“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”

On a desert planet on the far edges of the galaxy, a young farm-boy named Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) dreams of leaving his meager existence behind to join the Rebellion against the evil Galactic Empire.  When his uncle, a humble moisture farmer, purchases two unassuming droids that carry coveted secret Imperial data for a titanic space station, Luke finds himself thrust into the war much sooner than expected.

Together with the reclusive Jedi, Obi-wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness), an elderly warrior who used to be one of many guardians of peace in the galaxy, Luke sets out on a quest to deliver the plans to the Rebellion, learning more about the father he never knew, his inherent ability to control the Force, the mystical energy that gives all Jedi their supernatural abilities, and encountering a motley crew of characters along the way including the displaced Princess Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher),  self-serving smuggler Han Solo (Harrison Ford), his 7-foot tall furry co-pilot Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew), and master of the Dark Side of the Force, Darth Vader (David Prowse/James Earl Jones).

Why We Love It

It actually took me about an hour to write that summary; not because I haven’t seen Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (which from now on will be referred to simply as Star Wars) enough, but because I’ve seen it way too much.  That might not make much sense at first, but if you’re like me and have lost count of how many times you’ve watched through the original trilogy, think about that for a little bit and you’ll realize that Star Wars is so ingrained in us as both film nerds and as society that we don’t even really have to think about it anymore – we just know it.  It’s part of us. It’s like breathing – nobody needs to think about breathing, we just do it because we’ve been doing it for so long.

Somewhere out there are certainly a rare and segregated number of people who have either never seen or don’t care for Star Wars, but even they’re familiar with the names and terms that George Lucas created 34 years ago: the Force, the Death Star, Jedi, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, stormtroopers – these are not just familiar terms within a popular universe, these are vocabularies permanently entrenched in the pop-culture zeitgeist.  And why is that?  I think it’s because Star Wars is one of the most universally (no pun intended) appealing films in cinema history.

You start out with Luke Skywalker.  He lives at home, he’s not overly handsome, all his friends have moved away and he’s stuck working a job he hates with little hope of getting out of his nowhere town.  He’s the nobody who wishes he was somebody. He’s 9 out of 10 people in the audience and it’s through his eyes that we experience his journey into what Obi-wan describes as “a much larger world” and it’s with his same child-like wonder that we experience it all.  Almost three decades before Harry Potter came on the scene, Luke Skywalker was the Everyman who discovered that he was anything but, possessing the potential to accomplish great things with great power he never knew he had.

And supporting him along the way are a cast of characters as diverse as those within our world, yet as consistent as the tried and true archetypes upon which they’re based.  In Obi-wan we have the wise old mentor, who we just know kicked all sorts of ass back in the day.  In Han Solo we have the badass loner who shoots first and asks questions later (no matter what Lucas CGIs), but who we’re sure has a heart buried somewhere deep within.  In C-3PO and R2-D2 we have the comic relief sidekicks.  And in Darth Vader we have the ultimate embodiment of evil, the twisted marriage of machine and man who can crush a man’s neck within his fist and who doesn’t hesitate to strike down his old master. True, all of these characters could not exist were it not for films and filmmakers who paved the way before Lucas, but that enhances the greatness of Star Wars. Like a Quentin Tarantino of science fiction, George Lucas saw what others had done before and successfully reworked the archetypes to serve his own purposes.

And it’s this wide array of influences which also lend appeal to more demographics than just the sci-fi nerds looking for space battles and laser pistols.  The older folks who had kids of their own when Star Wars first came out could appreciate the callbacks to the old Flash Gordon TV serials of their childhood.  Cinephiles of the day could look to the quickly fading Western genre and appreciate the underlying themes of the dichotomy between civilization and the wasteland. The pretentious arthouse crowd would be at peace within the huddled masses because they knew that Akira Kurosawa’s spirit was alive and well within C-3PO and R2-D2 (The Hidden Fortress) and Han Solo (Yojimbo). The English (they’re a demographic, right?) were happy to see two of their legendary, aging actors, Alec Guinness and Peter Cushing, in respectable roles. And of course, the kids are happy once the lightsabers are whipped out. But Star Wars’ greatest strength lies in the omni-relatable theme of good vs. evil.  It’s a struggle that is as old as time itself and it seems that never had the sides been more clearly defined then when we saw the juxtaposition of that cold, black helmet and that wide-eyed boy gazing longingly into Tatooine’s setting suns.

Moment We Fell in Love

In an effort to gain information on the location of the hidden rebel base, Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) brings the captive Princess Leia to him and gives her an ultimatum: tell us the location of your rebel friends or watch your home planet, Alderaan, be completely obliterated by my moon-sized space station.  Simple choice, right?  Leia, as we would all do, reluctantly gives up the ghost. Grand Moff Tarkin returns the favor by ordering Alderaan’s complete and utter destruction as easily as if he was ordering coffee.  The fact that Leia’s “revelation” turned out to be a lie is irrelevant – this bastard just wiped out an entire planet without blinking because he wanted to make a statement.

At that moment we’re fully aware of how immensely evil the Galactic Empire is and consequently fully get on board with the cause of the Rebellion while also realizing how much of an uphill battle it’s going to be for our motley crew.

Final Thoughts

The fact that George Lucas himself can’t even destroy the legacy of Star Wars despite his best efforts with the new trilogy just confirms how powerful and long-lasting the film really is.  I’ve spent almost 1200 words writing about the first installment in what has become an immortal series and I’ve barely scratched the surface. Lucas wore his inspirations and influences on his sleeve in the creation of Star Wars, a film that many people forget was passed up by almost every studio in town, and in turn created something that would inspire and influence an entire generation of filmmakers to come after him.

Nowadays we may curse the name of George Lucas for “ruining my childhood” or “pissing on his own legacy,” but no matter what he’s done in the last decade, were it not for him, May 25, 1977 would mean nothing to the history of cinema, we wouldn’t have spent so many hours in college playing “Knights of the Old Republic,” we wouldn’t look at those elongated fluorescent bulbs with aspirations of sword fighting and, most importantly, we wouldn’t have The Empire Strikes Back.

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Throw Momma from the Train (1987)

The night was humid.

Synopsis
Larry is a neurotic writer who hates his ex-wife for stealing his book and the fortune and fame that subsequently followed. Owen is a simpleton momma’s boy who takes Larry’s creative writing class and who hates his momma for being old and curmudgeonly. For separate reasons, neither one of them is able to write a good story: Larry, bitter and distracted, has writer’s block and Owen, simple and naive, just has no concept on how to write well. To help out his student’s pathetic attempt at a murder mystery, Larry offers a simple piece of advice – eliminate the motive – that Owen unfortunately interprets to mean if he murders Larry’s ex-wife, Larry will return the favor by murdering his momma.

Why We Love It

Similar to films like Adaptation and Stranger Than Fiction that would come long afterward, Throw Momma from the Train is a film for writers. I don’t mean to say that this film is anywhere near comparable to those films in prestige or skill, but all three of them share in the qualities of being films that revel in the neuroses of the unique characters who choose to be writers while also including touches of meta that bring upon varying levels of delightful self-awareness. Clearly, Adaptation and Stranger Than Fiction had much stronger narratives with which to work, but the fact that Throw Momma from the Train is a more direct comedy than those others helps with glossing over some of the weaknesses it may have.

First and foremost, screenwriter Stu Silver seems to be proponent of the idea that it’s not where you take things from, but where you take them to because if Throw Momma from the Train is not a comedic re-telling of Strangers on a Train, then at the very least, it was definitely inspired by the Hitchcock classic. Throw Momma, after all, features two relative strangers swapping murders with each other, but it just so happens that one half of the party involved is oblivious and the other half is completely unwilling. What transpires is a comedy where the characters cluelessly stumble through the irreversible consequences of an act that neither understand.

And that comedy, thanks to the fitting performances and subsequent chemistry from both Danny DeVito and Billy Crystal, is memorable and immensely quoteworthy. The combination of the put upon Owen and the on-edge Larry lead to plenty of interactions where the former learns a bit more about how to be a rational grown up and the latter learns a bit more about how to be a sympathetic one. The banter and insults are almost distractingly funny as it’s easy to forget as Larry is flipping out and Owen is bumbling around that Owen has actually crafted quite the air tight scheme to implicate Larry in his ex-wife’s murder should he (as he does) opt to not fulfill his end of the “bargain.”

It becomes clear from watching Owen and Larry that they’re both psychotic to varying degrees, and this is where the film displays a bit more of that self-awareness as Silver paints the ilk of the writer in both a warm and self-deprecating light. In four years, Larry has only written one sentence – “The night was” – and yet carries with him an air of condescension toward his eager yet somewhat misguided creative writing students, like the man whose book is merely a list of women with whom he’d like to have sex or Owen, whose 3-page murder mystery saw half of its 2 characters killed on page 2. As a longtime writer of the TV parody, Soap, I’m sure Silver knew a thing or two about the kind of personalities that get involved in arts & entertainment.

Moment We Fell in Love

Anne Ramsey. She may not be a moment, per se, but as soon as Throw Momma transitions into the household of Owen and Mrs. Lift, every moment featuring Ramsey is hilarious. She’s an old curmudgeon who is paranoid Owen is trying to have “them” take her away, she throws out insults like “lard ass,” “fat boy” and “clumsy poop” like it’s her job and when Owen momentarily believes Larry has died, she dismisses his pain by telling him to “go bury him in the back yard before he stinks up the place.” She’s a pain in the ass, but she’s also got a warm, fuzzy center because it’s clear that she relies on Owen and Owen relies on her. She’s lived a very long life being the primary care-giver for essentially an overgrown child so perhaps she’s entitled to being a little crotchedy.

I’m apparently not the only one who thought she was a highlight as she – a comedy actress – actually received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress at the 1988 Academy  Awards.

Final Thoughts

Those weaknesses I mentioned earlier? There are plenty. A lot of tension in Throw Momma is manufactured and unnatural and it’s a film that could’ve been well served by an extra 10 pages to help with that. Additionally, I’m not entirely sure the film has a clearly delineated climax to its second act. Still, Throw Momma is a comedy and there is plenty of comedic material to keep you satisfied. Nowadays, most people identify Danny DeVito with the crass, edgy humor of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” but the guy has been involved with so many different kinds of comedy over the last 4 decades that he handles the co-starring and directing duties of Throw Momma with quiet efficiency.

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Kenneth in turn dumps his re-surfaced issues on Jack, who finds that his mental vice is unable to handle the burden after his daddy issues manifest in full force.  This doesn’t bode well for Tracy, who’s taking fatherly advice from Jack on how to financially cut off his son, who is dumping huge amounts of Tracy’s money into a failing themed restaurant called Staples.

Meanwhile, Jenna has to re-evaluate her relationship with Paul (Will Forte) when the question he pops on their 6-month anniversary is not the kind where he asks her to make a sex tape they can leak online, but the kind where he wants her to meet his parents.

What worked: Liz’s self-deprecation when it comes to relationships and her uncommon eating habits have always been hilariously endearing and finding in this episode that there’s actually a deep-seated psychological connection between the two was great for two reasons: 1) we learn a little bit more about a character we already love and 2) it adds to her character’s craziness by just adding to the arsenal of things she’ll eat impartially – in this case, eggs.  It helps that the flashbacks into Liz’s past, made up of the verbal undressing of a mall Santa and an incredibly awkward interaction with a troubled aunt, are really funny as well.

