Film School Rejects » Robert Fure

Coroner’s Report: Friday the 13th Part VI

Robert Fure — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:06:38 +0000

It occurred to me recently that we hadn’t quite finished our journey through the world of Jason Voorhees. Somehow it slipped my mind and schedule that we never had a little sit down round the campfire to talk about Friday the 13th Part VI, Jason Lives. We’ve got a couple more after that we’ll get to in the future (lots of newer stuff to review in the mean time) but for now, let’s talk about six, baby.

When we last left Jason Voorhees, little Tommy Jarvis had went a bit psycho and killed him. Then Tommy Jarvis went psycho and helped fight off a mentally unbalanced medic who took up the machete. In this installment, the real Jason Voorhees is back and one might argue that this is the turning point of the series. Sure, he’s survived a lot before, but now he’s a literal corpse, risen from the grave, ready to get his kill on. Meanwhile, everyone still thinks Tommy is batshit insane as he tries to warn them that an unstoppable killer is on the loose.

Kills

This installment of the franchise tallies up a very respectable 18 kills, which is something to write home to mother about.

Ills

A heart is torn out, a spear is pushed into a guy who is then flipped over, then the spear is thrust into some dudes face. An arm is torn off, a tree limb is shoved into a face, two heads (COMBO!) are cut off with one machete swing. A bottle is inserted into a throat, two people are stabbed at once, a face gets smashed, a head is stabbed, another head is ripped off, then a head is smashed and someone gets bent in half. This is a bloody one, baby.

Lust

There is a sex scene with a hot girl, but we don’t get to see any boobs. We do get to see a panty shot later, but come on, where is the nudity at?

Learning

All it takes to bring back an unstoppable and evil killing force is a timely lightning bolt to a metal rod inserted in a villain’s chest.

Review

Jason Lives really, in retrospect, seems to celebrate the series. Yet, viewed through the eyes of the time this was a pretty radical change. Now, Jason movies are fun. This is when it stopped being about anything resembling a scary flick and more about embracing and enhancing the slasher genre it created. If you’re only passing familiar with Friday the 13th this is the movie you think of it – if not by name, then by substance. The kills are classic, full of blood and humor. You can call this the Combo-Kill Edition because on at least two occasions Jason scores two kills with one move, like he was playing some brutal video game in his head.

Speaking of humor, some of you youngsters might not remember this ever happening, but this is the installment that has its own little James Bond moment. Jason walks into the frame, kills the viewer, and the screen wobbles away. Definitely not a serious film here, folks, but one that I found very enjoyable. Sure, there is some bad dialog, most of it being full of exposition and unnecessary, but what do we expect?

If you’re a fan of the series and you’ve been away for awhile or you’re just getting into Friday the 13th thanks to the Platinum Dunes remake, do yourself a favor and check out Part VI. It’s the perfect mixture of camp, kills, and that “classic” Jason – that’s actually more like new Jason, at the time. Not a perfect film, but a fun as hell one.

Boiling Point: If You’re Gonna Watch, Watch

Robert Fure — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:00:20 +0000

In The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Tuco (the ugly) shoots a chatty man and afterwards advises him that “if he’s going to shoot, shoot, don’t talk.” Similarly, I’m of the mind that if you’re going to watch, watch, don’t do anything else. I’m sure it’s happened to you several times. You stroll into the living room, the TV is on with some mindless and bland show playing, a roommate or family member nearby, staring at a computer, reading a book, or perhaps dozing. You snag the remote, flip the channel and a few minutes later: Hey, I was watching that.

First, no, you weren’t. You were on Facebook. Facebook is not the TV. If you’re doing any activity that occupies your eyes, you lose television rights. If you start talking on the phone, you lose television rights. Basically the only thing you should be doing in front of the TV is watching it. And maybe having a snack.

The real reason that this is a problem lay in that because you’re distracted, you don’t have the slightest idea what’s going on. This will lead you to one of three possible outcomes, each of which is maddening, frustrating, and completely avoidable.

You’ll ask what’s going on. Do you want to know the easiest way to know what’s going on at any given time? Watch the fucking show, movie, or broadcast. Whatever it is that you so badly want to be a part of, be a part of it. Who was that guy, why did he do that, what did he say? The easiest solution is the simplest – pay attention.
You’ll fail at conversation about it. When people like us get together, we like to talk movies and television and all that good stuff. When people finish watching a TV show, they like to talk about the episode, about what just happened. You, having not paid attention, will suck at conversation. You won’t remember that part. Or you’ll “forget that happened.” This always leads to the “Oh yeah!” moment where you lie to us and pretend you were paying attention and have the slightest idea what’s happening.
Worst of all, you’ll be completely wrong in conversation. This is beyond failing at conversation. This ruins lives. Embarrasses people. You look like an idiot. You see, when you don’t pay attention, you miss a lot of things. Cut-aways, background objects, character glimpses, glances, winks, nods, nudges. You don’t hear every word. You don’t connect every dot. Yet, because you “watched” it, you’ll still assume you know what’s going on. You look to the screen and confidently declare “Wow, she’s going to leave her husband.” The rest of us stare, mouths agape, until we facepalm ourselves. No. No. No, she’s not going to leave her husband- what show were you watching? If you haven’t watched something completely, you shouldn’t talk about it. You definitely shouldn’t try to understand it or convey that understanding to others. You’ll tell two friends and then they’ll tell two friends and pretty soon everyone thinks House and Cuddy slept together.

So please, for the sake of my sanity, just pay attention to what’s going on. Put down the magazine, silence the phone and just take in the entertainment. Or get the hell out of the room. Serious entertainment watching business is about to go on and some of us want to enjoy and understand it. Every time I see someone “multitasking” their television programs or hear a stupid, misinformed comment, I go right past my hey what’s that over there?

Can’t get enough of Robert Fure’s rants? Get them in real time on twitter: Twitter.com/RejectRobert. Also, check out the Boiling Point Archive.

Boiling Point: Whiskey Bites

Robert Fure — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:34:00 +0000

Listen, I can respect the actor’s trade. Not everyone respects it. How hard is it to make believe, after all? But not me, I get it. It can be hard to channel the right emotion at the right time. Arguing with a tennis ball on a stick for a CGI movie is probably not only a little difficult, it’s also mighty embarrassing. But there are a few things I can’t ignore when it comes to the craft. Number one is that no actor ever insists on having something actually in their cup. I ranted against empty cups before. No actor can sell drinking out of an empty cup. It fights physics and loses. My second major gripe comes right back to cups, but this time, what’s in them – alcohol. Liquor, specifically. Every character in every show and movie ever, unless they’re comically nerdy, can handle the hard stuff without so much as a squint.

