejects the implants and the process, fracturing his mind and getting rid of the tattoos, the other powers and the blades in his arms.  This same source indicates that Deadpool would be horribly scarred – what better way to burn someone incredibly than with a live nuclear reactor?
• Deadpool’s mouth is sewn shut.  How can the “Merc with a mouth” have that happen? Because he talks too much.  I started thinking about this and the IMDb user calling it “a gag-” which could be either a gag to shut someone up or a gag like a joke.  What little we’ve heard from Reynolds in the trailers are wise-crack jokes.  The Marvel honchos love his energy.  Speculation would then become that Wade Wilson talks too much, so the program seals his mouth to shut him up.

• Ryan Reynolds loves Deadpool.  There is talk of a spinoff if Wolverine does well.  Could this entire spectacle be a revised origin, resulting in a Super charged Deadpool that finds himself burned in a nuclear reactor, horribly scarred, rejecting these strange powers, having his healing factor kick in, and needing to blabber more than ever to make up for all the time he spent with his mouth sewn shut?  Maybe.  Just maybe there is something here.

CONCLUSIONS / Possible Spoilers If I’m Right

It is my personal belief, from all this data, that Ryan Reynolds is Wade Wilson/Deadpool.  This character is then, perhaps forcibly, subjected to intense testing to make him a multi-powered mutant.  He is given the optic blasts of Cyclops and possibly jams his own swords into his fists, or has them implanted, to be more like Wolverine.  Deadpool will possibly be played by Scott Adkins at this point, or perhaps some CGI was missing.  But he will be bald and as we’ve seen, with his mouth fused to shut him up and red pants on.  He then is engaged in battle with Wolverine (and Sabretooth) at Three Mile Island.  At the  conclusion of the battle, his arms are possibly cut off and he is badly burned at the nuclear facility.  His mutant healing power kicks in or is amplified by the radiation.  He gets cancer and horribly disfigured skin, like in the comics.  His body rejects all the previous modifications and his mouth is freed.  Deadpool is born as the insane merc with a mouth we know and love, portrayed with a CGI enhanced/destroyed face by Ryan Reynolds.  A Deadpool/Wilson that has had his mind messed with and then fractured could easily be turned into a likable hero, rather than some super-villain with tons of powers should his spin-off ever really happen.

So was my temper tantrum justified?  Probably not.  But I didn’t kill anyone (my aim sucks when I’m mad).  Did Fox screw this up?  Possibly not.  Hugh Jackman is on as a producer and Ryan Reynolds is a super fan.  It is possible that what we get in this movie is Deadpool as a villain with a brand new origin.  Does this upset me?  No.  If this is the truth and it leads to a comic inspired version of Deadpool, I will do a happy dance, jigging across bar tops.

No matter what, I’ll be seeing this movie.  No matter what, I will post my reaction to what I see – whether that involves destroying a small city or spraying my fellow Rejects with champagne remains to be seen.  I won’t say I’m sorry I flipped out, after all I do write Boiling Point every week and it forced me to go looking for answers.  Maybe next time I’ll take some time to breathe first, but I doubt it.  For now, my hopes of an awesome Deadpool and a great Wolverine film are back on track and I’m getting ready to be a big fan of Reynolds’ Deadpool and a supporter of a spinoff.  Provided this is close to being right.

The following sites were utilized in my research:

Deadpool Bugle

MTV Splash Page

IMDb Message Board

ToplessRobot

What do you think about this Deadpool mess?  Will he be played by two people?  Are Weapon XI and Deadpool the same person?  If this is a new origin – how would you respond?  Talk, my friends, talk!

Editor’s Warning: Massive Spoilers Ahead. If you don’t want to know which actors are portraying which villains in the next Batman installment, stop reading now.

Even before The Dark Knight hit theaters, we were being bombarded with third installment rumors. Johnny Depp is playing The Riddler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is playing The Penguin, Angelina Jolie is playing Catwoman.

We thought we’d get a reprieve from the madness at least until there was confirmation that there’d actually be a third installment. After all, if people are going to start rumors about movies that aren’t even green lit yet, we might as well be prognosticating about Weekend at Bernie’s IV.

But then the news hit that Rachel Weisz was being considered for the role of Catwoman, and we realized that we’d soon be kneedeep in completely untrue graft about Christopher Nolan’s possible followup to the most popular movie of the decade.

Instead of complaining, we decided to join in, so we hunted down some completely correct, absolutely true rumors about a film that might not ever be made. Feel free to spread these around to every single person you talk to.