I was also surprised by the fact that I was a little sad Jenna and Paul’s relationship came to an end.  I’m not a fan of Will Forte, but I loved the idea of Jenna finding her perfect match in a guy that impersonates her.  Their relationship brought out a twisted side to Jenna that I thought was equal parts disgusting and funny, embodied in the scene where they touch tongues (not lips) in an alley in front of a homeless man who tells them to “get a room…whatever that is.”  I think her interactions with Paul were some of her most memorable character moments of last season and it’ll be a bit upsetting now that those moments will be no more.

It also speaks well for an episode when Jack is not the funniest character as I thought was the case with “Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish.”  He certainly has his moments, like when he tells Liz he doesn’t like talking so much with a woman he’s not sleeping with, but I think he was just overshadowed by the great performances and story bits around him.  The revelation that Kenneth ate his own father figure in the pig named Harold was a cool little development and it’s always nice to see the soft side of Jack, which came out after he realizes he can’t handle such a revelation.

What didn’t: I loved Tracy’s relationship with his son when his son was the little dude from Role Models, but this one just wasn’t as strong.  Tracy, as he is wont to do, was great in his usual out there sort of way, but I thought the idea of Staples, a restaurant that provided “all the basics” as well as live battles between knockoff Japanese monsters, was too random to be really funny.  It wasn’t smart, it was just sort of weird.  Still, even that complaint I would have to categorize as nitpicking.  Plus, it did provide a good shot in the nuts gag.

Final thoughts: A real solid episode with a rare but welcome insight into the eccentricities of already beloved characters.

Episode: “Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish” (Season 5, Episode 9)

Airs: NBC, Thursdays, 8:30 pm

What’s next: Hilarity, hopefully

When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline.

Synopsis: Alerted to the disappearance of a young girl, staunch Catholic Sergeant Howie (Edward Woodward) arrives at Summerisle off the coast of Scotland to investigate. The island is overseen by Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee), who acts as a shepherd for a flock of citizens that adhere to a system of ancient pagan beliefs that celebrate sexual fertility and mankind’s connection with nature.

The progressive attitude of the island not only challenges Howie’s faith in what he believes, but also his investigation as the mystery of the girl’s disappearance and the motivation behind it seems to thicken at every turn.

Killer Scene: Similar to Mr. Hunter’s entry for The Mist, truly the most powerful and resonating scene in this film comes during its finale. which has to unquestionably be one of the bleakest in the history of cinema. In the interest of avoiding spoilers though, I’ll reference the scene in which Sergeant Howie finally receives permission to exhume the grave of the supposedly dead young girl only to find the corpse of a hare occupying the coffin. It’s not gory, it’s not shocking, it’s not scary, but it further clouds the mystery of the girl’s disappearance and really makes you wonder, “what the hell is wrong with this island?”

Kill Sheet

Violence: Near the end of the film, some Summerisle clown gets punched out by our pious copper, but you won’t find a drop of blood in any frame of this film, with the only real death being implied rather than shown. Having said that, though, holy shit – what an awful way to go.

Sex: The citizens of Summerisle worship the gods of fertility and are quite celebratory of what they believe to be the sacred act of sex, so that translates to plenty of boobies for us happy viewers, much to the chagrin of our betrothed, abstinent protagonist. At various points, Sergeant Howie walks through an open field populated by fornicating couples, is unsuccessfully (barely) tempted by the bartender’s daughter who serenades him through his bedroom wall while completely nude, and spies a group of nude young women engaging in ritualistic worship of fire.

Scares: For about 83 minutes of the film’s 88-minute run time, there is virtually nothing in this film that will scare you in the superficial “boo!” sense of the word. There are certainly some unsettling moments where we see the apparitional citizens of Summerisle donned in animal masks during their May Day festivities, but the biggest fright this film offers is that of the psychological kind by asking us – what if everything we’ve devoted our entire lives to is baseless?

Final Thoughts: The tension from this film all stems from the conflict between dichotomies: the old and the new, faith and disbelief, monotheism and polytheism. Those looking for something pleasing on a surface level may very well find The Wicker Man to be disappointing and probably even pretty boring considering some curious soundtrack choices and the fact that those not viewing the Director’s Cut, which even then is lacking, will be viewing an incomplete, edited version of Robin Hardy’s vision.

Still, there’s enough of a core premise in place to make the ending sufficiently terrifying.  As I mentioned above, that question of, “what if what I believe in fails me when I need it the most?” is one that keeps people up at night, has shifted the histories of people and cultures throughout and, most importantly for this film, is a question that is not only applicable to the staunch Catholic sergeant, but also to the outwardly confident Lord Summerisle. With The Wicker Man, Hardy seems to asking questions about mortality and eternity, the answers to which none of us can ever be 100% certain while we live. Admittedly, it’s a different kind of horror, but it still lingers with you when the credits roll.

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Now you’re looking for the secret. But you won’t find it because, of course, you’re not really looking. You don’t want to work it out. You want to be fooled.

In the late 19th century, the magician Alfred Borden, “The Professor,” is on trial for the murder of rival magician, Robert Angier, “The Great Danton.” What the prosecution is trying to prove and what the consensus seems to say is that Borden, furious that Angier had stolen Borden’s “The Transported Man” trick, drowned Angier in a Chinese water torture cell on the evening of his final performance.

The murder was not random, they say, but a calculated climax to culminate a long-running bitter rivalry, the genesis of which can be traced back to a botched knot tied by Borden that resulted in the drowning of Angier’s wife.

Ever since, the magicians’ stories have paralleled each other in both career success and an unshakable determination to ruin the other’s life. But when it comes to magic, where deception is the only guarantee and secrets are guarded with one’s life, a simple revenge tale isn’t quite so simple. In fact, it features many twists and turns, double crossings, revelations, murders, suicide and even a little bit of Nikola Tesla.

Why We Love It

Spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen this film: there’s no such thing as magic. Anyone with half a brain knows that. Funnily enough, the industry most commonly associated with magic (aside, obviously, from professional magic) is the movie industry. When it’s revealed to audiences that CGI has been employed to seamlessly composite or remove something, that consecutive scenes in an edit were actually shot years apart while remaining visually consistent, or that an iconic location was actually a dressed up set, it’s often the “magic of movie making” that gets credit for upholding the illusion that nothing was out of place. Similarly, it wouldn’t be ridiculous to consider an audience’s emotional investment and reaction to a film, which is more often than not a work of pure fiction, as magic.

The similarities do not end there, though, for great films, just like great magic tricks, rely on unforeseen twists and developments in order to make their big reveals (the climax for a film, the prestige for a trick) worth the price of admission and should those secrets be revealed beforehand, all that follows seemingly becomes simple and vapid. Ask anyone who first saw The Sixth Sense or The Usual Suspects after they already had the twist spoiled for them (such as myself), and they’ll tell you that both films hold up poorly afterward. The same could be said about anyone who watches a card trick after it’s been explained to them. The reaction in both cases is one similar to, “it’s so simple. Why didn’t I see that before?” Like I said, there’s no such thing as magic. And Christopher Nolan knows that very well.

In between the stunning cinematography from Wally Pfister (ranked by American Cinematographer Magazine as the 36th best shot film of the decade), the great performances Nolan coaxed from Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman and David Bowie (just to name a few) and the way that the non-linear storytelling increases tension and conflict as the story progresses, there’s plenty to really like about The Prestige. But none of those attributes are what make me love The Prestige. I love this film because it so perfectly mimics in its structure and theme that around which its entire premise is based: a magic trick.

For as much has recently been hypothesized about Inception acting as an analogy to the filmmaking process, I think there’s even more validity in saying that about The Prestige. With Memento, Nolan took what everybody knew about the storytelling structure of a screenplay and turned it completely on its head to great success. With The Prestige, I believe that Nolan took an intricate work that effectively stood on its own – Christopher Priest’s novel – and used it to create a hyper-aware commentary on films, which just like magic tricks, quite often lose their luster and initial appeal upon re-examining the tricks that made them surprising.

And this one is no exception. The twist at the end of this film is so incredibly simple that Cutter actually mentions it and continuously insists on it until the end. I realize it would seem odd that I praise a film for not holding up on repeat viewing, especially considering that I earlier chastised The Usual Suspects and The Sixth Sense for the same thing, but I think why it works in The Prestige is that, unlike those two films, this film still works despite the twist, and there are no glaring plot holes to ruin its integrity. The Prestige doesn’t hold up as well on repeat viewings because it’s not supposed to. This is the nature of every film and the nature of every magic trick.

Moment We Fell In Love

For who knows how long, Angier paid a hefty sum of money to the brilliant Nikola Tesla for a machine that would use science to allow Angier to duplicate Borden’s “The Transported Man.” After multiple electrically-charged tests that seemingly result in nothing, the men stumble upon a field of countless hats, all of which are Angier’s, all of which are duplicates that came from Tesla’s machine. Up until that point, the film had relied entirely on illusion, deception and trickery to keep me engaged. I may not have known the solution to all the trickery, but I at least knew there was a logical explanation for it all. Then Nolan showed me a field of hats and I knew that the film has crossed the bounds into pure fabrication.

And I didn’t mind.

There’s no such thing as machines that can clone hats, or cats, or people, and the fact that such a relative absurdity could be included into a story about deception and I was still emotionally engaged is a testament to the gravity that Nolan attached to the rest of the film and the characters he presented.

Final Thoughts

There’s no such thing as magic, at least, not in the literal sense of influencing events with the use of mysterious supernatural forces. But in the sense of possessing a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, I think there’s no arguing that Nolan has that in spades. Take a look at the man’s track record when it comes to filmmaking and you’ll see nothing but films that are and will be talked about over and over again, including this one, which is so much simpler than would initially appear and is still exalted by so many. Indeed, there’s something to be said about any filmmaker who is so adept at his craft that an audience chooses to get lost in his or her work even if they already know the outcome. In that sense, Nolan is one of the greatest magicians of the last decade. Abracadabra, Mr. Nolan.

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Abashed the devil stood / And felt how awful goodness is.

It’s Devil’s Night in Detroit and the urban sprawl is in flames. Year after year the night before Halloween is known for the destruction brought upon by the gangster Top Dollar and his hired hands. Nothing goes down in the Motor City without Top Dollar’s say so and when the tenants of a particular apartment building refuse an edict to vacate, he sends a crew down to deliver a message.

The recipients of that message are a loving couple, Shelly Webster and her rock and roll boyfriend Eric Draven, who are set to be married the next day. The four gangsters – Tin Tin, Funboy, T-Bird and Skank – rape and beat Shelly when they find her home alone and viciously murder Eric when he returns home part way through.

Exactly one year later, Eric is resurrected from the dead, his soul returned to his body by a crow, which legend says is used as a vessel to transport the deceased to the land of the dead. Immortal as long as the crow lives and tormented by the death of his fiance,
Eric sets out to seek vengeance on those who destroyed his happy life one year ago.