I consider myself a rather manly man. I shoot guns, fight people, smoke the occasional cigar, and drink my whiskey or scotch either neat or with a single ice cube. Yet, even I, when most liquor hits my lips, react. It’s not like swallowing ice tea, which is what all our friends on the screen are doing. Liquor bites you. It stings. Only the finest of liquors doesn’t show on your face when you sip it. Most everything else will show on your face as you drink it. Yet the entire cast of Mad Men can drink a literal cup of whiskey without so much as an after thought. From the manliest of them to the wussiest to even the women, down a cup of Canadian Club is like sipping on a water. I have Canadian Club on the shelf right now and it’s not the smoothest of draws.

Sure, maybe your hardened cowboys and super villains or ultra-men can handle this feat as a character trait, but everyone? Hell, cowboys should have it even worse – western whiskey wasn’t exactly a quality beverage and moonshine will put the sourpuss on your face in an instant. But no, in movies, everyone drinks liquor like its a refreshing summer beverage.

Obviously you can’t have your actors downing real drinks on set or else you’ll end up with a DeVito situation and you don’t want that. But actors can act and just give a little squint. Ya know, pretend. Act. Or maybe the prop master should squirt a healthy dose of lemon into the drink. Pucker up, suckers. Movies and acting are all about getting involved. You want to be immersed in the story. The strangest things can take us out of it. For me, seeing someone trying to drink coffee out of an empty cup is one, and so is people drinking hard liquor without the slightest reaction. Maybe it’s not that big a deal to you, but for me, every time I see a smooth operator cleanly down a cup of whiskey, I take a shot and squint past my boiling point.

Does the ease of drinking liquor in Hollywoodland bother you at all?

Review: Thomas Jane’s Dark Country 3D

Robert Fure — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:58:13 +0000

October 6th, 2009 saw two very momentous occasions. Firstly, and most importantly, it was my birthday. Secondly, Thomas Jane’s first feature directorial effort (he’s listed as having directed Jonni Nitro, but even I’m clueless as to what that is) Dark Country was released on DVD. Our own Rob Hunter listed the film as a rental in his DVD recommendations but that didn’t stop me from heading out and purchasing it. Then, in a bit of good fortune, I promptly tossed it on the “to watch” pile and forgot about it for three weeks. I say good fortune because not watching the standard, 2D version of the film allowed me to walk into a small, one of a kind screening in late October, the first ever Annual Halloween screening of the film – in glorious 3 dimensions. So my first experience with the film would be as intended – in a theater, with the full effect of the 3D, not on some TV with a flat picture.

Cut to late October and I’m settled in at a Halloween screening, complete with decorations and, no joke, a string trio playing along. The film is introduced by Tom Jane and some characters in face paint as he takes a very Crypt Keeper like approach to the night, complete with “gaping chest wound” t-shirt and flashlights. After a brief intro, the glasses go on and the film comes up.

Dark Country is a Twilight Zone-esque thriller that follows a newly-wed couple Dick (Tom Jane) and Gina (Lauren German) as they drive out of Las Vegas in a vintage car, heading deep into the dark desert country with some steamy love between them and plenty of questions between them. In the dark night on the empty roads, things quickly go south when they come across a car wreck and a badly injured man in the road. Attempting to do the right thing, they load his bloody, disfigured body into the car and go off in search of a hospital. As one might expect, soon they’re lost and the bloodyfaced hitchhiker in the back reveals he’s got some murderous secrets of his own.

Walking into a film like this, I often don’t know what to expect or what I’m in store for. I’m no stranger to lower budget Tom Jane movies, like the not-great Mutant Chronicles or the totally-awesome Give ‘em Hell Malone of late, two different sides of the coin. One works, the other not as much. What makes Dark Country both smart and impressive is the budget – under $4million dollars. For that price, most movies only get the gift bags for their star actors, but Jane and crew get a coherent 3D motion picture up on the screen. I mention smart because when you’re working with little money, you can’t over extend yourself. Shooting for a sci-fi epic (a la Mutant Chronicles) you’re probably going to come up short. But if you’re smart, you find the right story with the right location and $4 million becomes just enough to put out the finished product. Indeed, when you hear about all the ingredients to this film, that it turns out as well as it did, it’s downright amazing. Firstly, you have Tom Jane, a hard-working guy taking his first crack at directing who decides to make it even more difficult on himself by jumping right into 3D. Secondly, toss in a low budget, the untested 3D technology, brand new (aka untested) equipment, night shoots, a short 25 day shooting schedule and the freaking New Mexican desert. The cards were seemingly stacked against the production, that was mired with freezing cold nights and equipment that didn’t always want to work correctly. In one story relayed by Jane after the film, a fancy shmancy piece of equipment meant to raise and lower the camera malfunctioned, stopping production. One for practical solutions, they replaced the machine with the simplest of tools – the human hand – then set the camera onto the road and let the car drive harmlessly over it. That’s how you stretch a budget.

About the movie itself – overall, I liked it. The film is by no means perfect and, personally, started off on the wrong foot for me. I wasn’t engaged in the first few minutes and was beginning to fear a long ride into mediocrity. Luckily, once Dick and Gina had moved into the car, the story quickly shifted gears, sunk in its hooks, and managed to be an enjoyable ride through the dark country. Not until writing down their names (Dick and Gina) did I realize that their names are in fact Dick and (va)Gina. I don’t say this in jest, but perhaps this was a very intentional choice to have them symbolize masculine and feminine sex. Perhaps a wayward thought – until you see the steamy scene in the car. Then the theory gains about a metric ton of weight behind it. We’ve seen terrible sex scenes in cars, like in The Chase when two people somehow engage in coitus while in the middle of a high speed car chase without crashing. The scene in Dark Country is not Dick in Gina (haha, I crack myself) sex, but it is one of the most effective and exciting sexual scenes I’ve seen on film in years. That is the moment when the film really has you and from then on in, it was a far better experience than the first minutes indicated.

Plot wise, the story has that Twilight Zone esque twist you know is coming from the very start. Many of you will probably be able to predict it correctly, but that said, it’s not a deal breaker. I’m a huge fan of The Twilight Zone and even when you know what’s coming, it’s still a fine drive to the finish.

