Editor’s Note: This editorial contains spoilers for Source Code, so if you haven’t seen it 1) you should and 2) you probably won’t get the jokes either. It comes from guest writer James Kopecky who has thought far too much about what happened at the end of Duncan Jones’s latest.

When I see a movie, I take it as a two-hour-long glimpse into a reality that has a rich history, as well as an ongoing, unwritten future. After the credits roll, I assume that the characters and the story keep moving, most likely in the direction they were headed when the picture ended. So when I saw Source Code, I thought about what happened to the characters after screen faded to black.

This turned out to be problematic for me, because the ending of Source Code raised a slew of questions, some more perplexing than others.
As we all know, Source Code is the story of “recently deceased” Army helicopter pilot Captain Colter Stevens repeatedly inhabiting the body of recently deceased Chicago school teacher Sean Fentress for the last eight minutes of the latter’s life (hilarity ensues). At the end of the movie, we are to believe that Captain Stevens continues to live on inside the body of mild-mannered Sean Fentress in an alternative universe. In this new reality, the nuclear bomb has not gone off, everyone on the train (except the black business man in the seat next to Fentress) makes it to Chicago on time, and Russell Peters embarks on a comedy career appreciated by people other than just Indian college students. Surely, a happy ending for everyone… or is it?!?

What satisfied audiences everywhere may not realize is that ultimately Sean Fentress still dies. There’s no doubt that his man parts give Christina the ride of here life in the very near future, but for the rest of his body’s natural life, it will be Captain Stevens at the helm. For all intents and purposes, the consciousness that was Sean Fentress fell asleep on a Chicago bound commuter train, and in at least a dozen or so separate realities, he never woke up again. Turns out Duncan Jones loves giving the screw job to public school teachers as much as Wisconsin.

I can deal with Sean Fentress dying. That doesn’t bother me. He was going to die anyway when the bomb went off, and at the very least Captain Stevens, an American hero, gets a new lease on life. What bothers me is that we leave Captain Stevens as he is about to have his first date with the lovely Christina and are to assume that everything works out well from then on in this new, better universe. But what’s really happening is that Captain Stevens now inhabits the body of a total stranger that he knows absolutely nothing about.

What if after their first date, Caroline decides she’s not “that kind of girl” and gives Captain Stevens (now Sean Fentress) a simple kiss on the cheek, saving that sweet, sweet poonanny for date number two? What does Captain Stevens do then? Go home? How? Where is home? All he knows is that Fentress takes the train in to Chicago for work. If Captain Stevens somehow figures out what train station is in Fentress’s home town, what does Sean Fentress’s car look like? Does Fentress even have a car? What if he rides his bike to the train station, as could be expected of a modestly dressed, possibly liberal school teacher?

What’s the combination to Fentress’s bike lock?

What’s more, Fentress’s cell phone is broken. Setting aside the notion that Captain Stevens can’t use Google Maps to get directions to an apartment he’s never been to before, how does he get a hold of anybody? It’s not like he can call his old family, because as we see in the final scene, Captain Stevens’s body is still “recently deceased” in this new reality. More importantly, he now can’t call Sean Fentress’s family either.

Forgetting about the fact that he would have absolutely nothing to talk to Fentress’s family about because he’s never met them before (which I feel would raise some red flags in the Fentress household), he doesn’t even know their phone numbers. With a broken phone, he is almost completely cut off from every person Sean Fentress ever knew. I don’t know about you, but the last time I committed a full ten-digit phone number to memory was the day I got my sweet ass Nokia 8210 back in 2001. So I have to assume, like me, Sean Fentress’s sole means of storing contact information is that stylish little smart phone he was rocking until Captain Stevens stole his life. And what if, as I postulated before, his date with Christina doesn’t go well and she decides this new, more spontaneous Sean Fentress isn’t for her? If that happens, Captain Stevens is in for a pretty shitty weekend because he will have just lost contact with quite literally the only person on Earth he knows.

Where to now, Stevens?

But Captain Stevens could just get a new phone, with all Sean Fentress’s contacts restored, because Fentress’s cell phone provider reliably backed up that information for him on a regular basis, right? Bullshit he can, because no cell phone provider is “reliable.” I know, because I use AT&T. But that’s beside the point. How can he get a new cell phone? What cell phone provider did Sean Fentress use? Even if Captain Stevens could ask Christina that question without looking like a total crazy person, why would she know that information? Now, I’ve never courted a woman on a Chicago-bound commuter train before, but I have to imagine my opening line wouldn’t be, “So, my Verizon signal kicks some serious ass on this route. What provider do you use?”

