Film School Rejects » Movie Watcher’s Guide

10 Must-See Movies of November 2011

Jack Giroux — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:47:16 +0000

Last month the Oscar season officially kicked off, and this month we’ll be getting plenty more Oscar baiters and real contenders to add to the mix. We’ll get another Brett Ratner film, the 25th film of the decade from Clint Eastwood, another upbeat audience friendly film from Lars von Trier, and the most expected and clichéd, a Martin Scorsese ”kids” film.

A fairly promising month, right? I’ve already seen a few films coming out this month, and there’s plenty of good-to-great films to see, even one or two that didn’t make it on this list.

Honorable Mentions: My Week with Marilyn (an extremely enjoyable film with a great performance by Kenneth Branagh), Elite Squad: The Enemy Within, and London Boulevard (a solid anti-cliché gangster film). But here are the names who made it all the way to the top ten:

10. J. Edgar (November 9th)

God, I hope this is Clint Eastwood’s comeback. The last memorable film he made was Letters From Iwo Jima, and since then it’s been mediocre disappointment after mediocre disappointment. Changeling, Grand Torino, Invictus, and the noble effort Hereafter are all Eastwood at his most schmaltzy and condescending. Getting an idea in an Eastwood film isn’t enough now, he wants to hammer you in the face with it. Hopefully with a good script from Dustin Lance Black (Milk), this will mark Eastwood’s return with a grand biopic.

9. The Muppets (Nov 23rd)

Considering I don’t have a great nostalgia for The Muppets, my excitement for their return is not as flaming and uncontrollable as most on the internet. With that said, boy, those parody trailers have been great. Nearly every one of them have been as clever as I hope the film will be. Having Jason Segel shepherding the project is a promising sign that that will be the case. This seems to be a project coming out of true love for these characters, especially for Segel, rather than some cheap cash grab. The first online reactions from last night’s L.A. press screening imply that the film will get me on the Muppets bandwagon, and make any fan tear up and smile ear to ear.

8. Into the Abyss (Nov 11th)

Another year, another Werner Herzog film. The word of mouth on the festival circuit has been fantastic, so this is undoubtedly going to be another home run for the filmmaker. Although, despite being in the minority on this, I was slightly underwhelmed by Herzog’s Cave of Forgotten Dreams. To sound more snobby, it wasn’t one of his greater films. From what I and everyone else who pays attention has heard, his documentary on death row is a moving and humanistic exploration on life and death.

7. Immortals (Nov 11th)

The trailers for Tarsem‘s Immortals haven’t been anything to write home about. There’s an odd stiltedness to how the footage is being showed, and they make the film look shockingly small in scope. One point the trailers do get across: This is a Tarsem picture. The Fall is one of the best films of its decade and The Cell is a disturbing and visually engaging thriller; the visionary has his own style. Whether his action sequences and the picture itself will go beyond, “That looks beautiful,” remains unseen, but a Tarsem film is still a Tarsem film.

6. Tyrannosaur (Nov 18th)

I have not seen Paddy Considine‘s feature debut and festival favorite Tyrannosaur yet. However, our own Kate Erbland has, and she described it, to paraphrase, as: too bleak, everyone in it is either broken or are their way to becoming broken, uncomfortable, and that it “made her sick to her stomach.” Sign me up!

Set Visit: An Introduction to 26 Members of the Green Lantern Corps

Cole Abaius — Tue, 17 May 2011 19:35:48 +0000

Last year, I had the honor of traveling down to New Orleans, piling in a van, heading to a secluded warehouse and talking to an alien. I also spoke with the first human member of an elite group of interstellar heroes, a director who has more energy than anyone at his age has a right to, and I got a glimpse into a world beyond our own.

So before comic book purists protest the insanely small number listed in the headline, these are the Green Lanterns hanging up on a wall somewhere in New Orleans – character design sketches to fill out the alien landscape of those who bravely, selflessly, and fearlessly patrol the universe. Some were born from the comic books, others from the minds of the production team. Some will be featured heavily, others will be hanging out (valiantly) in the background.

We’ll be bringing Green Lantern set visit coverage to you all week, but to get things started, we figured it would be a good idea to do a round of introductions. Some you already know, and some you haven’t yet had the pleasure, so we wanted to make it official. Green Lanterns, meet the world.

The world, meet the Green Lanterns.

Abin Sur

Home World: Ungara

Voiced by Temuera Morrison in the movie, the magenta-headed hero Abin Sur was a history professor before being tapped to become a Lantern back in the (earth decade) 1860s.

He has a long legacy of service, including recruiting Hal Jordan after crash-landing on earth. Oddly enough, Clark Kent was the first candidate found by Abin Sur’s ring, but since he wasn’t native to Earth, Hal got the gig.

Amanita

Home World: Muscaria

Amanita is a sentient mushroom who might possibly be older than the Guardians (sentient mushrooms have a ridiculously long life span).

Appropriately, even simple tasks take a long time for this Lantern, but speed (or lack of it) does not seem to hinder his ability to battle.

Apros

Home World: 7Pi

One of the oldest Green Lanterns still active, Apros is a legend that has earned enough medals to fill an entire chest (if the Corps had medals (and if Apros had a chest)).

While not the main trainer, he often helps out by psionically training the fear out of the rookies. Also, yes, he looks like something you’d order at Outback Steakhouse.

Boodikka

Home World: Bellatrix

Rocking some pink skin and a hyper-aggressive attitude, Boodikka is a three-hundred-year old killer who acted as a mercenary on her home planet. In the original comic arc, she’s recruited after Hal Jordan, who has more than a few personality clashes with her.

She’s an impressive fighter (a common hobby back on Bellatrix), but her issues with authority figures get her into trouble – sort of like a pink, female-ish Hal Jordan.

Bzzd

Home World: Apiaton

Simply put, Bzzd is a badass. He’s an insect-like being with the size and polite Napoleon complex that goes with the distinction. That causes a little friendly ribbing from fellow Lanterns, and it might also be the reason why he’s more likely to pull out an atomic warhead as a construct instead of, say, a hammer.

He’s one of the boldest members, and he would give his life for the cause if it came to it. Plus, he’s partners with Mogo – the sentient planet who understandably doesn’t hang out with other Lanterns.

Chaselon

Home World: Barrio III

Chaselon looks like a giant version of that diamond your girlfriend keeps begging you for with tentacles attached at the sides.

He’s a crystalline structure with 13 senses, and the ability to communicate with others of his race through a universal harmonic, but he (and his home planet brethren) still feel the need to wear wigs and those aforementioned robotic appendages to “fit in.”

Galius Zed

Home World: ?

This character was introduced in 1981, and has been involved in a ton of battles (including driving of an alien crime syndicate away from Earth).

Most recognizable as a head with arms and legs sticking out of it, Galius Zed is quick to battle, even if it’s to speak out against The Guardians themselves. Leave it to a giant cranium to be outspoken.

G’Hu

Home World: Takron-Galtos

Once working as a prison guard, G’Hu was taken hostage by the inmates.

Instead of waiting for rescue, he went ahead and took out all the inmates himself. He’s incredibly capable in battle, and is rising up the ranks thanks to his skill and a little help from Salaak.

Green Man

Home World: Uxor

Not Charlie Day in a full spandex body suit, Green Man is a nickname of sorts for the being from Uxor – a planet that abhors individuality. Thus, without individuality, there are no names.

This particular Uxorian desperately wanted an identity beyond the group’s, so deciding to accept the invitation to become a Green Lantern was an easy one. Of course, there’s also the Green Man from Uxor partnered with Stel, and they’re hard to tell apart just by name. Either way, they both have poisonous blood which probably comes in handy.

Hannu

Home World: Ovacron Six

When you come from a world that frowns upon using weapons, you become a Green Lantern that is more prone to punching with your frighteningly large hands than using your ring constructs.

As such, Hannu is a brawling bruiser who you would not want to run into in a dark alleyway.

Isamot Kol

Home World: Thanagar

One of the more recent creations in the comics (and named after editor Peter Tomasi), Isamot Kol is a human/lizard hybrid being who doesn’t believe in cowards or surrender.

In fact, he hates both so much that when an order to surrender was given during the Rann-Thanagar War, Isamot Kol killed his commanding officer, and then led his comrades to victory. He was imprisoned for the murder, set to be killed, but the Green Lantern Corps saved him and brought him into their ranks.

Kilowog

Home World: Bolovax Vik

Large and pig-like, Kilowog is a central figure who trains the newest of the Lanterns. Expect a lot of face-time between Hal and Kilowog (voiced by Michael Clarke Duncan) in the movie.

Back on his home planet, he was a talented genetic scientist, and if you hear him use the word “Poozer,” it’s a slang term for rookies (and one of endearment).

Larvox

Home World: Sputa

Another Lantern from a world that has no individuality, Larvox also can’t speak so it uses the ring to communicate.

Looking like a stretched out version of the henchmen from Despicable Me, it’s asexual (which is why I keep calling it, “it”), lived on a planet where life evolved from bacteria and insects, and recruited Amanita.

A Handy User’s Guide to Four-Walling – The Method Kevin Smith is Using to Get ‘Red State’ Into Theaters

Cole Abaius — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 18:07:23 +0000

Last night at Sundance, Kevin Smith boldly claimed that he would be revolutionizing the distribution model for movies by using a brand new, century-old method. He’s going to be taking his movie to theaters himself. He’s going to be four-walling Red State.

What is four-walling? It’s when a filmmaker rents out the theater that a film will be playing in, keeping the ticket sales for the production while the theater keeps the money made on ten dollar medium popcorn tubs.

In a way, with its long history, Smith is tapping back into an ancient business model that had difficulty making traction as a moneymaker in order to shun the studios and their monopoly-like grip on what we see at the multiplex.

A Quick and Dirty History

In the beginning, people made movies, but they didn’t have the four walls they needed to play them.

It’s unclear when four-walling began, but one of the first pioneers of this particular self-distribution model was iconic filmmaker/author Oscar Micheaux. Noted as the first black filmmaker with his movie The Homesteader back in 1919, Micheaux employed several business methods, including selling stock to local citizens in order to see production happen.

He also rented out theater space and became quite successful catering directly to a black audience by making race films that depicted black culture without all the stereotypes inherent in mainstream productions.

Micheaux was incredibly successful, and eventually churned out 44 feature films in 29 years.

However, that didn’t mean that four-walling would always be a sure-fire thing. It’s a dangerous gamble, but it’s a gamble that leads a filmmaker to see his or her film shown on the big screen.

It wasn’t at all a common practice, although it had a mild peak of use back in the late 1960s when American National Enterprises set up a company with the most generic name possible and ended up four-walling a nature documentary that was seen by millions and ran for five years. A few members of the company split off to create Sunn Classic Pictures (in conjunction with Schick (yes, the razor company)) which made family-friendly fare that was all four-walled. For what it’s worth Sunn was generally successful with their model – The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams brought in $24 million while In Search of Noah’s Ark made $26 million (more than some wide distributions today, and that’s not adjusted for inflation).

In recent times, the name that comes to mind first when talking about four-walling is Spike and Mike’s Twisted Animation – the animated shorts compilation which tours the country on a yearly basis. Another prominent example is the independent movie Ink, which had a healthy run in 2009 when director Jamin Winans rented out theater space instead of getting lost in the festival circuit.

Still, even with the peak during the late 60s and 70s, four-walling has never been a standard releasing technique. The festival circuit is truly its chief rival, and it has emerged as the unequaled champion – culling and vetting films in front of an active audience and acting as a living menu for major distributors to choose from when deciding what to buy.

Why Four-Wall A Film?

Maybe you can’t get into a festival. Maybe you think you have a shot at building an audience on the film’s merits alone. Maybe you have no other choice and absolutely want to see your work the way it was meant to be seen.

Four-walling can do a lot to get free press exposure. Since it’s a rarity, it’s instantly newsworthy when a film does it. For Smith, it’s already garnered untold amounts of press just for announcing it. Of course, Smith spun it more than just a little by talking a big game about indie revolution and taking down the man and all that. But, still, the idea that a well-known, cult-followed director would be four-walling his movie was absolutely newsworthy and gave the film’s ticket sales an early bump by getting the word out both to View Askew fans and those who hadn’t even heard of Red State yet.

Is this really going to be a revolution?

Probably not. However, if there are other indie filmmakers out there serious enough to shun the festival circuit (or who have been shunned by the festivals) who want to pony up the money necessary for a weekend run, then maybe four-walling could catch on. No one out there has the built-in press monster and captive audience that Kevin Smith does, but that doesn’t mean that other indies wouldn’t be successful doing things this way.

It’s a matter of budgeting it early on. Renting out a theater for a weekend and getting the equipment can easily sneak up to $5,000 (depending on what city you’re in (if you’re doing it in your small hometown, the theater owner might agree to being paid in Ding-Dongs)). That’s not an inconsiderable amount of money or Ding-Dongs. It’s the type of money that makes that $100 festival submission fee look incredibly inviting.

There’s also the potential audience to keep in mind. The current distribution model exists because there are major corporate interests, but it also exists to vet filmmakers. For better of for worse, four-walling ignores that vetting completely. For filmmakers, it might be an attractive method for building an audience. For fans, it can be a gamble on a local amateur filmmaker for the cost of that ticket to see Black Swan (after hearing how great it is).

Getting Your Film Four-Walled

It’s as simple as ABC. Sadly, we can’t format ABC into bullet points, so 123 will have to do:

Make your movie.
Contact theater owners in your area (or go big by going to LA) and work out a deal on paying to rent out the theater for three days (one day is pointless if getting press is your goal) and paying the projectionist.
Hype the screening with whatever means you have at your disposal.

Step 4 might be “Enjoy watching your baby up on the big screen.”

It’s that simple. It just costs a lot of money and takes a theater that is friendly to four-walling.

What Have We Learned?

Four-walling has been around as long as movies have. It’s an ancient technique that’s so rarely done that Kevin Smith can get away with claiming he invented it without any uproar. It’s a major gamble for filmmakers.

That being said, it can also be the reward at the end of the tunnel in making a feature film. If you’re setting off all on your own with a script you like and friends willing to help out for a credit, adding in money to four-wall your film in your budget at the beginning might be worth everything – especially when everyone involved (and their supportive mothers) gets to sit in a real-life theater and see what they worked so hard on.

Kevin Smith has a huge audience already. Red State will most likely find solid success using the four-walling method, but it’s unclear as to whether Smith helping out other indie filmmakers can really find a foothold. A movie made by Smith is one thing, but an indie simply given the Smodcast Pictures stamp of approval is another. At the end of the day, if Smith ends up becoming a one-man Sunn Classic – he will have helped out the indie community by simply becoming another distributor in the game.

We might be on the cusp of seeing more options for indie filmmakers, or the non-revolution might not be coming to a theater near you.

What do you think?

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to January 2011

FSR Staff — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 15:00:08 +0000

We realize that you’re probably sitting at home right now, chewing your own nails off and wondering what movies are coming out this month. Maybe you’re even wondering why no one on the entire internet has said anything about them. Strange, we know.

Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of December combing through Wikileaks, calling Cleo, and building balsa wood trailers to make sure that you, dear reader, are in the know about what’s coming out in January.

You watch movies, so this guide’s for you.

January 7th

Season Of the Witch

Who did it? Directed by Dominic Sena; written by Bragi F. Schut; starring Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Christopher Freaking Lee

What is it? Nicolas Cage gets to act nutty and fight evil. What’s not to love?

Why should we care? Knights are tasked by the church with transporting a witch, and things go poorly. Cage is an interesting actor. He’s clearly given up on any semblance of quality and respectability and just accepts any role that’s offered to him. But unlike most actors who do the same, he doesn’t sleepwalk through the role… he gives each one the full Cage experience. And it’s the audience who benefits. The film looks like a fairly lightweight period horror flick, and you can be sure that the director (Whiteout, Swordfish, Gone In 60 Seconds) will do everything in his power to make it suck… but it should still be a partially entertaining time with Cage in the lead. -RH

Watch the trailer:

Country Strong

Who did it? Directed and written by Shana Feste; Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Garrett Hedlund, and Leighton Meester

What is it? Paltrow plays a country singer fresh out of rehab who teams up with the guy from Tron Legacy and a Gossip Girl to fight the nation’s sore lack of pop country.

Why should we care? Sure, it looks like a Hallmark movie, but that’s where the magic truly lies. With rock bottom expectations of a schmaltzy exercise in Paltrow seeking her Blindside alongside the cardboard acting of Hedlund and Meester, this thing could turn out to be completely passable and shockingly average. -CA

Watch the trailer:

January 14th

The Dilemma

Who did it? Directed by Ron Howard; Written by Allan Loeb; Starring Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Channing Tatum and Jennifer Connelly

What is it? A guy sees his best friend’s wife going to town on another man’s mouth with her mouth and has to figure out whether to tell him or not.

Why should we care? Beyond all the hilarious jokes about electric cars being driven by homosexuals (I’m not sure I got the joke), famed narrator of Arrested Development Ron Howard is taking a simple high concept and building what will most likely be a mixture of laughs and heart. Allan Loeb hasn’t written anything amazing yet, even though he has a lot of work ahead of him, and Kevin James seems best suited to fall down for a laugh these days. It would be easy to claim that Vince Vaughn’s involvement assures some quality, but unfortunately Couples Retreat came out and was seen by humans. -CA

Watch the trailer:

The Green Hornet

Who did it? Directed by Michel Gondry; written by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen; starring Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz, Tom Wilkinson, Christoph Waltz, Edward Freaking Furlong

What is it? A big budget, effects filled action movie starring Seth Rogen? Okay.

Why should we care? Rogen plays a man who turns vigilante with the help of his Asian sidekick after his father dies and leaves him with a vast fortune and a sense of responsibility. The gravelly voiced actor toyed with action in Pineapple Express, but the title role here looks to increase the physical mayhem to laughs ratio quite a bit. More surprising than his involvement though is the man in the director’s chair. Gondry is an unknown element in the action genre, but at the very least we know the film will look creative and fresh. Early reviews out of Austin have been promising… although folks there saw it without the post converted 3D. -RH

Watch the trailer:

Barney’s Version

Who did it? Directed by Richard J. Lewis; Written by Michael Konyves; Starring Paul Giamatti and Rosamund Pike

What is it? Paul Giamatti gets to be an asshole who loves hockey that will maybe make you cry.

Why should we care? There’s more to the story there, but if you’ve read the novel, you know that it’s all too good to give away in a simple synopsis. This film was nominated for the Golden Lion at Venice and features Giamatti (who demands to be seen in just about everything) as a cigar-chomping hockey fanatic recounting his life near the end of it. -CA

Watch the trailer:

A Somewhat Gentle Man

Who did it? Directed by Hans Petter Moland; Written by Kim Fupz Aakeson; Starring Stellan Skarsgard and several men named Bjorn

What is it? Fresh out of prison, Ulrik wants out of gang life which allows awkward hilarity to ensue.

Why should we care? For one, Stellan Skarsgard. That really should be enough, but the film also got some strong, yet culturally insensitive, praise coming out of Fantastic Fest last year. Skarsgard is re-teaming with Moland here, and even if his films haven’t gotten a lot of play in the US, he’s still a consistently strong director that’s been at it since the 1980s. For some, this just might be a gateway drug to his other films. -CA

Watch the trailer:

The rest of January lies ahead…

The Movie Watcher’s Guide To October 2010

FSR Staff — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 20:12:30 +0000

Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of September searching EBSCO Host, making phone calls to important producers and making fan trailers out of peanut butter and marshmallows to make sure that you, dear reader, are in the know about what’s coming out in October.