The biggest divider of people who see this movie is going to be style. It’s a love it or leave it type deal, that most likely works far better in 3D than in 2D. Make no mistake, the look of the film is very intentional. Both Jane and Tim Bradstreet (famed artist, Dark Country unofficial production designer and Raw Studios honcho) talked at length about the look of the film, describing it as “intended for a comic book audience.” This is an accurate way to describe much of the film, from the color palate to the angles. Color wise, the film is silvery, channeling in bits of noir and vintage film, while in shot selection, Jane proves himself to be visually very deft with the camera. Certain angles (namely a low angle looking at Bloodyface and out the back of the rear window of the car) are rarely seen in movies, at least in my experience, but are fairly common in graphic novels.

There was a lot of attention paid to the sky with almost every scene having a brilliant, colorful night sky composited in. The photography was taken especially for the film by one of the nation’s only 3D nightsky photographers (a very limited position, one assumes), who spent days up in the hills taking shots of the night sky. To call the images breath-taking is an understatement, though some may be unable or unwilling to look past the fact that it’s a stylized nightsky, the kind you’d never see with the naked eye. I say, when you’re dealing with a stylized film, let’s do it – go all out. The sky worked for me.

Now, I haven’t fully watched the 2D version of the film, but from what I have seen the 3D element makes the entire picture look better. The compositing (green-screening), which is one of the main criticisms of the 2D version, looks far better in three dimensions than it does in two. Dark Country is also one of the first films to fully utilize 3D for image depth rather than gimmicks. In the entirety of the movie there are only two “gimmick” 3D shots, with everything else being about the expansion of the image rather than making you giggle. I have long championed the return of 3D as a valuable and viable tool for creating image depth rather than jump scares. (I saw my first RealD live action movie in 2006 and have supported the technology ever since) Dark Country goes miles down the road in proving that 3D is here and it isn’t a joke or a toy for a kid’s movie. For any photographers out there, you understand the real magic of photography is in the depth of field and focal lengths and 3D technology opens an entirely new window.

I would be remiss in not talking briefly about the acting, but I do want to keep it brief as I’ve gone on for some time now. Tom Jane has always been an effective actor, whether it’s in comedy or drama or Punishing, but lately it seems that his game is fully realized. Mainstream critics have come around to him and praise his performance in Hung, telling us what we already knew – the guy is good. In Country, he plays a more dramatic role and nails a wide variety of emotions. I feel like he turns in a fantastic performance here. Lauren German is also good, though after her ice-cube-masturbation scene (there, I said it) she could sit there with a blank expression on her face the rest of the time and I’d still praise her performance. Ron Perlman appears late in the game and he’s Ron Perlman – nuff said.

In conclusion, Dark Country is not a perfect film, but it’s a much better film in 3D. The story isn’t groundbreaking and again I’ll mention The Twilight Zone, but the acting is top notch from Jane, the style of the film is very much grounded in the comic world, and several scenes are over the top awesome. If nothing else, Jane has proven two things: The guy can direct and 3D is awesome. As I’m sure many of you are fans of Jane, Bradstreet, and Raw Studios (hey, we’re all nerds here), be on the lookout of “Raw Cola” early in the film.

During the Q&A after the film, Jane and Bradstreet mentioned a desire and intent to tour several cities with the film and show it in 3D. Hopefully this gets off the ground and gives people more opportunities to see the film the way it was meant to be. If we’re lucky in LA, they’ll also keep that “Annual” promise and continue to show the film every Halloween.

Final words? Definitely worth checking out in 3D.

You can purchase Dark Country on DVD at Amazon.com

Boiling Point: The End Game

Robert Fure — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:17:07 +0000

I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that the end of a film is the most important part. Only the climax can completely alter what you’ve just seen. Fight Club would be an entertaining story without the twist ending, but with it, it completely changes everything that has come before it. There of dozens of movies that are just good, but then turn great when the ending reveals itself. Though for everyone one of that type of ending, there are probably three or four shitty endings. Pretty good movies, trucking along and being respectable, then derailed and killed by a shitty ending.

I could (and one day will) complain just about bad endings. Unnecessarily sad endings. Endings that want to make a point but end up making no real impact or sense. One example, for me, is Man on Fire, a badass movie that gets to the end where Denzel “Baddest Mother in the World” Washington, who has crushed and killed his way up to this point, just lays down his cards so that the movie can have a sad ending. Just because an ending is sad (aww, did the guy trying to reconnect with his son die unexpectedly in a mudslide? Must be a great movie!) doesn’t mean its good. Sometimes the sad ending is good though. If it makes the story. If it strengthens it. Then it’s the right ending. With Halloween recently over, some of you may have watched I Am Legend. This movie falls into the category of “The ending made it suck.” Really, the entire movie was pretty good, until the end, then it blew balls and made the whole movie bad.

I’m going to get a little spoilery here. I Am Legend is a strange title, but in the story, which has a twist ending, it makes perfect sense. I’m talking about the written story, not the filmed one. You see, in the written version, the entire world has been over-taken by vampires and Neville spent his nights being terrified and his days killing vampires. But in a world where everyone is a vampire, the boogey-man you don’t know is real that kills you in your sleep is some sort of mythical demon. So at the end, Neville realizes that he was the “legend” or myth – the tables had turned. He was their equivalent of a vampire, something strange, foreign, and possibly imaginary. Brilliant. But the the Will Smith movie comes along and, not wanting a sad ending, can’t have Neville, and humanity, lose and die. So they change it. And make it worse.

This boiling point has gone left and right, but now we go down the center. This “end game” is about changed endings. They most often suck. I mean, what were they thinking with I Am Legend? Not only did the new ending suck balls on its own, it made to fucking sense. Grammatically. ”I am Legend.” ”He was legend?” No, he was on par with Louis Pasteur or somebody – guys we don’t really call legendary. Plus, that’s the completely wrong kind of legend – definitely not what the book meant. For me, that ending ruined the entire movie for me. Just needed to get that off my chest, because otherwise it was a good movie. Good trip, shitty destination – makes the whole thing sour for me. Are you the same? Every time I think about I am Legend I know that I am Past My Boiling Point.

What stories have had their endings changed for the worse?

Can’t get enough of Robert Fure’s rants? Get them in real time on twitter: Twitter.com/RejectRobert. Also, check out the Boiling Point Archive.

