Boiling Point: You Have 1 Unread Message

Posted by Robert Fure (robert@filmschoolrejects.com) on August 18, 2008

Boiling Point: You Have 1 Unread Message

Message: You’re a douchebag.

Seriously. Quit checking your e-mail in the movie theater. Technology is awesome. I get it. Your iPhone has pictures of your last trip out to the bar, sweet. Your BlackBerry just alerted you to that new Profile Comment on MySpace. Better click it and find out what SxyMamacita4242 said about your new pics, bro!

It was bad enough when all you had to worry about in a theater was some asshole with his cellphone. Quick note – even if its just on vibrate, we still hear it jingling your keys, buddy. Pull it out to see who sent it and you bathe the immediate area in light. Not cool. What the hell is so important that it can’t wait? I refuse to believe I’m seeing a movie with 26 doctors in attendance.

Worried about missing your next big appointment too? What is up with the cell phone time check? You went into the movie at X and you will leave Y minutes later at Z. Does it matter at any point in between? Nope. You’re still leaving the theater at the same time so take a freaking 2 hour break and forget your cell phone. Get a damn watch instead of pulling out your flashlight phone just to check how long you’ve been sitting in the movie theater. Seriously.

I wish I was important enough to have to check my email 132 times a day, no matter where I am. What kind of emails are these people getting? Can I get some? Actually, never mind, I don’t check my email while trying to enjoy a movie. When you watch a flick, it should be like you’re sitting in a black box with nothing going on except what’s on the screen. Every time someone pops open a phone or flips on a Smart gadget, it’s like a torch going off, distracting just about anyone sitting behind the light.

What I’m really trying to say is turn your phones off. Don’t vibrate it. Don’t check the time. Don’t read your emails. Relax. Escape. Let it all go. It’ll be better for you because then you won’t have to ask what’s going on. And it’ll be better for the rest of us because we don’t get that annoying white glow erupting at various spots in the theaters.

Maybe I’m the only one really bothered by this, maybe you’ve got some important business going on or maybe everyone should just be allowed to do whatever they want, but me, I’m sick of cell phones and smart phones and glowing gadgets in theaters. I want to sit in a dark theater and watch what’s on the screen, not see little blips of lights dotting up around the room as people check emails and texts and get time updates. Whether or not I’m justified in hating you for whipping your cell out four times during the movie, I’m definitely passed my boiling point.

What bothers you in theaters? Do cell phones drive you nuts at the movies?


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  • Ann
    The only thing worse than cell phones at the movies are the giggling teeny boppers at the movies. I actually pay more to go to the cinema down the street that bans anyone under 18 from movies starting after 9pm.
  • Nish
    Its pretty gay. You would have thought if they were expecting importatn messages, they wouldn't go to the cinema!
  • I'm usually to busy giving girl some of my brain in the theater to be worried about my cell phone. hats off.
  • Chris
    I'm with you, Robert. Technology is the bane of the filmgoers existance. I don't see why some folks pay money to be (or with hopes to be) entertained, but feel compelled to do something else. If it's that important, don't go to the movies! I'm sick of distractions like that. The theater is like my personal Mecca. How many folks do this sorta nonsense in church (wait... don't answer that)?

    I've actually upset a few people by walking up to them in the theater if they're on their phone and asked them if they were to pay for the price of my ticket, then they could yammer on or check their e mail or whatever to their hearts delight and I wouldn't bother them. Several times, I've gotten them to stop through the embarassment of being yelled at by some stranger. And once I even got my ticket price of 7.50! Sure, they kept looking at their phone and illuminating the area around them, but at least I didn't see my ticket price to go waste.
  • Bill Brasky
    I wish when people went to purchase a cell phone ... they had to take a ten minute online manners class.

    1. If you are purchasing something ... off the phone ... a cashier shouldn't have to talk over you to get you to sign the receipt

    2. Movies ... nuff said

    3. Carpool ... make calls to take care of responisbilities, but no one wants to listen to your BS talk to your significant other about how your day went.

    4. At a restaurant with someone ... take off your bluetooth and enjoy the company of you are with.

    Most of these offenses are of the 18 and under, but I do see the 18+ Dbags occassionaly
  • Valiant Coward
    I just went and saw a movie last night and there was quite a bit of this going on. What is more annoying to me is the idea that whenever a big gun is shown, someone does something bad A, or something explodes you must yell out and laugh. I live in a military town and the military guys are horrible about this. Went and saw a PG-13 movie but based on the amount of cussing yelled out as loud as possible from about 2-3 guys in the audience it should have been rated R. Yes, that gun that they used to shoot Hulk with was BIG, but do we really need the F-bomb yelled out as loud as you can yell?
  • I put away my cell phone, I don't have an Iphone yet seeing as I do not check my email in the theater. Why bother? I go to the movies to get away from this thing - otherwise known as my computer. People have forgotten how to socialize, and even how to be out in nature without some form of tech interfering. Just thought I should mention that, thanks.
  • like i tell my mid wife. if i don't like what you are saying get on your knees so i don't get mad
  • You couldn't be more right, Robert. I saw the Dark Knight and there was a guy next to me texting every half minute. What made it worse is that I swear his phone was set to some bastardized version of Ricky Martin. (Isn't that the same thing as regular Ricky Martin?) When the scene came where the Joker had the cell phone inserted into the criminal I had to fight from looking to the guy and saying "How about we have a case of life imitates art, only this time we shove the cell phone up your ass?

    Nice Boiling Point. Maybe we can print it out and hand them as programs at out local theaters.
  • Aleric
    Sad to say but 90% of the guilty parties in the incidents I have dealt with were all people under the age of 21. I normally give them one or two incidents and nasty looks from those around them before I interject my opinion of their behavior. It helps that I have that "mess with me and die" look but still I don't mind being the bad guy if it means I can enjoy the rest of the movie in peace.

    The bottom line is that it is a basic erosion of personal values and manners from the last 20 years. Most people under the age of 30 seem to beleive that no matter what they do it is alright because they think it is. Seems they were never taught by their parents to respect others especially in public. So it falls on the rest of society to jar them back into reality.
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