Wondering why it’s a few days late? Because we don’t run it until it’s perfect. Or something. Anyway, just check out the movies to see what you wanna see.

October 1st

Case 39

Who did it? Directed by Christian Alvert; Written by Ray Wright; Starring Renee Zellweger, Bradley Cooper, Ian McShane, Callum Keith Rennie

What is it? A social worker tries to save a young girl’s life and rejuvenate her acting career in the process.

What about it? Alvert’s film has three distinct strikes against already. One, it’s been sitting on a shelf for over two years, and while no official reason has been given for the delay it doesn’t bode well. Two, Zellweger has been underwhelming at the box-office for almost a decade. And three, the whole evil child sub-genre has kind of run its course. Of course, these three things aside the movie looks pretty solid.

Watch the trailer:

Chain Letter

Who did it? Directed by Deon Taylor; Written by Deon Taylor, Diana Erwin and Michael J. Pagan; Starring Nikki Reed, Keith David, and Brad Dourif

What is it? That urban legend from the nineties time travels to a time when no one sends letters and the name Chain E-mail still sounds dumb.

What about it? The premise of the film is so impossible, that it’s almost intriguing just to see if the production can play it out. A handful of teens are forced to send and re-send a chain e-mail between the group, and if they break the chain, they get taken out in a bloody, screaming manner. It sounds like The Ring, except much, much, much easier to copy and send.

Watch the trailer:

Hatchet II

Who did it? Directed and written by Adam Green; Starring Danielle Harris, Tony Todd, Kane Hodder, Tom Holland

What is it? The sequel to Hatchet. Obviously.

What about it? Green’s fourth feature is a sequel to his acclaimed (and deservedly so) debut about a murderous mongoloid haunting a Louisiana swamp. The sequel literally starts mere seconds after the conclusion of the first film, albeit with a different actress in the lead, and sees a new group of human chum heading into the swamp to track and kill Victor Crowley. We get some back story and a few inventively gory death scenes, but the movie is absent the laughs and sense of fun from the original. That is, if you can even see it in theaters.

Watch the trailer:

Let Me In

Who did it? Directed by Matt Reeves; Written by Matt Reeves; Starring Kodi Smit-McPhee, Chloe Moretz, Elias Koteas, and Richard Jenkins

What is it? The remake/second novel adaptation of the classic coming of age tale – when boy meets vampire.

What about it? The nay sayers would have you skip this film because it’s a remake, because the original was so powerful, and because the original came out only 2 years ago. However, despite the factors working against it, Matt Reeves and the stellar actors involved managed to make a moving film that stands on its own. Even if it does feel a little too familiar.

Watch the trailer:

The Social Network

Who did it? Directed by David Fincher; Written by Aaron Sorkin; Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, Rooney Mara, Joseph Mazzello

What is it? The somewhat true story behind the creation of Facebook and the fallout between the friends. I just hope it makes sense to those of us who have yet to join the rest of you sheep.

What about it? Fincher has yet to make a bad movie and even his least entertaining (The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button) is a technical marvel and an interesting watch. Advance reviews for his latest have been almost unanimous in their praise with special notice given to Sorkin’s script and the three lead performances. And per the Twitter argument I recently witnessed it also features an unnecessarily stereotypical portrayal of Asian girls as slutty. So yes, I’ll be seeing it as soon as possible.

Watch the trailer:

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to September 2010

FSR Staff — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:42:41 +0000

Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of August going to the local library, making phone calls to important producers and making fan trailers out of macaroni to make sure that you, dear reader, are in the know about what’s coming out in September.

Don’t let Machete scare you. If you watch movies, this guide’s for you.

September 3rd

The American

Who did it? Directed by Anton Corbijn; Written by Rowan Joffe; Starring George Clooney, Irina Bjorklund, and Paolo Bonacelli

What is it? An assassin takes to the streets of Italy for a good hiding space, a good conversation with a man of the cloth, and one last job.

What about it? I realize it technically comes out on September 1st, but it throws off our nicely organized feature, so Clooney and company will have to deal with it. Or come hunt us down. Digressions aside, Clooney has chosen great, intimate character projects ever since Out of Sight. This particular project looks a bit like Michael Clayton meets A Sniper Rifle – an apt combination. Plus, director Anton Corbijn’s Control is as good a band biopic as you could ever want. It’ll be a thrill to see him in his first large film outside the world of bands and music videos. Personal demons and the promise of a car chase or shoot out? Sounds like it’s Oscar-worthy. -CA

Watch the trailer:

Machete

Who did it? Directed by Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez; Written by Robert Rodriguez and Alvaro Rodriguez; Starring Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, and a cast of dozens

What is it? One bad ass Mexican jumps from a fake trailer into the world of feature length film as he seeks bloody revenge.

What about it? There has been a growing lust for grindhouse-style cinema ever since QT praised it at the beginning of his career. As most major feature films continue to slide toward the middle, it’s refreshing to see filmmakers still swinging for the fences and purposefully trying to irritate audiences. With any luck, Machete will offend just the right amount of people without getting deported. Catching a screening in Arizona might be difficult. Plus, Cheech Marin as a gun-toting priest is the stuff of dreams. Bring on the senseless violence. -CA

Watch the trailer:

Going the Distance

Who did it? Directed by Nanette Burstein; Written by Geoff LaTulippe; Starring Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Christina Applegate, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis

What is it? A couple trying to keep it light and disease-free fall for each other and face the dreaded horrors untold of keeping a long distance relationship together.

What about it? With the drought of solid romantic comedies out there, this film seems to be a call back to the classic formula and a breath of fresh air at the same time. It’s just raunchy enough to be real, and Long and Barrmore are together in real life so the chemistry is no problem. Toss in the standard sidekick best friends with a weird Always Sunny twist of Charlie, and drink until you’ve forgotten your bad break up. Nanette Burstein also directed the documentaries The Kid Stays in the Picture and American Teen. Her first fictional film is a step in the right direction. -CA

Watch the trailer:

A Simple Noodle Story

Who did it? Directed by Yimou Zhang; Written by Jianquan Shi and Jing Shang; Based on the Blood Simple screenplay by Joel Coen and Ethan Coen; Starring Honglei Sun, Dahong Ni, and Ni Yan

What is it? Set in 1800s China, a noodle shop owner plots the murder of his wife when things go terribly off the tracks.

What about it? The buzz for this film comes from two directions. One, the concept of taking Blood Simple and setting it in 19th century China with a comedic twist is just crazy enough to work. Two, director Yimou Zhang has proven his talent (from Ju Dou to Hero to Curse of the Golden Flower) so thoroughly that any film he puts out is at least worth a look. -CA

Watch the trailer:

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to June 2010

FSR Staff — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:43:41 +0000

We realize that you’re probably sitting at home right now, chewing your own nails off and wondering what movies are coming out this month. Maybe you’re even wondering why no one on the entire internet has said anything about them. Strange, we know.

Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of May going to the local library, making phone calls to important producers and making fan trailers out of macaroni to make sure that you, dear reader, are in the know about what’s coming out in June.

You watch movies, so this guide’s for you.

June 4th

Marmaduke

Who did it? Directed by Tom Dey; Written by Tim Rasmussen and Vince De Meglio; Starring the voice talents of Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, George Lopez and Fergie

What is it? A giant dog who used to be a two-dimensional drawing in your Sunday newspaper gets zapped with CGI juice, talks like Owen Wilson, and thinks he’s a people.

What about it? I have to assume that there are Marmaduke fans out there because the comic has existed for far too long to prove otherwise. Either it’s popular, or it’s conveniently small enough to offset the Jumble. I doubt anyone has high hopes for this film beyond the slapstick and cheap laughs that its writers (the same who gave us License to Wed) will most likely be going for. Still, Tom Dey has delivered some capable comedies (including Shanghai Noon) so there’s a chance that this could be an easy pill to swallow or, gasp, a decent summer distraction.

Watch the trailer.

Killers

Who did it? Directed by Robert Luketic; Written by Bob DeRosa and Ted Griffin; Starring Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher

What is it? A woman meets the man of her dreams while on vacation, they get married, and it turns out he’s a secret agent.

What about it? For some, this is the next entry in a long line of romantic comedies that Katherine Heigl is forced to be in by court order as punishment for something she did when she was younger. All of the trailers, and the fact that it’s Robert Luketic (Win a Date With Tad Hamilton, The Ugly Truth), point to it being essentially the same thing we’ve seen before. Toss in Kutcher (who has his fair share of romantic comedy detritus) and you’ve got the recipe down. Or, Luketic might bounce back to his Legally Blonde days and steer clear of his Monster-in-Law mistakes.

Watch the trailer:

Get Him To the Greek

Who did it? Directed by Nicholas Stoller, starring Russell Brand and Jonah Hill

What is it? Two of the characters from 2008′s still funny Forgetting Sarah Marshall return, but this time they get to headline. Hill is a record label gopher sent to London to accompany Brand back to Los Angeles for a big concert.

What about it? Much like the final season of ABC’s Lost this flick is a sideways sequel of sorts. Hilarity ensues alongside inebriation, bathroom-stall sex, topless-servant shenanigans, and more. Brand seems to be a very divisive personality, but I think he’s hilarious in the first film and I expect to laugh quite a bit during this new one. So suck it haters! This is only Stoller’s second film as director (after Forgetting Sarah Marshall) but it looks like another casual and fun winner. I just hope Hill’s junk doesn’t make an appearance…

Watch the trailer:

Splice

Who did it? Directed by Vincenzo Natali, starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley

What is it? Mad scientists, a terrifying creature, and a Canadian hottie come together in this thriller from the director of Cube. I’d see a movie with any one of those features, but all three in the same flick? Sold.

What about it? Cube is a low-budget little gem that mixes science fiction and grisly death, and Natali’s latest looks to do more of the same as two scientists cross some ethical lines and create a new life-form that grows rapidly, has violent tendencies, and eventually comes to resemble a very angry (but still sexy) Sinead O’Connor. Natali’s had a few other projects since then, but Splice looks to be his break into the mainstream. Part of that is due to the recognizable faces of Brody and Polley, but it’s also due to a major summer push from Warner Bros. It’s counter-programming done right. Hopefully.

Watch the trailer:

Cropsey

Who did it? Directed by Barbara Brancaccio and Joshua Zeman

What is it? The grounds of a long-closed asylum were reputably haunted, but no one suspected the legend was true. Because it wasn’t. Or something.

What about it? This spooky documentary found some fans at last year’s Fantastic Fest with a tale about a real-world killer on Staten Island. To be clear, this isn’t one more horror movie done in doc style with hand-held cameras masquerading as reality… this is actually a true story. The co-directors grew up hearing the legend about a maniacal and insane killer roaming the abandoned hospital grounds, but the story became all too real when children started disappearing. Now adults, the duo have come back to investigate both the legend and the reality. Sounds creepy and worth a watch… although it may be better suited for a late night DVD viewing.

Watch the trailer:

Ondine

Who did it? Written and Directed by Neil Jordan; Starring Colin Farrell and Alicja Bachleda

What is it? A fisherman discovers what he believes to be a mermaid.

What about it? This film hit Toronto fairly hard last fall and then set its aim at Tribeca a few months ago. It’s been getting consistently good reviews, and the promise of a darker fairy tale is always welcome. Neil Jordan has a long history of creating strange films – from Interview with the Vampire to A Film with Me In It, and this next entry promises to deliver a fantastic story highlighted by the talent of Farrell who is apparently at the top of his game here.

Watch the trailer:

June 11th

The Karate Kid

Who did it? Directed by Harald Zwart; Written by Christopher Murphey; Starring Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan, and Taraji P. Henson

What is it? When a single mother has to move with her son to China, he gets culture shock, gets beat up and learns to fight back by heeding the wise instruction to “jacket off.”

What about it? Despite the instant disgust most have for remakes and reboots, everything I’ve seen about this film points to it being not half bad. After all, the story is simple enough and it involves kung fu. Unfortunately, it also involves a child actor, and that could take the film from excellent to trash. Fortunately, if he succeeds, we won’t have to worry about looking outside the Smith family for movie stars of the future. Because I know we were all worried about that.

Watch the trailer:

The A-Team

Who did it? Directed by Joe Carnahan, starring Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Sharlto Copley, Quintin Jackson, and Jessica Biel

What is it? A classic TV show from the eighties gets a big screen makeover complete with cameos from the original stars, corny one-liners, and the possibility that even with all the explosions and gunshots onscreen not a single bad guy will die.

What about it? This is great and all, but where the hell’s my Quantum Leap movie? (I know it’s a nineties show, but still.) But back to The A-Team… of the three similarly themed movies (ragtag group of mercenaries on a mission) hitting screens this year this is definitely one of them. It does probably have the highest recognition factor though because everyone knows the source material whether they’ve seen the show or not. The plot is pretty straight-forward (and reminiscent of The Losers) as it sees the group of military vets wrongly accused of a crime and forced to clear their name by way of over the top action scenes and CGI.

Watch the trailer:

Winter’s Bone

Who did it? Directed by Debra Granik, starring Jennifer Lawrence

What is it? A teen girl in the Ozarks is forced to grow up fast when her deadbeat dad skips out on the family leaving her to care for her younger siblings and learn the banjo.

What about it? This film received some good reviews at Sundance this year including one from our own Robert Levin, and the overwhelming focus in all of them is on Lawrence’s apparently impressive performance. Of course I don’t read FSR so the extent of my awareness for the film comes from the recent Esquire cover story including a photo-shoot of a scantily-clad, swimsuit-wearing Lawrence. It’s not a fair representation of her role in the movie though as her character spends the film searching her poor, down-trodden community in the Ozarks for her missing father instead of sunbathing.

Watch the trailer:

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead

Who did it? Written and Directed by Jordan Galland; Starring Jake Hoffman, Devon Aoki and Karate Kid Ralph Macchio

What is it? A young ladies’ man is convinced to direct an adaptation of “Hamlet” written by a vampire from Romania and Jeremy Sisto plays an inept detective.

What about it? This looks like the fad of placing horror icons into classic tales has met Hamlet 2. Or, you know, if Hamlet 2 was a police procedural and a horror film. The main struggle of the film is the production of a play with the added bonus of actors who mirror their Hamlet counterparts and the possibility that people could be drained of their blood at a moment’s notice. However, the plot seems to have a much darker intent so I imagine we’ll be in for some big comedy and some scary horror.

Watch the trailer:

June 18th

Toy Story 3

Who did it? Direct by Lee Unkrich; Written by Michael Arndt; Starring the voice talents of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, and a cast of dozens

What is it? The toys are back, and they’re getting too old for this shit.

What about it? There’s little doubt that this is going to be a magical, fantastic film. Pixar has never disappointed, and in their first foray into the world of threequels, they’ve got a huge foundation to build upon. Plus, the Toy Story movies are still some of fans’ favorites. Unkrich is younger at directing, but he’s been embedded in the Pixar world for a long time, and he’s got the assurance that Randy Newman will probably bust out another heart-wrenching main theme.

Watch the trailer:

Cyrus

Who did it? Written and Directed by The Duplass Brothers; Starring Jonah Hill, John C. Reilly and Marisa Tomei

What is it? A schlubby dude meets the woman of his dreams, doesn’t discover that she’s a secret agent but does discover that her son is a complete asshole.

What about it? I am the last person that should be championing a Duplass Brothers film. Why? Because I like good movies. However, their usual formula of not writing much of a script might actually work here because they are dealing with two of the best improvisational performers Hollywood has to offer. Plus, the comedy looks a little broader than their usual fare. All of this points to strong talents being bolstered and missteps being corrected, but Landon really liked it, and that guy’s sense of humor has always been suspect.

Watch the Trailer:

Jonah Hex

Who did it? Directed by Jimmy Hayward, starring Josh Brolin, Megan Fox, John Malkovich, Will Arnett, and Michael Fassbender

What is it? A disfigured and supernaturally-imbued cowboy goes head to head with a maniacal villain named Dr. Arliss Loveless.

What about it? Brolin headlines this comic book adaptation that isn’t finding much positive buzz as its release date nears. The comic has its fair share of fans, but no one was sure what to expect from a script by Neveldine/Taylor (Crank) and an out-of-his-element director. The first trailers haven’t exactly helped things with their abundance of CGI, cartoonish violence, and horse-mounted Gatling guns. But personally I’m looking forward to some western-based action and Fox in a frilly skirt because dammit, there are far worse travesties in Hollywood than Miss Fox, and the lady still looks good.

Watch the trailer:

8: The Mormon Proposition

Who did it? Directed by Reed Cowan and Steven Greenstreet

What is it? The fight for gay marriage rights in California finds opposition in the form of meddling Mormons from Utah.

What about it? The Mormon Church has apparently been funding the fight against gay marriage for years, but it wasn’t until the recent Proposition 8 brouhaha that the evidence of their involvement came to light. This documentary looks at the their efforts and intentions, and while it doesn’t look to claim impartiality it does appear to be an honest expose of a not-too surprising revelation. There’s a certain irony in a religion who at one time (and to a lesser degree still do) supported plural marriage now going to such extremes to fight against another nontraditional variation.

Watch the trailer:

The Killer Inside Me

Who did it? Directed by Michael Winterbottom, starring Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson, Elias Koteas, Ned Beatty, Bill Pullman, and Simon Baker

What is it? A small-town sheriff in Texas hides a darkly twisted secret.

What about it? This adaptation of the classic Jim Thompson novel gained notoriety at Sundance this year for an excessive amount of violence perpetrated against women, but it also gained attention for Affleck’s strong and chilling performance. Beyond that the reaction to the film has been decidedly mixed. Seems to be the only time Winterbottom’s movie’s get press is when he crosses a line (as in the sexually explicit but dramatically empty 9 Songs). The real question though comes down to believability… can you see Affleck as a sadistic killer? Can you see him dating Alba and Hudson? (Well Hudson maybe, but Alba?!)

Watch the trailer:

I am Love

Who did it? Written and Directed by Luca Guadagnino; starring Tilda Swinton and Flavio Parenti

What is it? A sensory explosion predicated on a plot about a woman’s husband inheriting the family business.

What about it? The synopsis floating around of the film “following the fall of the haute bourgeoisie due to the forces of passion and unconditional love,” sounds daunting. Mostly because someone chose to say “haute bourgeoisie” instead of “upper middle class.” Also mostly because I had no idea that the upper middle class fell because of love, since love is an abstract concept and not a market force. Still – the trailer is enough to dispel any fears that the film will be anything more than an exploration of gorgeous scenery, incredible food and drink, and beautiful (or at least interesting looking) people. Essentially, the synopsis should have included the word “hedonism” about four times.

Watch the trailer:

June 25th

Grown Ups

Who did it? Directed by Dennis Dugan; Written by Adam Sandler and Fred Wolf; starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider

What is it? Five grown men pee in a pool together.

What about it? All of these comedians were funny at one point, so theoretically, putting them in a movie together could yield at least one laugh. The math there is impossible to refute. Dugan has fallen way, way off in recent years – going from Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore to I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and You Don’t Mess With the Zohan. The comedy has almost all but abandoned a sense of humanity and become gag after gag from characters that look like they were cut from SNL sketches that never made it to air. Still, we should keep our fingers crossed that this film is bucking the trend by not including its funniest bits in the trailer. Because there aren’t any in it.

Watch the trailer:

Knight and Day

Who did it? Directed by James Mangold, starring Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Peter Sarsgaard, Maggie Grace, and Paul Dano

What is it? A woman meets the man of her dreams while on vacation, and it turns out he’s a secret agent.