31 Days of Horror: Splinter

Robert Fure — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:00:17 +0000

Splinter (2008)

Synopsis: A young couple crosses paths with an on-the-run criminal and the three of them end up stuck inside a gas station, hunted by a voracious and ever changing parasitic creature. The three have to work together if they have any chance of surviving this night from hell.

Killer Scene: I love this film from start to finish, but if I had to pick a single scene, it would revolve around the parasitic hand that infiltrates the gas station and sets about making their night even worse. A hand may not sound threatening, but this scene is awesome and conjures up fond memories of the demonic digits of Evil Dead II.

KillSheet

Violence: There is a fair amount of blood spilled here, with broken bones and cuts, an excellent arm amputation scene, and an infected raccoon going Captain Insane-o on a gas station attendant. Not overly violent (there are only like 6 characters in the whole film, so your options are limited) but it satisfies my red desires.

Sex: No sex to speak of, but there certainly is some sex appeal in star Jill Wagner (who you might recognize from Blade: The Series). She remains fully clothed but is totally hot, so that’s a plus.

Scares: You get your standard jump scares here and there, but hardened horror vets won’t have a problem sleeping when it’s over. Unless of course you end up stranded in the middle of nowhere at a gas station. The way the creature moves and builds itself up with body parts is freaky and could cause some unpleasant night thoughts in those subject to them. A creepy and atmospheric movie like The Thing or Alien provides enough scares to keep you curled up, but nothing to cause your bladder to empty.

Final Thoughts: This was my favorite horror movie released in 2008 and I knew right then and there it would make the 31 Days of Horror list this year. While this list has no real order to it, I do try to save some of the better films for the end of the month and place a sort-of winner on Halloween, and this year I wanted it to be Splinter. If you haven’t seen this film, definitely check it out. It was made on a limited budget with limited locations, yet manages to pack in good scares and kills with a totally awesome creature. Shea Whigham turns in an excellent performance, though I’d say the star is definitely the creepy crawling creature. From scene one this movie kicks ass and doesn’t let up until the credits roll. It definitely has a bit of a retro feel, and by that it I mean it ignores all the contemporary bullshit tropes of twist endings, teenage cast, and goofy self-awareness.

Coroner’s Report: Stan Helsing

Robert Fure — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:00:16 +0000

There are probably a lot of reasons why Stan Helsing shouldn’t appear in the Coroner’s Report. I mean, it’s not scary and no one dies. It’s a straight up comedy. No, worse than that, it’s a parody. A spoof. We all know how well those generally end up being. But, like most true addicted horror fans, I’ll take just about anything that promises to cater to my tastes. Horror jokes, monster parodies, and some boob shots. Stan Helsing gives us most of that and manages to be “surprisingly not terrible.” Now, the movie is not good by any means, but I think it’s watchable, unlike my fellow Rob Hunter. I must admit, some parts are down right terrible and awful and angering. But for some reason, I kind of enjoyed it.

Stan Helsing followers out titular slacker video store employee, Stan Van Helsing, obviously in the lineage of the greatest of monster hunters. After stumbling into a haunted town with his sometimes-girlfriend, best friend, and slutty friend, he must of course embrace his history, fight off his slacker nature, and kick some monster ass to rescue the town. Sort of.

Kills

I’m pretty sure we only see one person die in the film, though 12 mentally handicapped people are killed off screen and we see their bodies. This is one of the biggest failings of the film – there should have been dozens of over the top kills, rather than virtually nothing.

Ills

While it’s not explicitly stated and quite possibly unintentional, when we first meet Chucky he raises his head from a child’s lap then feigns a blowjob at Stan. It’s played to make it look like he’s just insulting Stan, but it 100% feels like Chucky, a sort of midget man doll hybrid, just gave a 9 year old a blowjob. The wigger-Freddy wipes his ass with his blade hand and screams. This scene is strange, because in every other scene Freddy has that stupid Swiss-Army hand, however in the bathroom, it’s the standard knife glove. We some burned up corpses and scarred bodies, but nothing here is going to make you uncomfortable.

Lust

There is a hot lesbian kiss, some sexy Lingerie wearing stripper vampires that show off some g-string ass, some side boob, and a brief boob shot. Diora Bard is dressed like Pocahontas, with her midriff exposed the entire time. She is obviously very hot. I wrote “Pistol in Pussy” in my notes but honestly right now I can’t remember this at all. I can guarantee you it wasn’t very sexy or anything and was most likely some sort of sound effect gag where Stan accidentally bumps into hottie Mia. In fact, now I’m pretty sure that’s what happened. Anywho, Mia (Desi Lydic) is hot the whole time and grabs Diora’s boob. There is also a gay monster porn shoot involved. The real deal here is this, Desi Lydic is hot as hell. She changes outfits several times and they’re all hot. At the end, she gives a lapdance to Teddy that is both hot and funny. The only downside is the cuts to Keenan Thompson. Lame sauce. In the credits, she apologies to her mother for the things she does in this movie. But I’d like to take a moment to write Desi a letter, right here and now. Dear Desi Lydic, I fucking love you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I want to get you alone and then learn all about you and meet your parents. Whaaaat?

Learning

This movie teaches you nothing, other than modern spoof movies rarely work but can make you giggle from time to time.

Review

Just in case you didn’t know, when Stan Helsing starts it informs you that it’s “A Parody.” No shit, Sherlock. I know I started off saying this movie isn’t terrible, but the things I’m going to say are going to make it seem terrible. Parts of the movie are atrocious and I know why I kind of liked it, but I did. Probably because I fell in love during it. Or at least popped a boner. The film starts off battling its own duality of sucking vs being kind of funny. In a reference to old giant bug movies, Stan has to kill a roach in the bathroom that is like 6 feet tall and taking a shit which is actually amusing, though it’s quickly followed by severely outdated jokes like returning The Ring at “Schlockbuster” and black people yelling at movies. Can we talk about “Schlockbuster” a second, because really, that is the parasite killing parody movies. They think the modern definition of “parody” is “making up a rhyming name.” So you get these fucking stupid things like Schlockbuster or Wal-Fart or McRonald’s. This is an article (boiling point?) for another time, but seriously stop fucking rhyming. Or I’ll fucking kill you.