It may seem like I’m harping on the cell phone thing, but I’m just using it as an example to prove my point. I could be using anything. Like, even if he could get a new phone, how would he pay for it? We know he has no cash because he used his last $126 to buy Russell Peters some swagger. But even if he had saved that thick wad of scratch, there’s no way $126 would be enough to cover the cost of a new smart phone before the two-year contract term expires. Where does Captain Stevens get money? What bank did Sean Fentress use? What is Sean Fentress’s PIN number? Debit or credit? How much money does Fentress have left in his account? You see, we know absolutely nothing about Sean Fentress other than he rides a train to work, he’s a teacher, and he’s got mad skills when it comes to hitting on recently single women that are considering a career change.

Now hold on tight, because we’re about to sail in to some considerably darker waters.

What if Sean Fentress has a wife and kids, and he’s been hitting on Christina to break up the monotony of a life he secretly hates? We’ve already established that he could never call this wife, even if he knew he was supposed to, but now that Captain Stevens is running the show, Sean Fentress may just fall off the face of the Earth as far as his loved ones are concerned. I’m sure the Fentress family could accept that their beloved husband/son/brother/uncle/best bro died in a train explosion, because nothing can be done about that, but now we have to believe that they live in a world where Sean Fentress left for work one morning, never to be seen again (unless of course he is filmed in the front row of Russell Peters’s next Comedy Central special, now that white people are allowed to attend). But it could be even crazier than that.

What if Captain Stevens miraculously makes it back to Sean Fentress’s home (Mrs. Fentress and Sean, Jr. not included) and sitting in the living room is another dirty bomb and a note that reads, “Dear Sean. You know the deal: I do Chicago, you do New York! Let’s burn this mother down, buddy. Love, Derek Frost.” Or, even scarier, what if Captain Stevens opens Sean Fentress’s bedroom closet to find a bunch of dead bodies that used to be skinny brunettes who recently quit their teaching jobs to enroll in LSAT prep courses? Suddenly that lovely day Captain Stevens spends walking around the shores of Lake Michigan with Christina doesn’t seem so sweet anymore, does it?

Perhaps we can suspend disbelief and assume that during those brief moments that Captain Goodwin and Dr. Rutledge are debating the merits of using a human torso to fight domestic terrorism, some lab tech is briefing Captain Stevens on every minute detail of Sean Fentress’s life. Let’s say Steven’s knows where Fentress went to high school, what his dog’s name is, and whether or not Fentress would enjoy a Caucasian-friendly Russell Peters comedy show if he got free tickets (“Sean. Thanks for giving me my swing back. Namaste, Russell Peters”), he still has to live out the rest of his life as Sean Fentress.

Up until he was “recently deceased,” Captain Stevens was an Army helicopter pilot who saw some pretty serious action during multiple tours of duty in Afghanistan. How well do you think he will adjust to being a public high school teacher in downtown Chicago? More so, as a military pilot, I’m sure Captain Stevens had pretty good grades in math, science, and possibly even geography, but what if Sean Fentress taught drama? What if he was the girls’ volleyball coach? What is Captain Stevens going to do then? If he wants to stay dressed in nice things, he better hope Christina is more committed to law school than she was to being a teacher (or possibly just make sure she never sits next to another smooth-talking gent on the train who may or may not be a domestic terrorist/serial killer), because I get the feeling his days are numbered with the Chicago public school system.

Is this article pure rubbish? Am I over-thinking an incidental plot element instead of appreciating the movie as a whole? Is this a great movie, even though it has left me with a head full of unanswered questions? The answer to all of these questions is unquestionably “yes.” All this ranting aside, I really enjoyed Source Code and I plan on seeing again some day. I just wanted to share with you some thoughts I had after seeing this very enjoyable movie. And we can all take solace in the fact that if this movie really ends the way it appears, with a former military man teaching at an inner city high school, then The Substitue Quadrilogy finally got the prequel it deserves.

Until next time…

James Kopecky is a recent graduate from law school, practicing law in the Austin area. Although he scored well on the LSAT, he’s recently been convinced by a gruff-but-handsome stranger on a commuter train to give up his legal practice and go after his teaching certificate.

From the filmmakers, to the films, to the audience, to Criterion itself (and its high falutin’ collection), that’s exactly what this new Tumblr blog Fake Criterions achieves. Plus, the photoshop ain’t half bad. The art is pitch-perfect in showcasing the Criterion cover design style.

Plus, there are some great cinematic gems here that seem to have been overlooked by Criterion. When will we finally see Ernest Goes to Jail get the deluxe disc treatment it deserves? When, Criterion, when?