What about it? Cruise dips his Scientology wand even deeper into the comedy genre with this tale of a Bourne-like agent forced to recruit an unwilling accomplice to clear his name and complete his mission. Sadly, that accomplice is Diaz, but even with that unfortunate detail this flick still looks like good fun. Cruise is clearly enjoying himself here and it looks like his Tropic Thunder turn wasn’t just a fluke. The action and the comedy both appear far more entertaining than I would have expected with the glaring exception of the terrible effects during the Pamplona scene…

Watch the trailer:

Dogtooth

Who did it? Directed Giorgos Lanthimos, starring a bunch of Greek actors

What is it? A couple raises their two children in a contained environment telling them that the outside world is to be feared and never visited. The lie continues uneventfully until an outsider brings sexuality and knowledge to both the son and the daughter.

What about it? Almost sounds like a dirty (and therefore far better) version of The Village doesn’t it? The father is the only one allowed to leave, but when he’s home he spends time educating the kids on the danger of cats, the incorrect definitions of words, and the importance of occasional male release. The movie has done quite well on the festival circuit including picking up the Un Certain Regard Award at Cannes in 2009, and even though it sounds like something Landon Palmer would love I have to admit I’m still looking forward to it. Honestly I have no idea what else to expect from this movie, and that’s both a rarity and a good thing.

Watch the trailer.

Restrepo

Who did it? Directed and shot by Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger

What is it? An entire year in the Korangal valley – one of the deadliest areas in Afghanistan.

What about it? With a win for The Hurt Locker, it might be the case that the culture here is shifting toward being more accepting of films showing the horrors of the war we’re currently fighting. Journalists Hetherington and Junger have put together a documentary of their experiences in Afghanistan with the Second Platoon, B Company, 2nd Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment of the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team. It won the Grand Jury Prize for best documentary at Sundance this year, and stands to be a harrowing, visceral experience. In other words, fun for the whole family.

Watch the trailer:

What do you plan on seeing in June?

Movie Watcher’s Guide to Going Green At the Theater

Brian C. Gibson — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 23:47:58 +0000

Don’t take this as a cue to whip out your heart ring, or rev up your Prius or anything. We just want to bring up several fun, and maybe not so fun, ways to help out this big old place we call home. Here are some choices that you can make to help the environment both at the movie theater, and at home:

Walk or Ride a Bike to The Theater

We all know that cars cause pollution, and use an important resource. So save both ways by finding a way to your local theater on foot, or by bike. Also, this will help work off that popcorn and candy from the concession stand. If you don’t live so close to your local theater, carpool your way there with some friends.

Bring the Popcorn Home

I’m not kidding, some people suggest using air popped popcorn in place of Styrofoam packing peanuts. It is probably worth passing up on the butter if you are going to try this.

Recycle or Reuse your 3-D Glasses

I know a lot of people think that it is dumb to recycle them when the theater charges you for a new pair no matter what, but at least keep them for next time. Yes it probably creates more profit for the theaters, but it also cuts down on the use of plastic. It’s just wasteful to grab a new pair every time.

Buy an LED TV

LED televisions save up to 40% more energy than conventional LCD televisions. So if you are going to end up with a hulking 55″ TV in your mancave, it might as well be a bit more conservative with power. While they may be a bit more expensive, your energy cost savings will be made up over the life of owning this environmentally conscious TV.

Make Sure Everything is Powered Off

Most don’t know that while the little red light on your TV means that it is powered off, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t drawing idle current. You can buy a power strip with smart power or auto-switching technology. These smart strips follow the lead of a “master” component, like when your TV is off…everything shuts off with it, and doesn’t draw any idle power.

Watch a Movie on Your Laptop

Laptops labeled with an Energy Star distinction use 70% less energy than standard laptops. Also, these portable computers use much less electricity than your big TV and home theater system. Streaming a movie with Netflix or Blockbuster Online saves on gas consumption and cuts down on those Netflix envelopes coming in the mail.

Move to Ypsilanti, Michigan

No kidding. There is a group of movie lovers that want to bike pedal every ounce of electricity needed to project movies outdoors in a local park. I don’t know how much attention I could pay to the film while pedaling a bike, but it could be fun with the right movie. I just wonder what happens when a few people have to visit the bathroom. Sounds fun, and maybe they’ll show American Flyers.

Read Filmschoolrejects.com

Seriously, why read magazines or newspapers when you can read the best movie commentary on the web?

Avoid Roland Emmerich Films

Not only is this good for your mental health, the guy seems to have a hard-on for destroying the world. Maybe he had some horrific Earth Day incident that caused him to wreak cinematic vengeance on Mother Earth. Or maybe it is easier for him to destroy, than to create.

An Earth Day Guide To Destroying the Planet

Cole Abaius — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 15:01:12 +0000

Spoiler Alert: Not everything has a happy ending.

Ever since Global Warming was invented in 2007, we’ve heard a lot about how we’re killing the Earth. Some of us were shocked to hear this news while others have known about it and been actively trying to either take over the planet or destroy it in some for or fashion since even before Earth Day was invented back in 1970 by Senator Gaylord Nelson.

Some of these exploits were captured on film so that we might never forget their legacy of destruction. What better a day, what more noble an occasion to take a look back at a brief history of cinematically destroying the planet that we’ve been charged with protecting.

1950s – The Decade the Earth Stood Still

It wasn’t always mankind that was bent on destroying its own home. With 1951′s The Day the Earth Stood Still, we got a look at an alien invader that brought a specific message to the people of Earth. That simple message was that we were headed for destruction, and if we didn’t curtail that soon, the other sanctified planets with their far-advanced life forms were going to be left with no choice but to blow us to smithereens.

The startling thing about this film is that its message still resonates with the core message of Earth Day. “We’re on a destructive path that will lead to the planet being destroyed.” Although the narrative featuring Gort and Klaatu deals specifically with our lust for nuclear weapons, the same lesson can equally be applied to the environment.

There’s a fascination there with the complete annihilation of the planet at the hands of a force larger than us that sparks an instant connection. After all, the greatest fear that we have collectively is of the end of the world – it is the ultimate powerless situation, a theme that crops up in hundreds of films, a fear that effects us all because there is no hope for us on the other side of it.

Oddly enough, it was another film that decade – When Worlds Collide – that delivered on its name. When a scientist discovers that there is another planet whose orbit is about to bring it knocking on Earth’s door, he pleads with the UN to create spaceships for people to escape the Earth from. Spoiler alert: it may be the earliest major movie to do it, but one of the final shots of the film is of the Earth colliding with the other planet as seen on the computer screen of one of the ships. The planet is destroyed in all its glory.

1960s – How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love This Decade

Drawing another parallel to the nuclear arms race, Dr. Strangelove delivers both black comedy and the possible outline of events that would happen if we dropped a nuclear weapon on the USSR. In the film’s world, the automatic response system set up by the Soviets, as well as American zeal, would lead to mutually assured destruction – the total obliteration of life on Earth by direct contact with a nuclear weapon or its resulting nuclear winter.

The humor and frustration of the film is derived completely by the ego and failings of mankind. The most important men in the world are reduced to blithering morons by the sheer power and scope of what they’re dealing with. On top of that, there’s the greater issue of the severe lack of preparation those men possess. The crisis hits all the harder because they are caught unawares and have very little time to do anything about impending global disaster that is coming at them as fast as gravity takes a cowboy riding a bomb to Earth.

1970s – Beneath the Decade of the Apes

There are really two significant film types of this genre that delved into killing our planet. The first was the widely popular Disaster Genre which saw dozens and dozens of small-scale (when compared to the entire Earth) disasters like Earthquake, The Swarm and When Time Ran Out (which is especially interesting to watch after last week’s volcano eruption).

There aren’t many prominent films that dared to take down the whole ball of wax (although a few B-films certainly gave it a go), but what we were seeing was an increase in films where nature was the enemy – where a natural disaster was going to kill our hero and his ensemble cast of well-known stars. In most cases, man was never the cause of that aggression, but what’s intriguing is that with the popularity and diversity of the genre, the 1970s very well may be the decade where we first really started seeing the Earth as either an antagonist or protagonist in films. At least, we’d never viewed it like that on such a grand scale.

That’s why the sheer brass buttons of the other major film entry is so striking. In spoiler-ific fashion, Beneath the Planet of the Apes built on the fact that the simian world laid out in Planet of the Apes was actually our own, and blew the damned thing up. The film deals again with nuclear weapons – specifically with a group living underground that worships a bomb – and the end of the film has the cinematic bravery to end on a truly final note after a blast of white hits the screen:

In one of the countless billions of galaxies in the universe, lies a medium-sized star, and one of its satellites, a green and insignificant planet, is now dead.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Earth is dead. We did it.

1980s – Escape From This Decade

With the rise of technology and the continued strain of the Cold War, this decade brought a melting pot of ways the planet could hit the skids. However, the preoccupation was mostly on surviving a cataclysmic event, so even with disaster looming, there were still a ton of people walking around on a planet that was very much still alive. Escape From New York leads the way of post-apocalyptic (strikingly livable) environments caused by mankind’s awesome lust for war. In fact, there were many of these, but even with a lot of copycats putting people in leathery Mad Max gear, the death of the disaster film (or the end of its Golden Era) really affected the significant output of successful films (or at least memorable ones) in which the planet was in total peril.

Or perhaps it was because people wanted to see people surviving an event like the one they kept being promised on the nightly news.

There were plenty of alien invasions like They Live, and science fiction hybrids like Night of the Comet, but there were also some great environmental flicks that attempted to display the death of the planet. Slipstream (from, Steven Lisberger, director of Tron) opened in a new future where mankind’s wanton disregard for the planet eventually created an ecological death sentence involving a jet stream forming which wiped out whole cities with its force. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind was the birth of Studio Ghibli, but it showed both the aftermath of global devastation as well as the new environmental threat of a massive toxic wasteland that populates the planet. And, of course, there’s Solarbabies, which should not be watched by humans, but is set in the future where almost all the water is gone.

As much as these seem to threaten mankind, and even though films started exploring ecological harm, the decade really began a stretch of time where the planet itself wasn’t exactly in peril. People can be wiped out, but the planet will still be spinning even if all of its water is depleted.

1990s – Deep Decade

As CGI got better and better, the ability to end the planet became more real. However, most of the decade was still unconcerned with doing so. There were still wars leaving post-apocalyptic wastes, but the films were few and far between. Terry Gilliam tried to kill everything with Twelve Monkeys, but Bruce Willis’s wig saves the day. Aliens attempt to take the planet over in Independence Day, but we unfortunately fight them off.

We got to see the opposite of Solarbabies – a world that was covered entirely with water and the people attempting to figure out how to scrape out the last years of life they have before dying slowly of dehydration. Waterworld doesn’t exactly end it all, but it does offer a striking visual to counteract the current Global Warming scenarios wherein the coastlines rise as a result of glacial melting. If all of those videos of sad polar bears are accurate, Waterworld may very well end up being the most prescient of all Earth-destroying films.

The end of the decade saw the collision of two films that wanted giant objects to collide with the Earth. Deep Impact and Armageddon finally utilized advanced technology to force Aerosmith to write a sweeping ballad and to make a black man president. They also took the themes of early science fiction and applied realistic imagery to what might happen if a huge heavenly body did find itself hurtling toward our unsuspecting, already pollution-riddled planet.

The 90s also saw Captain Planet not getting a feature film adaptation for some strange reason.

2000s – Decade A.E.

After a huge drought where films refused to actually destroy the planet, and a dearth in films that even challenged the people of Earth with such a catastrophe, we finally arrive at a decade that opens with the planet dying.

Titan A.E., albeit an animated film, blows up the damned thing in the first ten minutes or so. In fact, the initials in the title stand for “After Earth.” Clearly, it had to deliver on that promise, and we reap the benefits of it. In a way, and this is a bit of a stretch here, Titan A.E. delivers on the alien promise made back in the 1950s in The Day the Earth Stood Still from another world that threatened to blow up the planet if our hubris wasn’t contained. Plus, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within was able to violently end the planet and the movie studio that made it when it flopped at the box office.

On top of that, 2005 saw The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy deliver two breathtaking visuals – the total obliteration of the planet Earth and the jaw-dropping reconstruction of a new version of it. Not only does the film begin with the planet waving goodbye, it also deals (through the main character) with the harsh reality of everyone we know being gone forever, every place we’ve been to being gone forever, everything we’ve ever owned being gone forever. When it happens, make sure you bring a towel.

The Distant Future

With any luck, CGI will continue getting better and filmmakers will be braver in their attempts to kill us all. We can handle it. Hopefully, there will be a few films coming down the pipeline that actually succeed in turning the planet we love into crumbling space dust. If we all help, we can make it happen. We’re in this fight together, and if we all pitch in just a little bit, we’ll be able to witness the complete death of our Earth many times during our lifetime.

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to Alice in Wonderland

Kevin Kelly — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:10:35 +0000

“It wasn’t as good as the book!” That’s the usual refrain you’ll hear from people who watch adaptations and then scowl at them later. Luckily, you won’t have to do that since Disney’s upcoming, Tim Burton-directed Alice in Wonderland is meant to be a sequel to the book. That’s all well and good, but what if you’ve never read the book? What if you’ve missed the countless other adaptations and are worried about going in without the benefit of knowledge? We’d never do that to you, dear readers. So press on, arm yourself with an education in Alice in Wonderland and go in forewarned. You’ll be able to chuckle knowingly at the obscure characters, and tip your hat to the small nods to Lewis Carroll. You know, if you were the kind of person who wore a hat and tipped it.

The Book

Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson made up a story to entertain three young sisters (one of whom was named Alice) while on a rowing trip in 1862. The real-life Alice (10 years old at the time) asked Dodgson to write the story down for her, which he finally did two years later. He presented her with a handwritten manuscript entitled “Alice’s Adventures Under Ground”, complete with his own illustrations. However, he had also decided to nearly double the story in size and publish it on his own, and in 1865 “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” first appeared, with new illustrations by John Tenniel. Dodgson also used his pen name Lewis Carroll for this publication, which was explained in Moron Cohen’s “Lewis Carroll: A Biography” as this: Lewis was the anglicised form of Ludovicus, which was the Latin for Lutwidge, and Carroll an Irish surname similar to the Latin name Carolus, from which the name Charles comes.

The initial print run of 2,000 books sold out quickly, and it has been in print ever since and translated into more than 125 languages. Pretty impressive for a goofy story that Dodgson / Carroll based loosely on his friends and the locations around Oxford. It also spawned a sequel, “Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There” in 1872, and since then there have been numerous other Alice-inspired creations, including books, movies, television shows, songs, comics books, and more.

The Story

If you haven’t read the book by now, shame on you. It’s a completely fun and perfect example of literary nonsense. It’s about a young girl named Alice (shocker, right?) who is sitting in a garden one day when she sees a White Rabbit wearing a vest scoot by. He’s checking his watch and complaining about being late, so what would you do if you saw an animal doing this? Naturally, you’d follow it. Alice does, right into his rabbit-hole, and this sends her tumbling end over end in an impossibly long fall. When she lands, she’s in a corridor full of doors, all of them locked. There’s one small key on a table, and she finds out that it opens a tiny door in the room, but it’s much too small for her to fit through. She soon finds a drink labeled “Drink Me,” which causes her to drink, and soon afterwards a cake that says “Eat Me” on it, and that causes her to grow.

However, when she’s huge she cries because of her predicament, and when she’s small again she soon finds herself swimming in a pool full of her tears. Before long she’s on a shore somewhere, and she runs into the White Rabbit again, while small-sized. In fact, there’s a lot of growing and shrinking in this book as Alice also drinks a potion she gets from the White Rabbit which makes her huge, and two halves of a mushroom that she gets from a Caterpillar smoking a hookah, which makes her larger and smaller as she wishes. Very psychedelic. Soon she returns to normal size, and is off through a forest where she meets a Duchess and a Cook who receive invitations to play croquet with the Queen of Hearts from a Footman who looks like a fish, and a Footman who looks like a Frog.

Despite this interruption, the Duchess and the Cook are fighting with each other, without much regard for the baby that the Duchess is nursing, and when things get crazy the Duchess throws the baby at Alice, who escapes with it. However, back in the woods, the baby turns into a pig and runs away. I swear to you, I’m not making this stuff up. Afterward, Alice officially meets the enigmatic Cheshire Cat who talks and can vanish at will, and who will also be at the Queen’s croquet match. From here she heads on to the Mad Hatter’s tea party, after being warned by the Cat that both the Hatter and the March Hare are both mad. In fact, everyone there is mad, according to the Cat. “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”

Alice soon finds the Hatter’s tea party, which is attended by the Hatter, the March Hare, and a Dormouse. Time has stopped for the Hatter, since the Queen accused him of murdering it, so it’s always six o’clock teatime at the table. Alice endures a lot of buffoonery, and is asked by the Hatter “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?” She doesn’t have a very enjoyable time, and she soon leaves in a huff. She spots a tree with a door in the trunk, and heads through it and finds herself back in the corridor of doors. This time, she gets her sizes right, snatches up the key, shrinks down, and heads through the tiny door and into a beautiful garden. Unfortunately it’s also the garden belonging to the Queen of Hearts, who is fond of ordering beheadings.

In the Queen’s garden, Alice comes across three gardeners who look like playing cards, and they are busy painting white roses with red paint, because they’d planted the wrong kind. However, the Queen comes across the entire group and yells “Off with their heads!” to just about everyone when she discovers what they’ve done. However, Alice hides the gardeners in a flower pot, and the Queen invites her to play croquet with her. It’s a bizarre game, with flamingos for mallets, hedgehogs for balls, and playing card soldiers serving as the arches. She endures this for awhile before running into the Cheshire Cat again, and he immediately pisses off the King of Hearts, and his execution is ordered. But he makes his body disappear, and everything devolves into a debate over whether or not it’s possible to behead someone who has a head that’s not connected to anything.

Good lord, this is almost as long as the book. So, to sum it all up quickly, Alice then goes to meet a Mock Turtle, hears his story, meets a Gryphon, watches a bunch of lobsters dance, attends a trial about the Queen’s stolen tarts, is chased by the Queen’s soldiers, and when they begin attacking her, she wakes up next to her sister. It was all a dream. OR WAS IT?!

On the Next Page: The Characters, the other adaptations (X-rated and otherwise), and more >>

This Month In Theaters: February 2010

Rob Hunter — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:32:41 +0000

Hey everyone, we survived the January doldrums! And it wasn’t too bad either, cinematically speaking… Daybreakers and Youth In Revolt were pretty damn good while The Book of Eli and Edge of Darkness also managed to be fairly solid. (But the less said about Leap Year, The Spy Next Door, Tooth Fairy, and Extraordinary Measures the better.) So what types of films does February have in store for us? Pretty much a bit of everything actually… although I don’t know as any of them will find their way onto Top Ten lists at the end of the year.

February 5th

Dear John

Who? Directed by Lasse Hallestrom, written by Jamie Linden from a novel by Nicholas Sparks; starring Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum

What? A soldier from a top secret government agency called GI Joe falls for a blond Mormon girl. One will die…

Why should you care? I don’t actually know if one of them dies, but considering the source material is Sparks (The Notebook, Message In a Bottle) it’s probably a safe bet. Tatum and Seyfried play a couple who meet and fall for each other in a short period of time and are then forced by circumstance and war to build their relationship long distance. My guess is that since he’s in combat and therefore the most likely to die she’ll be the one to kick the bucket instead.