The driving sequences are pretty terrible, with weak composition work and lame acting. I’d also like to point out that they try a politically correct joke in that one character is dressed as an Indian, which they state the correct term as being “Native American.” Actually, the preferred term is “American Indian.” Now you know. Anyway, my biggest gripe with the movie is the lack of monsters. They’re barely in the film and they’re unfunny in design. Pinhead has darts in his head and Leatherface wears a handbag and carries a leafblower. Pretty stupid. Freddy is kind of funny. At the end, the only way to defeat them is to first win a karaoke contest and then masturbate a super-soaker into Jason’s face. It’s actually kind of funny.

Like most modern parodies, the film throws in random ass jokes that make no sense. Barack Obama shows up at the karaoke contest. What the fuck? Michael Jackson hands out penis pops to kids. Which admittedly,I appreciate that they didn’t remove that.

The best part (aside from Desi Lydic) is Leslie Nielsen. He’s barely in it, and he plays a woman, but come on, it’s Leslie Nielsen. The worst part, I’d say, is that after watching the deleted scenes, there was a better movie that could have been released. They cut out like 4 minutes of boobs – boobs make things like this better. They also cut out a scene where Chucky is gang-raped in a ballpit. That is the kind of stuff a movie like this should be going for. A real horror parody should really go for it, kill a ton of people, show a lot of tit, and just really go off the wall. Instead, this is any other parody movie just dressed in a Halloween costume.

After all this negativity, you’re wondering “How in the fuck did this idiot like this movie?” The answer is I don’t know. I watched it. There were lame parts. There were a few laughs. Overall it was very light and after three shots it was kind of enjoyable. Most of you will probably hate this, but if you’re a horror fan you’re going to watch it anyways. While it’s mostly a disappointment, it’s slightly better than you’ll expect and you will laugh a few times.

Coroner’s Report: The Thaw

Robert Fure — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:58:12 +0000

Part of the Ghosthouse Underground series, Thaw is another entry in the burgeoning Global Warming Terror category which features Val Kilmer in a small role as a professor-slash-possible eco-terrorist. You know, the whole the Earth is way more important than people argument. I love the Earth and nature as much as the next guy, but unless it involves killer animals, eco-horror generally isn’t my thing.

Thaw kicks off when Kilmer and his team discover a thawing mastodon during their research project. Unleashed from the brain of the animal come small “vertebrate” bug like creatures come out and start laying down their infection game on the scientists. This might not be all that bad, if not for a group of students (including Kilmer’s daughter) show up to learn from the climate master. Unsurprisingly, the bugs start spreading death and disease among them and they turn on each other.

Kills

At the end of the day, 8 people have died, some from the effects of the disease, some form gunshots, and others from a crashing helicopter.

Ills

We see some dead animals, there are a few gunshots, including one to the head, a dead body and some gross bodily fluids. One guy pisses blood and remarks later that he’s going to die with “bugs in my dick.” An arm is chopped off, a side effect is diarrhea, and the bug bites create gross sores and infections.

Lust

There is a sex scene that isn’t amazing and focuses mainly on the dude’s back. We also see a girl take off some clothes, but it is nothing to be excited about.

Learning

The film wants to tell you that global warming is bad and that eventually we’ll hurt the Earth so bad we’re killed. Mostly though it teaches me that anyone who is way into the environment is generally a douchebag.

Review

This year’s Ghosthouse Underground titles are a bit better than last years and The Thaw manages to be a pretty decent time. Cigarette Smoking Man makes a brief cameo in between preachy douches tell you about how horrible we are. The film looks amazing, though this is mostly because of the beautiful British Columbia landscape captured in beautiful high definition.

The movie tries hard to teach you something but it comes off as that idiot kid in the back of your economics class who isn’t quite sure what Free Trade is. The characters stress that the bugs are not bugs, but are in fact vertebrates making them “like us.” The problem here is that there are literally millions of vertebrates in the world that are exactly nothing like us. You see, vertebrates have spinal columns. That’s it, basically. Sharks, mice, apes, lizards, and a ton of other stuff. So no, these bug-like creatures are not like us anymore than an armadillo or a turtle is. In fact, they are probably less like us than most creatures, like chimpanzees and pigs, because they’ve been removed from the evolutionary gene-pool and essentially frozen in time.

The story devolves into mostly a “we’re stuck in this place surrounded by these things” type of deal with some inner strife. Think The Thing if the Thing was a bunch of tiny bugs that were easily contained in a room by using duct tape. All of this said, when you ignore the preachy stuff, it’s a movie that is easily watchable, though not too memorable. Val Kilmer is good in his limited time – the guy can do pretty much anything if he wants to and here he puts in enough effort to be the best part of the film, though I’m an open Val Kilmer fan. At the end of the day, The Thaw aims to teach you a lesson that’s not worth learning, but as a movie, it’s strictly average.

Blu-ray

As I mentioned, the film looks amazing. The picture quality is astounding. The exterior British Columbia setting reminds you why documentarians and nature photographers are often the first to adopt high definition set-up. It is exhilarating. The perfect is absolutely perfect when outdoors and overall it’s a great looking visual experience. Sound wise, there isn’t a ton going on that they can pump through the speakers, but it is digital and crystal clear with crisp response. There are a few extras, mostly a making-of that is pretty light and not worth checking out.

On the Living Side: Great landscape with good picture presentation, at least on my set-up. I’ve read some people had trouble with artifacting, but my experience was good.

On the Dead Side: Lame political story with predictable turns and conclusions.

On the Side: The working title of the film was “Bed Bugs.”

31 Days of Horror: The Children

Robert Fure — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:00:22 +0000

The Children (2008)

Synopsis: Two families celebrating Christmas together find that not all is jolly when a mysterious agent (bacterial or viral) begins affecting their children, turning them against their parents in a bloody Holiday mess.

Killer Scene: There is one kid in particular you’ll grow to hate. This little blonde whiny kid. He does a good job of terrorizing the adults who are trapped inside a glass filled shed. He chases after teenage Casey, threatening her with a stabbing. Things end poorly after the kid is shoved and finds the unpleasant side of a shattered glass pane.

KillSheet

Violence: The film cuts away from the violence a lot of the time. We see a good bit and what we see is indeed powerful, but the actual gore quotient is low. We do get some scratches, some blood, a partially scalped skull, scissor slices, a broken leg, a stomach cut open and a doll inserted, the glass shard to the back, and someone gets ran over, smashed into another car and a big blood smear goes down the window. And since most of this violence is directed at kids, it’s awesome.