Check out some of our favorite fake Criterion DVD covers:

Fingers crossed for a Criterion of Zeus and Roxanne.

What do you think?

While we trust Sly (with everything but CGI) to cast a fantastic team, once our peanut brains get rolling we can’t stop. Personally I’ve been thinking non-stop about who I’d like to see join the team – or fight against them – in the next installment. Enough bull, let’s talk team!

The current poster for the team included nine action stars, at least one of whom probably isn’t returning. So we figured that means we have to come up with at least 10 new members, and possibly a villain. Because we’re ridiculous.

1. Jean-Claude Van Damme. The muscles from Brussels declined a role in the film, illustrating why he’s not the “brains from Brussels.” Hopefully he has seen the error of his ways and signs up for part two.

2. Michael Jai White. Are you kidding me, sucka? Black Dynamite has got to be on the team. Mostly because Jai White is a scary, scary man.

3. Michael Dudikoff. The 80s had plenty of ninja movies, but none more racistly titled than American Ninja. Just kidding, it’s not racist, and it’s not that good, but it is an essential 80s action film.

4. Wesley Snipes. Originally planned to be Hale Caesar, tax troubles sent Snipes high-tailing it out of the country. Once he sorts all that out, let’s get him geared up and ready to go.

5. Ving Rhames. Based purely on his massive, muscular mass in Dawn of the Dead, Ving would probably best be served by tackling an elephant or boxing a lion.

6. Scott Adkins. A premiere secondary-character (Undisputed II), a fantastic stunt double (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), and upcoming leading action star (Undisputed III, Ninja), Adkins is a world class martial artist with amazing on-screen moves.

7. Quinton Jackson. He made a few UFC backed films and scored a prominent role in A-Team. Bad ass.

8. Carl Weathers. One of the only men to ever come close to showing up Arnold Schwarzenegger (Predators), Weathers needs to get back into the action fray.

9. Jesse Ventura. Another Predator alum, Jesse fits all the criteria: action star, old, and washed up. ZING. (Please don’t kill me)

10. Steven Seagal. Besides Van Damme, he’s the only “big time” 80s action star missing. Well, except for…

11. Chuck Norris. I just want a cameo from Norris. He has put acting in the back seat of late, but it’s a perfect time for him to appear in film again. The way I see the cameo playing out is 4 or more Expendables bust into a room. Norris is there alone. He slowly turns and locks eyes with them. Stallone speaks up. “Wrong room.” And they leave him be – because he’s that bad ass.

12. Tom Jane. Whether Punishing John Travolta or sharks, Jane has shown he has the athleticism to tackle tough roles. Let’s put his penis back in his pants (Hung) and get a real rifle in his hands.

Jump to the next page for a super secret thirteenth Expendable and our wild card selections…

We’ve been annoyingly anticipating the DVD release of Mystery Team for months and publicly doing so for the past week. That day is finally here, and we’re celebrating by counting down Derrick Comedy’s best sketches online.

You can see them instantly here, on this very website you’re looking at, with your own eyeballs.

Be sure to play them extra loud if you’re in church right now or with your grandma. I’m sure the parishioners will all love Blow Job Girl.

10. Jazz Man

The Pitch: I love Jazz Man because it combines my love of the musical genre and my love for subtle racial humor that doesn’t come off as too severe. Also, there’s farting.

9. KP

The Pitch: There’s something inspiring about something so simple, something so quick, and yet something so instantly, purely offensive.

8. He Really Gave It To Me In There

The Pitch: It’s really the absurdity of the entire premise here that makes it genius. That, and it’s inappropriate use of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

7. Thomas Jefferson

The Pitch: This is actually the newest sketch from the group, but it instantly jumped onto the list because 1) it’s based on their personal theories about Lost and b) because it involves a founding father and yacht rock.

6. Don’t Jerk Off To This

The Pitch: Sound advice for pretty much every situation in life, but here it’s directly applied to a particularly, mysteriously sensual picture of a bowl of fruit.

5. Bro-Rape

The Pitch: The dedication that it takes to make fun of investigative journalism and your own fan base is in full force here as are the big black dildos.

4. Spelling Bee

The Pitch: This is one of those sketches where the script is completely innocent except for one word. Watch it, then watch it again while imagining they’re saying “rhubarb” instead.

3. GINK

The Pitch: This bad boy is also new, but if there’s anything that demands mocking it’s social networking and the growth of sites that all do exactly the same thing, but now they’ve added video and a punchline that makes absolutely no goddamned sense. In the good way.

