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Halloween is coming early this year, courtesy of Rob Zombie and the Weinsteins. However, instead of paying homage to John Carpenter’s classic film from 1978, Zombie and company give us the proverbial razor blade in the apple with another crappy horror remake. A movie like this new Halloween makes me want to hop in a time machine and go back to the early 2000s so I can shoot Michael Bay.

Not too long ago, the Fat Guys at the Movies offered our list of the ten best remakes in our lifetimes. There was plenty of debate on those films, and we still have the scars to prove it. Now, in the wake of the Halloween remake debacle, we have reached a breaking point with horror movie remakes. Sure, sometimes they are good flicks. Sadly, most of the time they suck worse than Lindsay Lohan’s latest career choice

On this week’s show we take on the big steaming pile of suck that is the weekend new releases. Rob Zombie hacks up a classic with Halloween, Kevin Bacon snaps off a piece of badassery in Death Sentence and Christopher Walken shows up to do his best “Walken” impression in Balls of Fury. We also run you down the list of our ten favorite Halloween movies and the ten worst horror remakes of all-time.

Let’s face it… all of these horror movie remakes are enough to drive someone to drink. And if you’ve heard anything about Rob Zombie’s “reimagining” of the John Carpenter classic Halloween, you might be ready to start drinking. We’re here to help. If you’re going to see Halloween, you best do it with a little help from old man liquor. It will help numb the pain.

Whatever happened to all of those badass vigilante movies, where one man is put on an island (figurative) alone against insurmountable odds and must fight for the honor of a dead family member/friend/partner? Where have all the great vigilantes like Chuck Norris and Steven Segal gone? Alright, nevermind. At this point you couldn’t possibly be taking me seriously. But then again, somehow I feel the same about Death Sentence, a serious revenge action romp starring Kevin Bacon.

Okay, I promised more JLA rumors and I never fail. IESB has a snoop over at the studios and seem to be getting an incredible amount of detail about the movie and how it’s being forced through, due to an impending strike. I wont spoil the actual story in the article, so you can scroll down if you want to read script notes and someone DYING in the movie!!!!

Any time we get to show some love to our good friend Thomas Jane on the site, it’s a good day. While we were galavanting around the streets of San Diego at Comic Con this year, Tom was gracious enough to hang out here and there. We also had the pleasure of meeting up with Frank Darabont, who is a truly nice guy and the director of The Mist, which just so happens to star Thomas Jane. And guess what, we’ve got a look at the latest trailer for the flick that is based on a novel by Stephen King. Get your plastic undies folks, this one looks creepy.

Our friends over at Cinematical have stumbled upon an exclusive first poster for a film that has this particular journalist (and I use that term loosely) very excited. Since the first time I saw Shaun of the Dead I was hooked on Pegg’s deadpan delivery and his twisted ability to make me laugh. So it is easy to see why I would be all jazzed up for Run, Fatboy, Run, a romantic comedy where Pegg runs away from Thandie Newton. Go figure. He is the king of irony.

In researching this story I was a bit surprised to find that Harvey Keitel’s Bad Lieutenant has a lot of positive reviews. You won’t count mine among them. It’s a little piece of cop drama about a, well, bad police lieutenant trying to find a nun’s rapist. Throw in some alcoholism, gambling addiction, and a full front shot of Keitel’s package while he’s drunk and crying and you get the idea. It was rated NC-17.

It’s a sure sign that fall has arrived at The Reject Report when you’re reporting on horror flicks and lower-profile movies instead of the big-budget popcorn stuff. I’m nostalgic for the summer season already. I can’t help it, I like these summer flicks like everyone else. But now it’s time to get serious- or, in the case of Halloween, to get frightened. Because that’s what we are about to get at the theaters now: stuff for the serious die-hard movie fans.

It feels as though I could begin writing a weekly column just to keep you abreast of what is going on in the wonderful world of Kevin Smith. The original “film school reject” himself has been busy, busy, busy. We last saw him at Comic Con, where he was fighting off hecklers, promoting his pilot of “Reaper” for the CW and talking about his involvement in the upcoming “Heroes” spin-off “Heroes: Origins”. But did you know, Mr. Smith also has a few movies in development? I know, we were shocked as well.

For some people, to have enough money just isn’t enough. They always need more. Hollywood is no exception. Way back in 2004, before we could check our MySpace on our iPhones, the summer blockbuster season set an all time high. Hollywood pulled in a cool $4.009 billion. Now to some people four billion may be enough, but I need to pay my iPhone bill and Hollywood needs to pay for films like Dragon Wars.

What rules the universe: order or chaos? Is there a plan set forth by a supreme being or are we all making it up as we go? How do your answers affect the way you live your life? Are you bound by the rules agreed to by society or do you instead choose to do what’s best for you? And does that change when life treats you unfairly? Director James Mangold deals with thought-provoking ideas in this update of the 1957 western based on Elmore Leonard’s short story.

Summer has finally come to a close. We saw some entertaining blockbusters and some disappointments, and just plain bad movies, but now it’s time to look ahead to what’s in store for us this fall, a.k.a Oscar Season. I’ve looked at all the upcoming films and the first word that came to mind was: loaded.