Sex: There are a couple of MILFs in the film and teenager Casey is cute, in her angsty short skirt. But we don’t get any nudity and your pants will stay firmly loosely in place.

Scares: There are a few scenes that can hit you with the jump scare. A couple of the scenes in the film are tense, but not out right frightening. If you’ve always mistrusted children and worried that one day they would turn on you, this film might put the shivers in you. As a man who always assumed I could beat up approximately 37 nine-year olds, even if they were armed, this film gave me pause as to how easily these kids manage to put some serious hurt on some adults. Unfortunately for these kids, I’ve got no qualms about child smashing, so I’d like to see them try this bullshit at my Christmas party. I’ve only got one present under the tree – pain.

Final Thoughts: This movie has been given a lot of coverage and a lot of love. Surprisingly, it lives up to all the hype around it. It’s not overflowing with violence and blood, but rather makes very good use of it’s limited kill count (six). Personally I couldn’t wait for the kids to start being killed, mostly because their shrill shrieks and their cacophonic cries had me clutching the volume control. The Children is a tense, thrilling ride perfect for either Halloween or Christmas, whatever Holiday you want to ruin for grandma.

31 Days of Horror: Mad Monster Party

Robert Fure — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:00:31 +0000

Mad Monster Party (1967)

Synopsis: When famed mad scientist Dr. Frankenstein decides it’s time to retire, he hosts one final party for all his creations and monsters where he’ll announce his successor. When word leaks that the new leader of the Monster Council will be his human nephew, many of the other monsters begin plotting the young man’s demise so that they can take control of all of Frankenstein’s research – including a potion that can destroy entire islands.

Killer Scene: If you ever wondered what would happen if you filled a room full of monsters, including the Werewolf, Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster and his bride, the Creature, and a host of zombies, this movie gives you the answer. First, they get drunk on wine and begin a food fight, where the violence quickly escalates. Now that’s a party!

KillSheet

Violence: Basically all of the violence is kid approved, but the puppets have a good time knocking each other around. One guy keeps getting his head knocked off, there is a big explosion, and some monsters are caught up in the big boom.

Sex: For a puppet, Francesca is totally hot. She’s got red hair, green eyes, and gigantic boobs. At one point she’s in a cat fight and gets her dress torn off and she does some sweet making out. Nice.

Scares: For an adult, nothing here is scary, but for kids, maybe. There are some ghouls, some heads getting knocked around, thrown knives, all that good stuff. It’s definitely a kids movie from 1967, before we started treating children like infants.

Final Thoughts: Halloween for many is a family event and it can be hard to find some good, quality family films. This film isn’t great, but it should hit the spot for children. There are plenty of jokes mixed in here that only adults will get, so you won’t be too bored. At the end, the film really goes for it and gives you an ending that is somewhat questionable for kids. Boom. Then, there is also this line at the end that can completely shatter your world (no joke) in terms of who’s who and what’s what in the movie, but most kids probably won’t get it. So for anyone who ever wondered why Halloween didn’t have a Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer esque holiday movie, you just didn’t know Mad Monster Party was it.

Boiling Point: Farts

Robert Fure — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:03:37 +0000

Yeah. You read that right. I’m here to talk about farts. Gaseous emissions. Tooters. Backdoor breezes. Butt blasters. I’m talking about god damn farts for a minute. Stay with me, this will be quick. Here’s the deal. Farts in movies suck. I mean, they should be the easiest laugh you can ever get. I don’t care what the situation is, you slip a stinker out and I’ll damn near piss myself laughing. Funeral farts? Hilarious. Farts during surgeries? Epic. Massive shit blasters into a toilet? God damn. I’m about to have a giggle aneurysm.

So how is it most movie farts fall flat? It’s embarrassing. How many times have you sat there watching a movie and someones on the toilet and they squeeze out the fakest, most unrealistic fart. I mean, who thinks using an electronic fart machine is a good idea? 98% of those farts sound like tinny shit, not real shit spray. How hard is it to record some farts? I’m sure there is some scat porn out there that is just full of fetish farts. Why not pay to buy that soundtrack and put some real butt bubbles on the soundtrack? Give me the farts.

Are the sound guys not familiar with what real farts sound like? Are the Foley Mixers on some special diet that reduces their emissions? Hollywood should be embarrassed with the quality of fart they’re putting out now. Some movies in the past nailed. Any Cheech & Chong film is chock full of nuts of quality farts, the kind that ring true and bring on the giggles so hard you fart yourself. Step Brothers had a pretty decent toot, but tons of movies are packing in weak poo horns. Parody movies are perhaps the worst. I just watched Stan Helsing (reviewed later this week) and they slipped in some awkward farts. I mean, come on. Basically only one company is producing all these parodies, they should invest in a fart bank. Get some real fart audio in there. I demand practical farts! When Harold and Kumar went to White Castle, two hot chicks played battle shits. Or at least that’s what we’re supposed to think. More likely they just used some fart app on the iPhone. Ok, the iPhone wasn’t out yet, but still. The DVD even had a behind the scenes segment where they faked recording real farts. Why not just record the real farts?

Technology is awesome but it can’t replace the real thing. Practical effects, both visual and sound, are better when they’re real. We’ve all heard a fart. We hear farts every day. Farts are a part of life. Don’t try to slip a fake on past us. I love to laugh at potty humor, but fake farts just don’t sit well with me. So come on, let’s get some real farts recorded and put those into the movie. No more fake farts. Let’s put an end to this tragedy. Every time I hear a fake fart, I stifle a small giggle and rip past my boiling point.

31 Days of Horror Contest! Win Real Life Stories of Ghosts

Robert Fure — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:39:34 +0000

So maybe you consider yourself a tough guy. Maybe you’ve watched every movie on our list with a malcontent sigh and a bored roll of the eyes. After all, movies are just movies. Well then if that’s your deal buddy, try relaxing. At least, while you can, because The History Channel has agreed to hook us up with three ultra-sweet give-aways that focus on the real life side of ghosts, monsters, and things that go bump in the night.

First up, we have a special themed release of Monsterquest containing 4 episodes surrounding “Movie Monsters.” They are Jaws in Illinois (JAWS), Swamp Stalker (Bigfoot esque), American Werewolf (duh!), and Vampires in America (also duh!). Sounds righteous.

Second up, we have a 5 DVD set of Haunted Histories: America’s Most Haunted Places if you’re the kind of nutjob who thinks it might be a good idea to track down some horrifically haunted areas and see just how long you can hold out before some ghost-witch tears out your hair and makes you kid speak Latin.