Watch the trailer:

From Paris With Love

Who? Directed by Pierre Morel, written by Adi Hasak from a story by Luc Besson; starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers and John Travolta’s Giant Head

What? A low level CIA newbie finds himself paired with the agency’s #1 loose cannon played by the grinning, goateed, and disembodied head of Travolta…

Why should you care? The only reason to care really is that Morel also directed last year’s surprise action hit Taken with a grumpy, ass-kicking Liam Neeson. This flick looks even more ridiculous and over the top which can only be a good thing right? Personally I can’t stand Travolta when he overacts (or when he acts period I guess), so I’m not ashamed to admit I skipped a screening of this one in favor the Lost season premiere. I mean, when Battlefield Earth is the man’s most subdued role in the last decade you know there’s a problem.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release:

District B13: Ultimatum - Post apocalyptic France is once again filled with two types of people… evil government stooges and guys who do parkour.

Frozen – Three friends get trapped on a ski lift when the resort closes for the weekend. Seems like a poor business model… killing your guests is bad enough but closing on the weekend?

Red Riding Trilogy - This is some pretty impressive modern film noir in trilogy form from the UK. All three films (1974, 1980, 1983) are currently hitting select theaters across the US, and it’s worth the five hour plus time investment. (My review of 1974 is here.)

Shinjuku Incident – Jackie Chan washes away the terrible aftertaste of The Spy Next Door with this gritty R-rated dramatic thriller. No pratfalls or kid-safe shenanigans here… instead expect violent amputations, bloody assassinations, and Chan doing the horizontal mambo with a white woman. (My review here.)

February 12th

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Who? Directed by Chris Columbus, written by Craig Titley from a novel by Rick Riordan; starring Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, Rosario Dawson, Kevin McKidd, and Joe Pantoliano as the Greek god Gabe

What? A young man discovers his genetic heritage includes an origin of supernatural design and finds himself battling gods, wooing the girl, and making water…

Why should you care? There are a few reasons why you may care but none really that say you really should. For one, this is based on a series of bestselling children’s books. For two, Columbus is also the director that started the Harry Potter film franchise. (And he also directed Cole Abaius’ favorite film from 2009.) And for three, if it does well we may be looking at the next big fantasy film series. Yeah, I don’t believe that either so let’s change reason three to point out that the movie has a fantastic cast!

Watch the Trailer:

Valentine’s Day

Who? Directed by Garry Marshall, written by Katherine Fugate; starring Hollywood

What? A “funny” look at the most “romantic” day of the year as multiple characters and stories cross paths throughout Los Angeles…

Why should you care? This one follows in the mold of He’s Just Not That Into You with its multi-star, multi-story format, except it’ll probably be a little bit better. I say that not because Marshall is a good director (because seriously, the guy hasn’t had a worthwhile film since Pretty Woman), but because the cast is a slightly higher caliber in both talent and looks.

Watch the Trailer:

The Wolfman

Who? Directed by Joe Johnston, written by Andrew Kevin Walker and David Self; starring Benicio Del Toro, Emily Blunt, and Anthony Hopkins

What? An aristocrat with slurred speech is bitten by a furry beast and attempts to hump Blunt’s leg. Who can blame him really…

Why should you care? This has been a troubled production for a while now with re-shoots, editor and composer changes, a rather tepid trailer, and more… but for some reason I’m still interested. Three reasons actually. The writer of Seven. The effects guru behind An American Werewolf In London. And an R-rating for bloody horror violence and gore. I’m not expecting greatness, but there’s a good chance this can still be a fun and scary flick.

Watch the Trailer:

Click Here to See What Comes Out in the Final Half of February >>

The Movie Watcher’s Guide To November 2009

Rob Hunter — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:00:23 +0000

Hello again movie fans! You may have noticed that there was no Movie Watcher’s Guide to October. There are several completely legitimate reasons for this, but instead of boring you with details please allow me to give a quick recap of the month’s box-office releases… The Invention of Lying, Whip It, Amelia, Astro Boy, Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant, and Saw VI all pretty much bombed, while Zombieland, Couples Retreat, Law Abiding Citizen, Where the Wild Things Are, and Paranormal Activity all did fair to brisk business. There, now you’re caught up through October. On to November!

November 6th

The Box

Who did it? Directed and written by Richard Kelly; starring Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella

What is it? A young couple receives a mysterious box containing only a button and a note. Press the button and two things will happen… one, they’ll receive $1 million dollars, and two, someone in the world will die. Will they press the button? Duh…

What about it? Kelly has taken a classic short story by Richard Matheson (“Button, Button”), which was previously made into an episode of “The Twilight Zone,” and turned it into a movie. It’s not always a wise move to stretch something from a much shorter medium to a feature film, and early reviews (like the one at Gone Elsewhere) have been fair to meh about it which doesn’t bode too well for the movie. Or for Kelly… who some are starting to suspect was nothing but lucky with his debut film, Donnie Darko.

Watch the trailer:

A Christmas Carol

Who did it? Directed and written by Robert Zemeckis; starring Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Robin Wright, Colin Firth, Cary Elwes, Michael J Fox, Bob Hoskins

What is it? It’s the digitally animated/motion-captured re-telling of the Charles Dickens classic that we’ve all been waiting for!

What about it? I can only speak for myself here, but these mo-cap movies have done nothing for me so far. The Polar Express and Beowulf were both bland and lifeless, and while this one has the benefit of a truly good story at it’s core I’m still not expecting much. On the other hand, it’s got a great cast including Oldman as Tiny Tim which alone will probably make it worth seeing.

Watch the Trailer:

The Fourth Kind

Who did it? Directed and written by Olatunde Osunsanmi; starring Milla Jovovich, Elias Koteas, Will Patton

What is it? The sequel to Close Encounters of the Third Kind finds Roy Neary (Jovovich taking over the role from Richard Dreyfus) returning to Earth to help facilitate further alien abductions while members of a separate alien species known as ‘owls’ try to alert humanity. None of this is true, and I feel bad for implying the story would be that interesting.

What about it? The movie actually explores documented cases in a small Alaskan town known for it’s extremely high number of disappearances, and stars Jovovich as a therapist who notices a disturbing trend among her patients’ recollections. The “fourth kind” of the title refers to alien abduction (the first three are sighting, evidence collection, and anal diddling), and it looks vaguely similar to the Michael Keaton movie from a few years ago called White Noise although it subs aliens for whispering dead people. The trailers do have an admittedly creepy vibe to them though, so the payback for all my joking may just be me pissing my pants in the theater…

Watch the Trailer:

The Men Who Stare At Goats

Who did it? Directed by Grant Heslov; written by Peter Straughan; starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey

What is it? A reporter meets a man who claims to have been part of a secret US government program to train soldiers in the art of ESP, telekinesis, and goat assassination. And it’s reportedly based on a true story.

What about it? We caught this at Fantastic Fest and thought it was pretty good (read Cole Abaius’ review here). It’s a light-weight but fun little movie that works best as a showcase for some very talented actors and their humorous performances. As a movie though it seems to be lacking enough purpose and structure. I actually found it to be a bit reminiscent of The Informant!… a real-life story told with humor leading to an ending more serious than everything that came before. But The Informant! was better.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release:

Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire - Neil Miller (review here) believes this little film will not only be nominated for Best Picture but will also win. Sadly for him and his already substantial gambling debts he’s wrong about it winning. I will say this though, it’s incredibly bleak, depressing, and abusive of the human spirit… with some fantastic performances!

That Evening Sun - I was lucky to catch this at SXSW this past March (review here), and it’s good to see it get even a limited run through theaters. Hal Holbrook’s performance is a marvel in this tale of an elderly man coming to terms with both his past and his present. Sad, funny, and smart in equal measures.

November 13th

2012

Who did it? Directed and co-written by Roland Emmerich; co-written by Harald Kloser; starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Woody Harrelson, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Oliver Platt

What is it? It’s the end of the world as we know it. Again.

What about it? Emmerich has destroyed the world so many times over by this point you’d think he’d have perfected the art by now. And the art part of the film does look really goddamn cool… with ‘art’ meaning CGI effects and not ‘artistic merit’ of course. The man’s dramatic chops are not nearly as impressive obviously, but I’ll continue to give him the benefit of the doubt for one simple reason… The Patriot kicked ass.

Watch the Trailer:

Pirate Radio (aka The Boat That Rocked)

Who did it? Directed and written by Richard Curtis; starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Nick Frost

What is it? Richard Curtis delivers a comedy about the incredible efforts to keep rock n roll alive and kicking on the British airwaves in the 1960′s. Those efforts involve ships, hippies, and intoxication.

What about it? Radio stations had to broadcast from ships off the UK coast to avoid regulation and prosecution, so you can imagine the personalities who would sign up for this kind of lifestyle. I’ve seen this one and it’s pretty good… just don’t expect anything as brilliant as Curtis’ romantic comedies (Four Weddings & A Funeral, Notting Hill, Love Actually). The ensemble is good (especially Hoffman), the laughs are steady, and the history is interesting.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

Women In Trouble - Ten very attractive women starring in an R-rated movie filled with dirty talk and innuendo… yes please. Cole Abaius had the pleasure of chatting up some of the ladies earlier this year (interview here) and Neil Miller showed his love in his review as well.

November 20th

The Blind Side

Who did it? Directed and written by John Lee Hancock; starring Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, Kathy Bates, Quinton Aaron

What is it? The true story of a southern white woman and her family who welcome a young, large, black teenager into their home and hearts. Awww…. Expect lives to be changed here people.

What about it? This is a tough film to gauge in advance. The trailer has a strong, melodramatic, Lifetime Movie Channel vibe about it, it looks a bit heavy-handed and obvious when it comes to it’s message, and it’s Bullock’s third movie this year… she’s seen both a hit (The Proposal) and a miss (All About Steve) already so who knows if her fickle fans will follow. On the plus side though it’s based on a truly inspirational story…

Watch the Trailer:

Planet 51

Who did it? Directed by Javier Abed, Jorge Blanco, Marcos Martinez; written by Joe Stillman; starring (the voices of) Dwayne Johnson, Jessica Biel, Justin Long, Gary Oldman, Seann William Scott, John Cleese

What is it? A human astronaut lands on another planet ready to plant his flag in it’s fertile soil but discovers the planet is already inhabited by little, green beings. We know what comes next… disease infested blankets anyone?

What about it? An animated film distributed by Tri-Star? And if I’m not mistaken I think the movie itself comes from Spain? The trailers don’t instill a lot of confidence, but with the closest animated competition being two weeks old by this point it just may catch some weary families by surprise. Plus it has the added benefit of beating the similarly themed Avatar to screens by almost a month…

Watch the Trailer:

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Who did it? Directed by Chris Weitz; written by Melissa Rosenberg; starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson

What is it? The sequel to Duncan Jones’ quiet but brilliant sci-fi film Moon finds Sam Rock– wait, that’s not right. Sadly.

What about it? Welcome to the highest grossing film of November… obviously this is the follow-up to the megahitphenomenonmormonsensation Twilight, and it looks to up the ante on several fronts. First, the director’s chair is now being occupied by a more accomplished director in Weitz (About a Boy, The Golden Compass). Two, the story gets to move outside the small town of Bumfuq, WA to the grand, old cities of Italy which gives the story a bigger feel to it. Third, the vampires are still sulking around, but we also get introduced to a pack of shirtless Native American werewolves. Fourth, Stewart continues to look pretty damn fine. So maybe it will be better than Twilight after all.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans - Nicholas Cage sees dancing souls and bored iguanas in this odd Werner Herzog film (redundant I know). My review will be up soon, but just know that while the movie has moments of weirdness it’s not nearly as strange or over-the-top as it should have been.

Broken Embraces – Pedro Almodovar returns with his favorite Spanish muse Penelope Cruz in a tale about a blind writer and the pixie-ish woman he can only see with his hands.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox – I’m just not feeling this Wes Anderson adaptation of Roald Dahl’s book… maybe it’s the jerky stop-motion. Maybe it’s the bad aftertaste of The Darjeeling Limited.

Red Cliff – John Woo has seen some of the best reviews of his career with this epic period film about a historical battle in China. This is the international version which actually combines two complete films into one, so if you like what you see make an effort to find the two original movies that make up Red Cliff in it’s entirety.

November 25th

Ninja Assassin

Who did it? Directed by James McTeigue; written by Matthew Sand and J. Michael Straczynski; starring Rain, Naomie Harris, Sho Kosugi

What is it? One of the coolest cinematic character types finally gets the big-budget treatment it deserves…

What about it? And it’s a big, sloppy, CGI-filled mess. To be fair, parts of the film work extremely well… the flashback segments that follow Raizu’s training are very evocative of classic ninja films of the past, and they also contain the film’s only truly dramatic moments. But the rest of the movie sucks shuriken balls. The acting is pretty bad, the CGI blood is ubiquitous and poorly done, and even the fight scenes often get lost in shadows and poor editing. Abaius’ review is here, but know that he’s being very kind.

Watch the Trailer:

Old Dogs

Who did it? Directed by Walt Becker; written by David Diamond, David Weissman; starring Robin Williams, John Travolta, Justin Long, Seth Green, Kelly Preston, Matt Dillon, Dax Shepard, Bernie Mac

What is it? Two men and a baby two little kids. Williams and Travolta have twins fall into their lap but it isn’t as awesome as it sounds. The twins are seven-years old, and these two guys don’t know the first thing about raising children. Hilarious!

What about it? This is one of those safe and comfortable comedies designed to appeal to kids and adults with no discerning tastes. That makes it sound like I’m insulting the film, but I’m really not. Sometimes people just need to laugh, and if it happens to be to inoffensive pablum like this so be it. Becker also directed Travolta in Wild Hogs and expects to complete the ‘Ogs’ trilogy next year with the release of Scientologist Frogs.

Watch the Trailer:

The Road

Who did it? Directed by John Hillcoat; written by Joe Penhall from the novel by Cormac McCarthy; starring Viggo Mortensen, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Robert Duvall, Charlize Theron

What is it? A post-apocalyptic tale of a father and son on a road trip… with bandits, cannibals, and a very limited color palette.

What about it? McCarthy’s book is one of those beloved tales that many readers believe could never find justice with a cinematic adaptation. Personally I’m curious about it because I don’t feel the book has enough story to fill a feature film. (Man and boy walk. Something minor happens. Man and boy walk. Something big threatens to happen but doesn’t. Man and boy walk. Something minor happens. Man and boy walk. Rinse. Repeat.) I trust that Hillcoat will deliver a film of dark and devastating beauty as he did with The Proposition, but I’m not sure if I should expect anything more.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

The Private Lives of Pippa Lee – An eclectic cast highlights this little film written and directed by Rebecca Miller from her own novel. Robin Wright, Maria Bello, Alan Arkin, Winona Ryder, Keanu Reeves, Mike Binder… sure it’s another suburban domestic drama, but with this cast it may be one worth watching.

Which movies are you excited about in November? Which ones will you avoid?

The Movie Watcher’s Guide To September 2009

Rob Hunter — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:49:38 +0000

And that’s a wrap for the summer 2009 movie season! We should have a recap coming up shortly, but I think it’s safe to say that it was a damn good summer for movie lovers. (Anyone who claims different not only hates movies but hates babies, puppies, ice cream, and boobs). There was something for everyone regardless of tastes, and happily many of the flicks were actually quite good. It’s time now to turn our attention to the fall though, and what’s traditionally known as Awards season, but nestled between the blockbusters of summer and prestige films of fall is a little dumping ground Hollywood calls September…

September 4th

All About Steve

Who did it? Directed by Phil Traill; written by Kim Barker; starring Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Haden Church

What is it? Bullock plays a follicular-challenged woman who becomes obsessed with Cooper after seeing him in The Hangover. For her it’s love at first sight, but for him not so much. Can she win his heart with her spunky personality and positive attitude?

What about it? There wasn’t much expectation behind this one until Bullock’s last romantic comedy, this summer’s The Proposal, grossed a very surprising $160 million. That put the 45 year-old actress back on top of the rom-com genre where she started with the still fantastic and sweet While You Were Sleeping. I’m pulling for her, but damn that hair looks atrocious.

Watch the trailer:

Extract

Who did it? Directed and written by Mike Judge; starring Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Kristen Wiig, JK Simmons, Ben Affleck

What is it? Judge tries to apologize for Idiocracy by returning to the more successful workplace comedy roots of Office Space. The twist here is that the boss played by Bateman is the likable lead, and the workers themselves are the crazy ones.

What about it? I love Bateman, and Kunis looks really goddamn good as the new temp that catches his eye. Add in Simmons, Wiig, and yes even Affleck and you’ve got a really strong, comedic cast. 20th Century Fox first planned for this to be a limited release but have since moved it to a much wider schedule.

Watch the Trailer:

Gamer

Who did it? Directed and written by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor; starring Gerard Butler, Michael C Hall, Ludacris

What is it? The Running Man meets The Sims… and proceeds to blow those little diamond-headed bastards away. Butler stars as a disposable action star being controlled virtually by a teenager. If he wins, he regains his freedom. If he loses, he dies.

What about it? This is the third film from Siamese-twin directing team of Neveldine and Taylor. They previously birthed Crank and its sequel unto the world, and if you’ve seen either of them you know that believable action isn’t one of their top priorities. The action does look pretty intense here though, and Butler is a lot more charismatic than Jason Statham…

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release:

Amreeka - A Middle Eastern woman and her teenage son move to America filled with hopes and dreams but soon realizes a change in geography doesn’t preclude the difficult choices and hard times to come.

Carriers - Four friends drive with the quickness across the southwest trying to find safety from a deadly virus that’s wiping out the human race. Chris Pine and Piper Perabo star.

September 11th

9

Who did it? Directed by Shane Acker; written by Pamela Pettler; starring (voices of) Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, Christopher Plummer, Crispin Glover, John C Reilly

What is it? A CGI-animated story about sock puppets who survive an apocalypse only to discover they’re humanity’s last hope.

What about it? Yes I know they’re not actually sock puppets… 9 (voiced by Wood) and his cohorts are sentient ragdolls trying to solve a grand mystery while being pursued by various mechanical beasts. The ads are doing a great job of showcasing the film’s best parts including some very impressive action scenes and visual designs. A PG-13 rating and the absence of either the Pixar or Dreamworks name may turn some folks off, but it should still find an audience in those who like their CGI dark and gritty.

Watch the Trailer:

Sorority Row

Who did it? Directed by Stewart Hendler; written by Pete Goldfinger, Mark Rosman, Josh Stolberg; starring Jamie Chung, Rumer Willis, Audrina Partridge, Carrie Fisher

What is it? Technically a remake of House on Sorority Row, but really just an excuse to throw some pseudo-hot chicks in the shower and then stab them.

What about it? The only real difference between this and I Know What you Did Last Summer is the producers’ commitment to an R-rating for more than just violence and gore (meaning, they’ve added some uncovered breasts), but I still wish they’d focus on more original horror instead of recycling the same generic slasher shenanigans. That said, I’m a sucker for nevernude Jamie Chung so I’ll still be watching this probable turd.

Watch the Trailer:

Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself

Who did it? Directed and written by Tyler Perry; starring Tyler Perry, Taraji P Henson, Gladys Knight sans Pips, Mary J Blige

What is it? An elderly transvestite finds some teenagers rummaging in his home and decides the best punishment is sending them to live with an alcoholic, lounge-singing, floozy they call Aunt April.

What about it? I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve never watched a Madea/Tyler Perry movie. Brief snippets of his TV shows have been enough for one lifetime, thank you.