Owen Cunningham Wilson’s suicide attempt of August 26th has been confirmed by TMZ and Extra, who accessed the 911 call allegedly made by Wilson’s younger brother, Luke. Wilson, through his rep, has released a statement, “I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.”

Something Wild, a bizarre love story—and not really in an interesting way—doesn’t quite provide what its title or trailer promises; it’s more like Something Weird and Too Long. It opens with New York tableaus characterized by (often symmetrical) patterns, whether it’s traipsing pedestrians, soaring pigeon flocks, moving traffic or the schematic arrangement of high-rise [...]

Ben Affleck is currently in the negotiation phase of signing a contract with New Line for a part in He’s Just Not That Into You, a film based on the bestselling book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and originally inspired by a famous quote from the Sex and the City HBO series.

Resurrecting the Champ had the potential to be a knockout, but like most big prize fights it fails to deliver the goods. The film is loosely based on the true story of J.R. Moehringer, a writer for L.A. Times, who befriends a local homeless man who claims to be iconic boxer Bob Satterfield from the 1950’s. The films stars Josh Hartnett and Samuel Jackson.

Quick, file this under “Coolest Movie Marketing Flash Game Ever”. Have you seen anything from the upcoming New Line release Shoot ‘Em Up? If you haven’t, it stars Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti, Monica Bellucci, some boobs and a whole shit-ton of guns and ammo. In the whirlwind of fall Oscar bait, this is the movie that is going to bring the house down. So why shouldn’t it have an online game that involves boobs? I can’t think of anything.

A terrible movie based on a classic story collection is getting the big-budget remake treatment as Zack Snyder has signed on to direct a new film of Ray Bradbury’s The Illustrated Man. The original 1969 film stars Rod Steiger as an angry, burly, and crazy small-town sheriff who hates black- no, wait… sorry, wrong movie.

We haven’t spent much time talking about D-War (Dragon Wars), mostly because there hasn’t been much to talk about. That is, until today. Our friends over at JoBlo have directed us to the first English trailer for the flick, posted by HorrorMovies.ca. Somehow, after seeing the trailer, this one could still go either way.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s bid to become the heavyweight champion of family films scored another pinfall victory. Variety is reporting the former WWE superstar will once again team with The Game Plan director Andy Fickman on Witch Mountain. Johnson will play a Las Vegas cab driver who picks up a pair of siblings with magical powers.

For all intents and purposes the folks at Rogue Pictures have been very good to me this year. They have been good to all of us, seeing as they were just the right sort of folks to bring Hot Fuzz across the pond to America where it subsequently blew our collective mind. Needless to say that when I first saw the trailer for Balls of Fury and learned that Christopher Walken would be starring in a kung fu homage to ping pong, I was more than excited, I was illuminated with joy. But then again, I do love me some Walken.

With two thrillers coming out this week, comedy fans have only one new choice, Balls of Fury. And the only thing that can make this choice better is to face it with a stiff drink in your hand. Trust us, the more you drink, the funnier Walken gets in this film.

Would you like to know about one of the things that pisses me off about missing the Toronto International Film Festival? How about the fact that I am going to miss a shit-ton of great films. My good friend Peter over at /Film wrote up “65 Must See Movies at the 2007 Toronto Film Festival”. And there are about 50 films on his list that I got all “drooly” over. One particular flick is Jason Reitman’s follow-up to Thank You for Smoking entitled Juno.

Perusing the web today I found all kinds of things Rob Zombie. Go figure, the guy’s latest flick, the series reboot of Halloween drops in theaters on Friday. First up, in regards to the flick, some unfortunate circumstances have occurred in that an unfinished workprint (pre-reshoots, I’m sure) has been leaked on several bit torrent sites. As Peter from /Film reports, the film could possibly suffer just like Eli Roth’s Hostel II did earlier in the year.

I can imagine how the pitch meeting for Balls of Fury went over at Rogue Pictures a year or so ago. You have director Ben Garant and co-writer Thomas Lennon jumping around a conference table, saying this could be bigger than Dodgeball and bigger than Beerfest. It’d be a ping-pong version of Enter the Dragon. And then they’d pull out the poster, assuring the studio execs that the testicle jokes alone would sell the movie.

The long in development Wolverine movie is finally getting closer to production. IGN is reporting that Director Gavin Hood is considering filming the movie in Australia to help make life easier for Producer/Star Hugh Jackman. The former Tony and Emmy winner is currently filming Australia in, you guessed it, Australia.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before Werner Herzog, as the prolific documentarian that he’s become, tried his hand at the faux-documentary. Well, why not? “Mockumentary” would be the wrong word to describe The Wild Blue Yonder, despite its familiarity and wide usage, as there’s rarely a hint of humor [...]

I stood outside of a boardroom waiting to speak with the writer and director of Balls of Fury, and was told that a surprise was waiting inside for me. Other than the fact that Reno 911’s Lieutenant Jim Dangle (Thomas Lennon) and Deputy Travis Junior (Ben Garant) were sitting in the room waiting for me, [...]