2. Memory Loss

The Pitch: Perhaps it’s my own personal love of Memento, but this video has always been one of my favorites. Fun fact: Donald Glover did not actually get all those tattoos for the sketch because his dedication to the craft is questionable.

1. Blowjob Girl

The Pitch: There can be no other #1. Not only is it perfect, it gets bonus points for featuring early work from Ellie Kemper, who would go on to join The Office.

Which ones are your favorites?

]]> http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/features/countdown-to-mystery-team-derrick-comedys-greatest-hits.php/feed 4 http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/news/the-blind-side-2-this-time-its-personal.php http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/news/the-blind-side-2-this-time-its-personal.php#comments Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:53:03 +0000 Neil Miller http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/?p=67508 Our good friend Kent Nichols, one of the fine gentlemen responsible for the phenomenon known as Ask a Ninja, is a decision maker. He makes decisions all of the time. And this week, he decided that the world needed to revisit the world of The Blind Side, just in time for next year's Oscar season to start heating up. ]]>

Our good friend Kent Nichols, one of the fine gentlemen responsible for the phenomenon known as Ask a Ninja, is a decision maker. He makes decisions all of the time. And this week, he decided that the world needed to revisit the world of The Blind Side, just in time for next year’s Oscar season to start heating up. So he’s made the following trailer, which I can only assume will evolve into the the story of a drunken homeless person who ends up recovering an on-side kick in the Superbowl. If it doesn’t, I assure you I will not be a happy person. This movie looks like a real heart-warming rags-to-rags story, if I’ve ever seen one.

Have a look (and a laugh) at the trailer below, and don’t forget to tip your waiter on the way out.

Film fans, please take a moment from your usual routine of not watching sports — and more importantly, complaining about those of us who do — to watch the following video. SlateV (via our friend Katey Rich at Cinema Blend) has created this little video showing us what the Superbowl might be like if it were made by auteurs such as Quentin Tarantino, Wes Anderson and Jean-Luc Godard. Also, Werner Herzog.

As both a fan of football and a fair-weather fan of film, I find this little spoof to be quite funny. Where else can you see the Superbowl as seen through the eyes of Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man narration? And why does it all make so much sense? Of course, like Katey, I too would like to see James Cameron’s CGI epic Superbowl video. Though I don’t think I’m willing to wait 14-years for him to get it right. For now, we have this:

Who do you think will win the Superbowl this year? My money is on the Saints.. (The New Orleans Saints are playing against the Indianapolis Colts, for those not following along.)

“I saw us having kids… sipping champagne… and running w/ our 3 legged border collie on a sunset beach.” – ManvsZombie on Twitter

Seeing as it is a slow news day, I thought I would share something cool. A good friend of mine sent me a link to the chronicling of the zombie apocalypse. Don’t think that’s true? You’d be wrong. A man named Gus (@manvszombies on Twitter) from Miami, Florida is in the shit. And he needs your help. He’s someone who has woken up in the middle of a world filled with the undead, and he’s Tweeting through what we can only assume are the final days of his life.

Normally a personality such as this on Twitter wouldn’t be notable. But this is clearly a special case. Not only has this gentleman captured the essence of a zombie outbreak, he’s also tweeting with pictures. It is one of the most creative, and committed uses of Twitter as a means for entertainment (and not just talking about Twitter) that we’ve seen thus far. Right up there with Fake Michael Bay, in my opinion. It reminds me of the brilliance of the birds-eye story told in Max Brooks’ book World War Z. A fun, but thoughtful take on the zombie genre.

Who knows, maybe this guy will get a movie deal. Or maybe he’ll be eaten by the undead. Either way, I’m following along.

After appearing in a breakout role in one of the breakout movies of the year, Nick Saban (who starred as LSU coach Nick Saban in The Blind Side) has taken his hobby as a sometimes football coach to the next level by coaching the Alabama Crimson Tide to a BCS championship victory over the University of Texas Longhorns.

How he finds time to be an A-list actor and a college football coach is a testament to the man’s tenacity.

Texas lost quarterback Colt McCoy early on in the game which shifted the momentum and tone of the game considerably, allowing Alabama to move ahead by 18 points at halftime. Although Texas was able to mount a comeback, Alabama shut them away by sacking replacement QB Garrett Gilbert and capitalizing on the possession change with a touchdown from Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram to put Alabama ahead 31-21.

This writer (and Austinite, and son of a Texas Ex) leaving his biases behind, has to congratulate the budding movie star on a great year. I have to assume we’ll see more of him in February.

If Sandra Bullock can get a nomination, why not Nick Saban? Of course, we’ll be keeping an eye on the veteran talent to see what kind of Award Season buzz he’ll be building, even if he faces stiff competition for a Best Supporting Actor award against The Road‘s Robert Duvall and Inglourious Basterds‘s Cristoph Waltz.