Watch the Trailer:

Whiteout

Who did it? Directed by Dominic Sena; written by Carey and Chad Hayes, Erich and Jon Hoeber; starring Kate Beckinsale, Tom Skerritt

What is it? Imagine 30 Days of Night without vampires and six times as long. A killer is stalking the streets tundras of Antarctica while a US Marshal tries to track him down before the sun sets and 180 days of night begin.

What about it? Beckinsale plays the marshal so at the very least the movie will be pleasant to look at, but it’s directed by Dominic Sena who previously gave us swill like Swordfish and Gone In Sixty Seconds… so who knows what to expect here.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt - Michael Douglas and director Peter Hyams reunite 25 years after The Star Chamber for a suspense thriller playing only in limited release?

The Red Canvas - The official tagline reads “Heroes fight with weapons forged in the heart.” That combined with the fact that the movie is being released to DVD as an unofficial installment in the Bloodsport franchise make this a must-see.

Walt and El Grupo - A documentary about Walt Disney’s 1941 visit to South America in search of movie ideas and in the hopes of spreading goodwill. I’m not making this up.

September 18th

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Who did it? Directed and written by Phil Lord and Chris Miller; starring (voices of) Neil Patrick Harris, Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Bruce Campbell, Andy Samberg, Mr. T

What is it? A scientist hoping to cure world hunger accidentally causes food to fall from the sky in large sizes and quantities. People are elated at first but soon they’re up to their eyebrows in macaroni & cheese, pig lips, and deep-fried, bacon-wrapped bacon burgers. Obesity, death, and cannibalism ensue.

What about it? This is the second CGI animated film released this month with no ties to Pixar, Disney, or Dreamworks, and that usually doesn’t bode well. The advantage here is that it’s based on a best-selling children’s book which should help bring in the kiddies. The story looks a little one-note to me, but I have very sophisticated tastes…

Watch the Trailer:

The Informant!

Who did it? Directed by Steven Soderbergh; written by Scott Burns; starring Matt Damon, Melanie Lynskey, Patton Oswalt, Scott Bakula, Clancy Brown

What is it? This is based on a true story of a highly-ranked executive at Archer Daniels Midland who turned whistle-blower for a Federal investigation into his company’s habitual and rampant price-fixing.

What about it? Sounds like a terribly boring synopsis, but I first heard this story on NPR’s This American Life radio show and it was at turns surprising, illuminating, and funny as hell. Judging by the trailer below, Soderbergh and friends may have captured that perfectly. And look at that cast!

Watch the Trailer:

Jennifer’s Body

Who did it? Directed by Karyn Kusama; written by Diablo Cody; starring Amanda Seyfried, Megan Fox, Adam Brody, JK Simmons, Amy Sedaris

What is it? A demonic cheerleader turns the tables on all the boys who’d like a taste of her and eats them instead. “Jennifer’s evil. No I mean she’s actually evil… not high school evil.”

What about it? For all the press, commentary, and buzz circling Cody since Juno two years ago, it’s hard to believe this is only her second produced screenplay. Sure she has “The United States of Tara” on Showtime, but no one watched that did they? They stuck with an R-rating on this which is nice, but I’m hoping it’s for more than just dirty hipster language.

Watch the Trailer:

Love Happens

Who did it? Directed and co-written by Brandon Camp; co-written by Mike Thompson; starring Aaron Eckhart, Jennifer Aniston, Dan Fogler, Martin Sheen, Judy Greer

What is it? A widower writes a self-help book that helps everyone but himself.

What about it? Marketing 101 should have taught the filmmakers that you never want a title that basically hands a loaded gun to your eventual critics… Love Happens? “Shit Happens” is guaranteed to be part of more than one review title regardless of how good or bad this movie ends up being. Aside from that, I like Aniston and I just wish she’d find some less predictable roles.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

The Burning Plain - Why doesn’t Guillermo Arriaga (Babel, 21 Grams, Amores Perros) take medication for his obvious ADD? The man cannot write a simple story with one plot apparently… this one follows several women who seem unconnected but by the end of the film will probably be revealed to be each others daughters, mothers, sisters, and maids.

Paris – Juliette Binoche and (my new favorite French actress) Melanie Laurent star in a tale about the people of Paris as viewed (or possibly imagined) by a dancer stuck in his apartment for health reasons.

September 25th

Fame

Who did it? Directed by Kevin Tancharoen; written by Allison Burnett; starring Kelsey Grammer, Megan Mullally, Bebe Neuwirth, Charles Dutton, Debbie Allen

What is it? The 1980 musical (and TV series that followed) about students and teachers at the NY Academy of Performing Arts gets a face-lift with a new remake that features faces new and old. But mostly new.

What about it? It’s a musical, so I can’t say it’s on my list of must-sees this month, but on the plus side the director’s sister is the very cute and multi-talented Maurissa Tancharoen. She has no connection to this movie, but I wanted to giver her a shout-out anyway. Fans of Chicago, Rent, and the original film will probably enjoy it.

Watch the Trailer:

Pandorum

Who did it? Directed by Christian Alvart; written by Travis Milloy; starring Ben Foster, Dennis Quaid, Cam Gigandet, Antje Traue

What is it? Two crew members aboard a spaceship awaken with no clue as to their identity, mission, or location. They soon discover they’re not alone, which is something they may have already known had they not lost their memories in the first place. So maybe they rediscover they’re not alone…

What about it? I predict Quaid will grimace a lot and Foster will go completely nuts, and that’s okay. The two find some other human survivors as well as something darker and deadlier stalking them through the bowels of the ship. Early footage has looked sufficiently creepy and atmospheric which is also a plus.

Watch the Trailer:

Pool Boys

Who did it? Directed by JB Rogers; written by Stuart Gibbs, Julie O’Hora, Justin Ware; starring Matthew Lillard, Efren Ramirez, Robert Davi, Tom Arnold, George Takei

What is it? Two friends open a brothel in an empty mansion. The obvious template here is a mix of Night Shift and Risky Business, but if it manages to be even half as funny as either of those movies I’ll fuck my pool boy. (I should probably add some kind of disclaimer here, but really, what are the odds this is any good? Plus, I don’t have a pool boy).

What about it? I’m not entirely convinced this flick will actually get a wide release, and honestly it’ll be insulting to movies like Moon, Away We Go, 500 Days of Summer, and The Hurt Locker if it does.

Watch the Trailer:

Surrogates

Who did it? Directed by Jonathan Mostow; written by John Brancato, Michael Ferris; starring Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Rosamund Pike, Ving Rhames

What is it? Society’s dependency on impersonal exchange leads to a world where people never leave home and instead live their lives virtually in artificial surrogate bodies. The homebodies began turning up dead, and a detective has to venture out into the real world with his real body to solve the crimes.

What about it? People haven’t been too impressed with the trailer below, but I’m actually digging it. The effects are pretty cool, the questions it raises are interesting, and Willis is dependable in his gruff detective role. Mostow is also a pretty solid though underrated director… remember Breakdown? Kurt Russell kicks ass! So yeah, this one has some real potential to surprise.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

The Boys Are Back – Clive Owen plays single dad who struggles to find a way to raise his son until he settles on the idea that he’ll say ‘yes’ to everything. I can’t imagine that’s a stretch for Clive Owen.

Capitalism: A Love Story – Robert Fure’s favorite American, Michael Moore, returns with a documentary about what makes this country great.

Coco before Chanel - Audrey Tautou could star in a two hour movie where she does nothing but make soup and I’d watch it. She’s bypassed that topic so far in films from Amelie to Priceless, and now she stars as the woman who became a legend in the fashion world.

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell – A dick wrote a book that other dicks liked. Then he made a movie.

Which movies are you excited about in September? Which ones will you avoid?

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to G.I. Joe

Robert Fure — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:07:29 +0000

If you’re a twenty-something male or a current 12 year old boy (does your mom know you’re reading this?) then you’ve probably had some experience with GI Joe, the Real American Hero. Whether you were repeatedly smashing Snake-Eyes into Storm Shadow during an epic ninja brawl and burying HISS tanks in the backyard, watching any of the 90+ episodes of the TV show or going old school reading comics and messing around with 12″ figures, you’ve been exposed to the All American toy and role model. GI Joe as a franchise has had several incarnations throughout the years, from early, basically unrelated iterations to the popular doll to the timeless articulated 3 3/4″ figures, but we’re going to learn you on the basics of what you need to know before heading to Stephen Sommers’ live action movie this weekend. Because, all together now, knowing is half the battle.

The First Recruit

As you no doubt know but I’m obligated to relay to you, GI Joe started out so many years ago as a Hasbro 12″ Doll. They weren’t called action figures yet because there wasn’t much for them to do, other than romance Barbie, but Government Issue Joe changed all that, with a toy for boys that could be equipped with rifles, military gear, and knives. There was no time to cuddle with Barbie, Joe had work to do and that work was kicking ass in the sandbox. It’s worth mentioning, barely, that there have been comics titled “GI Joe” since the 1940s, though they were completely unrelated to anything we’re seeing now. No, this American Hero was born via plastic in 1964 and was first put into print in 1967 as America’s Moveable Fighting Man. Hasbro published comics featuring their product line on and off through 1976, though little of this would influence our generation.

When speaking of the First Recruit, it’s not just a clever way to talk about the early origins of GI Joe, but a time to mention US Army General Joseph Colton, aka GI Joe Colton, the original toy and one of the premiere members of the comic book team. He would survive the earliest incarnations of the book to make a variety of appearances in later comics, including once again becoming the Joe Commander, in charge of the entire division.

The War Against Cobra

In 1982, Hasbro relaunched the franchise with the help of Marvel when they once again commissioned a comic book series based on the popular action figures. Larry Hama wrote the vast majority of the 155 issue run, a very respectable life for a comic series spawned from a toy line, one that surpassed the success of similar properties and was equaled only by Transformers, whom the Joes would later team up with. In the comic series, the Joe team is a seemingly ever expanding group of specialists task with waging war against the evil terrorist organization Cobra. Often incorrectly described or remembered as a children’s book due to its close relative cartoon, GI Joe: A Real American Hero handled adult situations and mixed real danger and death into the pages. Fan favorite Snake-Eyes suffered disfiguring facial injuries, the extent of which changed over the years and his love interest Scarlett was shot in the head at point blank range – though she survived. Other members of the team were permanently paralyzed or killed in combat. One particular arc introduced the SAW Viper, a heavy machine gun toting bad guy who executed several unarmed Joes in a medical triage center. The SAW Viper would meet a none-too-kind fate thanks to Snake-Eyes getting up close and personal with him, but death, abandonment, and even puppy kicking appeared on the pages. The Marvel series ended with issue #155 in 1994, though the GI Joe team was recommissioned by different publishers every few years since then, never really disappearing from comic racks.

In the cartoon world, 1983 saw the first GI Joe: A Real American Hero miniseries hit the airwaves, a five part pilot entitled The MASS Device. This was followed by several more miniseries, all of which generally stuck to the same tune of Cobra executing a plot to threaten the entire world while the Joes battle them across the globe. In September of 1985 the Joes became series regulars and continued with the same creative company for 95 episodes. The cartoon was, obviously, more cartoony than the comic series. Bullets were replaced by red and blue lasers and every exploded vehicle launched its occupant to safety first. Comedic characters like Shipwreck took bigger roles over the original comic Joes like Stalker and Cobra became more baffling and bumbling rather than threatening, eventually employing robot soldiers that the Joes could destroy without killing actual humans. But the fun camp of the show, coupled with lots of lasers, ninja action, and easy to understand lessons held charm for everyone and the show is still remembered fondly.

Meet The Joes

Now that you know how we got to the movie, it’s time to who made it in. Having not seen the film yet, these origins will refer to the cartoon or comic versions of the characters, though some have been changed for the film. The list will also focus only on those characters confirmed to be in the movie.

General Hawk - Real name Clayton Abernathy, a young Colonel Hawk was tasked with building the first GI Joe team and leading them into battle. After the death of his superior, Hawk was promoted and became the Commanding Officer of the GI Joe team, a position he would hold until the unit was disbanded.

Duke – Real name Conrad Hauser, this First Sergeant became a key player in the cartoon, despite a somewhat more limited role in the comic book. Duke is the Second in Command of the Joe unit and its long-time Field Leader, the one in charge when the asses need kicked. In the cartoon, Duke and Scarlett had some romantic tension between them.

Scarlett – Real name Shana O’Hara, Scarlett was the first female GI Joe action figure (not doll) and one of the only female characters to have a presence in both the comic and cartoon iterations. In all media, Scarlett is hot and deadly, preferring to use a cross bow but a master of ninja stars and hand to hand combat as well. In the comic, she becomes romantically involved with Snake-Eyes after a long courtship. Initially hired as a Hand-to-Hand combat instructor, Snake-Eyes allowed her to defeat him during an example, letting her save face in front of the other Joes. Later, Snake-Eyes risked his life and was injured severly and permanently to rescue Scarlett from a crashing helicopter.

Snake-Eyes – Real name Classified, Snake-Eyes is one of the baddest mothers on the planet. Dressed head to toe in black and often sporting a sword or two, a couple of fighting knives, a bandolier of grenades and a duo of uzis, this is one ninja-master who doesn’t mess around. Various origins have existed to the end result that his face was scarred or disfigured and his vocal cords being destroyed, though the extent of the injuries varies. Snake-Eyes helped popularize the ninja-craze era of the GI Joes and was a major player in the comics, though his role in the cartoon series was much less apparent. A Westerner trained by the Arashikage Clan, Snake-Eyes is often either the sword-brother or fierce enemy of Storm Shadow. Also, he has a pet timber wolf.

Ripcord – Real name Wallace Weems, Ripcord is a HALO (high altitude, low opening) parachute jump specialist who had little influence or appearance in the comics or cartoons. And now he’s played by Marlon Wayans.

Heavy Duty – Real name Lamont Morris has been changed to Hershel Dalton for the film, Heavy Duty is best known for being the cousin of long-time Joe member Roadblock. For all intents and purposes, Heavy Duty comes off as Roadblock light, as they both enjoy cooking and speaking in rhyme. His specialty, again like Roadblock, is carrying big-ass guns and shooting alot.

Breaker – Real name Alvin Kibbey has been changed to Abel Shaz for the film and he’s gone from bearded white guy to goateed Moroccan. Breaker is the team communications specialist and appeared fairly frequently in the Marvel comics line, though he met his death in a tank explosion after escaping the SAW Viper massacre.

Cover-Girl – Real name Courtney Krieger, Covergirl is a model turned tank driver and mechanic who served as the comedic objection of affection for Shipwreck. In the comics, she eventually pursues a relationship with the silly sailor and her personality is decidedly feminine though she’s a more than capable mechanic. In the film, they changed the pretty girl to the secretary or something.

Cobra, The Enemy!

Cobra is an evil terrorist organization bent on, what else, global domination. The terrorist group has achieved varying levels of success and been portrayed as either threatening or completely incompetent. Often a handful of Joes are enough to defeat entire battalions of Cobra troops. The cartoon series notably made Cobra an organization of failures and dullards despite looking cool, while in the comics they were a bit more dangerous.

Cobra Commander – Real name unknown, but in the film he’s named Rex Lewis. A few different origins exist for the man who would become Cobra Commander, the most oft repeated one has him as a down on his luck but charismatic used car salesman who becomes disenfranchised from the United States and slowly begins building a loyal following. His origin is often tied to that of Snake-Eyes when the Commander’s brother drunkenly crashes his car into another vehicle, killing the family of Snake-Eyes who were en route to meet him at an airport many years ago. Through his own distorted machinations, the Commander blamed Snake-Eyes and set about trying to destroy him. Portrayed in every light from campy puppy kicker to evil terrorist mastermind to stumbling idiot in the cartoon, Cobra Commander has none the less remained an awesome and badass villain.

Destro – Real name James McCullen Destro, this close Cobra confidant heads up M.A.R.S. the Military Armament Research Syndicate and provides advanced weaponry to the Cobra organization as well as fielding his own army of soldiers. Destro is best known for the silver (or sometimes gold) mask he wears, a family heirloom that has been passed down for generations. The mask originated as punishment for his ancestor selling weapons to both sides of a war, a tradition that continues to this day. He is often romantically linked to the Baroness, in the comics even conceiving a child with her.

Baroness – Real name Anastasia DeCobray, the Baroness puts the hot in “hot dominatrix” whether she is in the comics or the cartoon. As Second in Command of Cobra and its chief intelligence officer, she is a major player in many of the comic storylines and often seen in the animated series. Portrayed as absolutely ruthless, the Baroness is responsible for the deaths of many and attempted to kill Scarlett by shooting her in the face. Scarlett survived but the Baroness escaped vengeance and continued to plague the Joe team, though her loyalties to Cobra have often been less than solid. In the film, she is the ex-fiance of Duke and the sister of Cobra Commander.

Storm Shadow - Real name Thomas “Tommy” Arashikage, Storm Shadow is the flip side to the Snake-Eyes awesome ninja coin. Dressed all in white, or sometimes in a white-gray camouflage, Storm Shadow became a fan favorite with his first appearance in issue #21, referred to as “The Silent Issue” because there is no dialog throughout. In the story, we see Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow are both excellent fighters and share the same tattoo. In his origin, Storm Shadow was accused of murdering his Uncle, the Hard Master, and fled in search of the assassin who killed him. He is often a rival to Snake-Eyes as Snake was the better student while Tommy felt entitled because of his blood link to the Arashikage clan. Later, they would become like brothers.

MARS Soldier - MARS Soldiers are called Iron Grenadiers in the comics and make-up the bulk of Destro’s sizable army and are dressed in battle helmets that resemble Destro’s ancestral face covering. In the film, they are the bulk of the army the Joe’s face off against.

Now You Know

I could talk about GI Joe for days, but the movie is already in theaters and any more delays on this guide would be failures of Cobra proportions. If you think the movie looks cool (or bad) I would suggest you explore the comic books. All the classic Marvel stories are being collected in trade paperbacks and are pretty cheap and definitely worth a read. There is some great war action, awesome ninja fighting, and plenty to keep you entertained. The cartoon series is also recently on DVD, so keep a look out for that, and the full length animated movie GI Joe: Resolute was praised for being a realistic, darker take on the subject matter. Yo Joe!

Discuss GI Joe below for the other half of the battle.

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to August 2009

Rob Hunter — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 05:00:15 +0000

The summer’s almost over, and so far it’s been an incredibly mixed bag movie-wise. Star Trek, The Hangover, and Harry Potter are some of the few deserving wins on the box-office side while most of the supposed summer blockbusters including X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator: Salvation, Bruno, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen all failed to make a financial mark (yeah, that last one was just wishful thinking because the movie sucked so much ass). Quality-wise, many of the summer’s best films have actually been of the decidedly smaller variety including 500 Days of Summer, The Hurt Locker, Moon, and Away We Go.

Which brings us to the final month of summer 2009…

August 7th

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

What is it? Hasbro’s most popular toy line for boys comes to life with an advance military team of real American heroes fighting against an evil organization with cool gadgets, deadly weapons, and kung-fu grips.

What about it? Has there ever been a film that received more negative pre-release buzz than GI Joe? The past few months have seen random bits of criticism about the movie get amplified across the web by just about every movie site (including this one). The reports were based on anonymous sources, advance screening reviews, and pure speculation, and were legitimate news items for the most part… but if a select group of web journalists are to be believed all that negativity was pure bullshit. Director Stephen Sommers has never made a great movie, but the new advance buzz says that may be about to change. At least for ten year old boys.

