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There are a slew of Christmas movies out there, which seems rather unfair because it’s the only holiday where movies are made specifically for it.

When the Fedex guy came round my nest of vipers with the latest DVD offerings, he handed me a copy of “Wish Gone Amiss,” a three episode set of Disney Channel sitcoms. I looked at them and thought, “Oh good, I needed a coaster.”

It’s Christmas dammit. Put a little love in your heart.

It’s official. Hollywood has run out of ways to milk Christmas for everything that it’s worth. I know because I have seen its end of days and it’s called “The Santa Clause 3.”

My Christmas shopping trip was Hell. No wait, that doesn’t really describe it. At least Hell has a lava hot coffee break. It was below Hell. It was Dante’s Inferno on Ice.

If you’ve spent the last three years building up your “Crank Yankers” collection, Comedy Central just totally boned you.

With no apologies to Dr. Seuss, because, hey, he’s dead. What’s he going to do to me?

Food, like all of life’s great pleasures (sex, love, art, sex, books, music, sex and sex), can be a great expression for the joy of living.

The one recurring thought that will run through your head while you watch “The Hoax,” the story of author Clifford Irving who faked the autobiography of Howard Hughes, is “How will they pull this off?” and that applies to both the film and the story.

‘The War’ is Hell, As It Should Be

Everyone has fear. It’s ingrained in our psyche. Anyone who denies it is lying, dead or both.

With every yin, there is a yang. There are some movies that are so far apart from the Halloween experience, they shouldn’t even be on video rental shelves when people are combing their local Blockbuster for copies of the original “Frankenstein,” “Fright Night” and “Evil Dead II.”

You Can’t Spell “Can’t Anyone Stop This?” Without “CSI:NY”

The summer is the time of the movie year when “thuds” are ripest for the picking. Studios pull out all the stops for the summer time. They save their biggest names, their biggest budgets and their biggest explosions for the summer movie audiences. There are so many of them at one time that any of them are susceptible to becoming a “thud.”

One of the greatest crimes against entertainment humanity was the cancellation of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” The likes of Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett and Mike Nelson, best known respectively as the voices of Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot and Mike Nelson, took some of the worst movies ever made that didn’t star Dane Cook and turned them into something entertaining, unlike any movie starring Dane Cook.

I’m not against movie violence. In fact, I encourage it. I think every movie should be violent because it’s a reflection of our world. If “The Care Bears Movie” had Funshine Bear toting an AK-47 and Tenderheart Bear dying in a gasoline fire, you’d leave the theater and do everything in your power to stop violence.

Hey it’s summer movie season and what a season it’s shaping up to be! There’s that new movie from washed up actor who tried being a director but failed miserably and has to star with a young overrated hack. Look, there’s “Product Placement! The Movie” starring Something Your Kids Will Whine and Cry Over in Public Making Everyone in a Five Mile Radius Believe You are the Worst Parent in the World Until You Buy It for Them. Oh and let’s not forget the movie that’s based on another movie that’s based on another movie that’s based on something that’s not a movie because coming up with an original idea requires you to lay off the cocaine for more than an hour.

Where would we be without the fart joke? Well, just about every mainstream comedy to come out of Hollywood in the last 25 years would be half as long as their original running time. Money hungry movie execs wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about the 18-25 male demographic let alone every movie they make. Rob Schneider would be a homeless schmuck instead of a rich schmuck.

Ahhh, its Fourth of July. It’s hard not to like this time of year. The smell of freshly baked apple pie and barbecued chicken fill the hot summer air. American flags blow in the sweet gentle breeze. Fireworks can be seen from miles around followed by the screams of burning pain from the hooligans who lit them. But for most Americans, Fourth of July means something much more meaningful and important. It’s not about the food, the festivities or the first degree burns. It’s about something more patriotic, more democratic, more American. It’s about getting a paid day off from work.

If the odds aren’t good for a movie based video games, the odds are even lower for a good video game based movie. We’ll be honest, you’ve got a better chance of getting struck by lightning in your homemade Mario costume while you’re getting it on with Angelina Jolie in her full Lara Croft outfit.