No word yet on which villain Saban will be playing in Spider-Man 4.

What do you think?

A month ago, I was challenged by Reject-in-Chief Neil Miller to create the most comprehensive End of the Decade List on the planet – one that people could literally not argue you about. A list that would bring the world together because not one single movie fan could find fault with it.

At first I thought it was impossible. What if I couldn’t appease both those huge Amelie fans and the giant Dark Knight following?

So, since I felt it was a fool’s errand, I took the bet.

I toiled endlessly, all but injuring myself mentally to figure out how to do it, and then I realized Neil’s fatal flaw: he didn’t put a limit on how many movies I could feature.

After a lot of hard work, I’m wiping the sweat from my brow to deliver this list to you, dear readers, because I believe the world deserves it. The criteria is fairly simple. I looked at films that had a theatrical release and brought a keen eye to whether they deserved a spot.

Of course, since individual films are almost impossible to compare to each other in detail, and since no list should ever be numerically ordered, I’m doing mine in glorious alphabetical order. Just like in elementary school.

Without further ado, and with much pomp and circumstance, I present the list that should end the entire field of list-making when editors and writers and film fans alike stand aghast at its sheer brilliance and raw, overpowering massiveness.

The 3,186 Greatest, Best, Most Amazing Movies of the Past Decade

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

That’s it.

How many have you seen?

In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Michael Bay brought in a brand new kind of Transformers — a humanoid hottie played by Isabel Lucas. She proceeded to seduce Sam (Shia LaBeouf), piss of Mikaela (Megan Fox) and tear up an entire college campus. She was a dangerous beauty, one that didn’t exactly fit with the gargantuan robots of the Transformers universe.

But what if for his “smaller, more compact” third Transformers film, Michael Bay got rid of the lumbering Decepticons (for the most part) and replaced them with scantily-clad, robotic assassins that looked like Miranda Kerr, Heidi Klum and other Victoria’s Secret models? Well, it would go something like this…

Above, the new Victoria’s Secret commercial directed by the King of Ka-Boom himself, complete with awesome military-esque set pieces, awesome babes wearing very little and at least one awesome Bay-splosion! The misogynist in me thinks that there’s nothing better in this world than the combination of Bay-splosions and Victoria’s Secret. The non-misogynist in me agrees.

Sometimes I just can’t beat the man known as Peter Sciretta over at Slashfilm. And today is one of those days. He’s put together a hilarious story mocking one of my own favorite whipping posts — MTV — and their casting rumor-mongering based on Sam Worthington’s wardrobe selection during a recent Avatar live chat. Worthington, Hollywood’s new action tentpole boy-toy, was spotted wearing an Avengers t-shirt, leading the great minds at the former music television network to speculate that he’s either in talks or silently campaigning to be a part of the Marvel Studios film, due in 2012, one that doesn’t even have a director yet.

It’s absurd, I know. Now, if only someone would spot me wearing my National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation shirt, I could finally get them to green-light my proposed remake.

Let it never be said that Jason Reitman isn’t a good sport.

The man was nominated for an Oscar for Best Director for his second film, he’s already launched several careers (including, technically, his own), and he’s on the permanent Directors to Watch List for the rest of his life. Not bad for such a short time in the industry.

Yet, even with the positive buzz coming out for his new flick Up in the Air, it seems like he’s just as famous for his twitter profile, and the circular graphing tool that he’s consistently published during his press tour.

The Pie Chart of Most Asked Questions:

That was the chart as of the day that I interviewed Reitman (October 29th), and I decided to have some fun with it. Instead of asking the usual, boring questions that have clearly been retread as much as 83 times, I decided to take the one word or two word codes for each entry and base my questions off of those. Even though he’s a talented director, and I’m a complete moron, Reitman was magnanimous enough to play along.

The results were some interesting answers from Reitman and the first ever Question About the Pie Chart (of which there are apparently now 17). Never let it be said that Reitman isn’t a good sport, and never let it be said that I’m not a trendsetter.

Enjoy!

Up in the Air opens December 4th in theaters not near you and on December 25th in theaters near you.

What do you think?