Why We Love It

People who love the Batman film franchise, specifically the two titles directed by Tim Burton, will find a kindred cinematic spirit in The Crow. On the surface, the Detroit featured in The Crow shares a lot of similarities with the plight-stricken Gotham City. Both cities are populated with looming Gothic architecture (the climax for The Crow also takes place on the roof of a cathedral), citizens inclined only toward lawlessness, a powerless police force aided by vigilante justice, and a saturating visual scheme: gloomy days for Gotham and rainy nights for Detroit. The bleak cinematography and derelict set design of the Alex Proyas film paint the city as a neo-noir urban battleground. Visually, the city looks like a logical chronological extension of a city featured in hard-boiled detective films of the 40s or the pre-cursor for what will become the vast squalor of the city in Blade Runner.

In that same vein, both Eric Draven and Bruce Wayne/Batman are products of their environment. The closing monologue of 2008′s The Dark Knight talks about Batman being the hero Gotham deserves rather than the one it needs, which holds just as much validity as a statement for Draven as it does for Batman even if the modus operandi are worlds apart. Whereas Batman seeks to restore a balance to civil order through justice, Draven only seeks to balance the scales of his own life – or what once was his own life – through vengeance. He has no concerns for a larger moral or social order outside of eliminating the 4 men who eliminated the one great love of his life and only then will he rest in peace.

It would at first seem unusual to right the ship through vengeance unless one keeps in mind the mantra that hatred is an extension of love. Love on such an intense and individualistic scale, such as the love Eric felt for Shelly, is often much more passionate and motivating than altruism and can therefore be so much more potent. When T-Bird, duct taped to the front seat of his car and terrified at the aspect of his imminent death at the hands of someone he already helped kill, speaks his final words, he quotes the italicized line at the top of this blog, which comes from John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” when the devil realizes what he’s missed by passing up goodness. At that moment in the film, T-Bird realizes the same potential that goodness possesses as he sees that one man’s quest, one man’s love, one man’s goodness was so powerful that it allowed him to forgo the grave and make right what T-Bird and his crew had made wrong.

It’s death, unfortunately, that people ultimately think of when this movie is mentioned due to the untimely death of lead Brandon Lee, who was killed during an onset mishap with a prop gun. The accident cut short what would undoubtedly be a promising career as it’s Lee’s charisma that elevates this film. It’s important to note that Lee was not portraying a hero, but a regular person who is very much unsettled by what happened and why he’s been brought back. Because he does not adapt a persona, Draven interacts differently with the motley characters that he meets: he’s wrathful with T-Bird and his crew; he toys with Gideon like a cat with a mouse; he’s Messianic to Darla; he’s humorous and introspective with Sergeant Albrecht. There’s a great versatility on display in the film and that speaks more to Lee’s talent than it does to the lack thereof of the cast around him. All of T-Bird’s boys are unique and fucked up in their own ways, from Funboy the junkie to Skank the stuttering buffoon. Additionally, Michael Wincott brings something diabolical to Top Dollar, a man that makes it clear without saying so that he’s seen and done so much that he needs extremes to feel anything. “Greed is for amateurs,” he says. “Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that’s fun!”

The Moment We Fell In Love

The very first villain Draven takes on when he returns to life is knife-throwing Tin Tin. Alone in a dark alley, Tin Tin leans down to a fire in a barrel to light a cigarette and sees through the haze of the heat someone with a painted face walking toward him. After a brief scuffle, Tin Tin throw Draven against a wall and removes his leather trench coat to reveal a collection of blades. “Let me introduce you to two buddies of mine. We never miss.”

He spins and throws the first blade. Draven ducks out of the way. He tosses the second blade. Draven effortlessly bats it out of the air. Aiming more carefully with the third, Tin Tin lets the knife fly and with a clap of his hands, Draven stops the projectile midair inches away from his face. It’s clear at that moment that Tin Tin is fucked. As is anyone else who gets in the way.

Final Thoughts

The Crow may have been a film that many of us first saw when we were teenagers, after which we all declared, I’m sure, how badass it was. The charm of the film has faded a little with time due to some revealing effects shots and unanswered exposition (Why does Top Dollar set fire to the city year after year? How does he make money off it? What’s the deal with his wannabe mystic sister/girlfriend?), but Proyas and crew were able to take a small budget a long way. I for one love the stark lighting and the grungy look and feel of the film, which is a style Proyas would use to great success in his next feature, Dark City (then squander with I, Robot and Knowing). Had the accident not occurred, this film would’ve been a great dramatic jumping off point for Brandon Lee, who up to that point had only starred in kung fu films and TV episodes.

Additionally, for dudes uncomfortable with or spiteful toward chick flicks, they can always cite this film as proof that they have a sensitive seeing as it is, more than anything else, a love story.

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As I’m sure we all know by now, fan favorite director Guillermo del Toro has vacated the position as director of The Hobbit. For months, fanboys have been pitching veritable tents over the prospect of Peter Jackson and del Toro combining to bring Tolkein’s novel to life only to let out a collective Wilhelm Scream when del Toro left roughly a week ago. Whether it’s because the visionary Mexican director was tired of the delays due to the sinking MGM ship or because he was fired after boldly (and correctly) refusing to shoot the film in 3D, the fact still remains that the director’s chair is now empty. Jackson insists that the film is still moving forward so the lingering question remains: who will fill the large shoes (and larger pants) of the hobbit-esque filmmaker?

We at Film School Rejects think we’re pretty smart, so we’ve devised a list of directors we think would be adequate fits to take over the reins of what is unquestionably one of the most anticipated films of the last decade. Directors that we love but who are currently wrapped up in other projects (Christopher Nolan, Joss Whedon) have been excluded. In no particular order, here’s a list of 7 directors we wouldn’t mind replacing Guillermo del Toro now that he’s hopefully moved onto greener pastures (and hopefully, an “At the Mountains of Madness” adaptation):

1. Alfonso Cuaron

Another visionary Mexican director, Cuaron has proven more than capable of directing movies that appeal to youth (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban), adults (Y Tu Mama Tambien) and critics (those plus Children of Men) while maintaining an impressive visual style and emotional intimacy with the film’s characters. Cuaron proved with Prisoner of Azkaban that he could work within the confines of a studio production and add an individual touch that Chris Columbus lacked with the first two Harry Potter installments while still faithfully serving the much beloved novel upon which it was based. Being good friends with Guillermo del Toro, just a word to Peter Jackson from the former slated director could move Cuaron’s name to the top of the list for consideration. However, because of his extensive and frequent producing work, Cuaron may be picky with the projects he chooses and has shown no indication that he works quickly. Additionally, while Azkaban may have been a big-budget film, it still had a relatively focused and focused emotional scope and he may not be suitable for a film that would feature such an epic scene as the Battle of the Five Armies.

2. Sam Raimi

Similar to Guillermo del Toro, there was a lot of speculation over what Raimi’s project would be when Sony decided to interfere in the affairs of the guy who, when unhindered, gave us and them Spider-Man 2. Raimi, like Cuaron, showed no hesitation in making the transition from indie films to the world of Hollywood studio pictures and has shown that he can do justice to a beloved and historic character from another medium. He’s got a signature style that is fun without being distracting and can appease both critics and audiences. However, that same signature style, which seamlessly blends tongue-in-cheek humor into a film’s plot, may make him incompatible for an otherwise serious and epic fantasy. Inserting humor into a story about an insecure teenager suddenly inheriting super powers is one thing; inserting it into a story about a midget who likes to smoke and accidentally stumbles upon his world’s greatest weapon is another (on second thought, maybe it isn’t). Also, there’s that little snag called Warcraft, currently in pre-production, which I admit I had forgotten about upon writing this blog.

3. Neil Blomkamp

Blomkamp took the world by storm when his feature-film debut, District 9, was released last August to great critical and box-office success. A veteran in the world of visual effects, Blomkamp showed a fantastic balance between pulse-pounding action and emotional engagement with his characters. Blomkamp is in good graces with Peter Jackson, who produced District 9 after the plans for a Halo movie fell through, after taking a sparse $30 million budget and turning it into a film that looks like it could’ve cost at least 5 times that much. Think about that for a minute – District 9 only cost $30 million dollars! Romantic comedies don’t even cost that little these days. In fact, The Killers, the surefire bomb starring Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher, cost $75 million to produce. MGM, which is mired in financial troubles, would be well-served by employing Blomkamp’s low-budget expertise. While District 9 came out of left field to surprise audiences worldwide, there is an incredible amount of anticipation and expectations for The Hobbit and the writer/director who was able to slip under the radar would be thrust into a bright spotlight if he took the job, with every move he would make potentially being publicized and scrutinized.

4. Marc Forster

The German-born director is currently filming Machine Gun Preacher and is speculatively attached to about 5 different films as director at the moment – including the “is it or isn’t it happening?” World War Z – but all of that could change if offered the chance to direct an adaptation of one of the most beloved books of all time. Despite somewhat mixed reviews, Forster was able to turn quite a hefty profit for Quantum of Solace, which is both an action flick and an installment in a legendary film series, and which probably endeared him to the folks at MGM, who produced it. He may not be the greatest action director in the world, but The Hobbit is a fantasy adventure first and foremost and Forster’s work on both Finding Neverland and Stranger Than Fiction proved that he can expertly weave fantastical elements into his films. His upcoming film slate, however, may prove to be too demanding and Forster hasn’t shied away from turning down high-profile projects before (Brokeback Mountain, the aforementioned Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban).

5. Martin Campbell

Admittedly not the first guy you’d think of to replace Guillermo del Toro (or for anything else), Campbell has an affinity for brands and franchises, becoming the first director since John Glen to direct more than one James Bond film with GoldenEye and Casino Royale, both of which are hailed for being two of the best installments in and for re-invigorating their series. Casino Royale, like Quantum of Solace for Marc Forster, may have positioned Martin Campbell in the forefront of the MGM execs’ brains and the status of the 3 projects he’s linked to as director on IMDB Pro aren’t anywhere near ready to go into production. His hiring as director on Green Lantern will be a big litmus test to see how he can handle a film with franchise potential adapted from another medium. On the other hand, Green Lantern is far from complete and very little is known about it. Additionally, some of Campbell’s other films – The Legend of Zorro, Vertical Limit, Edge of Darkness – are painfully mediocre at best.

6. Kathryn Bigelow

Alright, alright, I’ll admit that this pick really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense (if any) and I really only put her on the list due to the unshakable question of “what if” that has been swirling around my brain since I first thought of it as a joke. Bigelow tends to stick to low-budget, intense independent material (The Hurt Locker, Near Dark) and with the exception of Point Break, her films don’t make any money (K-19: The Widowmaker, anyone?). There’s really no indication that she has the ability or the desire to direct what is essentially the quintessential studio picture, but while John and Jane Doe may not have seen The Hurt Locker, after its multiple Oscar wins and inescapable buzz around it I guarantee that they now at least have heard about it and will be curious about a film “From the director of The Hurt Locker.” Peter Jackson would be a great mentor should she need help navigating the big-budget minefield and The Hobbit‘s guaranteed box-office success would help raise her profile as a bankable director. She was also married to James Cameron, so she had to have picked up something about blockbusters by osmosis and I think it would be incredibly intriguing to see such a male-dominated story interpreted through a female’s eyes a la Mary Harron with American Psycho.