Read Neil Miller’s early review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra here

Watch the trailer:

Julie & Julia

What is it? Writer/director Nora Ephron turns two books into a single movie. One is an autobiography from Julia Child and the other is by a blogger who cooked her way through Child’s most popular French cookbook over the course of a year.

What about it? Ephron’s name on the director chair doesn’t exactly instill confidence. Her last worthwhile movie was 1993′s Sleepless In Seattle (shut it haters, it was a good movie), and having seen Julie & Julia I can say that while it’s her best work since 1993 it’s still a pretty average film. Amy Adams is at her most delightful though and Meryl Streep has an absolute blast mimicking Child’s vocal stylings.

Read my review of Julie & Julia here.

Watch the Trailer:

A Perfect Getaway

What is it? Newlyweds honeymooning in Hawaii cross paths with two other couples… and at least one of them is a killer. Although I’m betting that by film’s end they’ll all turn out to be killers.

What about it? Writer/director David Twohy is fairly reliable in his genre work… he’s written and/or directed Pitch Black, Below, The Fugitive, Waterworld, and more. The trailer looks cool (even if it does appear to give away a bit too much), and the cast including Timothy Olyphant, Steve Zahn, Chris Hemsworth, and Milla Jovovich is pretty solid.

Read my review of A Perfect Getaway here.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release:

Cold Souls - Paul Giamatti channels John Malkovich and plays himself in this meta comedy. He pays a company to remove his soul temporarily only to see it get stolen and trafficked abroad. The question is will he want to wait for the soul mule to poop out the balloon? [More: Watch the Trailer; Read Neil Miller's Review]

Paper Heart - The oddly adorable Charlyne Yi wrote and stars in this documentary/romantic comedy that finds her on a quest to understand love. Who knew that journey would lead her to Michael Cera? [More: Watch the Trailer; Read Neil Miller's Review]

August 14th

Bandslam

What is it? A group of teen outcasts with music in their hearts and crotches form a band. The scrappy group enters the biggest music competition in town… can they pull it together enough to pull it off and win?

What about it? Didn’t star Vanessa Hudgens already cover this ground in High School Musical?

Watch the Trailer:

District 9

What is it? Alien ships appear above South Africa and the visitors are forced to live in refugee-like slums behind fences and armed guards. They just want to go home but the humans won’t let them leave… a decision they’ll regret when a federal agent is accidentally exposed to an alien gas and all hell breaks loose.

What about it? Regardless of Neil’s claim that Iron Man 2 was the big winner out of Comic Con this year, District 9 is the one that wowed me the most. (And no, I wasn’t there.) The movie’s first half reportedly lays down a not-so-subtle message about racism and apartheid before kicking things into high gear with giant robots, fierce action sequences, and gobs of blood. This may just be the sci-fi blockbuster that puts all the others to shame this year.

Watch the Trailer:

The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard

What is it? A remake of Used Cars apparently… Jeremy Piven and a bunch of other funny guys race to sell out a used car lot in a short amount of time.

What about it? The Goods is from the writers behind Balls Out and I’m hoping they’ve stepped up their comedic skills since then (so I don’t get another passive aggressive email from one half of the writing team). The trailer looks kind of flat, but I find it hard to believe having a cast this talented hasn’t resulted in a funny movie.

Watch the Trailer:

The Time Traveler’s Wife

What is it? A woman falls in love with a man who travels uncontrollably through time. He appears to her in her childhood (but after he’s already met and loved her adult self in the future) and plants the seed reserves a space for his future love in her heart. Sounds more perverted and unethical than romantic doesn’t it?

What about it? Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams star as the couple and both of them are solid actors, but the love story at play here has a huge hurdle to overcome with the whole time travel without purpose shtick.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

It Might Get Loud - Jimmy Page. The Edge. Jack White. One of these things is not like the others… but that doesn’t stop the three axemen from getting together for a rocking documentary about the electric guitar. [More: Watch the Trailer]

Ponyo - Hayao Miyazaki’s first animated feature since his last one follows the adventures of a sea slug that becomes a boy on a quest to save the planet. Or something. [More: Watch the Trailer]

Spread - Ashton Kutcher has lots of casual sex and learns valuable lessons along the way. I can only assume one of them involves teaching old dogs new tricks. [More: Watch the Trailer]

August 21st

Inglourious Basterds

What is it? Quentin Tarantino’s World War II opus about a squad of soldiers romping around Europe scalping Nazis. The question is would they still do it if Ticketmaster didn’t charge those damn extra fees?

What about it? Advance word is exactly what we should expect from Tarantino… lots of talking, very little action.Is that a bad thing? Probably not since Tarantino’s strength is definitely with dialogue. And Brad Pitt’s accent aside, early footage has looked fairly promising as well.

Watch the Trailer:

Post Grad

What is it? No idea.

What about it? It’s release is three weeks away, but the movie has had little to no advance publicity. So according to IMDB, Alexis Bledel stars as a young woman trying to get her life together. Sounds pretty generic but the supporting cast looks interesting… Michael Keaton, Jane Lynch, Carol Burnett, Craig Robinson, Fred Armisen…

Watch the Trailer:

Shorts

What is it? A little nerd finds a stone that makes technicolor wishes come true. Sadly, all of his wishes involve CGI (and none of them involve hot, naked women).

What about it? This looks like a slight step up from Robert Rodriguez’ previous movies for rugrats with ADD, but that’s not saying much. The premise and the constant projectile CGI should keep the target audience happy.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

My One and Only - What ever happened to Renee Zellweger? Oh, here she is. [More: Watch the Trailer]

World’s Greatest Dad – Bobcat Goldthwait wrote and directed this dark comedy that stars Robin Williams as father to the worst son ever. The ads are doing a fantastic job of concealing a major plot point so I’m going to go masturbate in the closet with a necktie instead of ruining it for you here. [More: Watch the Trailer; Read Neil Miller's Review]

August 28th

The Final Destination 3D

What is it? Death comes calling for a fourth time as the franchise embraces the third dimension with gusto.

What about it? The Final Destination series has followed the law of diminishing returns, but the intricate deaths have continued to entertain. The gory and precise set-pieces are extremely well-suited to 3-D and almost guarantee the movie will be a blast to watch in theaters.

Watch the Trailer:

Halloween 2

What is it? The sequel to Halloween, obviously.

What about it? I’m no fan of Of Rob Zombie’s films, but the Halloween remake is the best of his three. And that’s even with that annoying as hell little girl playing a young Michael Myers. The sequel apparently still includes some flashbacks to the pre-teen serial killer, but most of the film should focus on the towering adult cutting a swathe through town.

Watch the Trailer:

Taking Woodstock

What is it? Ang Lee takes a comedic look at the true story behind the original Woodstock music festival.

What about it? Demitri Martin takes the lead role and is joined by a muddy Emile Hirsch and a dress-wearing Liev Schreiber. Lee makes consistently good and occasionally great movies, and he knows no bounds when it comes to genres. This is his first comedy since Eat Drink Man Woman so there’s that.

Watch the Trailer:

In Limited Release

The September Issue – A documentary about fashion and magazine publishing that focuses on Anna Wintour and the Fall 2008 issue of Vogue. Will it be as powerful and emotionally devastating as Dear Zachary? It is Vogue’s most important issue of the year after all. [More: Watch the Trailer]

Which movies are you excited about in August? Which ones will you avoid?

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to the Harry Potter Universe

Cole Abaius — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:54:25 +0000

Let’s pretend for a second that you and your friends aren’t gathering together at noon local time to make a bunch of pizza rolls and throw in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for what promises to be a very long, very Potter-filled day of marathoning through all the films leading up to the premiere of Half-Blood Prince tonight at midnight. Let’s pretend you aren’t doing that. Let’s pretend that, instead, you need a quick refresher course in all things Potter from someone who has already seen the new movie (twice) and enjoys bragging about that fact (in parentheses).

Luckily, you’ve turned to us at Film School Rejects who can provide you all you need to know about the Potter universe so that you can walk into the sixth film with confidence. After all, Yates is a sneaky director who loves throwing in minor details, and you want to be able to catch all the nuances right?

As a quick note, I’ll mention that there are spoilers aplenty from the other films, so if you really haven’t seen the movies but plan to, you might want to avoid reading this. As another quick note, I’ll point out I’ve done my best not to spoil anything in the new film because I’m not a heartless person. The details that I’m writing about from the previous films may or may not have any significance for Half-Blood Prince, but you shouldn’t think that just because something’s included in this refresher course, that it’s meaningful or important in the upcoming flick.

Everyone on board? Excellent. Without further ado, let’s go back, all the way back to the beginning. Starting with the same film that you and your friends plan on starting with for your marathon. (We can stop pretending like it isn’t happening).

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

More than anything, this movie serves as an introduction to the characters and some of the rules of the universe. So first, the players:

Harry Potter – Obviously the main character of the film, he was almost killed by The Dark Lord Voldemort as a child, but survived the attack while Voldemort lost all of his powers. He has lived with his cruel Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia (and their bratty son Dudley) since the attack when, while he lived, his parents were both killed. Thinking himself a normal kid, he learns on his eleventh birthday that he’s actually a wizard – and a very famous one already. He’s taken from his Aunt and Uncle, and whisked into a magical world of spells and witchcraft. And a world where the Dark Lord seeks to return to take his revenge.

Ron Weasley - The second-youngest of a large wizarding family, Ron quickly becomes Harry’s best friend when they meet each other on the train tracks to Hogwart’s (the school of wizardry that they attend). He carries around a rat named Scabbers as a pet and is generally clumsy, probably not the most talented wizard in the bunch.

Hermione Granger - A know-it-all and quick to become the smartest in their year, Hermione becomes Harry and Ron’s friend after they save her from a troll that attacks the school. She then becomes the third part of an inseparable trio of friends that attempts to find out what the school is hiding and how Lord Voldemort attempts to use it to return.

Albus Dumbledore – The Headmaster of Hogwart’s and the most powerful wizard in the world, he looks after Harry while at Hogwart’s and becomes a major mentor figure for the young boy, helping him cope with the memory of his parents and the dark times that seem to threaten from the future.

Severus Snape – The potions teacher and head of rival Slytherin House that holds a grudge against Potter because of a longstanding hatred for his father. He was formally a Death Eater (a follower of Voldemort’s), but gained Dumbledore’s trust.

Rubeus Hagrid - The groundskeeper of the school who befriends Harry, helping him get his school supplies and generally helping him and his friends along whenever they need advice. He has an affinity for magical creatures and is a half-giant.

Draco Malfoy – A young wizard from a wealthy family of pure-bloods, he is a consummate bully who feels scorned by Harry and becomes the schoolyard enemy of Harry and his friends.

Minerva McGonagall – The assistant headmistress for Hogwart’s, and head of Gryffindor (the house that Harry, Hermione and Ron belong to). She constantly catches the trio as they get into trouble, but she’s fair-minded and even suggests Harry become the Seeker for their house Quidditch team.

Professor Quirrell – The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who frequently stammers, wears a turban and is secretly concealing the almost-dead figure of Voldemort underneath. He is desperately trying to find the Sorcerer’s Stone – an object that Dumbledore has hidden in the school and that promises to give its owner eternal life. Or enough life to bring back Voldemort from the edge of death.

A few key points to remember:

Harry is the only person alive to have survived a Killing Curse, and his survival drained the powers of Lord Voldemort.

Harry, as well as most other students, get their school supplies from the shops of Diagon Alley.

Connected to Diagon Alley is the darker Knockturn Alley, an area where a large Dark Arts store called Borgin and Burkes sells dangerous magical objects.

Throughout the story, Harry believes that Snape is trying to kill him when, in fact, Snape is actually trying to save him from Professor Quirrell.

Unicorn blood has healing powers, but it takes a toll on the soul to kill one.

Harry is made the youngest Seeker in a century for the school sport of Quidditch – a blend of rugby and soccer on brooms played with three balls and a Snitch. The Seeker’s job is to catch the Snitch.

Harry, Ron and Hermione track down where the Sorcerer’s Stone is being hidden and go after who they believe is trying to steal it, but only Harry makes it to the final room to confront Quirrell.

During that confrontation, he touches Quirrell which causes Quirrell’s body to deteriorate – leading to death. That power stemmed from his mother’s love and sacrifice for him – the same reason that Voldemort was severely weakened when trying to kill Harry.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Some new players:

Ginny Weasley – The youngest of the Weasley clan, she is headed to Hogwart’s for her first year and is sorted into Gryffindor House with her brothers, Hermione and Harry.

Lucius Malfoy – Draco Malfoy’s father, a former Death Eater who wants to see Dumbledore fired as Headmaster. He is the one who slips Tom Riddle’s diary into Ginny’s book bag at the beginning of term.

Dobby The House Elf – Dobby is a servant of the Malfoy family and warns Harry not to go back to school because there are forces out to kill him

Tom Marvolo Riddle – A former student at Hogwart’s that leaves behind an enchanted diary. It’s revealed later that Tom is actually Lord Voldemort attempting to return to power by taking Ginny’s life force for his own.

Aragog – A giant spider that lives in the forest behind the school. He’s one of Hagrid’s oldest friends and has a ton of offspring that aren’t nearly as friendly.

A few key points to remember:

Harry begins to hear voices and learns that he can speak to snakes in a language called Parseltongue. This is a very rare gift and one that Voldemort also possessed.

As it turns out, Voldemort himself transferred the power to Harry when he tried to kill him.

Messages written in blood appear on the walls warning people that the Heir of Slytherin has returned and is opening the Chamber of Secrets. The last time that happened, a girl died.

Harry wrestles with the idea that he may be the Heir of Slytherin since he can talk to snakes. He also suspects Draco.

Harry and Ron use Polyjuice Potion (which gives the drinker the appearance of someone they need to imitate) in order to confront Draco about the Chamber.

Hermione is petrified by the monster that’s been set loose from the Chamber along with several other people. A note in her hand leads Harry and Ron to find out that the monster is actually a basilisk, a giant snake that kills people when they look into its eyes. Since none of the victims looked directly into its eyes, they were only stunned.

Harry and Ron talk to Aragog, a giant spider who tells them that Hagrid, previously thought to have opened the Chamber all those years ago, is actually innocent. But Aragog turns on the boys and sends his children to attack them.

Ginny is stunned and taken down into the Chamber where Harry ultimately has to fight the Basilisk while the memory of Tom Riddle (who reveals himself to be Voldemort) watches on. Harry succeeds in killing the Basilisk, and uses one of its fangs to stab Tom Riddle’s diary which was holding the memory of the teenage version of Lord Voldemort – foiling his plan to return yet again and saving Ginny’s life.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Some new players:

Sirius Black – The prisoner from the title, Black is thought to be a notorious mass murder that is escaping from Azkaban prison in order to find and kill Harry. He’s also a suspected Death Eater, but he’s actually Harry’s Godfather, escaping prison to try to protect Harry and keep him safe from the dark forces trying to kill him

Remus Lupin – The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Lupin is also a werewolf and an old friend of Harry’s father James. James, Sirius, and he were best friends throughout their school days.

Peter Pettigrew - A wizard who has hidden as Ron’s rat Scabbers since Voldemort’s disappearance and plans on killing Harry. He was also a school-age friend to James Potter, but betrayed both of Harry’s parents to Lord Voldemort – leading directly to their death.

Cornelius Fudge – The Minister of Magic, he takes a liking to Harry and keeps him from getting expelled.

Professor Trelawney - A seer who predicts the attempted return of Lord Voldemort and predicts grave danger for Harry.

Dementors – The guards of Azkaban prison who feed on happiness and frequently attack Harry as they look for Sirius Black.

A few key points to remember:

Professor Lupin teaches Harry the Patronus charm which acts as a shield against the Dementors.

The twins, George and Fred Weasley, give Harry a blank piece of parchment that, when called upon, turns into a map of the entire school showing where everyone is at any given point in time.

It’s because of this map that Harry sees Peter Pettigrew wandering the halls, despite being previously believed to have been murdered by Sirius Black.

Despite cornering Peter Pettigrew, Lupin turns into a werewolf at the sight of the full moon and allows the killer to escape.

Sirius bonds with Harry as his Godfather and invites him to come live with him.

Sirius also sends Harry a Firebolt, the fastest broom in the world.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Some new players:

Lord Voldemort – Although he’s appeared in other movies as a significantly weakened entity or as a memory, he returns here to full force. He is one of the world’s most powerful wizards and certainly the most evil, seeking through what ever means necessary, the ability to live forever.

Cedric Diggory – One of the most well-loved boys at Hogwart’s, he competes in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, but is killed by Peter Pettigrew in a graveyard while Voldemort attempts to return to full strength.

Cho Chang – Cedric’s girlfriend who Harry has a crush on.

Alastor Moody – A former Auror (essentially the detectives of the Wizard World) who becomes the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Unfortunately, he is captured by a Death Eater who poses as him throughout the school year and puts Harry into mortal danger in order to get him into the graveyard where Voldemort awaits.

James and Lily Potter – Harry’s parents who were killed when he was just an infant.

Nagini – Voldemort’s pet snake.

A few key points to remember:

The Death Eaters are getting stronger and more open, attacking a huge crowd at the Quidditch World Cup and leaving a Dark Mark in the sky.

At school, they are hosting a famed wizard sporting event called the Tri-Wizard Tournament. This involves two other schools from different parts of the world. It also involves a dance where it becomes clear that Ron has feelings for Hermione.

Harry begins having dreams of Voldemort, which he believes may come true.

At the end of the tournament, the Tri-Wizard cup turns out to be a portkey (an object that transports those that touch it) to a graveyard where Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort await Harry to attack him.

They use Harry’s blood to bring back Voldemort.

By dueling with Voldemort, Harry is able to see the ghosts of his parents James and Lily who help him escape the graveyard back to Hogwart’s with Cedric Diggory’s body.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Some new players:

Dolores Umbridge – The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, positioned there by the Ministry of Magic to keep an eye on the school. She refuses to actually teach practical defense and through ministry decrees, moves up the ladder to become Headmistress in order to create a police state in the school.

Bellatrix Lestrange – The cousin of Sirius Black and Aunt to Draco Malfoy, she is an incredibly dangerous witch that is fiercely loyal and highly trusted by Lord Voldemort

Luna Lovegood – An eccentric student who befriends Harry, Hermione and Ron. Her father publishes The Quibbler, the only publication that believes that Voldemort has returned. Harry connects with her because they have both known close personal tragedy.

Nymphadora Tonks – A young Auror who helps Harry escape the his Aunt and Uncle’s and who becomes a vital fighter for the Order.

A few key points to remember:

Remus, Sirius, Snape, Tonks, Moody, The Weasleys and several others are part of an organization called The Order of the Phoenix that formed when Voldemort first rose to power. They are reforming after Harry confirmed that The Dark Lord finally was able to return.

The wizard world is split as Dumbledore spreads word that Voldemort has returned, but Minister Fudge actively denounces this in order to save political face. This split goes all the way down to the student level where several students have stopped talking to Harry because he keeps claiming that Voldemort is back.

Because Fudge is paranoid, he appoints Dolores Umbridge to teach at Hogwart’s in order to make sure that Dumbledore isn’t trying to steal Fudge’s job.

This leads her to begin taking over the school and enforcing arbitrary rules, cruelly punishing students and desperately seeking out a conspiracy that doesn’t seem to exist.

Since Umbridge also refuses to teach Defense in any real way, Harry becomes the true Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher as he holds secret meetings where he shows students how to use spells like the Patronus.

During these sessions, Ginny proves to be an incredibly powerful witch. She also shows that she has feelings for Harry even though he is dating Cho Chang.