]]> http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/features/exclusive-jason-reitman-throws-his-pie-chart-up-in-the-air-colea.php/feed 7 http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/news/twilight-fans-get-a-much-needed-intervention-neilm.php http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/news/twilight-fans-get-a-much-needed-intervention-neilm.php#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:42:32 +0000 Neil Miller http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/?p=59270 Everyone who wears their fandom on their sleeve is susceptible to pranks. And the more aggressive the fandom, the more likely the chaos upon pulling the prank.]]>

Everyone who wears their fandom on their sleeve is susceptible to pranks. And the more aggressive the fandom, the more likely the chaos upon pulling the prank. And leave it to comedian Skyler Stone to bring a prank to the most high-profile of fan groups this year, the fans of Twilight. The comedian rented a theater in Santa Monica, Calif. and let the drinks flow, inviting a big group of fans out to what they thought was a private premiere of New Moon. What they got instead was an intervention and the exit.

It’s cruel, yes, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still funny. And as I said, it could be pulled on just about any group of fans. Imagine the anarchy that would’ve occurred had someone done this to Star Wars fans prior to the Episode I release. There would have been a riot. It just so happens that Twilight fans are in right now, and that the fanbase is dying to get their hands on the next inch of footage. Sorry kids, this is what happens when you get too attached.

Have a laugh for yourself below. Thanks to Cinematical for the hat tip.

After I sat him down this past weekend and made him watch it several times, Pete at /Film went out this afternoon and found a YouTube version of the gag reel from the Star Trek Blu-ray and DVD, which hit stores today. As we found out, this is one of the single best gag reels I’ve ever seen on a major DVD release. Usually, the gag reel is just a series of clips in which actors are breaking scene with laughter, etc. With the Star Trek reel, the folks behind the production have put together a narrative of sorts, showing off just how much fun was had in the making of this film.

Check it out for yourself below. And don’t forget to read my in-depth review of Star Trek on Blu-ray.

This morning while recording the latest episode of Fat Guys at the Movies, I was alerted by my colleague Kevin Carr of a video — a video of the internet variety — that I had not yet seen. This is odd, as Kevin is usually the last person to know about awesome videos such as this. But hey, I can’t complain, as we here at Reject HQ have been on Fantastic Flu watch all week, so we’re a bit disconnected. So if you’ve seen this video already, I apologize. This one goes out to the folks who have been as out of the loop as myself the past few days…

The folks at Landline TV have put together a spoof of the Where the Wild Things Are trailer called “Everyone Poops.” It is based on the popular children’s book “Everyone Poops,” by Taro Gomi. It follows the story of a young girl who is discovering something special about herself…

Where the Wild Things Are opens on October 16th.

Matt Damon is an actor whom I thoroughly enjoy shelling out box office cash to see. At the risk of revealing my less-than-covert man crush on him, I really think Damon has developed an incredibly solid body of work in American cinema because he took the time and put in the work. I guess that is the actor in me admiring a movie star who still cares about the character work, but it is something that seems lacking in a majority of the blockbuster set. It is awesomely cruel to chart the careers of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck post Good Will Hunting. You could make a drinking game out their inversely proportional film choices. For every Bourne Identity there is a Reindeer Games; for every Ocean’s 11, a Gigli. Speaking of Ocean’s 11, I’m here to talk about the newest Soderbergh/Damon collaboration. Wow, that was quite possibly the worst segue of all time. Regardless, their newest coupling is called The Informant! and it opens nationally Friday.

I’m not going to go into much detail as far as the plot is concerned. What I found to be so much fun about this film was watching the disastrous events unfold and then spiral out of control. Suffice it to say that a mid-level executive at a corn refining company named Mark Whitacre (Matt Damon) gets wind of illegal price controlling practices in which his company is engaging on an international level. He gets the FBI involved in the matter, and suddenly this witless goon becomes the key to a monumental government investigation. The whole film is a comedy of errors that ricochets into some very odd places.

I dug this movie quite a bit. It is a brilliant character study, and Damon’s ability to inhabit an unremarkable shlub is mesmerizing. Particularly spectacular was his regular Joe inner monologue. He’d be walking around his home office when suddenly an idea for the greatest mystery television series this side of “Murder She Wrote” would pop into his thoughts. It was a hilarious brand of stream of consciousness that provided the humor to juxtapose the banality of this man’s everyday life. Damon brings so much empathy and honesty to this shmuck who gets a tiny taste of corporate fraud and immediately believes he’s James Bond. The hallmark of his performance comes just toward the end in a scene where the character’s soul is bared, and you understand fully the complexity and genius of Damon’s work.

What I really enjoyed about The Informant! is it employs the same absurdist treatment of intelligence and government infrastructure as Burn After Reading. Whitacre cannot seem to handle even the simplest tasks if there’s a modicum of intrigue attached. He narrates all his movements while wearing a wire, he adjusts hidden tape recorders in his briefcase in the middle of a meeting, and he blabs everything to anyone who will listen. He is a walking, talking epic fail. It speaks volumes about how intelligence gathering and investigation have no contingency for the stupidity of civilians just like in the Coens’ film.