7. Peter Jackson

Jackson is the most obvious choice and the odds that he’ll be chosen as director are heavily in his favor. He’s already stated that he’ll step behind the camera if it’ll help expedite the process and seeing as he’s already producing and co-writing, and worked on the Lord of the Rings trilogy for years and years, there’s nobody that knows the material better and would be more suited to take over. As the producer/director/writer of the Lord of the Rings, Jackson brought in a Shireful of cash and Oscars for New Line and you better believe that the company behind Gone With the Wind, Ben-Hur and Network would love the potential return to glory. To be honest, I’m kind of surprised that the decision hasn’t already been made – it seems as natural a fit as hobbits and pipe weed.

Honorable Mentions

• Louis Leterrier: Did an underrated job with The Incredible Hulk, but Clash of the Titans was just straight up bad.
• Peter Weir: Australian director with an affinity for atmosphere and films based on novels, but did anyone REALLY care about Master and Commander?
• Tarsem Singh: Director of The Fall has an amazing visual style, but is an unknown name with no indication he can handle a big-budget epic.
• David Yates: Brought a thematic and visual maturity to the Harry Potter franchise, but may have no inclination to jump from one franchise to another.
• Frank Darabont: Has directed some fantastic movies based on novels, but is tied up with “The Walking Dead” and almost exclusively directs only what he also writes.
• Terry Gilliam: Amazing visionary director, but does not play well with others, specifically studios and/or producers.
• Renny Harlin: Because another Film School Reject said he could justify it somehow.

Which of the above-listed directors makes the most sense to you? Can you think of a director who would be a better fit?

Episode: “I Do Do” (Season Four, Episode 22)

Summary: Jack finally decides whether he wants to be with Nancy (Julianne Moore) or Avery (Elizabeth Banks) while Liz accidentally runs into a man whom she believes is the answer to settling for Wesley (Michael Sheen): a pilot named Carol (Matt Damon). Back at 30 Rock, Kenneth tries to foul up his job in order to reverse a promotion that would send him to Los Angeles.

Review: Before I begin the review, let’s look back at all the significant events that transpired this season on 30 Rock so that we may reflect on the ensuing hilarity now that the best show on TV takes a break until next fall:

• TGS found a new cast member in Danny, who later carried on a short lived office romance with Liz
• Jenna dated James Franco for publicity only to be replaced by a life-sized Japanese pillow girl
• Liz gained and quickly lost her own talk show
• Tracy took on the ultimate challenge of winning an EGOT – an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony Award – to prove his fidelity to his wife
• Jenna reconnected with her mom while Liz found out that hers had quite a steamy relationship with Buzz Aldrin
• Toofer quit after learning his hiring was the result of affirmative action
• Jack fell in love with both Nancy, an old flame from back in Boston, and Avery, a sexy, smart financial journalist
• Jenna fell for Paul, a male Jenna impersonator
• Liz learned of Floyd’s engagement, leading her to believe that love has passed her by and she must settle for Wesley, whom she met while heavily sedated in the dentist’s office
• (Fill in your own)

30 Rock wraps up its fourth season answering all the questions that had been built up over the past months while raising quite a few enticing ones in the process. Season finales are where shows really flex their creative muscles, but many of you may remember that I wasn’t too pleased with how “Kidney Now!” wrapped up season three by tying up a storyline that wasn’t given enough legs to really develop and just being regular episode good as opposed to season finale good. I have no such complaints with “I Do Do.”

As the last episode implied and this episode confirmed, Jack decides that the Nancy vs. Avery battle for his heart has been won by Nancy, until the two finally meet and Nancy forces Jack to realize that he’s made the wrong choice and drops a bomb: Avery is pregnant. I’m as big a Julianne Moore fan as the next guy and was initially happy with the decision Jack made, but as he stood before Nancy with a tender smile on his face reciting the reasons why he fell for Avery, it really became clear reflecting on past episodes that Avery was and is the better choice. Credit is due to both Banks and Moore for helping bring the polar opposite characters to fruition, with extra credit going to Moore for adding a hint of something that somehow made Nancy seem appealing, but not enough so for Jack (the really annoying Boston accent probably helped). In the Jack and Avery reconcile, the show added a huge laugh in the swelling romance music fake out and gave us a sample of what’s coming up: Jack as a father and Avery as a kick ass mother. I look forward to both.

After almost ridding herself of Wesley last week, Liz finally shook off Wesley this week in the fateful meeting of airline pilot Carol.  Neither Sheen nor Damon were particularly spectacular, but they didn’t have to be; Sheen just had to be sufficiently smug and dorky (no problem for a Brit) and Damon just had to be the vanilla ice cream everyman, which he’s certainly capable of doing (Saving Private Ryan, Ocean’s Eleven, Gerry).  With a good joke here and there (“You walk briskly in a pilot’s uniform, you can go pretty much anywhere.  I’ve been upstairs in the White House while the Obamas were sleeping”) and the ability to overlook Liz’s….eccentricities, he quickly became #1 in Liz’s life (even if only by default).  Carol may not seem like much, but in my opinion, he doesn’t have to.  The fact that he’s a pilot, which is a step or two below an astronaut (the occupation of dream hunk  Mike Dexter), shouldn’t have escaped anyone and was a clever and subtle message that there’s a difference between settling and readjusting your perspective.  Carol’s not an astronaut, he’s not perfect, but who is?  Liz is all sorts of screwed up and if she can find a guy who can get over that, then she should be able to get over any imperfections he has as well.  It’s a wonderful revelation for a character who is pretty arrogant despite her flaws and is a much better culmination than some of the over-romanticized nonsense you’ll find on TV today.

The other big bomb of the show was dropped when Kenneth was fired after taking Tracy’s well-meaning advice to act inappropriately while guiding a tour made up of  Kabletown executives (“Let’s meet up later and smoke some drug cigarettes”).
He seeks Tracy’s help because he doesn’t want to leave the rough around the edges friends he left behind and who can blame him?  His drunken yet still surprisingly uplifting tirade at the end of the episode is touching in a way that only makes sense on 30 Rock and acts, in essence, as a self-referential love letter to both the characters on and viewers of a show who have made what’s essentially a comedy about despicable people into one of the best shows on television.  On behalf of all the viewers out there, it was our pleasure Tina!

Grade: A. How will I get through the summer without you?

Favorite Quote: [Jack] – “A smug, 40-year old bridesmaid.  What a treat for everyone.”

What are your thoughts of “I Do Do” and season four overall?  What will you be looking for in season five?

Episode: “Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land” (Season Four, Episode 21)

Summary: The love triangle between Jack, Avery and Nancy becomes further complicated when an unexpected visit leads to some unexpected results. Meanwhile, on the eve of Floyd’s wedding, Liz re-visits all of her significant ex-boyfriends hoping that maybe she missed something and one of them really was Mr. Right.

Review: As the season finale of 30 Rock approaches, the romance pictures for both Jack and Liz just seem to get cloudier. While Jack promises Avery (Elizabeth Banks) that he’ll use the weekend to sort things out, a surprise visit from Nancy (Julianne Moore) changes things. Determined to sort things out once and for all, Jack decides to keep the weekend completely asexual. The situation for Liz isn’t any better as she must attend three weddings in one day sans date (but she would still like two meals) including the wedding of her ex, Floyd (Jason Sudeikis). At her age, she reasons, she’s met all the guys there are to meet and she more than likely met the right one for already:

• Liz: I’ve dated plenty of good guys, my standards have just been too high.
• Frank: Yeah, they have. Meet in the handicap stall in 10 seconds.

Let the downward spiral begin.

Unfortunately for Jack, his unromantic plans for Nancy, which include a documentary about female circumcision and eating too much Indian food, get derailed thanks to the powerful combination of red lingerie and a woman who has aged very well. Moore is sexier than she is funny, so you’ll hear no complaints from me about that powerful duo. The Catholic guilt eventually catches up with Jack when he finds out he’s only the second man with whom Nancy has ever slept and it’s at this point that the episode does a good job in demonstrating that love her or leave her dichotomy that has been building up all season. We know he feels he made a mistake, as evidenced by when he jams the fork into his leg, but we also know he wants to be upfront with Nancy, as evidenced by his attempt at a confession during Floyd’s wedding. I’m anxious to see what will happen, but I feel like the finale is really going to have to surprise me in how this plot thread is closed. If there’s one complaint I have against 30 Rock, it’s that the show is a bit incestuous in relying on itself to keep the relationships interesting. We know that neither Moore nor Banks will stick around for much longer, seeing as they’re primarily film actors. Danny (Cheyenne Jackson) fit like a glove upon his inclusion, but his appearances haven’t been frequent. Similarly, the time spent with Dennis Duffy (Dean Winters), Dr. Drew Baird (Jon Hamm) and Wesley (Michael Sheen) have all been hilarious, but they’re all tragically flawed.

Speaking of the devils, they all make appearances in this episode while Liz is re-examining her ex-boyfriend Rolodex, a.k.a., “sexual time travel,” and subsequently remind us what made their past appearances hilariously endearing: Drew lost both his hands, which are now replaced with hooks, due to his own stupidity; Wesley is obnoxious and stubborn in his assertion that Liz will find no one better than he; and Dennis, the highlight of the episode, is crass, self-absorbed and trying to Balloon Boy a kid he found in a program that pairs troubled adults with child mentors. “Hey Dummy. You know, as soon as my beeper went off I knew it was you,” he says to Liz. “I have a personalized vibration for every chick I used to put it to.” Tell me that when he yelled to a retreating Liz, “you’ll be back,” you didn’t partially/entirely wish it were true?

Yet it’s Wesley, the man who continuously re-appears in her life, with whom Liz is apparently meant to be. Coincidentally paired with Liz at Cerie’s wedding, he almost has her convinced that he and Liz are meant to be together due to the sheer fact that she can’t find anybody else. With a simple twist of fate, however, Liz meets a charming member of Floyd’s bridal party, who happens to have a nice job (he’s a lawyer) and has a nice-shaped head! But he’s also a Plushy, the kind of guy who likes to have orgies while dressed as a mascot. Now, Wesley definitely has her convinced. At first, I was a bit upset when Liz walks down to the obnoxious Brit with a declaration of defeat – “Fine, you win. Let’s get married.” – but I quickly realized that the show has been delightfully irreverent for four seasons now. Why switch things up this late in the game? Liz’s absurd and relenting approach to love is sort of a nice, quirky change from the standard sitcom mundanity.  Plus, next week’s episode features Matt Damon, so who knows what’ll happen!

Crammed in between these two stories is a less interesting and far less funny thread involving Dot Com and Kenneth trying to get Tracy to recall his repressed past in order to tap into emotional depths in order to win the Oscar for his EGOT.  For the most part, this thread is forgettable until the wretchedly painful memories of Tracy’s youth come flooding back.  Highlights (or low lights) include:

• Sleeping on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs
• Watching a prostitute stab a clown
• A basketball hoop that was a rib cage.  A rib cage!

Shame on those who chose to neglect the brief snippet after the closing credits as even more painful and immensely funny memories come flooding out of Tracy.

Grade: B

Favorite Quote: [Liz] – “And now an unscheduled reading that I think is appropriate for this lovely, romantic occasion.  [Begins reading Genesis 38:9]  ‘But Onan knew the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground…’”

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Episode: “The Moms” (Season Four, Episode 20)

Summary: When the moms of the TGIS crew all come together for a special Mother’s Day tribute episode, Liz, Jack, Tracy and Jenna must deal with the meddling women.