This secret group is named Dumbledore’s Army, and when it is discovered, Fudge attempts to have Dumbledore arrested for treason, but he escapes (with style) and goes into hiding.

Harry continues to have nightmares about Voldemort which prove a connection between the two minds.

This connection is dangerous because it might allow Voldemort to spy on, torture or control Harry. This, along with the blood that they both share, is another connection between the two. It makes Harry question whether or not he could just as easily turn over into the Dark Arts.

Snape teaches Harry the art of Occlumency in order to shield his mind from invasion, but these lessons stop when Harry invades Snape’s memory and sees a scene where Harry’s father bullies Snape in the schoolyard.

Bellatrix escapes from prison and leads a battle against Harry and his friends inside the Department of Mysteries, brought there by a false image of Sirius being tortured by Voldemort.

During a fight between the Order and the Death Eaters, the Order gets the upper hand, but Bellatrix kills Sirius in front of Harry, causing him to panic, chase her and attempt to torture her.

Dumbledore saves Harry’s life by fighting Voldemort.

By the end of the fight, Fudge and several other ministry officials see Voldemort, having to admit that he’s returned.

With that information out in the open, and feeling the strength of numbers, the Death Eaters are now free to actively, openly attack the wizarding world.

Closing the Book

Hopefully this refresher course will be a solid foundation for enjoying the movie if you aren’t able to rock through the other five before you have to draw Dark Marks on your forearm in Sharpie and head to the theater line. You might also check out my spoiler-free review of Half-Blood Prince. The sixth film certainly stands on its own, but who are we kidding? With this many characters and so much information to remember, this cheat sheet of quick facts seems to give an edge over the casual movie-goer.

Also be sure to check out our Ultimate Half-Blood Prince Picture Gallery and wear your Gryffindor colors with pride. Even if you’re, like, 38-years-old. There’s no shame in it, brother! What you do in your free-time is totally up to you, no matter what those other adults say.

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to Pixar

Josh Radde — Wed, 27 May 2009 23:20:22 +0000

What began as a mere piece of Lucasfilm’s Computer Section known as “the Graphics Group” was sold by George Lucas to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs in the mid-80s so that he could pay for his divorce. The price-tag was $5 million. Shortly after the sale, Jobs’ new investment was used to make state-of-the-art computer hardware for government agencies and hospitals among others. One of their clients was Disney, who liked the company’s Image Computer. And when employee John Lasseter started to make commercials for the computer using the innovative technology, it quickly caught fire. So, what began as a neglected piece of the Lucasfilm realm became the gold-standard in computer animated entertainment: Pixar.

This weekend’s new Pixar release, Up, is its 10th feature-length film since inception. I now present you with a brief history of Pixar’s successes (and let’s be honest, it’s mostly all successes with very little failing).

Toy Story (1995)

Pixar’s first feature-length film and the first film in history to use only CGI to tell the story. Woody (Tom Hanks) gets jealous when tricked-out action figure Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) joins owner “Andy”‘s collection of toys. Lightyear seems to not believe that he’s a toy, a child’s play-thing. Woody, feeling as if he’s been ousted by the newcomer sets about a deceptive plot to regain his place as Andy’s most cherished toy.

What’s amazing about Toy Story is how much it holds up today. As the first film of its kind, you would expect it to be a guess-and-check type of success; it would’ve been given credit for its innovation but would’ve lacked in story. But, Toy Story overcame all expectations and destroyed them. Not only could Disney make a completely CGI-ed movie for less money than their 2-D animation counterparts (Toy Story cost $30 million while The Lion King came in at $45 million), but they could create their own unique personality as well.

A Bug’s Life (1998)

A clumsy ant, Flik (Dave Foley) accidentally destroys the food rations to be given to a mafia-like grasshopper named, well, Hopper (Kevin Spacey). He then recruits a merry band of insect circus rejects to fight off the bad guys. Notable among the circus insects is Slim, a stick-bug voiced by David Hyde Pierce and Francis, the lady-bug voiced by Denis Leary who has to continually remind people that he is a MALE lady-bug.

As much as this is an enjoyable movie, it seems like an outcast amongst the other films in the Pixar catalog. It’s not nearly as strong as Toy Story. It’s funny and engaging but seems to lack a lot of the heart that other Pixar films have in spades. In the end of the day, however, A Bug’s Life was still more successful than the year’s other insect-oriented CGI film, Antz.

Toy Story 2 (1999)

Woody, Buzz, and the gang are back for Pixar’s first and only (so far) sequel. When Woody accidentally falls into a box at a yard sale, collector Al McWhiggin (Wayne Knight, Newman from “Seinfeld”) snatches him away to put him in with the other members of the “Woody’s Round-Up” gang, including Jessie (Joan Cusack) and Stinky Pete (Kelsey Grammer). Meanwhile, Buzz and the other toys are en route to save Woody.

Toy Story 2 is a great sequel. The animation is great, the new characters are charming and the action is surprisingly intense, showcasing an ability by Pixar to create vivid animated intensity. Toy Story 2 also lead to more difficulties and controversy with Disney, who had originally planned to release Toy Story 2 direct-to-video, but changed their tune after seeing how progress was coming along. Pixar felt that it should count as their third of five films contracted with Disney, but Disney disagreed. These negotiations would be a serious issue later on. Also, with the animators rushing to get the project completed, several suffered arm injuries similar to writer’s cramps – prompting the studio to take a longer hiatus between movies.

Monsters, Inc (2001)

The fourth film in Pixar’s collection saw two monsters, James “Sully” Sullivan (John Goodman) and Mike Wazowski (Billy Crystal), who accidentally let a young girl, known only as Boo, into Monstropolis. Meanwhile, the scare-inducing ways of villain Randall Boggs (Steve Buscemi) seek to oust Mike and Sully and even go to ethically questionable lengths to power the city (because, you see, little kid’s screams give Monstropolis the energy they need to survive).

Pixar really broadened their horizons with Monsters, Inc. This was the first film where the animators were really able to stretch their wings. They reportedly created over a million distinct closet door designs for the film, and while that may seem like a small task, just think about that number for a second: one million closet doors, and most of them would never, ever be seen. This was also the first Pixar film to cost over $100 million to make.

Finding Nemo (2003)

A recently widowed clown fish named Marlin (Albert Brooks) needs desperately to save his only son Nemo after he’s caught be a scuba diver. In his search for his son he meets Dory (Ellen Degeneres), a forgetful fish with good intentions and a clumsy nature. The duo encounter a trio of sharks, a group of turtles, and various other sea creatures while trying to find his son in Sydney, Australia.

Finding Nemo is considered by some as Pixar’s best film. Degeneres carries a lot of the comic workload, while Brooks’ Marlin is one of the more sympathetic characters. Showing a character’s horrifying event to trigger the action as well as having him be an overprotective father and deeply complex character was another step forward for Pixar in the drama department. Finding Nemo is also the in the Top 10 of best-selling DVDs of all-time with over 40 million units sold. In addition, you can find a stage musical based on the film featuring songs such as “Just Keep Swimming” and “Fish are Friends, not Food.” Finding Nemo is also notable as the only kid’s movie to give me serious heeby-jeebies (the scene where they keep swimming deeper and it gets darker really freaks me out).

The Incredibles (2004)

Bob Parr is a large man working at an insurance agency. He’s also a “Super” known as Mr. Incredible (Craig T. Nelson). But since super heroes were outlawed, he and his wife Helen, aka Elastigirl (Holly Hunter) live their lives without much adventure. Then Syndrome (Jason Lee) finds a way to con Mr. Incredible into coming to his secure island headquarters where he gets held captive. Once he disappears it’s up to Helen, their son Dash and daughter Violet (author and comedian Sarah Vowell) to save them. Samuel L. Jackson also adds some layer of awesomeness to the proceedings co-starring as Frozone.

This was Brad Bird’s first film with Pixar and it was also the longest film Pixar had attempted to make. It was also the first time that the cast of characters were all human, so Pixar had to step up the animation and make believable humans. This made Disney almost pull the plug on the entire film and to wrestle with the idea of doing it live-action. Luckily, John Lasseter backed Bird’s vision and Pixar’s arguably most enjoyable film was a success.

Cars (2006)

Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) is a stud rookie who is racing against notable runner up Chick Hicks (Michael Keaton) and long-time veteran Strip Weathers (Paul Newman). Through a mishap on the road overnight, Lightning ends up in Radiator Springs where he is ordered by the town sheriff to repave the town road after he tears it up. Bonnie Hunt and Larry the Cable Guy also co-star as inhabitants of Radiator Springs.

Cars was originally scheduled to be the film to follow A Bug’s Life, but was put aside in lieu of Toy Story 2. It may have been best for Pixar since A Bug’s Life and Cars are their two least favored films (and by least favored, I mean only 3 of 4 critics loved it) and putting them back-to-back could’ve been a setback for Pixar. The soundtrack also features a pretty rousing remake of “Life is a Highway” performed by the Rascal Flatts. I suppose that’s notable.

Ratatouille (2007)

Bird’s second film with Pixar followed a rat named Remy (Patton Oswalt) who has a special soft spot for cooking. When he gets separated from his family he ends up at legendary chef Auguste Gusteau’s restaurant in Paris. He then uses human Alfredo Linguini as a puppet to do his culinary bidding. But when sous chef Skinner (Ian Holm) begins to suspect that there’s something tricky going on with Linguini, he investigates. There’s also food critic Anton Ego (Peter O’Toole) to contend with.

What’s notable about Ratatouille is its simplicity. Aside from Remy most of the main characters are human and there’s actually very little action in the film. It’s more like a rags-to-riches comedy starring a rat. Fun story: Pixar tried to market a wine connecting with the release of Ratatouille, but the California Wine Institute banned the wine for fear that marketing with cartoon characters may attract underage kids to drink it. Valid.

Wall-E (2008)

In 2105, humans have made such a mess of Earth that they need to leave it in order for machines to clean it. Wall-E has survived 700 years by taking parts left behind by drained units and using them to replace his own creaky parts. Wall-E has also developed a personality and range of emotion over that time period. When Eve, a robot probe sent to find a source of life on Earth find Wall-E’s singular plant he ends up following her into outer space where he finds humans that are obese and lazy, who have forgotten what it’s like to do any sort of work.

This was a first for Pixar, having a main character who couldn’t talk. It actually worked to Pixar’s favor as most people who saw Wall-E’s expressive nature actually projected a personality on to the robot. The animators watched Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton films everyday to try and create a character that would excel on a silent platform. The film also hammered home messages like “keep the planet clean” and “don’t get complacent and lazy despite technology” without getting overly preachy. It’s also, strangely, the only Pixar film to be labeled as “science fiction.”

Up (2009)

Pixar’s 10th film so far. Carl Fredricksen (Ed Asner) is an old curmudgeon and when threat of a retirement home comes to him, he up and leaves his house using 10,000 balloons to lift him off his own land and head to South America. He inadvertently takes an 8 year-old boy scout with him.

Up opened the Cannes Film Festival, becoming the first animated film to do so. As far as fun facts regarding the design, the animators actually computer-generated 10,927 balloons and twice that number in one scene when the house actually takes off.

Pixar Trends

John Ratzenberger has appeared in all 10 Pixar films, including “Tom, the construction worker” in Up.

Academy Awards: Since the inception of the “Best Animated Feature” for the 2001 ceremony, Pixar films have won 4 of the 8 total awards. The winning films were Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and Wall-E, while Monsters, Inc and Cars are the only two not to win the award. Every Pixar film has been nominated for either original song or score and 5 Pixar films have been nominated for Best Original Screenplay. Toy Story won a Special Achievement Oscar for being the first film done completely with computer graphics.

Competition: Pixar is seen as the computer generated giant, with Dreamworks and Warner Bros. being its only real competition and the Shrek series being the only other CGI franchise to out-gross a Pixar film.

Critical acclaim: Aside from Cars (at 75%), every other Pixar film has rated above 90% Fresh on Rottentomatoes.com. On Metacritic, which measures the actual scores and not just a fresh/rotten meter, only Cars, A Bug’s Life, and Monsters, Inc rated below an 80 (which means each film got an average rating of at least 4 out 5 stars or higher).

Box office dominance: Every Pixar film has been very successful at the worldwide box office. Each Pixar outing, with the exception of Wall-E has made triple its budget (but Wall-E still made $534 million worldwide, so don’t shed too many tears) with the highest grossing being Finding Nemo coming in just under $900 million, working off a $96 million budget.

Upcoming projects: Pixar’s slate is full with Toy Story 3 coming out next June (and Toy Story 1 and 2 re-releasing in 3-D in September), Cars 2 for summer and Pixar’s first fairy tale The Bear and the Bow (a mix of Hans Christian Andersen mixed with the Brothers Grimm stories) around Christmas of 2011, and Newt, in 2012, about two newts who have to re-populate their species in a community college science lab. I suspect this will be Pixar’s first adult-themed feature.

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to Terminator

Robert Fure — Tue, 19 May 2009 19:57:50 +0000

When the T-800 Terminator unit first told a desk Sergeant in the LAPD that he’d be back, no one could have expected that not only did he come back to slaughter the police station, but that he’d return in several sequels, receive tons of critical praise and earn a heap of money. The Terminator, directed by James Cameron and released in 1984 is widely regarded as one of the better science fiction films of the past twenty-five years. Full of explosions, bullets, bodies, and naked time travelers, there isn’t much more you can ask of. Except maybe a future war featuring bitchin’ robots. With McG’s attempt at furthering the franchise hitting theaters on May 21st, we figured you might need a few hints and tips to keep the somewhat convoluted timeline of the franchise in check.

The Terminator (1984)

The film begins in Los Angeles in the year 2029 where man is on the verge of extinction at the cybernetic hands of Skynet, an artificial intelligence network that became self aware. The machines have created a vast army of hunter-killers, tanks, and cyborg assassins intent on eliminating the human race once and for all. It is in the year 2029 that Skynet, unable to fully quell the human resistance, sends the model T-800 Terminator, a robotic skeleton overlaid with living tissue, back in time to kill Sarah Connor, the mother of the man who will eventually lead of the resistance. Said leader, John Connor, hears of the plan and sends back one of his most trusted men, Kyle Reese, to protect his mother. Both of the time travelers arrive on May 12, 1984 and begin their pursuit.

Paradoxically, the time traveling Kyle Reese falls in love with and impregnates Sarah Connor, in effect becoming the father of John Connor, the very man who sent him back in time. The previously meek Sarah Connor is transformed into a warrior by Reese, who gives her the skills necessary to eventually destroy the T-800.

T2: Judgement Day (1991)

Around the year 1995, Sarah Connor is being held in a mental institution after no one believes her story about time travelers and murderous robots. Her son, John Connor, is a juvenile delinquent living with foster parents and the target of a new breed of terminator – The T-1000, a machine made of a “mimetic polyalloy” which, scientifically speaking, is like liquid metal, allowing the Terminator to change shape, liquefy, and mimic the appearance of others. To protect his past self, John Connor (2029) sends back a captured and re-programmed T-800 to protect his young self. The T-800 has been programmed to follow any direction given to it by the young Connor, who quickly tells the machine to rescue his mother. The trio fight off the T-1000 while attempting to reach Cyberdyne Technologies to prevent the Terminators and Skynet from ever being created, a move they hope will stop Judgement Day, the day machines become aware and launch a full out nuclear attack on humanity. The future history shows that Skynet went online on August 4th, 1997 and began learning at a geometric rate. On Judgement Day, August 29th, 2007, Skynet becomes self-aware and launches its assault on man. By destroying much of Cyberdyne Technology’s work, for the time it seems as though Judgement Day has been averted.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

The Machines of the future (which has now progressed to 2032) aren’t content to just roll over and shut down. There is no turning back the technological tsunami – Judgement Day will happen and it will happen on July 24th, 2004. A now teenaged John Connor is living ‘off the gride’ in an effort to avoid Skynet, which has lost track of him. Unable to find a trace of Connor in the past, the machines decide to target his future wife and many of his top commanders. To this end, they dispatch the T-X or Terminatrix, a hot, female Terminator that can change her bust size. The T-X is a solid endoskeleton with a layer of liquid metal over top, allowing her to generate weaponry and change her physical appearance. Out thinking the humans and their ability to reprogram Terminators, the T-X is also equipped with weaponry to disable other Terminators. The T-800 is once again called into service and sent back to protect John Connor and Kate Brewster, John’s future wife. In the year 2032 the T-800 unit sent back in time is said to have killed Connor, but has since been reprogrammed into the guardian mode.

After the destruction of Cyberdyne Technologies in 1997, the US Air Force has picked up the pieces of Skynet and are preparing to bring it online. Kate and John arrive too late to stop Skynet from being activated, soon after which they realize that Skynet is software existing on the whole of the internet – something that could never be stopped. The T-X arrives at their location and programs several early Terminator model tanks and aerial vehicles to attack the base, causing John and Kate to flee to what they believe is a central server that will stop the spread of Skynet. Lieutenant General Robert Brewster, Kate’s father and the head of the Skynet program, has actually sent them to a secure bunker, knowing that Skynet cannot be stopped as it is everywhere. Judgement Day happens, albeit several years after it was initially supposed to, resulting in a nuclear holocaust. John Connor, alive and in the bunker, begins receiving radio transmissions, alluding to his role as leader in the future.

Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation takes place mostly in the year 2018 and will focus on a young Kyle Reese and the origins of the program that developed the T-800 model Terminator.

Terminator Models

T-1: One of the first Terminator units, this is a tank like object on treads equipped with twin Gatling guns.

T-70: The first humanoid Terminator was overly large and equipped with a minigun.

T-600: The first attempt at creating a humanoid Terminator that was covered in skin. Designed to sneak in among humans they were large, lumbering, easy to spot and identified even easier by guard dogs. In Terminator Salvation they are prominently featured and are armed mostly with miniguns.

T-800: The most dangerous of the Terminator models, this endoskeleton was covered in living tissue that made them almost impossible to spot and capable of bypassing security checkpoints. Designed as an assassin, some T-800 models were also used as general foot soldiers. The Arnold Schwarzenegger model skin is designated the 101, making him a T-800 Model 101.

T-850: An upgraded T-800, visually similar to the T-800 but with an improved power supply.

T-888: Another improvement on the T-800 model, featuring a smaller endoskeleton.

T-X: The female Terminator-Terminator, featuring a small endoskeleton with complete rotation in all the joints and a liquid metal outer layer. Capable of generating weapons and changing appearance.

T-1000: Portrayed by Robert Patrick in T2, the T-1000 is a completely liquid metal Terminator capable of changing appearances, generating bladed weaponry, mimicking its background and morphing into a thin, puddle like sheet. Resistant to nearly all small arms.

T-1001: An upgraded T-1000 in The Sarah Connor Chronicles which can create autonomous yet linked parts of its body that act separately from the whole.

T-1000000: A gigantic liquid metal spider-like robot. The only known example was destroyed.

Mototerminator: Sentient Terminator motorcycles capable of high speed pursuits, advanced mathematical calculations while at full speed, with the ability to recover from crashes and change direction quickly.

Hydroterminator: An eel like water-based Terminator meant to patrol and launch sneak attacks against humans in and around water.

Sidewinder Terminator: A land based version of the hydroterminator that hunts in desert landscapes.

Hunter-Killer: An aerial terminator that has a collection basket but is more feared for its impressive arsenal of weaponry. A terminator attack helicopter, complete with thermal sensors.

Harvester: A gigantic Terminator that can deploy mototerminators from its legs. Designed to capture living humans for Skynet research.