And finally, the grand prize, an awesome, awesome, super Mega-Set of Haunted Histories. This set comes complete with 20, count them or just trust me, 20 DVDs featuring real life stories of zombies, vampires, and hauntings. Most (if not all) of America’s Most Haunted Places are included in this set, so you’re really going to get your money’s worth (considering you’re not paying) with this set. There are more than 18 hours of spine-tingling real life accounts to keep your momma busy washing your urine soaked sheets.

How can you win one of this fantastic prizes? Simple, tell us your best ghost story below. Or any true life haunted happening that you were a part of. Make us shiver with fear or throw-up with bulimia fright and you’ll walk away with some true-life horror discs. Winners will be chosen and contacted on October 31st!

31 Days of Horror: Grace

Robert Fure — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:00:54 +0000

Grace (2009)

Synopsis: Vegan and overall out-there alternative health Madeline loses her unborn baby in a car accident, but chooses to carry to term anyways. Things go wrong when she seemingly wills baby Grace back to life, though with an unnatural taste for human blood and a penchant for attracting flies.

Killer Scene: The scene for me that had the most impact was at the very end of the film where we discover that Grace has begun teething, with very unsexy results.

KillSheet

Violence: The film isn’t overly violent. There are three kills in the film, one in a car accident, one clubbing, and a throat injury. The film does pack in some bloody and gross moments though, such as a bloody miscarriage, a bleeding boob, blood vomit, wasted meat (horrifying!), and about fourteen gallons of vaginal blood. GAH.

Sex: For a movie about a bay, we don’t really get to see much boob. We do see an old lady expose her boob and get frisky with an old man. Then at the end we see possibly the grossest boob ever. UNSEXY.

Scares: Nothing in the movie is meant to scare you in that traditional horror movie way. Nothing jumps out at you. Rather, it’s more of a dread film. You’re going to dread what’s going to happen next. You know whatever is coming down the road is bad. It’s more of an uncomfortable film, than a scary one.

Final Thoughts: Grace is another film that has a ton of on-line support behind it that left me a little bit flatter than I expected. If we didn’t have a Children’s theme going on this year, I’m not entirely sure I would personally recommend it, though perhaps some other staffers would have. What I would recommend, however, is the score. It went miles in improving each scene and was fantastic. Also, I recommend meat. If you’re a vegan, your baby will be the devil. If you give your cat SoyMoo, he will kill animals. If you want to ride along our kid-theme with us or you find slow-burning, dreadful movies that deal with mothers and babies, this movie will definitely do it for you. If you want to feel uneasy this Halloween, or perhaps convince your girlfriend you’re not ready for kids, pop this in.

Coroner’s Report: Hardware Blu-ray

Robert Fure — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:30:51 +0000

Now on DVD and Blu-ray comes the “Terminator for the 90s,” the cult classic film Hardware. A mix of science fiction and horror, the film takes place in a Post-apocalyptic world that has seen nuclear devastation turn much of it into a radioactive wasteland. Scavengers hunt through cities and deserts, searching for scrap metal and other things to sell off. In the midst of this, traveling soldier Moses Baxter comes across a fellow scavenger who has found bits of a strange robot, pieces that he purchases for his artist girlfriend to use in a sculpture. What he doesn’t know, however, is that these pieces belong to a killer military robot, the MARK 13, a spider-like killer filled to the gyroscopes with ways to kill you. Soon, the robot reactivates itself and beings repairs, arming itself with a drill, a saw blade, and reactivating its poison filled hypodermic fangs. Obviously once this happens, the MARK 13 decides it’s time to do what it does best – kill everyone.

Kills

The film definitely starts pretty slow and only kills like one person in the first hour, but the last twenty minutes or so see the film really kick it up and violently kill at least four more people, bringing the total deaths to about 5.

Ills

One kill is off-screen, but the others are fully visible and pretty freaking sweet. There is a gunshot to the head and an automated door cuts a guy in half, creating a blood geyser. The robot then starts cutting up one of the dead bodies just to prove it’s a big dickhead. The best kill, however, is when the robot uses basically every single weapon it has on one person. First, it stabs its poison fangs into the guy (which would have been fatal), then it immediately stabs its hands into the guys eyes while simultaneously sticking a drill arm through his guts, pushing it out his back. If that weren’t enough, the sadistic machine then starts bashing his head in. Awesome.

Lust

We get an alright sex scene that features some boob glances, but nothing insane. Dylan McDermott exposes his torso. During the sex scene, and later, there is some pretty aggressive dirty talk from a pervy fat guy.

Learning

You should avoid military grade robots at all costs because even if they seem like they’re deactivated, they’re probably going to reactivate and kill you.

Review

Hardware has a problem getting started. The movie is far too boring for far too long. It just seems to drag. You know there is this killer robot just waiting to kill everyone, but it’s not doing anything. It’s just there. In pieces. Even after it builds itself, it takes a moment before it gets awesome. However, once the robot does start the killing, the movie is pretty cool. The shortcomings are probably budget related though, as indicated by director Richard Stanely on the special features. Initially, the robot was going to be able to climb walls and be much more intimidating and agile, but there wasn’t enough money for that. The film, made in 1990, is stuck in that time period between 80s weirdness and 90s new-wave, which means there is plenty of slow-motion, lots of crazy colors, trippy lights, and random images. The climax almost plays out in an operatic fashion. We also see a lot of robovision, which is kind of like the Predator infared.

I’d like to share one note, word for word from my notebook with you: Cool Robot. When this robot wants to kill you it fucking kills you. It’s true. The MARK 13 is awesome. The design is pretty badass and the thing is brutal as hell. Plus, it has some sadistic personality. It seems to taunt victims, mess with them, plays mind games, and definitely loves killing people to all kinds of levels of dead. Unfortunately, the movie does have about an hour of stuff to weed through before you get there, then the ending is both exciting and strange. If you’re into post-apocalyptic horror or trippy sci-fi, this movie will probably have enough to keep you interested in it.

In the end, this is a tough call for me. I see all the potential within it and it definitely had some great moments, but there were times when I was sitting there just wondering when it would get going. The movie is probably worth seeing for the last 20 minutes alone, which is some Grade-A trippy robot killing rampage awesome shit.