Review: Mother’s Day is only two days away and the minds behind 30 Rock are sending out their love to the millions of women worldwide who went through all the trouble to carry us in their wombs, birth us, and put up with our shit for years in the only way they know how: through delightful absurdity.

“The Moms” is almost a perfect storm of insanity, featuring the return of terrific past supporting characters such as Colleen Donaghy (Elaine Stritch), Verna Maroney (Jan Hooks), Margaret Lemon (Anita Gillette), and Avery Jessup (Elizabeth Banks) while also introducing us to newcomers Novella Nelson (as herself) and American legend, Buzz Aldrin (yes, THE Buzz Aldrin). The addition of all these supporting characters handicaps the episode a little by trying to do too much in a 22-minute format, but for the most part it all works wonderfully well. It’s a real credit to the episode’s writers that they could conjure up four completely unique and funny story lines that are all worth remembering despite averaging out less than 8 minutes of screen time each.

In order to do this, the Liz and Jack story lines are brought to the forefront of the episode whereas Jenna and Tracy’s stories are relegated to the sidelines. No matter. They’re all equally successful to one degree or another. Colleen’s arrival, as it turns out, has nothing to do with Mother’s Day and everything to do with the rumors she’s heard about Jack’s indecision about Avery and Nancy; a fact for which she frequently makes of him. The loving hostility between the Irish mother/son duo has always been a highlight of past episodes and “The Moms” is no exception. It’s quite a feat when a character can upstage Alec Baldwin’s performance on the show, but Stritch continues to do so with each appearance. Upon the conclusion of the episode, it’s also rather touching to see both Colleen admit that she meddles just because she wants to see her Jackie taken care of and Jack admit that he wants his mother’s advice. The fact that we get to look at the lovely Elizabeth Banks a bit in between isn’t bad either.

The arrival of Liz’s mom forces her to re-evaluate the relationship ambitions for astronaut Mike Dexter when she finds out that her mom settled on her husband after her mom’s true love, an astronaut named Ed “Buzz” Aldrin, shipped off decades ago. This results in not only the most jaw-droppingly hilarious line in the episode (more on that later), but also in Liz’s quest to find Aldrin and settle her mind over what could’ve been had her mom married the astronaut. It’s awesome to see a very stiffly acting Aldrin settle Liz’s fears by recalling how much of a hellion he would’ve been for Liz’s mom and rattle off one-liners of senile gold: “Would you like to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin?” The final message of this story seems to be, however, that settling is okay and while no one points to this show as a moral compass, that conclusion seems a bit uncharacteristically shiftless.  At the very least though, we got to see what Lutz’s mom looks like: Lutz.

Probably the weakest of the story lines was the one involving Jenna and Verna.  It was established in the episode “Verna” that Jenna’s mom was a terrible person, so for the most part, “The Moms” just sees her going around being more of a terrible person – with a single breast implant (“Like a cantaloupe and a zip lock bag of mushroom soup”) – until she’s paid off once again.  There’s ultimately a reconciliation between mother and daughter when each agrees to wear the outfit suggested by the other, but it still stood as the episode’s primary misstep.  Evening it out though, was the hilarity involving Tracy and his “mom” – Pajamaral infomercial actress Novella Nelson, who plays the part of Tracy’s absent mom (“Her name might be Cheryl and she was wearing a red shirt in 1984″).  Initially, neither party are too keen on the idea of each other:

• Tracy: You are way beneath me Novella – I am a movie star, television actor and the Guinness Book of World Records holder for most car accidents in a single year.
• Novella: Maybe you wanted someone more high-profile, but I am what you got.  So Tracy, you better watch yourself or you may wind up with no mother at all.
• Tracy: Fine!  I’d rather be up on that stage all alone than be up on that stage with someone whose resume reads, “Black Judge” on it 9 times.
• Novella: And do you think I wanted a fake son who recorded an anti-condom PSA?
• Tracy: I saved a lot of kids from lame sex!

They too eventually have some flimsy sentimental reconciliation, but we’re more willing to forgive its flimsiness over Jenna’s because Tracy Morgan is hilarious.

I would also be remiss were I to not mention what I hope will be the next hit NBC show, “Bitch Hunter.”

Happy Mother’s Day to all those who squeezed out one or more through their birth canals then took the time to raise them right!

Grade: B.

Favorite Quote: [Margaret Lemon] “Ed was true love, sweetheart.  He was my steady at Montclair High.  The night before he was shipped off to Korea, I repeatedly lost my virginity to him while Waldo the town perv watched from the bushes.”

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Episode: “Argus” (Season Four, Episode 19

Summary: After the contents of Don Geiss’ will are announced, Jack finds himself the owner of his ex-mentor’s peacock, Argus. Meanwhile, Liz must not only help settle the dispute between Dot Com and Tracy over who will be Grizz’s best man, but she must also uncover what secret Jenna’s new boyfriend, Paul (Will Forte) might be hiding.

Review: Then denizens of 30 Rock are no strangers to the absurd, the ridiculous, even the stupid, but the show has never really crossed the bounds of the surreal until “Argus” and it’s left an odd flavor in my mouth.

I’ve found that you can typically tell how strong an episode will be by the quality of the jokes that occur before the opening credit sequence. The banter between Jack and Liz that kicks off the episode isn’t bad, per se, but it’s not great either, which I feel is an accurate description of the rest of the episode.

Maybe it was too many cooks in the kitchen (3 credited writers for a 22-minute episode), but “Argus” reeked strongly of running out of ideas. For starters, the coupling of Liz and Pete, which has been so strong throughout the entire season, lacked the pop and chemistry that’s been exuded in past episodes this season. The running joke of Pete wanting to be called “Dallas” wore out pretty quickly and after a while he just sort of disappeared, but luckily it wasn’t before a great joke about why he’s avoiding his kids’ performance of ‘Oklahoma’: “none of the cowboy hats can fit my kids’ heads so they’re just wearing turbans.”

Pete wasn’t the only victim of flat jokes though as Tracy’s gags didn’t quite pack the usual punch either – specifically, I’m thinking of the “don’t make me show you the back of my hand” bit (on which is taped a note, ‘Please be nice to me’) and his attempt to show Liz his adeptness (or lack thereof) at standing on one foot. But Tracy isn’t fully a victim in this episode, revealing his soft under belly when he admits to Liz that his assertion on being Grizz’s best man is strictly for the purpose of protecting Dot Com, who’s in love with Grizz’s fiance, Feyonce. It’s a cute end to the best story thread of the episode, which saw hilarious references to the Liz/Grizz hook up that was mentioned as just an afterthought way back in season 2. It’s a prime example of a running gag that worked from the very beginning, when Grizz told Liz he’d feel safer talking with the door open, to the very end, when he says, “damn, Beth, get over it.”

Counteracting that, though, was the shenanigans with Jenna’s new boyfriend, who is indeed hiding a secret: he’s a Jenna impersonator. Of course, Jenna is aware of this and not only does she not care, that’s what drew her to him. As Liz realizes, the draw in the relationship is that Jenna can physically love herself. Now, it’s no secret that Jenna is egotistical – this is a woman who was upset when her stalker gave up on her, remember – but it seemed a bit too surreal and stretched to see her kissing a man dressed as herself at the end of the episode. It wouldn’t have been so bad if Forte was given more jokes to work with (though he does admit he would stop taping his penis for her), but he’s given little and therefore, gives little, unlike his appearance alongside Paul Reubens in “Black Tie” years ago.

Similarly, it’s weird to see Jack conversing with a peacock that he believes contains the spirit of Don Geiss and similarly, it could’ve been forgiven if Jack was funnier in the episode.  Sadly, that’s not the case (the slow motion grieving process was meh) and we have to settle for mildly amusing Jack instead of A-game Jack.

Grade: C

Favorite Quote: [Tracy] – “‘Let’s not do this in front of everybody?’  You sound my mother being pulled on stage at a Two Live Crew concert.  Damn.  My mother had problems.”

Episode: “Verna” (Season Four, Episode 12)

Summary: When Frank moves in with Liz after a fire at his place, they each vow to help the other kick their bad habits: eating unhealthily for Liz and smoking for Frank.  Jenna turns to Jack for help when her unfit mother, Verna (Jan Hooks) shows up, but Jack is skeptical when it appears she’s turned over a new leaf.

Review: By the time Me Cat, the animated mascot for Cheesey Blasters, pops out of a pregnant Liz into the arms of Dr. Tracy Jordan, you should’ve already known whether you were going to love tonight’s episode of 30 Rock or not because after Liz wakes up from her strange dream, the episode stays the course of absurdity.

Primarily, the absurdity focuses around the pairing of Liz and Frank, who are paired up after Frank, needing a place to stay, moves into the extra space in Liz’s apartment.  They each vow to help the other kick their bad habit, but as we (and the entire TGS staff) know, Liz is a titanic fan of junk food.  Frank apparently smokes too, though the fact that this has never been mentioned in previous episodes can be forgiven because the ensuing shenanigans are well worth it.  Of course the harmony of the two quitting cold turkey doesn’t last when Liz becomes skeptical of how Frank can be doing so well when she’s suffering physically and emotionally from her body’s dependency on the chemicals in junk food.  Tied into this thread is Pete, who’s convinced Liz needs her junk food release to function properly and whose incredibly stressed family life combined with his incredibly stressed work life have left him very little “Pete Time.”  Tina Fey and Scott Adsit, as usual, show great chemistry during their downward spiral into misery and the revelation that Pete has begun jamming thumb tacks into himself “just to feel something” is hilarious thanks to some great pacing and Adsit’s expressive face.  Liz and Pete, of course, don’t believe that Frank is legit in his quitting and scheme up a way to prove he’s not.

But more on that later.  Jenna, upset that her no good mother is coming back into her life, asks for help from Jack, who has plenty of experience dealing with unwanted matriarchs.  As it turns out, Jenna doesn’t even need to enforce Jack’s advice (“no, low, go”) when Verna, wont to ask for money in the past, instead begins making efforts to pay back her exploited daughter.  Hooks, an SNL alum, does an occasionally exceptional, but mostly sufficient job at portraying the redneck mother.  The jokes written for her aren’t that funny, though it is equal parts great and awkward when Verna finally partakes in the mother/daughter duet she skipped out on when Jenna was 11…to Captain and Tennille’s “Do That To Me One More Time.”  In the words of Jack:

• Liz: How are you not moved by this?
• Jack: I’m listening to the words.

Based on how Verna is built up to be this horrible women but appears to be genuine in her apologies, we spend the whole episode waiting for the let down, wondering what her real motivations could be.  Well, eventually we find out: Verna, who knows how to push Jenna’s buttons, wants her own reality TV show revolving around her and her daughter.  This reveal, along with Jack’s response, is the only part of the episode that didn’t really work for me and was, in my opinion, a glaring weakness.  For one thing, this seems like a really stupid and flimsy reason for the appearance of the Verna character because we’re not given enough information to think this is a valid motivation.  For another, Jack’s stepping in on the part of Jenna to try and force Verna to be a better mother seems a bit too altruistic for the character and by introducing bribery into the equation (he agrees to pay her $3000 if she visits Jenna four times a year), it’s hard to feel there’s been any emotional or moral victory.  I’m not saying it’s not nice to see Jack’s soft underbelly, but it doesn’t make sense to see it in this context.