I-950: A hybrid Terminator-human that starts out as a human but is modified by the machines via neural implants.

Speaking Terminator

The Terminator franchise has added several phrases to our lexicon, quotes that are immediatley recognizable and ubiquitous. To properly roll with real fans, you’re going to need to know a few things.

Your clothes. Give them to me, now. (First said in Terminator by T-800)

Come with me if you want to live. (Whoever says this, go with them)

Listen, and understand. That terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. (Kyle Reese’s warning to Sarah Connor in Terminator)

Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range. (T-800 in Terminator. Note: Never give a Terminator bullets, even if he asks for them, because he will then kill you)

Wrong. (T-800 will tell you when you’re wrong, then kill you)

I’ll be back. (T-800 will be back, then kill you)

Fuck you, asshole. (T-800 will repeat your last words back to you, then kill you)

Chill out, dickwad. (The T-800 learning combination slang in T2: Judgement Day)

Hasta la vista, baby. (The T-800 will say this, then kill you)

No problemo. (The T-800 is cool in two languages)

What’s wrong with your eyes? (The T-800 doesn’t understand why you cry like a girl)

There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves. (Except, also Judgement Day)

Basic psychology is among my sub-routines. (The T-800 in Terminator 3 gets a little sassy)

Well, my friends, there you have it. A pretty decent rundown of what’s already happened and what you should know going into Terminator Salvation. If you really needed this rundown, go out right now and pick up the three previous Terminator movies. While some may bad mouth the third installment, I thought it was a great chase film with some good Terminating action. Until next time, just remember that the T-600 has a weakspot in the back of the neck that, if destroyed with a knife or similar object, will temporarily confuse its targeting computer.

Talk Terminator. Do It Now!

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to Star Trek

Kevin Carr — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:39:18 +0000

An Introduction

It’s been more than 40 years since the original Star Trek series was on television, and about 15 since The Next Generation left the airwaves. Sure, there have been three other series (i.e., Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise), but it’s safe to say that with the upcoming release of J.J. Abrams’ re-imagined Star Trek movie that some people out there need to brush up on their Trek knowledge.

Consider this to be a Star Trek primer for newbies or those who haven’t watched much Trek recently. This isn’t for Trekkies, and it certainly isn’t for Trekkers. We won’t be detailing how to read a star date. We won’t be handing down schematics for a warp drive engine. And we certainly won’t be teaching you to speak Klingon. There’s plenty of other web sites for that.

And now, we shall boldly go where so many have gone before…

The Original Series: Roddenberry’s Dream

In the 1960s, television producer Gene Roddenberry developed a science fiction television show that was groundbreaking at the time. In interviews, Roddenberry described the series as a “Wagon Train to the stars,” and the now-familiar opening narration details the Enterprise’s mission to “explore strange, new worlds” and “seek out new life forms and new civilizations.”

The series established a future history of Earth in which humans developed warp drive (i.e., faster-than-light travel) on April 5, 2063. It was at this point that the Vulcans, a peaceful and highly developed race, made first contact with the Earthlings after detecting the warp signature. Over the ensuing years and under the guidance of the Vulcans and other races in the galaxy, the human race calmed down its violent nature and entered into an enlightened age. In the 22nd century, representatives from Earth joined with more than 150 worlds to form the United Federation of Planets.

Starfleet

Starfleet is the military arm of the United Federation of Planets. However, instead of existing for profit or conquest, Starfleet uses its technology to reach out to other civilizations in the galaxy. Starfleet vessels use matter and antimatter directed into dilithium crystals for power, and huge nacelles on the outside of the ships can then warp space, achieving faster-than-light speeds.

Cast of Characters

James T. Kirk (William Shatner), Captain – Kirk is the hot, young starship captain whose brash nature lands him in hot water with his superiors. He often joins his team on missions, leaving the ship in the charge of the highest ranking officer (usually Spock, but Scotty and even Chekov have been known to be interim captain). He’s also a womanizer who usually ends up making love to anything that has breasts – whether it’s human or not.

Spock (Leonard Nimoy), Science Officer – Born of a human mother and a Vulcan father, Spock is constantly struggling to keep his emotions buried deep inside. His Vulcan upbringing has taught him to rely on logic above all else, and he is often at odds with the hot-headed Dr. McCoy.

Leonard “Bones” McCoy (DeForest Kelley), Chief Medical Officer – The emotional foil to Spock’s logical mind, Dr. McCoy generally hates space travel and the technology that he must endure to work on a Starfleet vessel. Dr. McCoy is best known for using a salt shaker to scan a person’s body for medical needs.

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott (James Doohan), Chief Engineer – Scotty knows more about the U.S.S. Enterprise than anyone else in the universe, and he loves his ship dearly. In fact, he once got into a barroom brawl after a Klingon insulted his beloved starship. Scotty has the uncanny ability to work miracles in engineering, often saving the crew from certain doom by getting the dilithium crystals working or the warp drive back on line at the very last second.

Uhura (Nichelle Nichols), Communications Officer – Hailing from the United States of Africa, Lt. Uhura is well-versed in many languages. Don’t let the miniskirt fool you. Her command of Starfleet communication is unparalleled.

Sulu (George Takei), Helmsman – Sulu pilots the Enterprise. He is an expert in fencing and ancient weaponry, although he usually just counts down the doom clock aloud as the Enterprise faces certain doom.

Pavel Chekov (Walter Koenig), Navigator – The young cub of the Enterprise crew, Chekov first showed up in the second season of the series. He’s just a teenager and has much to learn.

Key Species

Humans – If you don’t know what a human is, you need serious help.

Vulcans – This race of beings honors logic above all other forms of impulse. As a species, Vulcans are incredibly proficient in science, and over the centuries they have become stoic leaders in the Federation. While they like to pretend they do not have emotions, they simply repress them. The only time it is considered appropriate for a Vulcan to show emotion is during pon farr, the male Vulcan’s version of going into heat which happens every seven years and precedes mating.

Romulans – Biologically very similar to Vulcans, these two species share a common ancestry. This species evolved when a rogue group of Vulcans left their home world, rejecting the teachings that called for them to purge all emotions. Eventually, they settled their own planet known as Romulus. Romulans are a bloodthirsty, warring race that went unnoticed to the Federation until the Enterprise encountered them during its initial five-year mission (in the episode “Balance of Terror”). The Romulans and Klingons once enjoyed a shaky truce during this period due to the fact the model of the Romulan Bird of Prey was broken in the studio. For budgetary reasons, the Romulans were then seen piloting Klingon vessels.

Klingons – The original bad guys of the Star Trek universe, the Klingons are an aggressive, savage race that respects honor the way the Vulcans respect logic.

The Original Captain

In the original pilot, the captain of the Enterprise was intended to be Christopher Pike (played by Jeffrey Hunter). While Spock was in the show as the science officer, the second-in-command was a woman, played by Roddenberry’s future wife, Majel Barrett. After some meddling by the network, Star Trek was re-worked with Captain Kirk in charge. What was left of the pilot was edited into the two-part episode “The Menagerie,” giving Pike his lost and much deserved story.

Captain Kirk and the Prime Directive

Often, Captain Kirk bends or outright breaks the rules of the Federation, most importantly the Prime Directive, which states that no Federation representative is to interfere with the healthy development of cultures on other worlds. Even though Kirk is known in Starfleet as a rebel, when he breaks the rules it usually works out for the best.

Social Engineering – “I’m Giving It All I’ve Got, Captain!”

Like many science fiction writers before him, Roddenberry (pictured right) used Star Trek to examine social issues that people were facing in the 1960s. It was not uncommon to see thinly veiled allegories to racism, sexism and even socialism in the series. In fact, many will remember the classic episode “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield” with Frank Gorshin in which two races whose only difference is the color of their faces fight an endless war.

Roddenberry continued to use his show as a way to discuss politics and other social issues, introducing the Russian character of Pavel Chekov after being criticized by Pravda for not representing the country who had pioneered space. Chekov became known as a symbol of peace between Russians and American during the Cold War.

Roddenberry also chose to make the symbol for the United Federation of Planets to emulate that of the United Nations, in order to further show his progressive thinking. The Federation’s charter also mirrors that of the United Nations.

And while everyone remembers that Kirk once banged a green chick, more importantly, actor William Shatner shared the first televised interracial kiss with Nichelle Nichols.

The Movies

Star Trek has come to the big screen ten times prior to J.J. Abrams’ reboot of the series. However, in order to not confuse you too much, we’ll just deal with the movies that featured the crew from the original series.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture – Robert Wise directed this uber-serious, effects-laden film in the inaugural trek to the big screen. The story finds the crew of the Enterprise is sent to investigate an electromagnetic cloud in space that is destroying ships. Although it made a profit and is respected by film buffs and Trek fans, its grim tone doesn’t quite fit in with the other films. Budget: $35 million; Domestic gross: $82 million; Worldwide gross: $139 million

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan – Considered by many to be the best Trek film to date, this second installment follows the superhuman Khan (originally seen in the episode “Space Seed” from the series). After being stranded on a barren world, Khan hijacks the enterprise and plans to take control of the Genesis device to use as a weapon against Starfleet. Budget: $11 million; Domestic gross: $79 million; Worldwide gross: $97 million

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock – At the end of the last film, Spock died fixing the deadly radioactive leak in the Enterprise, and the crew ejected his body into space. When Spock’s father comes seeking his katra (i.e., his essence of mind), he soon learns that Spock had transferred this into Dr. McCoy’s mind. The crew of the Enterprise return to the Genesis planet to reunite Spock’s mind with his body, which has been regenerated. Budget: ?; Domestic gross: $76 million; Worldwide gross: ?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home – In the fourth installment, the Enterprise saves the whales! A mysterious probe has appeared in Earth’s atmosphere in the 23rd century, beaming a signal into the ocean and causing havoc on the planet’s communication and weather systems. The only chance for the planet’s survival is for the Enterprise to travel to the 20th century and bring soon-to-be-extinct humpback whales back to the future to communicate with the probe. Budget: $27 million; Domestic gross: $109 million; Worldwide gross: $133 million

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier – After a very successful fourth film that was directed by Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner proceeded to rape the franchise with this utterly incomprehensible and nonsensical tale about Spock’s half brother looking for God at the end of the galaxy. Oh, and the 57-year-old Nichelle Nichols (pictured right) has a nude scene, so best avoid this one at all costs. Budget: $28 million; Domestic gross: $52 million; Worldwide gross: $70 million

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country – Wrath of Khan director Nicholas Meyer gets back on board with this solid return to greatness of the series. When a planet-crushing explosion wipes out the Klingon mining moon of Praxis, the Klingon Empire faces extinction. It’s only hope of survival is to form a truce with the Federation. However, a rogue Klingon threatens to sabotage the truce, framing the Enterprise leadership in the process. Budget: $27 million; Domestic gross: $75 million; Worldwide gross: $97 million

Star Trek: Generations – Only partially about the original series, this inaugural film of The Next Generation finds a suspected dead Captain Kirk joining forces with Captain Picard to stop a madman from destroying civilized planets. Budget: $35 million; Domestic gross: $75 million; Worldwide gross: $118 million

How Things Have Changed

With J.J. Abrams reaching for a brand new audience with his new film Star Trek, he has made several updates. First, there are no Klingons in this installment. The bad guys are the Romulans, although they don’t look very much like Vulcans, save the pointy ears.

Abrams has brought the essential characters back to their heyday in Starfleet. Spock seems to be the only respectable one while Kirk is a party animal and Uhura is way sexier than anyone ever remembers her from the show. As well, Abrams and writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci maintain a certain level of continuity with the original series — though if we wanted to give up those details, that would be spoiling the film. We can say this: It’s there, so just pay attention.

As well, as our reviews from Cole Abaius and Neil Miller have explained, Abrams might very well have gone where no Trek director has gone before, making a movie that is not only right with die hard fans, but could also be a major mainstream success. At least that is our logical conclusion. The rest is yet to be seen.

The Movie Watcher’s Guide to Wolverine

Robert Fure — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 13:41:48 +0000

Also known as Gulo gulo, the wolverine is a dense and stocky animal, the largest of the mammalian weasel family. Normally known for their aggressive behavior in defense of kills – has this gone on long enough? I think it has. If you’re reading this on a film website, no doubt we’re talking about the Marvel comic character Wolverine, portrayed by Hugh Jackman in the X-Men franchise and star of the upcoming X-Men Origins installment. If you’ve ever read a comic, no doubt you’ve comic across Wolverine. Basically the only thing he hasn’t done is dunk on Sir Charles – a feat which both Godzilla and myself accomplished. But that’s unrelated.

What You Think You Know aka What Used to Be True

Wolverine has been around since about 1974 when he first battled The Hulk. In the 35 years that followed, he became a fan favorite and was plastered across all the X-Men titles, multiple cross-overs regardless of if they made sense or not, and of course, he was featured in his own monthly magazine. If you’ve skipped out on your Wolverine history lessons, a lot has changed over the years. Scratch that – very few things have changed, but they sort of made a big deal about it.

What used to be true about Wolverine, or at least hinted at, was that he was very old and had memories of fighting in many wars spread through many different decades, if not centuries. An inability to fully remember his past was always part of his origin. His earliest adventures were under the command of Department H, which lead him to his fight with the Hulk. Shortly after this, the strangely coiffed mutant was recruited by the X-Men, effectively becoming a member of the second team of heroes to bear the name. It would take some serious verbage to explain all that goes on, but needless to say, Wolverine is in a lot of comics in this time and flirts with trips to Japan, entering a feral state, revealing pieces of his Weapon X background, falling in love with Jean Grey, and getting the adamantium ripped out of his body by Magneto. Previously, Wolverine’s claws had been assumed to have been surgically implanted by the Weapon X program, however after an intense danger room experience, it was revealed that his claws were in fact, illogically, made of a dense form of bone. Why the adamantium coating his gnarled bone claws appeared like finely tuned knives, no one knows.

What They Tell Us Now

Being one of the most popular comic characters of recent times and gracing the cover of just about every damned issue of Wizard ever, Wolverine has gone through many changes. For a time he was completely feral, barely able to construct sentences, wearing a headband and very much looking like a ninja turtle. Or a ninja ape. But Wolverine, also known as Logan, was in for a major overhaul with 2001′s Origin. It is apparent from the trailers that this serves as the basis for the upcoming film.

Wolverine was born James Howlett, a sickly boy to wealthy parents in 19th Century Canada. Young James is infatuated with a red-haired lass named Rose and often hangs around with Dog Logan, a sadistic young boy who is the son of the groundskeeper, Thomas Logan, who looks all too similar to a fully-grown Wolverine to be coincidental. There are implications that Howlett’s mother had an affair with Logan, which would make him a bastard child to the grumpy groundskeeper. After an argument escalates between Logan and John Howlett, Jr. (James Howlett’s father), Logan murders the elder Howlett. In a rage, young James’ mutant powers activate and his bone claws are revealed, which he uses to kill Thomas.

As James ages, he grows stronger and more separated from society, often killing game in the forest with his bone claws. He later earns his keep by working in a quarry where his ferocious digging habits earn him the nickname Wolverine. Earning money by cage fighting and in a complicated turn of events, Wolverine accidentally kills Rose, goes a bit bonkers, and heads off into the woods, his healing factor creating a series of mental blocks to isolate the painful memories.

Marvel did like the idea of Wolverine fighting in multiple wars, definitely revealing his involvement in World War I and World War II, with the film version also having served in Vietnam. In the interest of time, we fast forward.

Weapon X Marks the Spot

Wolverine, having gone by Logan for some years now, is abducted and introduced to the Weapon X program, a weapons creating facility attempting to create super soldiers. Because of his advanced healing factor, Wolverine is able to survive many different tests and eventually has the nearly unbreakable material adamantium bonded to his skeleton. Never one to obey, Wolverine quickly goes crazy again, reverts to a feral state, and escapes into the woods after killing pretty much everybody.

X-Men and Ex-Girlfriends

We’ve pretty much come full circle by this point. After his escape from Weapon X he briefly serves with Department H, fights the Hulk, disappears and then resurfaces as a member of the X-Men. Insert a few more instances of going insane and becoming feral and hitting the road, Jack, and you get the picture.

It’s worth noting that basically every woman who has ever dated Wolverine is dead now. Or was dead at one point. Childhood sweetheart Rose? Dead. Girlfriend Silver Fox? Murdered. Wife Itsu? Also murdered. Love interest Jean Grey? Killed several times. Avoid this dude, ladies!

Powers and Abilities

For the six of you who have been living under a rock for the past decade and have just now discovered dial-up internet, Wolverine has a pretty simple set of mutant abilities. He has a healing power that allows him to recover from, well, just about everything. Really. The only list longer than the list of people Wolverine has killed is the number of times he’s been killed. If you exclude ninjas from the list of people he killed, of course, because Wolverine hates ninjas (seriously). Wolverine has recovered from being burned, shot, stabbed, crushed, crucified, and cut up just about every way you can be cut up. He’s had his heart removed, been beaten to death, blasted by Cyclops, tossed by Colossus and beaten, stabbed, and exploded by Gambit.

Additionally, Wolverine has some animal traits such as an increased sense of hearing, increased sense of smell and eyesight, as well as some gnarly canine teeth and a wicked ability to grow hair from every inch of his body. Because Logan became so popular in the 90s, he was also granted a mastery of basically every martial art, became a master swordsman, modeled himself after a samurai, and was consistently rated a 6 or a 7 in terms of fighting ability on Marvel trading cards, despite having his ass kicked by everyone from Sabretooth to Jubilee. His popularity also afforded him the Mary-Sue like qualities of being supremely intelligent (from feral boy to chess master?) and capable of a wide range of skills from motorcycle jumps to piloting advanced aircraft. Add to that virtual super strength, supreme agility, and psychic shielding from Professor Xavier and Wolverine is basically always in Cheat-Mode.

What More Do You Want From Me?

I seriously find it hard to believe that many, if any, of you are finding this enlightening considering the ubiquitous nature of Wolverine. Personally, he was a character I had long ago tired of until Hugh Jackman managed to be a pretty sweet on-screen representation, despite being about a foot too tall. We could spend time talking about Wolverine’s allies – though that’s pretty much half of the Marvel Universe. He’s fought alongside the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, the Punisher, Alpha Flight, X-Factor, the Avengers, and pretty much everyone who ever carried a hero card. If you want to talk about his enemies, that’s the other half of the Marvel Universe. Seriously, this guy is everywhere. His notable enemies are Sabretooth, a beastly man with similar powers, Omega Red, a sort of Soviet Doctor Octopus, Lady Deathstrike, and Hydra, a terrorist organization. Despite what the movie may imply, Wolverine and Deadpool were never really enemies, though that didn’t stop them from slicing and dicing each other on more than one occasion. In this comic page, Deadpool is itching for a fight and when Wolverine won’t snikt him, he punches Kitty Pryde in the face so hard she flies 9 feet into the air, while shouting “Shoryuken.” Priceless.

Basically, in some way or another, everything that has ever happened as happened to or because of Wolverine or he was at least there to watch it. Normally I’d try to recommend some reading for you, but he’s been in basically everything ever, so good luck. Ok, alright, fine I’ll try to make a recommended reading list. But now get off my damn lawn and at least pretend you learned something here today!

Recommended Reading

Origin

Weapon X

X-Men #1 – 25 (Some of my favorite X-Men comics of all time)

Wolverine: Origins

Is there anyone on Earth who doesn’t know who Wolverine is? Talk about the cigar-chomping ‘bub below and feel free to bring up any of the 184,762 things I had to leave out.