The supporting cast in this film is solid. Scott Bakula in particular shines as the stern but endearing FBI agent assigned to Whitacre’s case. Joel McHale, of E! network’s “The Soup” fame, turns in a surprisingly serious performance as Bakula’s partner. He is the far more hard-nosed agent and he is funny, but only in his facial reactions to the events of the film; he utters not joke one. There are also a number of cameos from veteran character actors and comedians that you’ve seen before but whose names may escape you. Scott Adsit, Clancy Brown, Melanie Lynskey, and Patton Oswalt all add their capable touches to the film.

The film is not without flaw. Steven Soderbergh does get very experimental in both pacing and framing of individual shots. I have heard several people make reference to the versatility of Steven Soderbergh; one colleague going so far as to call him the most versatile American director working today. I am in complete agreement with this sentiment and I think the variety of his cannon attests to this. That being said, I do not like all of Soderbergh’s films and some of them are down right unwatchable. But I think Soderbergh faces a double-edged sword in that if he only made the films at which he truly excelled, people would eventually consider him a one trick pony. But being that he is so versatile, he is going to branch out and experiment with foreign substances and sometimes he will fail. But I applaud him for refusing to be confined to a box even though this film does suffer slightly for it.

I have no problem with being biased, so I’ll say it-I love Judd Apatow, and I refuse to apologize for it. Since the days of Freaks and Geeks, I’ve followed and enjoyed everything with his stamp, and say what you will, but I loved every minute of it (to varying degrees, of course). Maybe it’s because I’m an awkward foul-mouthed geek myself? Who knows. But I truly feel like the Apatow School of Comedy manages to capture the real theme of raw comedic human interaction. I think this brand of comedy manages to walk a fine line, one where the characters are entertaining enough to want to watch on-screen, but also real enough where they don’t move into the realm of  Laughable Eyebrow-Raisers (I’m looking at you, Juno). I mean, who hasn’t helped a seemingly hopeless friend get a girl, cheered on a buddy who is dealing with a life-changing event, or felt bad enough to hang out with your drug dealer for a little bit because he just seems to need the company (but also because he has the best shit in town)? That’s real life, folks, and everybody needs a friend.

So, if you love Apatow and his usual suspects as much as I do, your prayers have been answered. Which prayers? Why, the ones where you get to see them half-naked, of course, courtesy of the fine people at Vanity Fair. Titled “Comedy’s New Legends,” this gallery (below) features some beautifully-inspired photography of whom VF considers to be the important cultural heroes of contemporary comedy, with a brief discussion of how and why they have attained that status. Apatow’s crew is a large part, but veterans of SNL are also heavily represented. Flipping through the pictures, we see one of Russell Brand as Chaplin, Will Arnett about to shoot first, Paul Rudd doing a very convincing Gene Wilder, and Seth Rogen as an absolutely terrifying Frida, as well as shots of Danny McBride, Bill Hader, Leslie Mann, Jason Bateman, Anna Faris, Jonah Hill, Amy Poehler, and Jason Segel.

I’ve already admitted my love for the Apatow crew, but what about the others? Jason Bateman and Will Arnett get points for being in possibly the greatest television comedy of all time, while Anna Faris did a great job in Lost in Translation (though I never was a fan of the Scary Movie franchise). I’ve always found Bill Hader hit or miss, but Amy Poehler seems to be pretty consistent  (at least on SNL).

So, interesting and creative photography aside, what do you think of this list? Any glaring omissions?

Clint Eastwood is still a badass, and I would go as far as to say that he will remain that way until the day he dies. At age 78, the 4-time Oscar winning writer/director/producer/composer/all-around badass is still getting rave reviews for playing a man with a gun and some unchecked anger. In his latest film, Gran Torino, Eastwood plays an aging Korean War vet who finds it difficult to live with a new community of Asian neighbors. And as I said in my review, he puts on his scowl, picks up his gun and goes to work as he has for so many years.

In a recent interview with Esquire, Eastwood took time to look back on some of the things he’s learned in his 78 plus years on this Earth, even going as far as calling out the current generations as ‘the pussy generation’:

We live in more of a pussy generation now, where everybody’s become used to saying, “Well, how do we handle it psychologically?” In those days, you just punched the bully back and duked it out. Even if the guy was older and could push you around, at least you were respected for fighting back, and you’d be left alone from then on.

I don’t know if I can tell you exactly when the pussy generation started. Maybe when people started asking about the meaning of life.