It’s later.  Liz and Pete figure by laying out cigarettes and setting up a hidden camera in Liz’s apartment (“Like the nanny cam I set up to watch our nanny sleep”), they’ll be able to capture Frank smoking in secret.  They don’t, but what they do capture is comic gold:

1. Liz sleep walking
2. Liz sleep eating
3. Liz sleep ordering a pizza
4. Liz sleep eating said pizza
5. Frank getting frisky with an overweight woman from the NBC mail room who lullabies him to sleep
6. Liz sleep eating Frank’s cigarettes

Liz’s junk food habit has been a running gag since season 1, but to see it played with in such an absurd and subsequently hysterical way shows the writers can make repetition funny and had me almost peeing my pants with laughter.

Grade: B

Favorite Quote: [Jack] – “I developed this presentation in 2002 when Colleen attempted to lengthen her Christmas visit to Martin Luther King Day or as she calls it, ‘that day in January when the post office is closed.’”

Episode: “Winter Madness” (Season Four, Episode 11)

Summary: When Liz suggests taking TGS on the road to counter bouts of winter madness, Jack approves as long they take the show to Boston where he can be close to Nancy (Julianne Moore).  Upset about not going to Miami instead, the TGS staff rebels against Liz, who creates a scapegoat for everyone’s anger that, unknown to her, turns out to be a real person.

Review: Instead of putting all their eggs into one basket and giving us a lot of Jack and Liz banter or a lot of Tracy idiosyncrasies or a lot of Jenny flakiness, tonight the crew of 30 Rock spread the wealth around and gave us a little bit of everything.  A lot of the regular crew as well as the minor characters all saw a good amount of spotlight and while I think it held back any person or persons from really standing out, I think it also made the episode sufficiently funny from beginning to end.  Nothing spectacular, but nothing lacking either.  A solid episode without being a stand out episode.

With a slight focus shift to the TGS writing staff, we see a bit more of Frank, Toofer, Lutz, Pete and Cerie than we normally do.  It’s great to see the general angst and disfunction the writers experience with each other when the issue of doubling up on hotel rooms comes up, especially when Pete automatically assumes Grizz and Dot Com will room together:

• Dot Com: Why would you just assume we would room together?
• Grizz: Why would he assume we wouldn’t?
• Dot Com: Maybe because one of us still hasn’t read the other’s screenplay.
• Grizz: I did read it.  I just didn’t like it.

Regular readers will probably know by now that I enjoy it when Lutz is thrown into episodes and, as always, the scorn and mockery the unappreciated writer receives is as much hilarious as it is pitiful.  They’re extra harsh on Lutz this episode – even Jack tosses in his two cents about disliking him – but he gets his revenge later on when he Truffle Shuffles Dale Snitterman, the unfortunate executive who faces TGS’s wrath when he unknowingly is blamed for all their hardships.  Leave it up to Liz to completely forget she saw an innocent man’s name plate on a door then take full credit for supposedly cleverly fabricating him later on.  Nothing comes out of this unfortunate man’s torture, nor do we need anything to, because the episode does a good job (though I can’t help but feel, an unintentionally good job) of making Boston and its people seem boring and mildly annoying.  A lot of Boston Bruins jerseys and throwing around of the “ar” pronunciation as “ah?”  Been (overly) done before, guys.  Make fun of something else.  Perhaps the Irish.

Tracy uses his travel opportunity to take a walking tour of Boston with Liz, concluding that a peaceful tour of historical Boston couldn’t possibly result in any trouble arising.  As Pete said, smash cut to Tracy accusing a John Hancock impersonator of owning slaves and trouble is a-brewing.  He carries his political message throughout the rest of the episode, but in typical Tracy fashion, manages to muddle adult sensibilities with juvenile stupidity (“Sure, find a scapegoat, just like John Hancock did with the good King George”).  There’s nothing too worth quoting from the usually hilarious Tracy, but the moment during which he criticizes patriots while wearing an “Impeach George W. Ashington” t-shirt and inadvertently insults a crowd of New England Patriots fans is worth a few chuckles.

The real weakness tonight was the romantic dynamic between Jack and Nancy.  I don’t know whether it’s Nancy’s rough, inaccessible demeanor, the relatively few episodes in which she’s been featured compared to Jack’s past love interests, or the Boston accent, but I just can’t get behind the Jack and Nancy romance.  It sort of snuck up out of nowhere in “Secret Santa” and just hasn’t really been constructed very well.  There doesn’t seem to be any chemistry between Baldwin and Moore either – the excitable glow in Baldwin’s eyes during his scenes with Salma Hayek from last season is gone and the kiss at the end finishes the episode with a dull period more so than with an exclamation point.

Grade: B

Favorite Quotes:

“[Jack]: For example: what keeps people polite on airplanes?  A shared hated of the CBS sitcoms they’re forced to watch.
[Liz]: No, I understand the concept because with these dummies the common enemy is always me.  And I’m sick of it – I’m not gonna be the bad guy this time.
[Jack]: Then find someone else.  I recommend Lutz.  Why do I always want to choke that guy?”

Episode: “Black Light Attack!” (Season Four, Episode 10)

Summary: When Jack finds out that Liz and Danny (Cheyenne Jackson) are hiding a strictly physical workplace relationship, he becomes jealous and attempts to break them up.  In preparation for having a daughter, Tracy accepts Sue (Sue Galloway) from the TGS writing staff into his entourage.  Jenna goes through a mini crisis when she is given an audition for Gossip Girl – in the role of a mom.

Review: Funny jokes!  Quick comedic pacing!  A storyline that arcs and comes to fruition!  Making fun of Lutz!  Where were you last episode, “Black Light Attack?”  After disappointing with “Klaus and Greta,” 30 Rock redeems itself with a hilarious second half to the 9 p.m. time slot.  From the very get go when we see Lutz’s undergarment gleaming under the black light of the show after party (“It’s not what you think – it’s something I need to wear to support my breasts”) to Jack’s painful reminiscing of taking employees to sporting events (“But my biggest problem with Quidditch is…”), this episode declared it was going to be strong.

Danny has been a positive, albeit infrequently used, addition to the show and for some reason, placing him in the middle of Jack and Liz brings out the best in both of them.  His secret shenanigans with Liz both enhances the endearingly frumpy qualities of her, i.e., she’s never shown her feet to a man, and brings out a previously unseen feisty side to the TGS head honcho.  Fey flexes every sexy muscle she has (I realize the number of sexy muscles she has is up for debate) and it’s really kind of hot.  At the same time, Jack’s disgust and jealousy at their affair is so well visually projected on Baldwin’s face that he could’ve gone without lines and still been funny.  Just look at his sinking, almost nauseous demeanor as he connects the dots when talking with Danny at the Knicks game or at the wide-eyed shock and horror that he tries to suppress while “confessing” to Danny that he’s in love with Liz and tell me that’s not great expression.  Be warned that if you do tell me that though, I will call you a liar.

After playing a rather small role in the last episode, Tracy features more prominently here, generally acting both immature and fatherly while trying to guide an often confused and unwilling Sue through the entourage process.  There aren’t too many moments of the two of them together (how many can there be in a 22-minute episode?) but they’re all brought back during a hilarious montage scored by “Forever Young.”  The release of Tracy’s “daughter” into the hands of a young man (who turns out to be Liz – more on that soon) is touching in that comedic way that only 30 Rock can really get away with and though we’ll probably never see Sue featured prominently again, we’ll never forget her time in the spotlight.

Jenna takes a step back in this episode in terms of humor, but her unwillingness to admit her own age is a worthy plot thread if for no other reason than because it forces Liz to unveil Tom (as in Tom Selleck), her mustache.  Yes, for 20 years Liz has hidden the fact that she has a mustache and her choosing to unveil it makes us love Liz more for her willingness to embarass herself for Jenna’s sake.  It also makes it easier for Danny to break things off with her and for Tracy to let Sue go knowing she’ll be taken care of by a good man.

Grade: A.

Favorite Quotes:

“[Pete] – We really should’ve said something.  What happens when she gets there and finds out she’s the mom?

[Liz] – Oh, Pete, that’s later.  Maybe we’ll be dead by then.”

Episode: “Klaus and Greta” (Season Four, Episode 9)

Synopsis: After drunkenly outing her gay cousin over Christmas break, Liz must host the young man when he runs away to New York City.  Also attempting to make up for drunken holiday mistake, Jack brings Kenneth to Massachusetts to erase a voicemail he left for Nancy Donovan on New Year’s Day.  Meanwhile, Jenna begins a fake relationship with James Franco to distract the paparazzi from some unflattering news about the actor.

Review: More than a month after the last 30 Rock episode of the decade, the best show on TV is back.  However, seeing as there were two episodes tonight, the reviews will be truncated.  If you don’t like it, write your own review.  Except don’t do that because then I won’t be relevant anymore.

Maybe it was rust from being away for so long or maybe the folks at NBC wanted to save their best for last, but “Klaus and Greta” was painfully mediocre.  When Liz’s cousin Randy comes to stay with her, she attempts to protect the young kid from the pastiche of crazy that New York City offers around every turn.  Needless to say, it doesn’t work out quite like that, with Randy instead teaching Liz how to enjoy life.  In the process, there’s a few gay jokes, Liz gets locked in the closet (ironic?) and she sleeps with James Franco (more on that later).  Other than that, there’s not much worth remembering.

The dynamic between Jack and Kenneth has proven to be entertaining in the past and it’s nice to see the two given an extended period of time together when they break into Nancy’s house.  Jack’s romantic longings for the absent Nancy are a bit annoying and uncharacteristic for the oft-misogynistic Donaghy, especially considering he was similarly smitten with Elisa (Salma Hayek) just last season.  Still, we get a few humorous moments from Kenneth fumbling with modern day computer technology and that’s worth a few laughs.

This season has seen a revitalization in the Jenna character and she was the highlight of tonight’s episode with her trademark crazy mixed with a pinch of emotion.  In the process of faking a romance with James Franco, she realizes she wants something authentic and her epiphany is actually somewhat touching.  Unfortunately, we have to put up with James Franco’s overacting to get there as he fumbles his way through a thread that sees him enamored with – and common law married to – a Japanese body pillow named Komiko.  Komiko jokes are tossed back and forth like nobody’s business, but the only time one of them is actually funny is when she (it?), James and Liz emerge from Liz’s room after a wild night.

A glimmer of hope arose during the credits though, as Tracy, convinced Angie is pregnant with a daughter, realizes he and his entourage are too insensitive towards women and announces that he’ll be accepting a female entourage member to remedy the situation.  It’s hilarious to hear Tracy berating his crew and with the three simple words of “to be continued” a relatively flat episode gives us reason to stick around.

Grade: C.

Favorite Quote: [Tracy] – “Kenneth, your haircut is disrespectful to lesbians!”

Episode: “Dealbreakers Talk Show No. 0001″ (Season Four, Episode 7)

Synopsis: After being threatened by his enemy in Washington D.C., Devon Banks (Will Arnett), Jack must make sure the first episode of Liz’s “Dealbreakers” talk show goes off without a hitch, which first involves calming Liz’s performance anxiety.  Tracy, on a quest to prove to his wife he’s responsible enough to have a daughter, embarks on a quest to write the greatest song in history.