Blu-ray

The Blu-ray is well put together with plenty of extras. There is an audio commentary with director Richard Stanley, who has lots of interesting stuff to say. You also get to see two Richard Stanley shorts, in addition to the early Super 8 version of of what would become Hardware. There is also a documentary on the film, deleted, extended, and behind-the-scenes footage, and a little featurette with Richard Stanely talking about Hardware 2, a movie I would love to see happen. I’d definitely like to see either a sequel or a reboot that really focused on the robot and showed it a ton more. There is something to this movie, even if it was pretty boring at times.

The picture looks good, though because the movie has a lot of darkness in it the high-definition shows a lot of grain in some scenes. This is the best version of the film you’re ever going to see though, so Blu-ray is the way to go. The audio is off the hook though, with great sound effects and a pretty rocking score. Definitely a movie experience when you’re blasting this thing loud and there are trippy colors everywhere and the robot is all up in your face. This is definitely a good Blu-ray release and if you’re interested in this movie, I say go for it on Blu.

On the Living Side: Definitely a really cool robot with an awesome climax.

On the Dead Side: The film takes too long to get going, though this is probably because it tries to fit a lot of stuff into a 90 minute package. I’ve been overly hard on the film calling it boring – it is interesting what they’re trying to do, but it needed to be faster paced.

On the Other Side: The rights to the sequel are still in limbo, though Stanely says it would have focused on the role of the MARK 13, which was going to be border and city patrol. Sweet.

31 Days of Horror: The Hills Run Red

Robert Fure — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 18:15:48 +0000

The Hills Run Red

Marketing plays a fun part in horror movies. I’m sure most everyone has seen some variation of the “Too Scary for Theaters” logo or something along those lines, then watched the movie and thought “more like too not good for theaters” in broken English and all. Sometimes this is the idea of the team behind the movie, other times its a ploy from a publicity company, or who knows what. With The Hills Run Red, came with a sticker that reads: Contains Graphic Violence, Sexual Content and Nudity; Not Suitable For Minors. It’s also written in a red font, so you know it’s serious. Is this a real warning from releasing company Warner Premiere? I’d say that’s hard to believe after seeing the film. Don’t get me wrong, as you’ll see the film does have some good violence and overall I’m positive about the movie and heck, I’m recommending you see it this Halloween season. But deserving of a special warning, in addition to its R-Rating? Well, judge for yourself.

The Hills Run Red follows, what else, a group of young adults who head off into a secluded, wooded area that they probably shouldn’t head off into. In this case, the team is lead by Tyler, a pretentious film nerd who is hunting for a film that’s been lost for 20 years, said to be too horrifying to show again, a film called “The Hills Run Red.” Along for the ride is his semi-whore girlfriend Serina, his semi-douchebag best friend Lalo, and stripper-whore daughter of the infamous director Alexa. Tyler is intent on making a documentary about his trip to find the film and, rather quickly, going into the woods seems like a bad idea.

Kills

It’s hard to get a firm count on the number of people we see killed. Some kills that are part of the movie-within-a-movie are shown more than once and some of those aren’t shown fully. I feel pretty confident stating you see at least 7 people get killed, though there may be a few more that were slipped in there and evaded my count.

Ills

In a pretty awesome opening, a young kid cuts off his own face, disfigures himself, and puts on the doll mask that makes him BabyFace. We see some cured bodies (smoked, salted, yum!), a slashed throat, then a pick axe to the head, back, and then an arm is broken. There is a shooting, we see some corpses, a body is ripped in half, someone is slashed a bunch with a razor. There is some torture, stabbings, plenty of blood, a whole barrel full of awful, fingers cut off, a hammer smashing a head, a shovel beating, and someone gets speared through. A good amount of violence here, though the sticker is still either marketing or overkill. One scene included CGI blood and effects.

Lust

We see a strip club plenty full of tits, some thong ass, and then some more boobs. Later we see Sophie Monk’s boobs (a couple of times), we see Tyler’s girlfriends boobs, we see some sex. All in all, there are plenty of boobs in this film. Also, a touch of incest to make you feel warm inside.

Learning

Don’t go into the strange, foreign woods searching for whackos.

Review

I had heard and read a lot about The Hills Run Red before finally catching up to it, so I must say that I had high expectations. Talk of excessive gore, tons of boobies, and a generally awesome time that was agreeably self-aware. I can see where the talk comes from, but to be honest, I was expecting to be absolutely blown away by gore and kills and I wasn’t. It’s on the same level as some good gore, but it’s not groundbreaking. I’d say a Saw or a Hostel probably has more gore and something like The Children has more effective gore. But that said, it was still fun. There were some good kills and some humorous moments that were self-aware.

BabyFace is a pretty badass killer to boot. He’s got a completely messed up face and looks totally gross. There is a bit with him towards the end that I absolutely loved – it comes out of nowhere and is unexpected and awesome. I really wish they have done more with it. I don’t want to ruin for it anyone, but so people know what I’m talking about I’ll post it below in black text so that if you highlight it, it will show up on your screen. If you want to be taken by surprise, just skip over and keep reading.

Spoiler: At one point, Serina is singing a lullaby to BabyFace, trying to get him to let her go. BabyFace leans into her and then whispers, in a normal, educated voice “You can keep singing if it makes you feel better.” Brilliant. He’s not some slow, mongoloid redneck, which makes him so much scarier. He’s acting the entire time, and that makes him disturbing. I love this idea. Spoiler Over.

If I had a complaint (other than not living up to standards that were too high, which is no fault of the film, but rather the perception around it, which is an article for another day) it would be about the climax of the film. The very last little bit. It feels like it just ends. You’re waiting for this showdown, this little bit of something where we get a powerful ending one way or the other. But we just don’t. If you’re begging for a second complaint, sure – there is a twist in the film that’s pretty obvious. You could probably guess it without seeing the movie.

If it sounds like I’m being hard on the film, its because of love. I wanted to love this film instead of merely liking it. The premise is alright, though I’m not often sold on “movies within movies.” I’d like to see two things come of this – a prequel that is actually the original cut of “The Hills Run Red” that we see glimpses of in the movie, and a sequel that really expands on BabyFace. He’s a different kind of killer. He can be a classic, no doubt. Definitely the best part of the film. Oh, and I’d also like to see the Uncut version of the film – rumors suggest there may be as much as 10 minutes of footage missing. If there was just a bit more gore in this film, I’d probably achieve a boner. Even with the flaws I mentioned, the film is definitely still worth checking out.

Film School Rejects » Robert Fure

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