Absolutely perfect. Once again Clint reminds us that no matter how old he is, he would still kick all of our asses. Take that, Spike Lee.

[via Premium Hollywood]

Editor’s Warning: Massive Spoilers Ahead. If you don’t want to know which actors are portraying which villains in the next Batman installment, stop reading now.

Even before The Dark Knight hit theaters, we were being bombarded with third installment rumors. Johnny Depp is playing The Riddler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is playing The Penguin, Angelina Jolie is playing Catwoman.

We thought we’d get a reprieve from the madness at least until there was confirmation that there’d actually be a third installment. After all, if people are going to start rumors about movies that aren’t even green lit yet, we might as well be prognosticating about Weekend at Bernie’s IV.

But then the news hit that Rachel Weisz was being considered for the role of Catwoman, and we realized that we’d soon be kneedeep in completely untrue graft about Christopher Nolan’s possible followup to the most popular movie of the decade.

Instead of complaining, we decided to join in, so we hunted down some completely correct, absolutely true rumors about a film that might not ever be made. Feel free to spread these around to every single person you talk to.

To get started, I gave a call to an inside source very, very close to the production (hint! It’s Christopher Nolan*), and he gave us the scoop:

Dame Judi Dench will play Catwoman.

We have no idea where this Rachel Weisz talk got started, but we can confirm beyond doubt that the Oscar-winning actress will be bringing her 74-year old sex appeal to the feline role. After bringing her genius to Notes on a Scandal and her bad-assness to Quantum of Solace, Dench is set to aim somewhere for the middle after squeezing into the skintight leather-spandex hybrid created by costume designer Lindy Hemming. We’ve also gotten our hands on a screentest shot not meant for the public!

Johnny Depp is definitely involved.

In a shocking move, Christopher Nolan has to decided to fire Wally Pfister despite working with him on every film he’s made since Memento. The rumor that Depp is involved is true, but he won’t be donning The Riddler costume – he’ll be getting behind the camera as the Director of Photography for the first time ever in his career to create the aesthetic vision for the film.

Ewan MacGregor will play the main villain.

Hiring a veteran actor to join the Nolan-verse is a strong move, but Nolan is going one step further by hiring a veteran actor to renew a role he’s already played. That’s right! The Dark Knight will face off against Obi-Wan Kenobi in an epic battle for the soul of Gotham. Purists will probably scoff at the inclusion of a character from Star Wars and the unfair advantage that a light saber gives Kenobi, especially when the Batman list of villains is so impressive. That’s why:

Doug Jones will play the minor villain.

After admiring his work with CGI and make-up, Nolan has cast Doug Jones to play Scarface – featuring a revolutionary costume that will make him look realistically like he’s made from wood. No word yet on who will play The Ventriloquist, but there’s a mini-rumor that the movie will end with a giant metal version of Scarface standing in the doorway ominously (which should spark its own rumor that the gang is gearing up for a fourth installment).

The Gang is gearing up for a fourth installment.

Not only is it a guaranteed go, it’s going to be split into seven 4-hour movies, making the fourth installment a full 28-hours long. There are no rumors yet regarding the film, but expect an avalanche of them soon – including the fact that it will feature over a dozen villains, Alfred’s sex change, and Batman’s death at the hands of his own father who faked his death all those years ago and also happens to be a witch doctor.

That’s all we’ve got for now! Feel free to spread them around the internet as if they’re true. Since they are. At least our source claims they are, and they seem, like, so totally realistic to us.

*Christopher Nolan is my next-door neighbor who runs his own, very successful, insurance firm. Oddly enough, I also had a professor in college named Tom Hanks.

I’m sure that many of you had a chance to see the Sarah Palin appearance on Saturday Night Live last night, but the Moose-hunting Vice Presidential candidate’s appearance was overshadowed by a special guest appearance from Mark Wahlberg, who came on to threaten to break Andy Samberg’s big, beautiful nose. Have a look at the clip below, courtesy of Hulu.

Also, no matter where you lean politically, Amy Poehler’s rap during Weekend Update was absolutely hysterical. You have to love the Eskimos.

And finally, I wanted to share a few other thoughts about last night’s episode of SNL. First of all, other than the two clips above, it was a mostly terrible episode. I feel very bad for Josh Brolin, who never really had a funny moment of his own. Was it just me, or did it feel like they only did two different Brolin-centric skits, they just did it 4 times a piece? As well, did anyone else watch all the way to the end? What happened to Josh Brolin at the end? There was no closing speech, just music and an awkward pause. It was about the most odd thing I’ve seen in a long time. That said, if you missed it, just watch the two clips above — that’s all that was worth watching anyway.