Review: As much as I love Chris Parnell as Dr. Spaceman, there seems to be trouble brewing when he appears in back-to-back episodes (granted, there was a week off for Thanksgiving).  Dr. Spaceman and Devon Banks, who are usually used as the proverbial icing on the cake, were both thrown in to seemingly save a mediocre at best episode, but like everyone else tonight, came off as flat and not living up to their potential.

Perhaps it’s because the episode was written by infrequent writer Kay Cannon (only 5 series writing credits) that everything seemed a little off, but from incongruent character traits on down to the slow comedic pacing and lack of trademark camera swipes, there just didn’t feel like 30 Rock flavor injected into “Dealbreakers Talk Show No. 0001.”  Liz, normally balancing the strong-willed female act with self-deprecation, stumbles through the episode usurping both traits for uncontrollable anxiety.  While I understand her being anxious is essential to the plot, there’s still very little, outside of the HD camera gag, that’s worth laughing about or quoting come tomorrow morning.

In the same vein, Donaghy’s abrasive confidence seems to have completely vanished, replaced with a more mellow, almost desperate Jack that doesn’t quite endear himself to us.  With both characters acting so out of character, we’re robbed of the extremely valuable Donaghy-Lemon chemistry that made the previous “Stone Mountain” such an absolutely gut-busting episode.  The strongest moment for Liz comes during her brief interaction with Dr. Spaceman, during which Parnell and Fey give us this delightful exchange:

• Liz: No, thank you, I can’t – I’m going to be on TV this week.
• Dr. Spaceman: Really?  I think you mean radio.
• Liz: No, I don’t.  What is..what…why do people keep saying stuff like that?
• Dr. Spaceman: Hey, you seem nervous.  I could give you something for that.  Ugh, you know what?  I’m not supposed to have sex with my patients.

With Liz busy with her show, Frank (Judah Friedlander) is placed in charge of the TGS writing staff.  I’m typically not a huge fan of Frank, but it is humorous to see his emotional and physical transformation into Liz and in turn, to see that the character of Frank is capable of more than just an occasional smart ass comment.  For the most part, that’s the extent of the supporting character contributions with Kenneth, Grizz, Dot Com, Pete and Banks popping in and out of the episode very quickly.  However, Jenna, who has seen a bit of a resurgence in laughs this season, does come through with the little time she’s given especially during her exchange with Jack over how to calm down Liz’s nerves (who else would know better than TGS’s queen of freakouts?):

• Jack: I need to talk to you.  I have an actress problem.
• Jenna: Okay…don’t try to move the body yourself.

But tonight’s overwhelming redeeming factor is Tracy Jordan.  Continuing the fatherly tenderness introduced in the last episode, “Sun Tea,” Tracy tries to convince his wife Angie (Sherri Shepherd) that his life is incomplete and he would like to have a daughter despite his tendency to not finish things he’s started.  His quest to prove his worth by winning an EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony Award) by writing the greatest song in history is a quintessentially insane Tracy idea.  Tracy has unquestionably been the most consistently hilarious character of season four so far and between nuggets like “Liz Lemon, I have a hole in my heart and not the one I got from eating batteries,” handcuffing Liz to his bookcase and bringing together a band of musicians to compose a song concocted out of the 5 most popular musical genres, he single-handedly saved tonight’s episode from oblivion.

Grade: C. I shudder to think what it would’ve been without Tracy.

Favorite Quote: [Jack] – “There’s a lot of history in Studio 4C: To Catch a Predator, the XFL halftime show, storage for broken copier equipment and now, Dealbreakers.”

Episode: “Sun Tea”  (Season Four, Episode 6)

Synopsis: Jack, disgusted at a rift in the Geiss family, vows to get a vasectomy so as to never have kids and convinces Tracy, who’s frustrated at his son Tracy Jr. (Bobb’e Thompson), to do the same.  Liz wants to purchase the bigger, two-bedroom apartment above her when rent in her building goes up, but must first drive out the affable tenant who’s firmly entrenched there.  In honor of green week, Kenneth is given the task to reduce TGS’s carbon footprint by 5%.

Review: I remember reading an article a little over a year ago entitled “30 Ways to Fix 30 Rock.“  The fact that there was an article presupposing that something about the Emmy, WGA and SAG-award winning comedy was broken struck me as absurd, but it did manage to touch on one point with which I had to concur: the show couldn’t always rely on Jack Donaghy to be its saving grace.  Despite some ups and downs in season three, it seems like the minds behind the show have finally worked out that one albeit small kink and made up for it in spades here in season four, which is shaping up to be the best season of them all so far.

“Sun Tea” is a prime example.  For most of the episode, Jack is relegated to the sidelines as his fellow TGS players run around causing shenanigans thanks to a fairly like inciting incident into his decision to get a vasectomy.  The Geiss family squabbles are just a Macguffin and are deservedly not given much attention, but it seems like there could’ve been a more creative way to get Jack to come to a life-altering decision of getting his rocks fellered.

Still, whatever flaws may be found are more than made up for once he brings Tracy on board with the idea of getting a vasectomy.  Tracy shone on last week’s “The Problem Solvers” and comes through once again as gut-busting.  On top of his trademark obliviousness (“But I can’t tell you because of this little d-bag here.”  “I know what they means.”  “And yet you don’t tell me”) and some effective jabs at the sanitary comedy of the Cosbys (“I thought having a family was going to be like The Cosby Show: ‘oh no, Vanessa’s going to a concert!’  ‘Rudy and I are making a sandwhich for 25 minutes.’  The Cosby Show was a lie!”), he also manages to bring some heart to the episode in the relationship with Tracy Jr.  Bobb’e Thompson isn’t as cute as he was in the episodes “Gavin Volure” or “The Bubble,” but in aging a year or two since then he’s seemed to have toned down just enough where it’s not far fetched when he comes off as the voice of reason.  It’s touching to see Tracy Jr. making the acrostic about his father for a school project and it’s also great to see Jack shed a tear  and storm out of the room with a stifled “damn you, Tracy Jr.” in response.  Additionally, the vasectomy plot line ultimately leads to a visit with Dr. Spaceman (Chris Parnell) who is always – and I mean ALWAYS – hilarious anytime he’s on the show: “we all see the little black boy in the corner, right?”

Tracy’s partner in crime Jenna isn’t given as much screen time, but she delivers the goods, especially in an interaction with Liz where she admits “that sounds like something I’d come up with if I were smart.”  Similarly, Kenneth does very little worth remembering in the episode, but nothing really that detracts from it either especially when it featured such a strong performance by Tina Fey.  I nearly wet myself at the lustful look she had in her eye when her upstairs neighbor – the gay, hipster, police officer – told her how the flue in the fireplace makes his apartment constantly smell like Burger King during the day and Cinnabun at night and at the incredulous tone in her voice when he tells her about the second bedroom (“there’s two of them??”).

Ultimately, she can’t force him out by bribing him, frightening him off with feminine drama or intimidating with a black boyfriend (Dot Com) so she grosses him out by using Frank’s disgusting yet environmentally friendly gardening secret: urinating on the plants.  This helps bring a bit of respectability to Frank’s character for the episode – it’s revealed he’s the most green-friendly TGS employee – and helps establish some credibilty to NBC’s mandated environmental message.  On a show that has shown no qualms with poking at its parent company – a trend they continue with the “green peacock” comment – pushing an environmental agenda could’ve been embarrassingly pandering, but it never comes off as either preachy or degrading.  Until Al Gore shows up.  Gore, on the other hand, is not funny and really pushes the agenda down viewers’ throats before once again rushing off to save a whale as he did at the end of season two’s “Greenzo.”  Thanks for killing the mood, Al.

Grade: B. Get rid of Gore and you get rid of the B.

Favorite Quotes:

[Tracy] – “I mean that’s a big decision.  Having a family is also the best thing a man could…[looks over]…good, he’s gone.  So, my story: I’m a strip club with Charles Barkley and one of the hobbits…”

[Tracy Jr.] – [walking in] “Hey daddy.”

[Tracy] – “DAMNIT!  I can’t live like this!  I’m getting a vasectomy too!”

Episode: “The Problem Solvers” (Season Four, Episode 5)

Synopsis: The humble attitude of new TGS cast member Jack “Danny” Baker (Cheyenne Jackson) causes Jenna and Tracy to re-think their whip-cracking treatment of Kenneth as they team up to form a duo – aptly named “The Problem Solvers” – to help people solve problems rather than cause them.  Meanwhile, Jack and Liz begin a business war when Liz decides to shop herself around to agents when Jack announces that he’s created a Dealbreaker talk show based on Liz’s book and wants her to host.

Review: The motley crew of 30 Rock has become a family to us dedicated fans.  We’ve enjoyed the guest spots by Jon Hamm, Salma Hayek and Alan Alda, but since they all came from different worlds they never truly felt like they belong – Jon Hamm belongs on Mad Men, Salma Hayek belongs in the sexual fantasies of men and Alan Alda belongs…wherever.  Ultimately, our allegiances always belonged and returned to Liz Lemon, Jack Donaghy, Tracy Jordan, et al.  Tonight a new cast member joined the 30 Rock family; a cast member with no previous ties (in factual and fictional life) to any other sitcoms or films.  Whether he sticks around on the show or not (chances are he won’t), it’s safe to say that his debut was worth remembering.

As soon as Danny (so called by Jack so there will only be one Jack around the studio) shows up he sets himself apart from the other cast members – he’s got a cheery disposition, eager blue eyes, and humble Canadian sensibilities, which sets up a delightful running gag about his inability to pronounce the word about instead of “aboot.”  For Liz and for viewers, it’s refreshing to see the introduction of some new, ego-less blood onto the show especially considering Cheyenne Jackson has some acting chops, good comedic timing and – let’s be honest – is easy on the eyes.

His fish out of water predicament disarms Kenneth, who’s unsure how to react when his page services are not required and worries Tracy and Jenna when he says that someone like Kenneth, who has been ritually underappreciate, could one day be in charge of the company.  Tracy and Jenna seem to get their best material from when they’re one in the same (small) mind and their creation of The Problem Solvers is no exception.  With some good jokes, just enough sprinkling of their respective egoes, and another great running gag about how they can’t even fix their own minor problem, both Tracy Morgan and Jane Krakowski are possibly at their strongest they’ve been so far this season.  For instance, when Jenna, donned in a t-shirt labelled “Solvers,” and Tracy, sporting a “The Problem” t-shirt to her left, notice their group name doesn’t read correctly from left to right, they come up with this gem:

• Jenna: Hang on – our t-shirts are wrong.  Do you want to switch where we’re standing or switch our t-shirts?
• Tracy: Just to be safe, let’s do both.

That’s funny enough, but it gets even better when the scene then quickly cuts to show them standing in Liz’s office with Tracy’s shirt entirely too small and tight while Jenna’s is much too large and baggy.  Just another fine example of Emmy-winning writing married to Emmy-winning editing.

Additionally, Danny’s turning of Kenneth’s world upside down ends up not only culminating in one of the show’s many characteristic industry pokes (“Mr Baker, you’ve just made me feel terrible and said the word ‘about’ correctly.  Congratulations, you’re an actor!”), but also possibly one of the finer performances from Jack McBrayer.  As Kenneth stands there instigating Danny to give into his anger ala Emperor Palpatine, McBrayer’s face and diction convey a quiet menace that’s really funny, kind of creepy, and overall, very impressive.  It’s a great way to bring the episode back full circle as Tracy and Jenna learn to appreciate Kenneth, Kenneth finds joy in taking care of others, and Danny acclamates himself to the nuthouse that is TGS.