To get started, I gave a call to an inside source very, very close to the production (hint! It’s Christopher Nolan*), and he gave us the scoop:

Dame Judi Dench will play Catwoman.

We have no idea where this Rachel Weisz talk got started, but we can confirm beyond doubt that the Oscar-winning actress will be bringing her 74-year old sex appeal to the feline role. After bringing her genius to Notes on a Scandal and her bad-assness to Quantum of Solace, Dench is set to aim somewhere for the middle after squeezing into the skintight leather-spandex hybrid created by costume designer Lindy Hemming. We’ve also gotten our hands on a screentest shot not meant for the public!

Johnny Depp is definitely involved.

In a shocking move, Christopher Nolan has to decided to fire Wally Pfister despite working with him on every film he’s made since Memento. The rumor that Depp is involved is true, but he won’t be donning The Riddler costume – he’ll be getting behind the camera as the Director of Photography for the first time ever in his career to create the aesthetic vision for the film.

Ewan MacGregor will play the main villain.

Hiring a veteran actor to join the Nolan-verse is a strong move, but Nolan is going one step further by hiring a veteran actor to renew a role he’s already played. That’s right! The Dark Knight will face off against Obi-Wan Kenobi in an epic battle for the soul of Gotham. Purists will probably scoff at the inclusion of a character from Star Wars and the unfair advantage that a light saber gives Kenobi, especially when the Batman list of villains is so impressive. That’s why:

Doug Jones will play the minor villain.

After admiring his work with CGI and make-up, Nolan has cast Doug Jones to play Scarface – featuring a revolutionary costume that will make him look realistically like he’s made from wood. No word yet on who will play The Ventriloquist, but there’s a mini-rumor that the movie will end with a giant metal version of Scarface standing in the doorway ominously (which should spark its own rumor that the gang is gearing up for a fourth installment).

The Gang is gearing up for a fourth installment.

Not only is it a guaranteed go, it’s going to be split into seven 4-hour movies, making the fourth installment a full 28-hours long. There are no rumors yet regarding the film, but expect an avalanche of them soon – including the fact that it will feature over a dozen villains, Alfred’s sex change, and Batman’s death at the hands of his own father who faked his death all those years ago and also happens to be a witch doctor.

That’s all we’ve got for now! Feel free to spread them around the internet as if they’re true. Since they are. At least our source claims they are, and they seem, like, so totally realistic to us.

*Christopher Nolan is my next-door neighbor who runs his own, very successful, insurance firm. Oddly enough, I also had a professor in college named Tom Hanks.

Editor’s Note: Just in case the title didn’t give it away, we would like to point out that the following article (and pictures) contains massive spoilers for the upcoming movie Marley & Me, which hits theaters on Christmas Day.

Vader is someone’s daddy. Bambi’s mom meets an unhappy situation. People hate spoilers. And for anyone who runs a movie website, the topic of spoilers is always a red hot one. As if a daily rite of passage, I am constantly bombarded with emails and comments about spoilers — this includes people sending them to me and others accusing me of releasing them unto the world. And while I’d love to tell you all to just get over it, I understand. Like all of you, I too love to discover a film with an open mind and not know what’s coming. So as a person in the know — one who has the opportunity to see many movies in advance — I do my best to keep spoilers out of my articles, and encourage the rest of the FSR staff to do the same.

Once you pass into the real world though, I can no longer protect you. And if you live in the L.A. area and you’re anticipating the upcoming family film Marley & Me, then you may have already been compromised. FSR reader Stephanie O. sent us over a few images of billboards around Los Angeles that have been defaced with spoilerish info about the film, which hits theaters on Christmas Day. Have a look for yourself, if you dare, below.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking — “What if it’s not true?” As someone who has seen the film, all I can tell you is to keep holding on to that hope, you will be even more caught up in the film. In regards to the hoodlums that would do something like this, for shame. Who spoils a damn kid’s movie on the streets of L.A.? Rest assured though, parents, because if this is the way the movie ends — and I’m not saying either way — it would not be done in a way that will traumatize your children. In fact, while the end of this movie is very, very sad — we are talking about a room full of teary-eyed tough guy critics — its emotional impact is only a credit to how well done the film is. That, and if anyone has read the book, you know what happens.

No terrorist groups have come forward to claim credit for this attack on our innocence, though inside source indicate that their next target could be Santa Clause. What they don’t know is that Vince Vaughn got to Santa first and effectively ruined his dirty little secret with 4 lines of dialog in Four Christmases earlier this month.