However, it’s Jack and Liz that once again steal the show.  After taking some advice from Jenna (is there any other kind?) to seek outside representation for the Dealbreaker talk show, Liz finds herself on Jack’s bad side.  Before Liz announces her seeking outside representation, it’s a little off-putting to see Jack so warm and friendly towards her, but afterward he switches right back to the good old Jack we know and love – the Jack that made Josh’s agent do the crab walk in season one’s “Hard Ball.”  Liz first seeks the representation of a junior agent that must’ve seen funny on paper, but didn’t seem to be executed that well as his nerdy glasses and oversized suits make him seem like an out of place caricature.  Still, Liz and Jack’s squabbles lead to an emotional ground that 30 Rock infrequently treads, but as shown in last season’s “The One,” can do quite effectively.  The realization that Liz wants to do business with Jack and Jack wants to do business with Liz is touching and made no less effective by the fact that we knew they were going to reconcile the whole time.  Their reunion at Rockefeller Center cutely and humorously pokes fun of the countless romance scenes filmed in New York City (complete with sappy strings and nauseating camera spins) and shows that theirs is a rapport unmatched by an television couple today.  In the meantime, we also get to laugh at crappy reality programs with the mentioning of “Prison Breakdance,” “Are You Stronger Than a Dog?” and “I’m a Celebrity Dog, Get Me Arf of Here!”

Grade: A. I don’t know who the janitor is, but I hope we see him in more episodes.  Having said that…

Favorite Quote: [Janitor] – “He looks like all the guys in my magazines.”

Episode: “Audition Day” (Season Four, Episode 4)

Synopsis: Liz and Pete have discovered the talent they want to hire for TGS and plan to dupe Jack into hiring him, but when Jenna discovers that the lead candidate is an actor she dislikes, she and a paranoid Tracy plan to find their own candidate.  Meanwhile, after word gets out that Liz has allowed Dot Com to audition, all sorts of characters come out of the woodwork to apply – including TGS writing staff.

Review: All good things must come to an end.  30 Rock season four began with three straight episodes of absolute hilarity, but the streak has come to an end with a mediocre effort tonight.

The problem was not that tonight’s episode got away from what has made the show so great, but that all the pieces were in place to make a great episode and they were just executed poorly.  There were multiple instances of jokes that fell flat because they were either predictable (“Because it’s going to be a disaster, like Katrina!  You remember Katrina – that crazy girl from hair and makeup?”), missed opportunities for something more (“Back in Stone Mountain, even the mayor had bed bugs and she was a horse”) or oddly out of character (Jack’s beginning speech about people being robots).

The mediocrity of the humor is disappointing considering a lot of elements that made things so good in the first three episodes were present here: a team up of Liz and Pete (“Season Four”), Jack trying to reconnect with middle-America (“Stone Mountain”) and Jenna and Tracy trying to make Liz’s life miserable (“Into the Crevasse”).  Additionally, Grizz and Dot Com are given some air time, but nothing exceptional comes from their interactions.  I had high hopes for Dot Com’s tryouts seeing as there were two mentions of his playing Trigorin in “The Seagull” at Wesleyan, but that was a set up that wasn’t paid off very well.  How awesome would it have been to see Dot Com as a regular cast member if he was hired for the TGS crew?

The auditions in general, though, were a series of “eh” moments.  Sure it’s kind of funny to see a fat black girl eating a donut for her act or to hear Frank censor-bleep his way through a standup act, but there was potential for more.  After Toofer and Lutz combined for some wonderful moments last episode, their act – “Laugh of the Mohicans” – is cut off before they’re given a chance to try anything.  On the plus side, Josh had a good moment when he almost cries breaking down his resume since quitting TGS – failed movie work, dropped by his agent, guy/guy web short – and the cameo by NBC’s Brian Williams was rather delightful as well.

Speaking of NBC, aside from another good jab at the network (“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about – human empathy; it’s as useless as the Winter Olympics.  This fall on NBC”), Jack is, in sharp contrast to just about every single episode ever, a weak point.  From the beginning of the episode to the end, Jack just isn’t sharp.  Part of the problem stems from a lack of interacting with Liz, which was gold just one episode ago, but I think it can be primarily blamed on his thinly framed thread, which sees him shunned for bed bugs (the relevant swine flu could’ve worked as a better ailment) and humbled by a robot impersonator he ends up hiring for TGS.  Hopefully this ties into a larger theme of Jack learning empathy that carries through the rest of the season because on an individual episode level it’s just not believable.

Speaking of themes that carry through the season, do you think the execs at Cisco Systems come off as good sports or desperate in allowing their product to be lauded facetiously?

The robot’s hiring seems a bit throw-away, but its not falling completely flat must be credited to the intriguing twist of the episode.  Jenna, convinced that Liz and Pete’s preferred comedian, Jayden Michael Tyler, is a deplorable jerk, does all she can with Tracy’s help to find someone better.  The team up of Jenna and Tracy in this episode generates some good moments and it’s a delightful surprise when it turns out that not only was Jenna right the whole time about the impersonator Jayden, but that Jack doesn’t even care about him.  Good to hear the voices of Martin Scorsese, Christopher Walken and Gilbert Godfried in the process, though.

Grade: C

Favorite Quotes:

[Liz] – “I’m sorry I doubted you, it’s just that you’ve never been right before.  About anything.”

[Jenna] – “I know.”

Episode: “Stone Mountain” (Season Four, Episode 3)

Synopsis: Jack and Liz take a trip to Kenneth’s hometown of Stone Mountain, Georgia in yet another attempt to find all-American talent while Jenna attempts to charm the writing staff so she’ll get favorable roles once a new cast member is hired and they in turn attempt to charm her for an invitation to a Halloween party.  Also, Tracy becomes paranoid that the Rule of Three applies to celebrity deaths and that he’ll be unlucky #3.

Review: “Everything that makes this show great made this episode great . . . you’ve got an episode that should satisfy the devoted fans who have been salivating for the show’s shenanigans and should make it clear to newcomers that the hype is justified.”  That’s what I wrote in my review for the first episode of season four and part of me wishes I could take it back solely because I’ll now repeat myself by saying the same thing about tonight’s episode.  I thought “Season Four” set the bar pretty high for the rest of the season, but I see that the crew of 30 Rock has once again shattered my expectations.

At the risk of repeating myself, tonight’s episode fired on all cylinders and was absolutely solid from beginning to end.  I guess that’s the one bad thing about being the best show on television – all the well-deserved acclaim becomes repetative after a while.  But I digress.  The episode begins solidly with Liz applying a scented candle to her apparently odorous armpits and Jack cracking wise about Liz’s talent search in both San Francisco (“you’re not going to find him in the people’s gaypublic of drugafornia”) and Toronto (“Canada?  Why not just go to Iraq?”).  Donaghy makes a note to emphasize again the difference between middle American conservatives and New York City liberals, which raised a few concerns about the show moving past its self-reflexive pokings into the realm disconnect between its stars and its public. Those fears, however, were efficiently crushed by the episode’s climax in The Chuckle Hut…uh, make that The Laugh Factory.  More on that later.

Tonight’s episode shone a little bit of the spotlight on the TGS writing staff – specifically Frank (Judah Friedlander), Toofer (Keith Powell) and Lutz (John Lutz) – who are typically relegated to brief scenes of one-liners and wisecracks.  This time they’re given their own plot thread and it was surprisingly hysterical.  Not surprisingly, we find out that the three writers are pretty big losers (a hot girl came to their Halloween party the year before requesting that they close the blinds), but they’re at least smart enough to concoct a plan to use the scheming Jenna to help change their fortunes when it comes to striking out with chicks.  How exactly is that supposed to work?  A bit like this:

• Frank: We need to pretend to be Jenna’s friends for the next 24 hours – she’s our ticket to a gay Halloween.
• Lutz: How come when Jenna suggests it everyone’s on board?
• Frank: No, Lutz.  Jenna attracts gay guys.  Gay guys throw awesome Halloween parties.  Hot girls go to awesome Halloween parties.  Ergo, if we’re Jenna’s “friends”…
• Toofer: (with Lutz): We get to spend Halloween with hot girls!
• Lutz: (with Toofer): We get to spend Halloween with gay guys!  (quickly) Hot girls.

Jenna eventually finds out the plan of the writers and strikes them a deal that will be mutually beneficial to all parties involved including us male members of the audience who get to see Cerie (Katrina Bowden) in her costume: an Italian senator.  I didn’t understand the joke, but she was in a bikini and that’s good enough for me.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that 30 Rock sinks without Jack Donaghy and while I think the show would be lost without him, I think he would in turn be lost without Liz Lemon.  Their exchanges are some of the snappiest, funniest and most revealing writing of the entire show and Baldwin and Fey play off each other magnificently.  I nearly died when Liz literally forced Jack to veer his car into a fast food establishment called “Fatty Fat’s Sandwhich Ranch” and when Donaghy, unwilling to comfort a later ailing Liz, strokes her back at distance with a broom he finds in the bathroom.  It’s also their story thread that alleviated my previously mentioned fears.  Donaghy is shocked when the act that he signed as the new TGS talent, ventriloquist Rick Wayne (comedian Jeff Dunham), turns out to be a lot more foul-mouthed and rude than anticipated.  He quickly realizes that the residents of Stone Mountain aren’t “simple.”  In fact, they’re terrible.  Just like the people in New York.  Subsequently, we, as an audience, realize that 30 Rock’s penchant for poking fun at the elite comes not from a misguided sense of entitlement (as in, we’re rich so only we’re allowed to make fun of the rich), but from a realization that everyone loves to laugh at everyone who isn’t them.  It’s a bit of a tongue-in-cheek twist on the belief that all God’s children are beautiful in their differences (I believe the exact line is “all God’s children are terrible.”)

For a while, it looked as though Tracy’s story thread was going to flop.  In fact, if I have one complaint about “Stone Mountain,” it’s that his story thread doesn’t really seem to resolve itself, though this could be do to the fact that my DVR cut something off after the credits and I missed it.  While he (obviously) doesn’t die, we can be grateful that his thread gave us a great cameo by the always hilarious Betty White as well as another opportunity to make fun of a failed NBC experiment ala Jay Leno at the end of “Season Four.”  This time, though, it’s someone MUCH more deserving of scorn: Jimmy Fallon.

• (Fallon runs screaming with an axe at Tracy, who turns to meet him screaming with a wrench)
• Fallon: Okay, okay, truce, truce.  But if some celebrity doesn’t die soon, I’m gonna kill my first guest tonight.  It’s a dog who plays soccer.
• Kenneth: Really?  That’s your first guess?
• Fallon: Yeah… (slinks head, walks away)

Do you think Fallon cared his former SNL alum was making fun of him?  Or do you think he was just happy to be on a show with more viewers than his (and that’s really saying something)?

Grade: A. The best episode of the season by far and definitely in my top 5 all time.

Favorite Quotes:

” [Kenneth] – Excuse me, Mr. Donaghy?  I wasn’t sure if you were participating in this year’s pumping carving contest or, if like last year, I should ‘go jump up my own ass?’

[Jack] – Same as last year.”